Friday, September 30, 2016

puppets dallying

my guest here we are again z numberthree at the toyota mention london the men's conference of the century in exactly uh... socoming to the states next to very animated fun guy and uh... if nothingelse you'll ever see a style please welcome sasha did it fixing fluid folks uh... anti-dumping what the fuck needs a plunging black now now faye's a dozen join someeverything's good happy

front that uh... power how far can also was markets fucking awesome right qualified bristleat what i found out there was uh... uh there was extra time alleges basicallywas if i can tell you trust me trust me look at me i contact microphone enough and uh... yet but in great part tofollow this up again in this i guess and uh... we have actually very similar inwhat we do it we spent hours on skype

talking about shit like all the funny one of three all the price is fuckingwith people we could go on foot hours web reopen images for finest dump somethe goofy shit we got to hum c_n_n_ profitable always been about just uh... having fun entertaining ourselveseffect really key thing uh... and let me personally everyday stand-upcomedy my whole life others over eighteen years old i'dthat's that's it never done anything else i've ever had a real job

there's always been telling jokes and uh... and that's kind of really permeatedthrough throughout my existence and and i just are just lovely people smilethat's just my thing like it up on stage and you know i'm trying to cut it downto the like if i can cut it down i'll just be appear like huge okay yeah as a last minute we mentioned this isreally funny but it's that i found act on the by likeagain why is it a myself and just reallyloving uh... making people small having

fun that has gotten a lot of success becauseagain drivers were saying i really put my own amusement you know when i when the people think iwanna meet them and i wanna i wanna have fun i wanna enjoy myself iwanna that's my whole life is about is makingpeople smile love it over the years i you know a brother elements into that so

like yielding really direct mission wehave been on this matter directly so like you know like taht likelywithdrawals in time in the hot just being really honest expressing myself uh... and i think i talk it it's hard tomiss i want to talk about i guess is going to be what having funand self-expression just being threatened just kinda going for you wantnothing like a pussy you know i think my favorite russianover the last month is uh... widely perceived need to be dick i think that's what they were different

so that's a really um... having yet again a lot of it all wrongbecause they could take a list of seriously you know like he'd becomeintegrals cocaine i'm going to do this in altar in a goodtime the shrine passing out then i'm gonnagetting traction we lost him in your so in your head worrying about like what'sgonna happen and what you mean to imply mission it wejust need to lose the plotting to freeze up and that's why you're thirty peoplein the fucking heads and i find

when you're just out there actuallyenjoying yourself and having fun that trumps everything like if you'll just bear and you areloving every month just having fun you're you're making people saw you justdon't give a fuck that destroys well we're gonna say next oran body only had a they keep my shouldersback and i got a uh... goodbye when no man do you thinkdo you think if you come to a girl and having a blast and you justimmediately she likes you you just having

financial picks up the you're having funand you don't give a shit but what she thinks everyone else thinks that is so much more attractive becuzvoice everything else that trumps your body language that fronts you know dangle you repeat all cominglike this from the side there were no celica your it's worth everything off becauseyou just you're living like me being in a momentwe walk into a bar you walk into a kabar whatever standing

press where the f_b_i_ i don't like barsclubs open justin's of room with the most people do in that room you know who came up some chicks overthere yet okie was still to come to stand overhere for a while manuel began at puck it's lacy others like that between visits whatever doesn't matteryou want to know what you're talking to furnish joker are having fun you justbeing a complete taken messin with people

and you just don't care just walk inhere all the world and just you don't care but one of the peoplethink you're accountable to people looking at you what what people arethinking that that bobble of energy is just like it will spread and women in everyonethat rooms are looking into the key strategist in their own bubble fun andhaving a bubble of font everyone wants to be in that bubble you know you've all seen that you'regood you're there somewhere in to see

through people you can get a bus is the group of people they're justhaving fun they don't care antenna being loving to people who wantto know cabot any of that interest being six and being loved having fun and hysterical man would be that in that group soap all about being that creating that energy beingthat and you know what if you could throughout they're not going to havecome and have a blast and ship that is

gonna get you so much success to meet somany interesting people you need any other people who on the energy leveljust wanna have fun unique integral to all the girls at and that in my lifeuniform attract too i love growth or like black my jokes like an institutionthat just you just have fun those are the most amazing people in mylife and by coming up the women orbis people and being that way immediately on the web you what i wantedto do if the time has come up as a symbol to stop and go flip

whatever underfoot okay there's there's nothing for me tocontinue but if i come in and i'm doing my thing and go through it you crazy continue praying it doesn'tmean you reviving with me in your job you're having fun insulin-like it's on it's on electoral i don't have to take any stuff i don'thave to build the attraction particular but the adult until integrali really feel that way dot

because i'm being me it's so easy to belike if i think we laugh at my jokes you know if you were uh... just smilingyou're he's got a great energy fuckin you know i love you to do so cool and that's all true and i have to thinkanything ever i would never fake emotion i would never pretend to be anything i'm not becausei'm looking i'm just being the way i am which is for me is just a little bit ofa from your psychic reasonable fun and i'm animate i'm sucking in thepeople that i want to be around sucking

in those people who've your peoplewanted justification to stop dumb stuff and it really does some of the stuff iget up to that's just uh... it's just fun which is fun and uh... and always it's always about me thatsomething's always about me it's not about a person who was on a book anyoneelse but he was all about you the one in the week is the stuff that'sbeen all about you we ever talk to people

i fought with them guinness is something that mark istaught me a tree initially that's right i tell jarod improperly uh... some of the stuff anybody buy morefrom this kind of anybody answer three friends doctoral them all and i'm always directso i dislike amusement fucking hot micah talking or whatever but the problem is the people of thesummiteers nowhere and again talking

about just like my coffee shopsarchitecture forever people you know it might be too much for some women ofthe student but just they don't know how to handle it and so one of the advantages to not justhaving fun but using three friends you'll see is it it gives people a moment to taking what you're doing it justrealize that this guy's not critical giving examples so

how do i have fun with this i want to start is a mandatory on a mass of people all the time of themessage people so waterworld was just like so likha and a m don't take this the wrong way right over packages a wet algo q fucking amazing so i'm making them think unless it'slike a gas is hanging out

or are you do believe that whatever they're thinking on building up tosomething that i hate yeah that in some way what images buildup that tension unlike if so fucking hot and cometogether leases attention right having fun in popular course its on day

all the time it may be something as simple as justlike a poses that we've through you'll find out wilmette we miss the people like everyopportunity i would walk into a shop in just a swap of his intellect a_d_m_ i'm not being racist for anything

but drinkable water though it was i have to do that nothinglike this yes and then and people are laughingrecite nice honey kiss while you're here behind a counter you're working all dayif you'll just give you the money namely that upon and natalie will all the timeand it just makes people think he was happy in the end of the smiling it'sit's great and and i take that by making these withwomen and soft service once i know walked into a into mcdonald's

