Friday, February 3, 2017

puppets in french

bb: hi phone guy: uh, hello? hello? hello? bonnie! oops! sorry! ahhh! maybe we should leave him a note! ahhhhhhhhh! oh no! he sounds like he's in trouble!

*baby i love you* *baby i love oooooo* *you're so fine* *baby i love ooooooooo* *oh girl, you know you're mine, oh mine* *crash* chica: oops... chica: you were right, freddy! chica: the kitchen camera's dead!

chica: now... new guy forgot to wind the music box! huh? what the heck do i need a music box for? freddy: to keep the puppet sleeping! ahhhhh! auughh! new guy's using too much power! new guy, open the door! you're gonna blow a fuse! get this thing away from me!

(whimpers) *power down* oh, he must be scared of the dark! maybe he'll cheer up if you sing him your song! i wanna go home! *flick* mark: go away. your singing sucks! wow. tough crowd.

it's not working! come on, guys! everybody sing along! *thunder* purple guy! aj! i'm aj. are you here to kill me? no. i'm here for the morning shift. morning shift?

it's 6 am. i lived! i lived! (relieved laughter) yep. yep, you did. by the way, how are you getting so many hours? you're scheduled four more nights this week. what? you're not foxy... no, no, no. you don't get it. you don't get it. there are animatronics, they're children who were stuffed into animal suits

cop: come on.mark: and they're trying to kill everybody! cop: uh huh. we lose more security guards this way. (chica cries) (police siren) we forgot to lock the perp in again. ah, the chief's gonna have our badges for this one. i won't tell if you don't. ohmigod

(phone ringing) (beep) phone guy: (over the phone) uh, hello? oh, uh, hey. i know we haven't spoken in a while but there's been a... firearms related accident here at freddy fazbear's and we're currently without a security guard for the night shift. i know it's not much, but i can get you a check on friday.

the thing is, we need someone tonight, because... uh... well... the shift starts at 12-- oh! uh, hello? is the uniform still the same? bonnie? bonnie?bonnie? bonnie? ahh! oof! (muffled)

oooh. too late. *bonk* (gasp) (muffled yelling) you really can't go one night without popping out of something, can you? (unintelligible pirate sounds) he said he hid in there when springtrap tried to stuff him in a freddy fazbear suit. oh, that's horrible. hey!

speaking of horrible... what do we do about this? the puppet was the only one who could defend us. and now with him gone, there's no one to stop springtrap. well, i know a guy. where does he live? sorry i'm late. traffic was a... (freddy laughing) (foxy growling)

*glass crash* bonnie: maybe nobody's home. it's freddy fazbear's. we literally pay someone to be there. (tires screeching) (*baby i love you* playing) (he sings along) (phone rings) hello? it's purple guy.

hey, it's nate. i'm, uh... i'm gonna be a little late for my shift but don't worry. i'll be there as soon as i can. sounds good. oh, hey, by the way have you seen any of the animatronics lately? i couldn't find any of them today. uh... no. that's weird. super weird.

maybe they got in a car and left to go find somebody. shhh! you guys are gonna blow our cover! sorry, did you say something? no, nothing at all. why? are you hearing voices? maybe the resturaunt is haunted! and the souls of the undead children keep talking to you! oh, would you shut up?? hey, i, uh. i meant to ask...

if you see something green tied up in the closet could you, uh... not mention it to anyone? you mean this old thing? i found it earlier when i was looking for the others. he kinda smells, doesn't he? you should really not touch that. nah, it's fine. i looks like someone burnt out its wiring almost a decade ago.

yeah, i know. that's what's scaring me. well, i should probably get back to cleaning up. this place just keeps getting crappier every single night. alright, just, uh... marke sure you're out of the building by midnight. copy that, boss. on the other hand... a little overtime never killed anyone. bonnie: ok, this is the place!

what about springtrap back at the office? what if he escapes out into the streets? look, you guys focus on getting inside. i'll handle springtrap. okay, buddy. let's keep him distracted. huh? (animatronics whisper) is anyone home?

yar! (thunk) foxy! are you okay? (vicious growling) there you are. would you kindly follow me? bb: hello (bb laughs) hi there!

gah! (door slams) okay, good talk. (springtrap growls) oh! that's not good. (balloonbot beeps falter and fade) no! no! no, no, no! come on! come on! maybe we should calm down and sing a special song together.

shut up bear! okay, just take it easy. can you please put down the knife? don't come any closer! i'll carve out his stuffing and i'll wear his skin like a suit! well now he's just being ridiculous. (menacing growl) oh, please! get up! (vicious growling and snarling)

you're not taking me alive! uh, we're not taking you at all. we aren't here to hurt you! get away from me! i'll do it! i swear! please don't kill me! ahhhh! nate: i'd be careful with that knife. as freddy fazbear...

he holds a special place in the hearts of children, so... you should show him a little respect. you have the night shift? are you with them? no, i'm the uber driver for a bunch of puppets. what do you want? your help! there's a killer animatronic on the loose at freddy fazbear's! we'd go to the police, but they'd probably think we're crazy.

sound familiar? okay, wait. hang on a second. even if i was to believe that you talking robots didn't want to kill me. and even if i was willing to go back to freddy fazbear's... which, i'm not... what do i get out of this? psychological damage? uh, a horrible gruesome death? 25 years to life with a cellmate named buffalo--frickin--bill??

oh, i don't know. proving you didn't lie to the police would be pretty cool. fine. hooray! don't touch me! nate: freddy's opens in a few hours. nate: we should lay low until everyone leaves for the night. bonnie: who wants to listen to some awesome tunes? (*baby i love you* plays)(foxy sings along)

mark: shut that off, or i will kill you! (loud snoring) you know, laying low is usually done quietly. they are nocturnal. they're frickin creepy. they're also that. how did you find out they were alive? same way you did. with a machine gun?

