hectic

I’ve been very busy lately. At the moment, I still had shooting with Keshen for his short film where I acted as someone who got dumped after getting pregnant. Previously, I had to act as someone with split personalities by Fin. I haven’t seen the final artwork for Keshen’s film but Fin’s film is nice. Unfortunately, I acted as a total bitch in the video and I don’t find it appropriate to upload it. As for my short film, my crew is editing it right now but so far, I like the shots.

We shot them in one day, from 9am to 6pm. There are few problems but we managed to handle it. I had fun directing the film although I’m actually the producer. =) It looks like the ‘real’ director is doing a better job as a producer than me because she was the one who handle the entire producer’s work. =D I love commanding, not arranging. That girl is superb, in fact all my crew are superb.

I still don’t know which position is good for me because honestly I love doing cinematography work, I love scriptwriting and I honestly love directing and acting too. I can see myself in my short term goal and also my long term and I just realized that in those goals, I haven’t thought of including a man inside it. Maybe because I haven’t found the right one, or maybe my requirements are too high.

I just finished reading a book by Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man (which is my first book for this term, I was bloody busy for the whole sem) and I realized men actually are simple but women make it complicated because of the checklist we want to see in men. I realized that if a person wants to be my man, he has to have more than even I can’t offer. That is where I realized, if I can’t lower down my standards and requirements then it means I have to step up and be a better person. Meanwhile, I just have to stop dating (not like I’ve already started, but yeah)

About Mr Cabbalistic, I’m still fantasizing about him (in a good way) but I don’t see him in any of my goals. I mean, he’s the guy that a teenager would want to date but if I want to include ‘someone’ who I can see as a father of my child, then that man have to be somebody who has the father figure. Mr Cabbalistic is not the one. I like him still though. =)

By the way, I mentioned about the talent contest right. I had a great time performing although after the first half minute I started panting. It’s my fault, I was so busy with my schedule and I only started working on my stamina 12 hours before the contest which is 8am in the morning. I went for a swim, dance for a while and sleep. I was just too confident because I know the steps, I’m used with performing and when I’m up there, I was already panting like a pig.

Alrighty then, mwah.

Dilemma.

I’ve never had this dilemma before in my life, I just don’t know what to do and I can’t say that I don’t know what I want. Because I want both! I want both of them and I’ve been thinking for the past few days and I just can’t figure out the answer.
Obviously, all of you know that dancing is my life and I can never imagine myself being off from the thought of dancing. So as I’ve mentioned before, I joined a talent contest which I’ll be dancing this Sunday. By December, I’ll be taking my Dance Instructor’s license already but in KK. So, I seriously don’t know which one to go for.
I know I ever mentioned that I’m not going to make for the next round in that contest. Bullshit. I know I can make it, and if the judges really count me out then they’re blind. I always say things like I can’t make it because I don’t want to hope for it. I don’t want to be disappointed.
Back in Sabah, I’m going to have partner for the DI license plus, I’m going to be with my family. I get to dance for shows too, celebrate new year’s eve (not really, I’ll have shows), get my driving license, put on my braces, gaming and stuffs! I could do so many things in KK.
Hey, I think I just get my answer for that. Well, nobody’s gonna watch my choreographed contemporary dances, but I think I know what I want. I want to be back home. Yeah, that’s all what I have wanted.
I get to see Mr Cabbalistic too. ;) Though he’s a bitch. =)
So, which dances I look really suck at? Hip Hop! Lol. Nah, I’m not gonna make myself a fool.

Sigh.

8tv Quickie has chosen the Top 6, I can’t wait to know who got selected. Hopefully, not anyone I know because then I will be very jealous. *laugh* I got casting for a Malay Movie (horror) this Friday but I’m not really excited about it. When I first started trying all these stuffs, I felt excited because I love the experiences and I love challenging myself. Now, everything is coming up but I’m just too lazy for everything already.

Tomorrow I got audition for the TM street party which I’m not quite sure what they want me to do. I heard they’re going to show us a video and we have to act according to it. Then, this Friday I got casting for the horror movie which I’m not even hoping to get because, I suck at acting and I just realized it after recording myself using my webcam. *laugh*. Final one would be Got Talent Contest which I don’t feel like participating anymore because I want to go back home! I still have to though, I’ve signed the agreement.

I’m not really worried about that because I’m not going to stay for the second round anyway. It’s a good thing too because I might be putting on my braces by December and my friends told me, if I planned to do anything like dancing or stuffs like that, I better postpone because it’s going to hurt like hell.

Oh well.

Btw, the photo I used for my header is for my Character Photography assignment. I chose Greek Goddess so I could use the same costume for Halloween which I didn’t because I decided to use short dress for Halloween. It’s more cheeky don’t you think?

& that foot protector? I don’t feel comfortable dancing contemporary dance with it. I still need Ballet slippers. I think I’m going to but Joanne’s Ballet Slippers since she won’t be using it. That’s the only type that I like. Mine is already spoilt. =(

Alrighty,

Till then.