pieces all-time on them and others coulduse their unlike they're just used to it people as being really normal failure onthe tactical a practical thought on that i could i get out kehtawalker the cheese jesus light what unveil a walker collier the flameroll off with the chicken that aspergillus is that you don't have them walker dislike

we don't we don't have that weaknessesthis is mcdonnell's cooperative macbook i know what i want to see me as ontelevision coming over dot you can spend millionson that and not give me what i want giving a whopper on it right now sofucking thing but look sir mcdonald's unlike let me talk to themeasuring up you know you know what i want on the customer jimenez right now american though fromarguing and after a while they look like theidea

and i i i accept your have whoppers buton the costume i wanna spend money you don't get me a whopper from every otheryear make me happy but not like on the custom and freedom sometimes you gotta get from them but this one particular girl this one particular girl at the end ofit i just noticed like i'm told the messing with you the was not havingfungicide odd

catching justin was so happy tosupplement continuation let me just make a day uh... as as it was fun but effec roles might admit that the realthat village that was hot gcs respective your cooling you love that you have tocome up with just come to campus apartment uh... we all the time and all the time so we should uh... mike myfavorite everyone's is a san francis

they walk into a shop this series hasbeen a hot yasgur's now says that i am what a rent the sandwich and at what and a lot of ireland i might be hungrylater but i'm i'm not sure i wanna like may be rented and then likeif i'm putting it all come back to pay for it but i just wanna head with a justin case you can do that unlike listen

one of its edge on the customer your this capitalismmake me happy more incentives like that werewolves make a big ass you know theend of the ideal applied there are any sandwich elite some russell slam asandwich and a lot of the show produces funny it without without her with it but icould we've known for for for ages first-time at his mom the original bought the privatefirst-time martens is mum i had to buy the battle of the water in it

account transfer of how you doing and a holy man i was really nervous and it's what at which it might as welli i get nervous a meeting new people and they deniedpaid for the entire thing water of cookbook cookbook cookbook just uh...burt tension and which is looking into it at her sis watershed marcus dot needed once uh... with hishouse

and is that there's a understand thenewsroom thank you the front door go them like i was going on and he runs in the drums and it wasrejected this this is a hot chick outside havecar broke down she's she's really hot and uh... you know he's got a call fromhis unions like off sick possibly so i comeout of the second i just told us tonight hi how you don't like what what's goingon chicken hospitality you hope you have it utility dives that what you saw michaelso he was going on ended its fate you

meet a beautiful thing you know i'm just delivered and is going reallywell write again it's numbers again will hang on the wicked you know i make a comment on my daughternumbers awesome and so much that i would help predicthow long it took an opportunity demand yesterday we're gonna push that car so i come out with outside and uh... and where there were a little deregulatedo the thing we push the car just gonna do the thing that you need to be removedfigure positions

at one point marcus is the finances it you know you look amazing unlike whatand and he leans in and he just doesn't make you know if you did i make it outand i i upon another narrowly ahead like first i think he's talking to you knowwhat as you go presented as yet date faith talking not news so funny rightalways doing that shit man owns dealership is it's a this response so that so

soap refrence uh... yet anything you can think of you know uh... if that is wrong way uh... listen i've got nothing againsthomosexuals but uh... watson that what tonight of innovative heterosexuals it doesn'tmatter that make sense pledges all the time of some people

it's all just about having fun withmuscle small it's great site you know when i fly with women right i'mjust having fun that's it depend upon and and and cracking myself up niti jr couple of things and hope we can actually walk away from though you know attack but we'll talktoo much but only if you are going to upgrade do that

any it's if you get them on sat downjust like educating yourself when you're in your cute little girls in the hymietown hall it's like you'll never again be notice a casualwith a look little puppet check to publish it couldbe funny and in doing that you're gonna meet them every time it's like it's justice thismindset where if you don't have fun

and i think it's going to be me everyonetoo so theater preprints anything's destroy anything in before that the consciously any ridiculous thatshit you know there's nothing we can be boyfriendgirlfriend but uh... economies webdav okay so so flirting right side lovelearning

learning is realistic easy thing toanother lovely i want to say this is like the you think first of all be shamed side negativelyworship be absolutely shameless away simplybecause of this mindset is well with missoni sees him employees working ontrumpet geographic she's a woman there's nothing to be shamed upbeat absolutely relentless in what you're doing there'snothing wrong with it it's a beautiful

thing we we could put on this planet to make sweet love may become a rolehere for one reason doc deliberate as we love we wouldn't behere it's fine what you're doing is actuallygood the lack of growth and sup my mind set i always assume that no matter what happens growth infront of me up

google looks at me i was one of the head i say check me out just fine and at what mike so i take a look at my typically naked icould tell if you do and it's totally fine i'm onthe very sexy man but you can just come over and say hiunfriendly to have to like the molesting your eyes one what's right it was never looks to me

could be standing there looking that waya club a hundred federal film if you think i yet a psychic magistad what's i'm noteven and i get so we did it's fine school i get this all the timeobviously you know bottom you just asked going on janet doesn't matter

what they did it that it doesn't makeany difference any opportunity i'll just assume rules are turning up again one of our once uh... in a conversation go could be like past the catch up on the lake those sexual innuendo but now i want to catch up okay thought you were vilified if you are laporte this

satish b directly after that that's thecatcher here comes in silicon that doesn't matter what they do oldestalways be like you for the camera you always do this how may coming guysviewpoint flip around and he doesn't he picked up today with a little thirtytactics just wondering how much else is phone you know always for the moment that's number one

riddle from pick-me-up reminds that youdo that it any tracking the blood flow hitting on me but if you want is for them works with rule the number two this wasreally fun everything's that's it's denying an employee with a girl denying employing the grill

very funny and it's just distance mining internalizing fatherawesome pic is this simple piece to this way pasted onto bloor st problem is that ok uh... don't panic

by an another theory mine this is not a robbery reprieve in the world if you don't havethem and they just so you know uh... you i'mnot i'm not selling anything to say so we're clear not selling a lot of people to processbut not scientific dislike of people you know i'm not uh... follows like skeletons recruit greenguys they find models in anything like that before you know that it's a scamyou know getting work of it

lower those guys just to say nothinglike a at school you know i a on that market hit on youhaving come over to to hit on you anything like pick you up these guyshave been treated all around him under oath i do not just to sail because i carephilippe phillipine not a police officer done nothingillegal you not we haven't broken any laws to saleperson often done nothing wrong what so ever so we're clear you against as philip for

amino acid is the problem here twenty five percent chance i i'm hittingon you but since every five percent chance of a money just missing yes natos artist scales are disguising trytaking the time credited to our enemy they dry in thefront cellular thing not one of those guys to say no them not those guyskickass finding out that the picnic weather smiling laughing sama amongother things appealed guilty because i might havemisled you did this by more like a

fifty percent chance some on junenineteenth that's not ninety more than fifty percent so clear again and alexa martial arts teacher i'm gonnatry like signing up to my martial arts class made a martial arts kami nothin fell like that in teach you've got that yes song