no, i had a bazooka. don't make fun of me. i killed a guy. he was just sweeping the floor. actually, i heard that guy's in stable condition. really? i put three rounds in his chest. that guy must have some black magic. i'm starting to think he's not the only one. you got a plan?

survive til 6 am. i'm pretty good at that. oh... that's new. well, at least springtrap stayed distracted. he's still in the building but without his wiring active, i have no idea how to shut him down. is he actually made of springlocks? yeah.

springlocks tend to fail when they get wet. let's drown him in the toilet. that's a really 'crappy' idea! there has to be something better than that. there is... we all know freddy's isn't exactly up to code... but they do keep a fire extinguisher in every main area of the building. i like where this is going. so, if you can manage to find those, we can lure him back into the office...

and hit him with everything we've got. where do we find them? there should be one right here in the office, actually. no, it looks like someone already got it. well then we're gonna have to find one from somewhere else in the building. we can hunt them down, if we know where to look. there's one in the main stage, one backstage one in pirate's cove and one in the kitchen. so...

what am i here for? to spring the trap. okay, it should be down near the floor on your left, foxy. your other left. oh boy. aha! i think i found it! fire extinguisher! check! (chica screams)

i got it! he's heading your way! douse him! now! (vicious snarling) well that didn't go as planned. (clang) you can say that again. purple guy! a.j.! i'm... not in a great mood, so...

drop the rope, and release my murder gremlin. you were behind springtrap all along? he was just supposed to be scary, but he gets carried away. ugh! so then, what was the point of all this? wait... how are you getting so many hours? he's just doing this because he wants more hours! and i would have gotten them, too, if they hadn't hired you schmutzs to do the nightshift!

you can't legally work that many hours. you can't legally let stinky animatronics bite children either. hey, that was an accident. look, i didn't even want this job. the animatronics: awwww no offense. and i'm kind of wanted for attempted murder. so you're just letting me have the nightshift? as long as these guys have someone to stay up all night with.

wow. that was a lot simpler than my plan to make you quit. i feel kind of stupid now. you are kind of stupid. (snarling) whoa! just kidding. not really. wow, weird! everything turned out okay. (answering machine beeps)

phone guy: (over the phone) uh... hello? oh, hey. congratulations. it looks like you guys managed to survive five nights at freddy's. that's pretty awesome. uh... unfortunately... that wasn't really how i expected all of this to end. you see, i really thought you'd all turn on each other by now. but you didn't. so i guess now i have to drop by the office

(chainsaw whirring) (chainsaw whirring, springtrap snarling, wood breaking) (wood breaking) and finish the job! someone tell me what's going on. why, this is a crime scene! and you're the victims. (sinister laughter) who are you?

i'm your employer, nate. i go by many names. phone guy, matpat, scott cawthon... is one of them "evil dirtbag with a chainsaw?" why, yes, actually. (whispering) that one's my favorite. you're gonna burn for this. cool. looks like i brought the right tool for the job, then!

(maniacal laughter) leave them alone! this is my restaurant! freddy! heh. you know... i should probably thank you, mark. none of us would probably be together tonight if you had just listened to what i told you about the animatronics on the first night. "don't be afraid."

"they just want to say hi!" not all of them. (springtrap snarling) (screaming) we should probably override the door controls. (screaming and snarling) or... that works. mark, come on! hurry! (snarling and screaming)

what is this thing? (screaming fades out) that's a shame. should have gone with the headline "freddy faz-burns." mark: (over the phone) that's horrible. mark: maybe you should go write for them. a job without haunted animatronics or chainsaw maniacs? sounds boring. mark: well, i hear freddy's is opening a sister location if you want to transfer.

mark: well, i hear freddy's is opening a sister location if you want to transfer.(phone buzzes) oh, i'm getting another call. mark: alright, i'll talk to you later. yep. see ya. mark: buh bye! hello? phone guy: hello? hello? phone guy: oh, hey. phone guy: i bet this is one call you weren't expecting.

how? phone guy: it's probably obvious now, but... phone guy: i didn't die in that fire. phone guy: but when the police found me, they also found some, uh... phone guy: rather incriminating footage on the security cameras phone guy: or... what's left of them anyway. phone guy: but the good news is... phone guy: they told me i could make one phone call. phone guy: so, you know, i figured i'd give you one last ring.

phone guy: for old time's sake. to remind you... phone guy: there's nowhere you can go that i won't find you. phone guy: there's no place you can hide that i won't kill you. phone guy: and i'll think about it every night until i get out of here. phone guy: and when i do...nate: um... sorry, can i-- can i put you on hold for a minute? phone guy: what? phone guy: did you hear me?nate: alright. no, no-- don't worry, it's really quick.

phone guy: this isn't over yet!nate: you're gonna love the hold music. phone guy: they can't keep me here! phone guy: they can't keep me here!(on-hold music [baby i love you] starts playing) phone guy: they won't!(on-hold music [baby i love you] starts playing) phone guy: i'll be back! i'll get you all! (splash) (unintelligible pirate noises) uh, is this fazgames ltd? hey, freddy! check out this concept art.

hmm... could we make the head purple? (blowtorch blowing) (jumpscare by the beard) (laughter) gosh! that really is scary! what should we call it? how about fnaf world?

blegh what an awful name. who'd buy a game called that? how about we call it... "five nights at freddy's!" oh, sure. take all the credit. (screams) this musical was made possible by our patreon encounterers including ljay richardson.

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