The 'It's Over' and 'I'd pluck the stars for you' phases.

Getting over someone isn't as easy as flicking the light. I've gone through so many break-ups in my life, some I left with hatred but most with good memories. Too many, I've even lost counts of those memories, it even took me few wine-toasting for me to recall the names of the old Toms. But that doesn't make me the master of nomaded-partner. It's only making me a stronger and (sometimes) wiser person when it comes to battling in the game of love. Cliche.

Breaking up, although has always been not-so-easy-but-I'm-cool moment, taught me few important lessons in life. I learnt not to look back when those heart-penetration words goes on the line or that I won't stay longer in an argument that lasted more than the time I could look at my nose by the end of my pint. Literally. Because sometimes (which is all the time) I fell under the control of basic human value - sympathy. I sympathize and sympathize and man, that isn't a great feeling to start with.

My first heartbroken made me want to kill myself. My second heartbroken makes me cry for a week and my third one, leaves me with partying all night long. You see girls, it gets better each time.

What the fuck is wrong with this girl, I hear you say. No, I haven't been changing boyfriend lately. I'm not going through I-Will-Survive phase either. In fact, my relationship is going strong. The reason of the creation of my nonsense is actually based - after curiously analyzing and keeping track of maintained observations - on a girl that I knew pretty well, and enhanced by the reaction of human brain cells due to the magic shots intake.

This girl, whom I love truly especially right now, had gone through a break up recently and did quite surprised me with her 'half-second' decision of getting serious with her new boyfriend she barely knew despite were facing having to face an ultimate bombshell to her 2-year relationship. It was indeed, a huge shock which my brains took longer time to process than settling a 2+2=4.

I'm talking about a serious moving-in issue over here.

I must say, that I felt like slapping myself or her to think that this new guy is not a rebound. How can he not be a rebound? They just met, they haven't shared inner thoughts or they probably have but...
Whether you like it, or in this case, I like it or not, the guy isn't a rebound. Which of course, I'm actually happy for her because that guy is really a nice guy.

Which then makes me realized on one thing, after I got through the shock of course, that the only common problem that women are facing during post-breakup is actually 'prolonging the misery'. That girl, obviously had everything in control. She got fucked up but she moved on. Salute.

We women, love to prolong the misery. We like the fact of being victimized because that's the only right thing, as how we think, to be dramatic about.

Obviously, we are missing out right there. Why? Because when it comes to the consideration of women ratio, sorry to say this but while we're still listening to Joan Jett angry songs, burning those used-to-be sweet pictures, while smudging our mascara with the toilet paper, our former-Toms probably had been making out with a Brunette at the back of Backpackers lodge during the trip he went with his buddies to celebrate his Bachelorhood again. Worst, they probably have already started to plan their romantic island wedding together.

Now you know what we have missed.
No. Not a guy we could have meet. I'm not suggesting you to jump into a relationship, not even close to a huge round of 'rebound sleepovers'.

I'm talking about a bikini bod we could get if we turn those pathetic sessions into a committed gym membership or nice radiant if we decided to slap ourselves with expensive face masks. Instead, we drunk-dialed them, collecting liters of tears, making ourselves even more a complete pathetic losers and waking up looking like a hairless raccoon. We sabotaged ourselves, because it feels good.

We thought by doing all those pathetic actions could solve everything. We cry and cry as if it's the end of the world. We cry everywhere, all the time. Crying ourselves to sleep has even become a routine we do every night. After a nice bath, we put on our Winnie The Pooh, have a pillow in our arms and start reminiscing about the past. Funny, we can even cry watching a man slipped on a banana skin in 'Just For Laughs' Tv show. Huge self-esteem alert over here. Heh. Been there, worst time of my life.

It's either we watched too many versions of Romeo & Juliet we thought that suicide is pretty romantic or it could be just natural instinct provided by mother nature to ovum-producer. I'd like to think that it's the nature's work. At least it doesn't belittle my intelligence or maybe, I may just did with my own recent statement.