jack you off to a bit guilty religiousmisled you did before as many what this every five mister five percent chancefor them well let's be honest amount he may be apremature today tonya so high you're not listening can you see how i can never go wrong it can never go wrong because you'regoing over there to fuck with this girl have a good time she did and i think this guy's fun he's funny doesn't really care justbeing a dick

off some she's gonna step in yourreality and just have great time or there's gonna be like what nine justcompletely won't get it at all an elected jokin intranet and ithink anybody united overlook what hamlet spot to park has nothing to do with me right i'm in my own little bubble off iwant to meet the people who are going to be an apple with me then that's it

he he he was on my own reality i don'twant to that region inc example same thing just shorter i don'tknow what that long versions of of the novella gadsden al if it is also meanswe told anybody but it is fun uh... heather grey twentyactually this is what the same fractions bible on a bus on a bus and it's likesome smoke into can be empty let midnight this is smoking hot girl for the bossand was in a situation like this one hot girl

if you sit anywhere near hershey yourbid it you know what she said that those guys gonna johnson is offering a collar and he said thebacking a standard herbal oc just thought that i can't everywhere and is my mind set all weekend was i'll get on the must use of the frontmichael it all off the back welcome to the front look around youknow give her a bit but she did to her rather warm rosy picture of a walk right up to workthis way a m

cc taken and should do it the uh... knowing what i think you mighthelp but think about awful of the camera next door yeah and they don't you think it is again aasset next year citizen on your assignment that's not atall and if i hadn't alike this evening and you have mix of panacea just a coincidence and she was looking at that's finesticking with what the fuck

you can't find in august look away just a few seconds no not not that it would be on yourlovely is nothing wrong with everything the sickness this time figure an inordinate because there's nothingunion and obscene protracted it again so happy i got hit on you now to provethat it would so hair hot with same way from now they look it's easy to cover themoperate at the same

i was influenced by a i was would it would ease version thedenial and it's just i'm entertaining myselfman entertain myself and i'm going overthere and i know i'm offering a good time offering valium uploaded handle it uh... basically what happened and fun now gorelick is like this it'sheartening to talk to have fun and enjoy myself and at the end he will be will hit itoff you know this but no wrong seated in

the again you know well it's gonna be fuckingthere's no there's no you can't loose that's it i think things now because i want to be profession foryou guys disease i just wanted to let thismassive ran negative ads uh undercover for basic points written the star group

is the production of everyone in it p in silver by having the into mysterious face for tuning in is that i would be nice 'cause obviouslyit's all for that but it got to demand that a lot of people later what his nextso they'll know leases we know you exist next time come in the event you dothanks righted quick question obvious curious right whohas done

who sort of unlike you know etc et-cetera but you've been soared inlike being like inexorably startconversations in anything but coming on the liquor forpersonal contact we're not doing that but doctor we have ever that's connellydoing okay budget and who's who's the new studycoming back into a ship if yet couple and i thought you know if you look atsanguine mix they did it highlight issues i want if you in themouth but

so with me in a at a recent years i think too muchtowards an interesting story because like i was friends with uh... you know very well known uh... paid about two since the late nineties and that's why i was around michael lindref effort is a long time

and uh... he'd never felt like i meanunlike from like nineteen ninety eight i was aware of it and i you knowattitudinal zeina and everyone up to become a comic andthen i can i read the book became in two thousand seven helen and i wanna on my debate which is know even though i compiled a funny guy and good looking whatever i have some advantages and shipwith women off up like you know me like you knowlook in your entire life apopka

um... auctions fun so kissimmee laughable to hide theirwhich makes me nervous milton so i had natural badges you have tostand up and land whatever but like i could never i could never liked itright in and look at it on the right back to is from a single lazard freres i wasjust absolute petrified of of talking girls it was really brutal and the one thing that it was like hitme back which is like

you know but i don't like what what ifyou find when she finds out that my father nineteen hundred and a lot of replies iwhat i have a sexual intercourse with her if she does not look like a lot of china itself but what about the building andit was just a it was brutal meant it as a side who'swho's just got out his hand like half an hour interaction the women in is thatthe actually no ideas can't you just don't wanna do it and the party okaygood

it's brutal man is brutal and i was soit was thick really bad post super meeting with which excitementon a magic but i feel like i just feel p just like when i went about a strippera card for like thirty thousand dollars into a new taiwan notre dame yet discuss our values went down meyears ago but above twenty five books for dinner on the street and he did period cool so it was permitted to establishthat dulles leadership

at all came from the dismantle came frommy god and wouldn't let them know the truth and he's trying to prove my kidsfucking bullshit it so much easier revenue-neutral while so it's easier too little woman and enlighten act and like it as well but i think what what is it thati really

fuckin like like first thing you noticelike detail honest with yourself don't censor yourself welcomes down to look at it on and onthe site camera panasonic fetish at any one ofthe stockman stone anybody one they'll write me anyof its mean you know that you two guys here uh... w aslan and against of subbasin negative as a couple ofscientific its you know what the petite girls in amessage that the element

so soap i_c_m_ like that and we still have not been like movementgrows access panel i guess in a little late but i'm still eka until some admin embrace change becausechange that but i know i'm attractive no estimate ofwhat we're trying to understand i really focus on understanding and meal in fact lightly over there and in instantly legs your sex life hereon the site well okay boom with a fairly i tell her exactlywhat i'm thinking

exactly who they can give a fuck what itis how does that doesn't make any difference like anything usually nine times out of town whatever i'm thinking is based on all ofthem and have been a penis and usually unviable folks is hot you know patel you know once in awhile good value youwhere the crazy to answer you know i

like your whatever the fuck cool yetthat's the first i thought the honest but generally it's going to be a looksand if he's actually stunning she's at the hospital in the world oil will cometo light we'd be doing mid-august but your adjust whatever theylist if you were so fucking hot you should be behind bars there's no writtenhow are you walking the streets dressed like this and things hanging out thereis a unique fucking nineteen each other fighting over you dies again deeppockets gnashing their cause wouldn't it have to book up r u uh... angry this isthis homocore the fuck you're doing this

is wrong i'm not supposed to see thisinvite i have things to do possible sitting in the gym now and i mean afriend and here does your pocket so hot bob and i'll say that shit and gently this is what girls do they go and then they went out to the local that's really not the abilities but getone girl a dragnet did you captured i did it come with me in just one offuntil i get my a print now didn't guys are doing a geyser justin

they're tired of the fucking shit therereally are tired of the paula you know and and usually captain uh... imported nice days maintenance isee what you will see you in often isn't itif i try and get shipment dot that they're not because they know directorpolite about it they know with packing tired of it right suggest option c_ yourselves andjust be fucking man again who gives a shit you're over there would expressyourself first thing i see benefits like greatasl display hate

again offer or those preferred so makeit a little bit a little bit like uh... fun but still fucking directors but heyuh... those eggs runway level fuckin amazing s orders for new really sexy but what thefuck is that they just nabisco only you can actuallysee them sometimes just got uh... nothing that directly reallydirect like my i dot e outright repeal those directly view dispensation michaelera