3 things I would never joke about

I finally got my foot protector this morning. I’ve tried them on and it feels so good! It makes me feel close to dancing. I haven’t dance with it but I’m going to do that after I got back home. I’m in Old Town at the moment, trying to catch up with assignments as I can’t do it at home. I’ve been very busy lately I didn’t bother about cleaning, dressing up or mingling around. I feel bad that Sysillia had to come over this morning to do some catching up with me. She was bloody shocked to see my room and guess what? I moved back to the living room, just like any other semesters.

I know I’m the type of person who have so much fun, I love to doll myself, parading around in gorgeous dresses, meeting up with new guys, flirting and shit but there are three things that I’m going to be serious for and would never take it easy:

.Work

.Marriage

.Dancing

I love my lifestyle. I love going out with the girls and party until I’m broke but doing my work at the same time. I got to balance my life. Before I continue my study, I was focusing on dancing and I never really bother about clubbing but now, everything hit me all at once. All of sudden, I’m addicted to spending on entertainment.

But I dont flirt while having fun. Fun is fun, flirting is flirting. Though I seem like the type of person who loves to flirt around but that only comes for one reason, I just haven’t found the right one. If I’m dating a guy, I would be very serious with him though once in a while, mild flirting will happens. I’m the family person, I want to get married and have beautiful kids. I want to be in the kitchen, I want to take that responsibility yet at the same time, keeping my career. One of my kids will be dancing too. I know! Well, I hope...

Maybe one day I will stop working as a dancer but that won’t stop me from dancing. It’s not dancing that I truly love, it is the art that I worship. I want to own my own studio or do anything that makes me feel close to dancing. Having my kids to dance perhaps?

I just realized last night that for all this while, I think my life is interesting. I’m able to do so many things but at one point I realized, I’ve been doing it all alone. It’s time for me to share the love. It’s good when a person lives in her own world, but it’s stupid. I’m only 21, I should come out more often.

Even when I’m in Sabah, I seldom go out with my friends and my brothers complained that it sucks to have a sister like me. They told me, as a sister I shouldn’t go out with them much and I should make more girlfriends and do what like girls supposed to do which I also did every now and then. I guess he just tired of me tagging along.

On Halloween night he was a little disappointed at me though. Because for some reason, he like having me joining with his friends but I ditched them for my girlfriends. *laugh* he’s the one who want me to spend more time with my girlfriends and I did. In fact, I told them to join me but he went back home after that. I felt sooooo bad! LOL. Oh and that's me for Halloween. Im a Greek Goddess. =)

My Halloween was awesome. I went back KK for few days to celebrate Halloween, meet my friends and family and also do my assignments. I didn't get to meet Mr Cabbalistic when I was in KK because I think he's busy mingling with his GFS. I don't give a damn anymore, he didn't bother to look for me at all but on my final night he wants to see me. Who does he think he is? I didn't reply him at all. Why should I?

I texted him last night though. Sysillia said, I sounded like a desparate guy. How embarrassing! I was too wasted! Well, I don't wanna give a damn anymore because I'm starting to enjoy my life now. It feels good. =) I bet if I have a boyfriend, I will be at home all the time and practicing to be a good wife. How boring.

Got Talent contest is coming up, I'm not really well prepared. I feel a bit nervous though. =) It's going to be on 22nd November at The Library. I still can't believe that I'm doing this. As for the Quickie thingy, I don't think I'm in because the search is over and they will call on the first week but I didn't receive any phone calls. So... It's okay. =) It was a good experience.

Alright. I should get back on my work.

txt msg

Remember my last post about Mr Cabbalistic? Well, ever since that day, he stopped contacting me. I told him if he’s too busy, he can do his stuffs first and don’t bother about me. Guess what? He really stops bothering about me! I was like, am I disappointed or what?????

Today, I was awakened by his text message asking when I will go back. Easy. Told him I’m not going back anymore.

This is the problem with guys. If I be nice to them, they take me for granted. When I ignored them, they get crazy. Don’t they know that they should just focus on life and be a better person and when there’s a nice lady around, take her and treat her just like how she should be treated?

I have my flaws too, I always want a hot guy to be my boyfriend. Being nice is not enough, good looks matters to me more. Kill me, but that’s the truth. God, I’m such a terrible person. Guess, it’s not fair to ask for someone to treat me nice.

Anyhow, that’s not point. My point is, Mr Cabbalistic is such a moron for missing out someone like me. =) I’m not going to chase him. I’ve offered to stay around but even THAT he took me for granted. So fine. =) I couldn’t be bothered.

I’m staying back until they kicked me out from the contest. In my calculation, that should be somewhere around December. Honest? I can’t wait to see Mr Cabbalistic in the cyber cafe, giving him a fake smile and act as though he never EXIST in my life. I can’t wait for that to happen.