Anyway, I just feel the need to point out a kind reminder to all the women out there while I'm still, you could guess - high and loving all you women, be it you're single and rejected, married and miserable or in double thumbs-up freely open relationships, another salute to that, we should love and not let fear of being heartbroken again haunts us.

Lesson number one.

We can't always have what we want, my favorite breaking-up phrase by the way, face those pain that we have to got through, and that would be lesson number two. Pain that we thought would never be gone, even if we were to reincarnated again for the millionth times, but still remains, you can even hear your own-self proclaiming, that he was 'The One' which makes you start weeping again for the unknown-ish times.

Sigh. Love can really be a pain in the ass at times.

He used to be mine, he was a good catch, so as they say. He was the one that got away. Bullshit. Remember the time when you broke up with a man you have imagined walking down the aisle with, and how stupid you think you are today for ever thinking such way? You got it.

Thinking of 'the one' you used to have isn't a very wise thought either, in fact you're already making your first mistake in an early stage of your new relationship with Tom.  Or worst, when you aren't even there yet but already compare and contrast with 'used-to-be the one' to your new 'perhaps-the one'.

Ladies,
Lesson number... Erm. You do the counting.
DO NOT HOLD YOURSELF BACK IN THE PAST.

Those days are over, every man is different. But no men are bastards, they're just not for you. So why hate? He abused you, he belittled you yes sure, go ahead. Because he met a better girl than you? No woman. Don't do drama over that. There are does and don'ts for this too.

He cheated on you and walked away. No. He cheated on you twice and still looking for forgiveness? Feed him to your angry pet.

Everyone will get through a break up, and live happily like normal people as long as you keep those blades in distance. Sure you'll live in paranoia ever since, and you tend to build a shield around you and not allowing yourself to freely love anymore. We even believed that searching for the right one isn't possible anymore. You started to count days to breaking up a very quite often compared to the days you wanted to spend with your new Tom.

You're afraid to destruct yourself again, without realizing that instead, you were the one whose connecting all the wires.

SEARCHING FOR THE ONE IS EASY.

What you need to know, is actually pretty simple. This exercise also will enable you to answer when people asked you why are you marrying to your future Tom. Well because it feels right to marry him, girls. All you need is just mental strength as reminder, and your doubted-free heart to start over.

'Stay when you're happy and leave when you're not'. Live with a relationship when it feels right, and leave when it doesn't. If you like what you're feeling, smile and express. If you don't, be selfish and do whatever you feel like doing.

Be honest with your feelings. Even if it makes you the most selfish person in the world. Let the pain be worth it. If you were to be heartbroken again, at least you could say that you're not right for each other instead of, I-should-have-never-done-that weeping. Let's be honest with our feelings. It feels damn good.

I remember I was listed in a relationship with The X and I hate it. I'm not ready for the public, I'm not ready for everything. I still want to have fun, I still want to talk to other guys and have them all. Or maybe at that time, I didn't want to because its a sign of commitment. It freaks me out.

Know what was the first thing that came into my mind when I opened my Facebook page today? I saw myself listed in a relationship with the So-Called (guess I gotta stop calling him that) although not long ago, it was with The X. I felt fucked up for that matter, but it came to my mind, so what if it does. It was not a long time ago also I wish to feel good knowing myself publicly announced as someone's official girlfriend.

Stay when you're happy, leave when you're not.
Simple words but it does wonder to the hearts.

My very final lesson.

If you're feeling low, switch off your phone, wear your pretty dresses and killer heels. Apply make-up and, grab your favorite book. Go to the mall, appreciate those designer labels, appreciate those filmmakers, and when your legs are killing you. Chill somewhere, drink your hot coffee and let the world pass by around your favorite book.

 I remember doing it. It was one of the best times in my life. & how much I hated guys at that very moment, I couldn't help myself from feeling good when I knew that the guys are watching. We have esteem to work on ladies, try it. You'll be over old Tom in no time.