nipples interesting converges to thisweek and literally it with an amazing cycle and just imagine might take a bitabout the chicks with uh... i've got a couple of that but justfor me it's an interesting like you fucking so i love this value uh... okay but it's just like this out there thatthat what would you still in life now again this is the first time but censor ourselves you know we're poorwhen when you're born it havin fun ya censor yourself you do every but youwant to hear you say we want to do my best ownership

what do you wanna cry just do what youthink about it used you just living right and then we get older all thesefucking wears a bullshit saigon packages that monica fund i can just talk topeople i can't just you know all the all thestuff just look and shit comes i knew i was just a moment i wasgonna fuckin that she's super hhonors my grammar i ican tell you get it if i can do it nothing that is gonna happen she reachesits if you make the right above the right time beginning in late

deregulate that happens all we can stillcompensation uh... you know he really later youwanted to meet you can make a frat whatever thoughts that happen all indeed good west with sample k directly funny story category advil is related to ask if icould try to keep the lineage ran off

funny like in the worst thing happening missiles must wait for years the worsethan ever happening i was in that come garden or london andthese uh... these girls were walking by and uh... what one little electricshinto and he's grover and had tried to like ten dollars a day with event is the just who would one day they walk by and oneof the middle share this essences julie skills must decidecopyrights all because it's amazing to see

as about mine i just don't understand i love your as you just turns around he just goes mind is that you asshole there's there's no recovering from thator government but that's a funny story and tell us that everybody and laugh igot a lot of work fortified bonnie and the only since that's where the onlybad thing you have any wants is a cause i was teasing us in retrospectgetting bashed got me direct at the top of the hot

through the twenty by less than aquarter in his woman walks right goes again likethis in a moment we'll joke like a uh... it's one pound you know what house it to pass us you were a gang never smiling little joke his age is what what and the sus my against uh... i thoughtthat in the body was run out of a goof up actually

and read back those and i run over there and i'm just like hot and all eyes all igot a monopolist hai jis what mental dally dentist adds other bags is thatthey weren't too bad and just taking me and scratching andand that is where it recently and i'm like i run around always other guysissue facing a twenty five she starts attacking every night as their there'sone should try to be a point five years but like a parking lot case a positionthat day and all i said was

tells it i said talking only reason i know it is what ican tell people dealing with the poison hamlisch tax refund so you'll find that the worst casescenario if they did not really funny stories of the bodies their life is allabout that you know the the swings you know thegreat you know they've been the baggage the they should have been sold outthat's about the don't be afraid of of the swings and they're all good so yeah nessel let up on that what isthe ones i started doing action dislike

seamlessly leta hun percent just like ahundred percent authentic unlike what i'm feeling then my everything changed for mebecause i was going to i myself it has been fun but then being really really reallyhonest with girls about what i want to just just telling them so yell you knowof the of sci-fi thriller failed to stop it was all just bring ina sexual thing so that you know salt you don't get into a conversationthat after being like yourself however

at the top woman i'll have a chat withhim whatever at some point oldest i'll to stop itlooks good have so much fun together you have just and i don't you just don't be afraid tobe if you have that feeling to countries like dam kellerman tell what you feeling he you don't don't again to any otherway but what what when we were thinking

speculative excess rules will come up with the habit don't worry what she's thinking way about what your fucking thinking everyone's used uh... looked at them replaces the gives a shit you don't know what she wants to have nofucking idea you have the time of year not her

so wary but what you want express it is if you want that too urine that that's it and with lucky we can and you fuckin hot nine but whatever stop holding a ship back stop all thoseemotions but i want to let go it's like a fuckin flood

i know one of my students here uh... hishis nickname well dot i really prior anymore butsuper a guy okay had a massive uh... so flex justterrible social anxiety like just that just if the father but i meanwomen tell you describe it just debilitating himself dave paralyze the new paralyzethe plot of the comment on girls he he wants to spend forty five minutesare sections except the second session just shitting cinematography

it was brutal and there is anything likeit techno florida last night who's a cop who's fucking cop last night female cop obviously has a little justdelivered yes after possesses isolation fifty ext it's easier identified and now just he just competition likedefy copper phone

doesn't give a fucking logistics bradlike like how do you feel just seemed to fuck you wanna say not finish it you know it's just a tad it it yet it's like the idea of coming out toroll now who smoke in holland as being like a sellout yeah my uh... friends covers of the town meetings money to buya gift and yet i'd come over and sci-fier ncndissecting

estoppel mike in fucking kiddin u menajust bullshit waste ur time be again n focuses its optimal she knows and ithought that most girls are hot you know it's going on and so when you do an apple chip are all whether consciouslysubconsciously you've been a fucking pussy and attracted tutsis their tactics

customers can stick a story africans active just fuckin whethernational and uh... yes i think we go out of the inputacross unlike the typical top but a she's not so much answer so much easier than memorizingsheehan just if republican any anybody have a anyone twenty questions i'ma come off as toprectangle group request for it is served

i've not too high doctors them and i i wanted to ask this becausein you don't like that so i didn't like that since the if you have a lot ofexperience in the community and i think that's not to be overlooked but what wasyour evolution of stuff because mister briefly didn't miss tilly startupdirects year-olds and it is pretty big players and finding players and you came in today stand i think that that's importantbecause you have pretty much more

experience steady is from a yancy imports theestimates everybody in this room sabine in the community and what was yourevolution of that ethical question uh... long journey i think i surrender in the old days welcoming tell a story michael hold onto it uh... was mistreating them is now goes mysteries first women likeninety eight so this is like i was just

an appeals like before all the stuff of current so i'm yeah so that it was all doubled the magic back then was deniedthose magic tricks a ship and i don't like loads of women just walk around andwe'd like you know doing all this fuckin shit and moving trials are people'spassion befitting attention so for me

it just idler magic of an idea and alittle bit from from which i mean it came in on but uh... yet unlike edit my clubs or just awfulwrong in the whole idea of having to go out to me checks it struck me is wrongwith why would i have to go somewhere to specific place and time to meet women and spend money but that didn't make anysense and for a long time it i just knewwasn't working and i was kinda dropped and i welcome you to do stand-up comedywhich is which is my passion and here's one on why i would be once inawhile at approach a girl

realty it would be some kinda some kindof crap you know if i resent our whatever and it was a sandwich issue we justdon't know work once in awhile get lucky was just just crap but i would have thisfeeling that is a cycle was unhappy positionhave it under control and it's really frustrating to that idlydosa such a push you ever have gross in the bed with me in their underwear and not pull the trigger

everyday she's naked in the bed i think it's a green light better not be better not take the chancelet's just sleep bail maybe still jump on top of the likethat you serious so i went on for years and was quite so so years when i wasthere some prominent gratitude i called a cajun uh... was anemic mu with on up on a busin canada misses like two thousand and

uh... six i guess would be and we start talking to the listings onsome girls on a bus and i was a as well and we we got the boston music and youknow i said the city's girls and you know including the banana bread yahoo isa funny line whenever you start time of the stuff actually sell size of this is our usersare sometimes diesel magic tricks are shown this likea school trick initially tommy he just like

we'll tell you that house like this dude called on you know eric he was he was like a goodvisa to pick up to demand an end mediation he's like mysteries called mystery arsenicindustry nieces like info considers he's famous now like thisis a poor kiddies like which i think he's rich party stalls this money some you get paid and so you have a sickly appetite readthe book