044, according to Chinese belief, it brings bad luck. That’s my number for the audition.

I put on my nice dress, a sheer gloss on my lips and practicing my smile in front of the mirror for the 8TV Quickie audition. It was really an awesome experience for me. Let me tell you how I felt for the rest of going through the audition.

I was given a guideline script where I have to talk about myself for one minute. After the director told me to proceed, my next task was to pretend that I’m hosting my own show for three minutes.

If I pass those then I’ll be going down to the middle of Plaza, which is on the stage and surrounded by Limkokwing students. Another show talking in front of the camera except this time, I’m partnered with one of the hosts, Prem.

I never thought that I could even pass the first level because I don’t even know what to say. I still remember my lines:

“I don’t know what else to say about me because honestly I have prepared what I want to say. I’m pretty good at remembering scripts but I’m just too nervous at the moment that I forgot all the things I wrote back there”

The whole thing reminds me of Tyra Banks Show too, the part when she mentioned names for those who got selected to stay for the next round. OMG. It's crazy! Right after she mentioned my name, I turned to Fin and give him a can-you-believe-this look.

I screwed up pretty much but I was quite okay, maybe because I’ve been making love with cameras for the past weeks due to my mini doc assignment. I’ve been directing people how to act and be natural in front of camera. Okay, that’s too much. Anyway, I’m thanking god for that! Jeez.

I went to the Plaza and trying to update myself with what's going on because everything was happening TOO FAST. I just stand there for a second and the next thing you know:

"Camera rolling, 3, 2, action" <----- WHAT IS THAT?????

I felt so much better when I was hosting with Prem though. He knows how to make someone feel comfortable. I almost forgot that I'm auditioning. I like him. I think he's cool. =)

This is a really good experience to me though I’m pretty sure I won’t make to the next level. There are hundreds of better presenter.

I literally screamed for the whole show too, I feel bad for the cameraman. He used headphone and I used clip-mic. Got it? When I think back, I felt stupid because all those images played in my mind and all I can see is a complete moron sitting on the stage, talking to the camera with out to date gestures. I did the ‘call-me’ gesture, god!

Anyway, it’s all about the experience plus I got a free T-Shirt! So now, my next concentration:

Got Talent.

Oops. As well as my studies. Peace.

*I edited my post because I was a little excited when I first posted it. XD

GT

I’ve already planned what I’m going to do for my next contest. I’m going to do a broadway jazz since I’ve performed the dance before. I’m just going to improvise it a little since I’m doing it as solo and repetition won’t look that nice for solo dancer.

If I get to dance until grand final (which I don’t think I won’t but a girl got to dream right?) I’m going to do:

Broadway Jazz – Love is a Crime

Egyptian Belly Dance – Drum Solo (Hopefully I lost some weight by then)

Contemporary Dance – I will Survive

Latin and Belly Fusion – Remix

I’m not that flexible anymore and I’ve totally lost my balance. Contemporary Dance needs a lot of balance, stamina and flexibility so I’m planning to learn Ballet just to learn balancing and maybe I can be flexible again? My left thigh still injured and I think it’s because of my butt muscle is pulled and I heard it takes a lot of time to heal. I got no problem splitting my right side though.

Anyway, I didn’t dance today and I’m not going to dance tomorrow either. I need to relax my legs and I will dance again on Friday after the 8tv Quickie audition. The other day when I was in Curve I saw people auditioning and they were given a script.

I’ve tested myself and I can remember script pretty well. It happens when Keshen interviewed me for his Mini Documentary and I remember my script pretty well. But that’s because I wrote my own script.

We’ll see how it goes.

As for the talent contest, the winner will walk away with 30k cash you know. I don’t see a glimpse of me receiving the prize but I guess everything is going to be okay. My aim is just to pass the first round, that’s all. LOL.

There are so many talented people participating the contest. The rest are bands which I don’t find it as that impressive because I’ve been exposed to band too much. Music instruments to me are just knowledge, unless if they know how to compose songs. Finger styling is a talent I guess because I seldom see anyone could do that. Singing obviously is a talent but dancing, as long as you practice. You surely can dance.

When I was doing my hair, I heard someone singing Opera style. I looked at my hairstylist and told him he must have come from a very rich family. I mean, that was my first time hearing someone singing that way. There’s someone who play saxophone, stand-up comedian, miming and stuffs. I’m not sure if I can even pass the first round. Mhan they are good!

To be honest, I’m not aiming the prize. All I want to do that night is just to win the crowd, that’s all. If I can win the crowd, I know I can win a lot of things in life. Maybe not that night but some other nights.

That’s the spirit girl!

There are about 10 dancers too but all of them are doing certain type of dances. I’m guessing they actually major in those but as for me, I’m going to do few types. Like I said, if I can win the crowd, that’s good enough for me. But I heard there will be a pole dancer as well. Hmm..