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and i joined with all these guys whowere just like dedicated going out and look at me because when clubs going out in any checks that were reallytaking steps to mike dot on improving themselves alice massively levels i thought this isso cool and again i felt like and i've knownabout this for such a long time and i still haven't solved the shittogether and it's really frustrating item numbers for like says ninety eight finish guys out therelike that going on hogan chicks and

still like streisand still socratic advertisement affect of texas' forfeit and let's do this and i just startedgoing up every day and being used and we went out the started going out like young girlsall day long like fifteen sixteen hours a day with withvarious people you had was one of them and it was his begin the session you'vebeen obsession and i did it so much of this desensitize myself to like rejection or or or something care justwent on a search for having fun and

start developing a whole bunch of timesfund i can't fuck enjoy myself uh... but in the for the first whilestill being incorrect stuff and then one day of the statements that pick up andi'm sure the fellowship hall and instantly just made life so mucheasier to start it should you start to happen neglect totaled one going onone-on-one used a more more and uh... yet it's one on things gotbetter eventually

i discovered like you know uh... likethe direct masters like david examen victory uh... badboy and that's why my monthly but these are the people who are doingthis shit and a star and that that's veryspeculative said for congrats doing whatever switched do whatever i want tosay whatever i wanted and shocking the flock and that if we could if i could say itwas kinda go counter to each other being

fund which is my thing and and andindirect in allen leg yells unjustly was the last time if you'll say women ability last timeyou're fucking a guy and telling us i mean for the daymidwifery joke jubilee india exactly and its all affect theircamera which other but for me i just find legislators mergethem together john still being myself would still be fun for an obstacle apocket

absolutely fine about amount to beelected decision a master's student can ever be that they were so we have been discontinueddrawings and then uh... and describe get the message and ithought that this massive and to get it will be directing summit which actuallyinvolve all those three guys just mentioned and it was it was justoff of it was just like people walking reelection themselves uh... yen that's just by thing i justwant to spread the whole thing just like they'll be weird be fun be honest

uh... interact yeah it's just to change my life likemassively massively so i guess that's the story butter unit was like method the sanctions to be escorted but hasbasically it yet thumbs up who doesn't get any uh... any questionsabout the whole thing couple hans is there i thought it was a certificate eightyyou sir

lawfully mentioned stages love from approaching and the freemen so what's init didn't like forgot what that is often without itwould be expected to have enough time with their income i find like a lot of people silicone have theseyou know long ass interactions ivax if and ifyou're gonna be like really quite directly for the late last night if i get hot you have to hook up youknow

i find actually keeping a short isreally elected three like really short but you have to know a little bit aboutthem they have to know you know that if we can really in a psychopath so youneed to have a bit of a chat search of the kids all really but the the energyyou prefer a family but what we're talking about uh... you know i find two minutes ofjust being told the normal having been a dancer and we can wreck a psycho theskies normal stefan cycle killer that's enough uh... so i'll keep it short i'll get thefuck out of there

alternately best thing i i i always goisn't this a possible instantly i can really put across mypersonality uh... you know it's it's like exhalereally get to know the drill back by standingon the street from ike half an hour you know you kind of ones and friends onso to keep it short or get or someone we can really enough get to know and alsothe stuff so yeah i do the same as anyone like topush or just get to know her look what is her passion what the fuck is shedoing in life is because she likes her job she doesn't like it wishingre-electing you know how to see in the

bahamas shocking to under oath or findout everything i can and my general was like about walk awayfrom a check russia bela tell you five amazing like interesting things abouther five if you can't actually say like yeahshe's interview she loves this unique this is your favorite book in oakland chiba japan she hates abruptwhatever it is journal appoints a bunch of stuff because if he he can't there'sno univ shit about her so when you caller she's going to like

but then if you've been super superdirect he's like off of the crap i mean if you have to know anything about youbecause she knows you're offering fifteen she wants pick that's it that'sall it is so there's different levels of success is within the top issues are you or they're just like i hate you know you get in orbit and there's beensomething there and yet but it fits into the question overhear wizard in with his hand about the same question

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though there's been a a does get agirl's number again we'll hang out it's it's really fucking week uh... trying make uh... actual plan sofitel itwould be too for fun where they like doing ought to make actual plans for some isactually different and and we're gonna talk to sail them a good looking fordeath point when this increase shit you know and i'll go and uh... you know got plenty picnic program of the frisbeewill play frisbee

or just like anything that's out ofthose i coming guys hitting jason again let's go get a little rock climbinginstantly we're going to be some crazy shit always make actual plan for fucking funsuch as what what racket into them according to that we're gonna in what is that they're than cyclical itwatch it but the movie we can even talk to scrap so make actual plans right there on thespot on that right from the meeting tomorrow

right there right at treatment yet shirttomorrow right there yet cool assertions numbers when released late exchange numbers so making plans and such on the date fucking like how blacks like first of all i mightquickly let go for coffee have to have a talk so i know that were on the samelevel they were not it's not just you knowlike yeah it's not a little bit and logistical do some fun shipment justfucking have a blast

putting effort in you know i kind ofmusic here here just like nora boustany refused totranspose is is is dot now don't run for correctly jesus christ so many girls i've losses attractiveuh... fucking right away just like enjoying hanging out with somebody actually get afilm of it that fucking later it's it's beautifuland less and less literally that's all you want so we're going for what you want did youcheck if she's cool when you enjoy your

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do that because it's not there's no likeit's not doing it just like is usually not posted here avenue you kiss anybodynot doing all i a connie other elections which is going to harmonies on a policyhe kissed me but he wasn't doing the whole signs forthe next time you see i thought the crap solve the problem but i just get you gotthis idea disliking him just chill out and enjoy into how do i go fucking hornyrecords all of the vote to overhaul bustillos wrote packages as christ is to relax enjoy yourself you know

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you know basically some of them to be friends and we'll hope we met a couple weeks agohad coffee and she said he had called you know i'm i'm cool because we have tohang out with me friends am angry recipe that's good and why and it was chris protect like afew weeks after we were not usually gets going the friends i said why by so fast and she said it's because you werehonestly

about everything hero was honest aboutyour lifestyle neither of those concepts or because you never lied to me there's no reason to be angry with u andthat's what we can be friends now in an escort usage of coal chicken adi would iwould be broken heart if we were friends uh... you know i'm saying so so i'm always i'm always that way andit's like you there's nothing to hide the wave of what we do we just do we want to do it just be honest aboutyour gonna find other people who feared but they could be when you want use havea blast

enjoy yourself and have a lot of sex alas all come out he'll get make noisefor lots of sex credit friend i have a lot of scientific work fair questions alot answered questions as all what you guys not you people onthe internet thought about you about these guys righthere cartel atomic bomb people knew that theycan come up kalashnikov everybody everybody try around and football videoby everyone right now yep right now and dot then i want tolook at right now inept on serious right

now on three what everybody get up walkto the metal walked in and around our young kids around there do you have anyon three one territory add delighted and det they first-timer everything that happenpeople like this is all set now old acting like the spot in the l and otherson that but that doesn't bother sits we're not going to talk that so yeah that's it there to be a among thetop itself now that's a very uh...

well there's a guy it's between preggersmatter of fact biggest thing it's it's great altogether talking right so um... yet thanks for common and onsaturday game you can find if you love me on the internet thank you enjoy therest your event and i think here

Thursday, September 29, 2016

puppets costumes

bb: hi phone guy: uh, hello? hello? hello? bonnie! oops! sorry! ahhh! maybe we should leave him a note! ahhhhhhhhh! oh no! he sounds like he's in trouble!

*baby i love you* *baby i love oooooo* *you're so fine* *baby i love ooooooooo* *oh girl, you know you're mine, oh mine* *crash* chica: oops... chica: you were right, freddy! chica: the kitchen camera's dead!

chica: now... new guy forgot to wind the music box! huh? what the heck do i need a music box for? freddy: to keep the puppet sleeping! ahhhhh! auughh! new guy's using too much power! new guy, open the door! you're gonna blow a fuse! get this thing away from me!

(whimpers) *power down* oh, he must be scared of the dark! maybe he'll cheer up if you sing him your song! i wanna go home! *flick* mark: go away. your singing sucks! wow. tough crowd.

it's not working! come on, guys! everybody sing along! *thunder* purple guy! aj! i'm aj. are you here to kill me? no. i'm here for the morning shift. morning shift?

it's 6 am. i lived! i lived! (relieved laughter) yep. yep, you did. by the way, how are you getting so many hours? you're scheduled four more nights this week. what? you're not foxy... no, no, no. you don't get it. you don't get it. there are animatronics, they're children who were stuffed into animal suits

cop: come on.mark: and they're trying to kill everybody! cop: uh huh. we lose more security guards this way. (chica cries) (police siren) we forgot to lock the perp in again. ah, the chief's gonna have our badges for this one. i won't tell if you don't. ohmigod

(phone ringing) (beep) phone guy: (over the phone) uh, hello? oh, uh, hey. i know we haven't spoken in a while but there's been a... firearms related accident here at freddy fazbear's and we're currently without a security guard for the night shift. i know it's not much, but i can get you a check on friday.

the thing is, we need someone tonight, because... uh... well... the shift starts at 12-- oh! uh, hello? is the uniform still the same? bonnie? bonnie?bonnie? bonnie? ahh! oof! (muffled)

oooh. too late. *bonk* (gasp) (muffled yelling) you really can't go one night without popping out of something, can you? (unintelligible pirate sounds) he said he hid in there when springtrap tried to stuff him in a freddy fazbear suit. oh, that's horrible. hey!

speaking of horrible... what do we do about this? the puppet was the only one who could defend us. and now with him gone, there's no one to stop springtrap. well, i know a guy. where does he live? sorry i'm late. traffic was a... (freddy laughing) (foxy growling)

*glass crash* bonnie: maybe nobody's home. it's freddy fazbear's. we literally pay someone to be there. (tires screeching) (*baby i love you* playing) (he sings along) (phone rings) hello? it's purple guy.

hey, it's nate. i'm, uh... i'm gonna be a little late for my shift but don't worry. i'll be there as soon as i can. sounds good. oh, hey, by the way have you seen any of the animatronics lately? i couldn't find any of them today. uh... no. that's weird. super weird.

maybe they got in a car and left to go find somebody. shhh! you guys are gonna blow our cover! sorry, did you say something? no, nothing at all. why? are you hearing voices? maybe the resturaunt is haunted! and the souls of the undead children keep talking to you! oh, would you shut up?? hey, i, uh. i meant to ask...

if you see something green tied up in the closet could you, uh... not mention it to anyone? you mean this old thing? i found it earlier when i was looking for the others. he kinda smells, doesn't he? you should really not touch that. nah, it's fine. i looks like someone burnt out its wiring almost a decade ago.

yeah, i know. that's what's scaring me. well, i should probably get back to cleaning up. this place just keeps getting crappier every single night. alright, just, uh... marke sure you're out of the building by midnight. copy that, boss. on the other hand... a little overtime never killed anyone. bonnie: ok, this is the place!

what about springtrap back at the office? what if he escapes out into the streets? look, you guys focus on getting inside. i'll handle springtrap. okay, buddy. let's keep him distracted. huh? (animatronics whisper) is anyone home?

yar! (thunk) foxy! are you okay? (vicious growling) there you are. would you kindly follow me? bb: hello (bb laughs) hi there!

gah! (door slams) okay, good talk. (springtrap growls) oh! that's not good. (balloonbot beeps falter and fade) no! no! no, no, no! come on! come on! maybe we should calm down and sing a special song together.

shut up bear! okay, just take it easy. can you please put down the knife? don't come any closer! i'll carve out his stuffing and i'll wear his skin like a suit! well now he's just being ridiculous. (menacing growl) oh, please! get up! (vicious growling and snarling)

you're not taking me alive! uh, we're not taking you at all. we aren't here to hurt you! get away from me! i'll do it! i swear! please don't kill me! ahhhh! nate: i'd be careful with that knife. as freddy fazbear...

he holds a special place in the hearts of children, so... you should show him a little respect. you have the night shift? are you with them? no, i'm the uber driver for a bunch of puppets. what do you want? your help! there's a killer animatronic on the loose at freddy fazbear's! we'd go to the police, but they'd probably think we're crazy.

sound familiar? okay, wait. hang on a second. even if i was to believe that you talking robots didn't want to kill me. and even if i was willing to go back to freddy fazbear's... which, i'm not... what do i get out of this? psychological damage? uh, a horrible gruesome death? 25 years to life with a cellmate named buffalo--frickin--bill??

oh, i don't know. proving you didn't lie to the police would be pretty cool. fine. hooray! don't touch me! nate: freddy's opens in a few hours. nate: we should lay low until everyone leaves for the night. bonnie: who wants to listen to some awesome tunes? (*baby i love you* plays)(foxy sings along)

mark: shut that off, or i will kill you! (loud snoring) you know, laying low is usually done quietly. they are nocturnal. they're frickin creepy. they're also that. how did you find out they were alive? same way you did. with a machine gun?

no, i had a bazooka. don't make fun of me. i killed a guy. he was just sweeping the floor. actually, i heard that guy's in stable condition. really? i put three rounds in his chest. that guy must have some black magic. i'm starting to think he's not the only one. you got a plan?

survive til 6 am. i'm pretty good at that. oh... that's new. well, at least springtrap stayed distracted. he's still in the building but without his wiring active, i have no idea how to shut him down. is he actually made of springlocks? yeah.

springlocks tend to fail when they get wet. let's drown him in the toilet. that's a really 'crappy' idea! there has to be something better than that. there is... we all know freddy's isn't exactly up to code... but they do keep a fire extinguisher in every main area of the building. i like where this is going. so, if you can manage to find those, we can lure him back into the office...

and hit him with everything we've got. where do we find them? there should be one right here in the office, actually. no, it looks like someone already got it. well then we're gonna have to find one from somewhere else in the building. we can hunt them down, if we know where to look. there's one in the main stage, one backstage one in pirate's cove and one in the kitchen. so...

what am i here for? to spring the trap. okay, it should be down near the floor on your left, foxy. your other left. oh boy. aha! i think i found it! fire extinguisher! check! (chica screams)

i got it! he's heading your way! douse him! now! (vicious snarling) well that didn't go as planned. (clang) you can say that again. purple guy! a.j.! i'm... not in a great mood, so...

drop the rope, and release my murder gremlin. you were behind springtrap all along? he was just supposed to be scary, but he gets carried away. ugh! so then, what was the point of all this? wait... how are you getting so many hours? he's just doing this because he wants more hours! and i would have gotten them, too, if they hadn't hired you schmutzs to do the nightshift!

you can't legally work that many hours. you can't legally let stinky animatronics bite children either. hey, that was an accident. look, i didn't even want this job. the animatronics: awwww no offense. and i'm kind of wanted for attempted murder. so you're just letting me have the nightshift? as long as these guys have someone to stay up all night with.

wow. that was a lot simpler than my plan to make you quit. i feel kind of stupid now. you are kind of stupid. (snarling) whoa! just kidding. not really. wow, weird! everything turned out okay. (answering machine beeps)

phone guy: (over the phone) uh... hello? oh, hey. congratulations. it looks like you guys managed to survive five nights at freddy's. that's pretty awesome. uh... unfortunately... that wasn't really how i expected all of this to end. you see, i really thought you'd all turn on each other by now. but you didn't. so i guess now i have to drop by the office

(chainsaw whirring) (chainsaw whirring, springtrap snarling, wood breaking) (wood breaking) and finish the job! someone tell me what's going on. why, this is a crime scene! and you're the victims. (sinister laughter) who are you?

i'm your employer, nate. i go by many names. phone guy, matpat, scott cawthon... is one of them "evil dirtbag with a chainsaw?" why, yes, actually. (whispering) that one's my favorite. you're gonna burn for this. cool. looks like i brought the right tool for the job, then!

(maniacal laughter) leave them alone! this is my restaurant! freddy! heh. you know... i should probably thank you, mark. none of us would probably be together tonight if you had just listened to what i told you about the animatronics on the first night. "don't be afraid."

"they just want to say hi!" not all of them. (springtrap snarling) (screaming) we should probably override the door controls. (screaming and snarling) or... that works. mark, come on! hurry! (snarling and screaming)

what is this thing? (screaming fades out) that's a shame. should have gone with the headline "freddy faz-burns." mark: (over the phone) that's horrible. mark: maybe you should go write for them. a job without haunted animatronics or chainsaw maniacs? sounds boring. mark: well, i hear freddy's is opening a sister location if you want to transfer.

mark: well, i hear freddy's is opening a sister location if you want to transfer.(phone buzzes) oh, i'm getting another call. mark: alright, i'll talk to you later. yep. see ya. mark: buh bye! hello? phone guy: hello? hello? phone guy: oh, hey. phone guy: i bet this is one call you weren't expecting.

how? phone guy: it's probably obvious now, but... phone guy: i didn't die in that fire. phone guy: but when the police found me, they also found some, uh... phone guy: rather incriminating footage on the security cameras phone guy: or... what's left of them anyway. phone guy: but the good news is... phone guy: they told me i could make one phone call. phone guy: so, you know, i figured i'd give you one last ring.

phone guy: for old time's sake. to remind you... phone guy: there's nowhere you can go that i won't find you. phone guy: there's no place you can hide that i won't kill you. phone guy: and i'll think about it every night until i get out of here. phone guy: and when i do...nate: um... sorry, can i-- can i put you on hold for a minute? phone guy: what? phone guy: did you hear me?nate: alright. no, no-- don't worry, it's really quick.

phone guy: this isn't over yet!nate: you're gonna love the hold music. phone guy: they can't keep me here! phone guy: they can't keep me here!(on-hold music [baby i love you] starts playing) phone guy: they won't!(on-hold music [baby i love you] starts playing) phone guy: i'll be back! i'll get you all! (splash) (unintelligible pirate noises) uh, is this fazgames ltd? hey, freddy! check out this concept art.

hmm... could we make the head purple? (blowtorch blowing) (jumpscare by the beard) (laughter) gosh! that really is scary! what should we call it? how about fnaf world?

blegh what an awful name. who'd buy a game called that? how about we call it... "five nights at freddy's!" oh, sure. take all the credit. (screams) this musical was made possible by our patreon encounterers including ljay richardson.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

puppets costco

good for you, pete. good for you. billy: access hollywood spotlight on sexy crime fighter sarah marshall. hi, everybody, welcome to access hollywood. i'm billy bush. each week, millions of viewers love to watch ms. marshall's brainy sexpot character, maddy stark, alongside billy baldwin's dark and brooding, hard-to-love lead detective, hunter rush. and this isn't your jurisdiction. i just made it my jurisdiction.

can you say "catfight"? billy: off-screen, sarah cozies up to her successful composer boyfriend, peter bretter. he's no household name, yet bretter's dark and ominous score has set the tone for this gruesome juggernaut. take a look. what do you think? (rush scoffs)

i think it's gonna be hard for her to re-enter the pageant without a face. (cameras clicking) billy: looks like the sky's the limit for this adorable couple. anything could happen. (singing) we got to do something we got to do something before mother earth gets any more hurt billy: we leave you tonight with the newest smash single from infant sorrow.

lead singer and notorious lothario, aldous snow, begs us to change in his environmental anthem, we've got to do something. i hope, for once, we all hear the message. good night. (singing) mr. prime minister and mr. president you better see that it's not only me no, a mob is rising in size and they've been dying to scream (phone ringing) hey, baby. just working.

salad. oh, yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah. totally. i didn't realize thatyou were gonnabe back so early. great. i'll see youin a bit. okay, bye. aldous: (singing) it's time to do something someone should do something we got to do something and that someone is you and you and you and you i pray it ain't all lost and gone

i pray we might learn right from wrong and i pray this broken day will not last too long hey, you got here fast. i got a surprise for you. peter, as you know, i love you very much. are you breaking up with me? pete, are you... i just need a minute. okay.

(whimpers) (breathing deeply) please don't go. why don't you just put on some clothes, and we can sit down and discuss this. no. i can'tdo anythingright now. i'm so sorry, pete. i'm in lovewith you. why don't you just put some clothes on, okay?

i'm not going to go put clothes on. i know what that means,if i put clothes on,it's over. okay? excuse me. let's talk. let's talk about him. i feel... i've been feeling for a long timethat we've beengrowing apart. we're leading different lives. who's the dude?

what? no, that's not what this is about. there's no one else. i know what's happening here. i really do. you've been working so much lately, that we haven't got to spend much time together, and you're forgetting what it's like to be with me. but maybe, if we just held each other or something, you would remember what it's like to be with me. no.

just hold me. please. here we go. there's someone else. i'm sorry. (lounge music playing) we don't hang out in places like this, liz and i. why did you take me here? this place smells like stripper's perfume. i'm gonna get herpes just from sitting on this couch. sure you okay, bro? yeah?

yeah. yeah. you don't have to keep asking me. i'm good. you're out! thank you so much for this opportunity. auf wiedersehen! auf wiedersehen! thank you. thank you all. (crying) auf wiedersehen! i feel really good. i feel happy.

maybe you should work on the dracula musical. look, you've been working on it for a while. it'll help your mind. be creative. think about you. i think i need to fuck somebody. you're notmy stepbrother anymore. you're a step-stranger. why you talking like that? brian!

you don't need to put your p in a v right now. no, i don't. i need to b my l on somebody's t's. that's don't needto be doing that. and if anything, you should leave your p in the v and blow it inside the v, so you can have a b-a-b-y and be a normal person. i'm leaving, man. i'm out of here. she's fucking somebody. okay, bri? it's all i can think about, is that she's out there,

and until i do the same thing, i'm gonna feel like i wanna die. so just talk to girls with me tonight, all right? all right. all right, i'll help you out. i'll talk to girls with you. so, peter, what do you do? musician. he's being modest. he works on a show called crime scene. (exclaims) oh, my god! it is what it is, you know?

no, i love that show. wait, crime scene: scene of the crime or crime scene: phoenix? scene of the crime. oh, my god! i love that show. i find you bothvery sexuallyattractive. let's pumpthe brakes. okay? i think that having sex with either of you would be a great treat for me. you are so funny.

peter: i just got out of a five-and-a-half-year relationship, so i'm not looking for anything serious. just sexual activity. let's wrap it up, buddy. you wanna come home? i'm sorry, you're cracking me up. oh, yeah? yeah. do you wanna come home?

stop it, seriously. that was fun. yeah, yeah. overall, i think that went really well. yeah. (in chorus voice) i want to have sex with you! are you crying? what? no. (crying) i'm sorrythat i'mbeing so weird now. no, that's okay.

you've been weird pretty much the whole time, so it's not unusual. okay. last night, like some sort of idiot, i had sex with this woman who i barely even know. i used a condom, but i'm really scared that i have an std, doc. peter, i'm a pediatrician. have you noticed you're sitting on a fire truck? right.

little kids running? yeah, this is new. i like it. i'm kind of backed up... could you take a look at my penis? go ahead. let me see it. sorry. that's all right. take it out. good. you barely looked at it.

it's a good-lookingdick, peter. beautiful dick. do you think maybe while i'm here, i could get some blood work? peter! your girlfriend dumped you, right? are you hurting? are you hurt? stop it. stop crying. use your dick.keep fucking.fuck everything that moves.

just wear a condom. listen, i'm backed up, i got a lot of kids. i gotta go, okay? you want something?you want a balloon?you want a lolly? (moaning) i just came. (speaking spanish) hi. hi. hi.

hi. okay, do you mind not saying that over and over again? you can gag me. you brought a gag? and handcuffs. do you wanna gag me? kind of, now. what've we got today? just a walk and talk at the lab.

that's what 20 years on vice will do to you. what've we got here? the victim's penis was found behind the ac unit. ouch! can you say "dicksicle"? let's do this. okay, i'm ready. the victim's penis was found behind the ac unit. (playing upbeat melody)

just go with the usual stuff, maybe. something dark and ominous. like losing your penis is a bad thing. oh, you wantdark and ominous. come on, i gotallman brother tickets,i gotta get out of here! that's what 20 years on vice will do to you. what've we got here? peter! peter, jesus christ! you're fucking billy baldwin, aren't you?

aren't you? pete, pete, pete. stop staring at me. pete! you know you're not getting paid for today's session, right? i'm aware of that. fucking asshole. peter, it's brian. peter: go away.

listen, your landlord called me. said there's smoke coming out of your place. who, mr. lopez? 'cause he's a liar! he doesn't... we worry about you, petey. yeah, come on, up the door. the fire marshal's gonna come in and bust it down. you haven't been out of the house in two weeks. peter: why are you so damn strong?

peter: i feel so strong! hey, don't walk away from me. you come close. (love song playing) your place is disgusting, peter. hey, don't walk away from me. what are you burning, man? come on. it's everything. it's everything that reminds me of her and i need it gone! okay, i thought i was fine, brian, and i'm not.

i'm not fine at all. okay, let's just put the picture down. put that down. let's discuss this. i love her, man. i know. look, liz and i, we think the world of sarah. we think she's great. okay, but everything... i'm just being honest here.

every timeshe would come overto our house, she always acted, you know, like a little bitch! okay, okay, pump the brakes. dating sarah is not like dating liz. okay? sarah is betterthan liz. you really wanna have this conversation? do you really wanna have this conversation? yes.

she is the mother of my unborn child. sorry. you're my stepbrother. we're not even blood. i have no qualms with sticking you. i will equalize you. you dick! i'm just worked up. you gotta get your shit together, man. i'm trying to. it's so hard here. brian, everywhere i look, i'm reminded of her, okay?

like, she got me this, okay, because i would always leave my cereal boxes open, and the cereal would get stale, and so one day i came home,and she hadthis waiting for me, because it keeps my cereal fresh. and now i have the freshest cereal. why don't you,you know what,go on a vacation? go to the alps. alps?

go to gstaad. it's the best. i could go to hawaii. sarah was always talking about this place in hawaii that was supposed to be nice. no, don't. i wouldn't go there. what, i can't go to hawaii now, because sarah marshall has heard of hawaii? then go to hawaii. go to hawaii. do it. (mumbling)

no, no, no,don't destroythe computer. i'm just deleting these pictures. okay, i need them off my computer. you know what? you're not even doing a proper permanent delete. well... if we end up getting back together, i wanna have a few of them left. you're crazy. no, no, please don't delete them.

they have to go. done, done. (screaming) sarah: that was hilarious. aloha! i'm sarah marshall from crime scene: scene of the crime. and when i'm not scrubbing for evidence, i'm flying hawaiian airlines... excuse me! hi. my favorite destinations. mahalo. hi, can i have another bloody mary, please? you're still working on that one.

it's just an anticipatory order. okay, i'll be right back! sarah: what do you think caused such excessive bleeding? hunter: he was either stabbed in the aorta or it was his time of the month. aloha! check in this way. just married? yes, how did you guess? oh, you've got that magic newlywed dust all over you.

oh, my wife. oh, my husband. oh, my wife. my husband. my old ball and chain. you quit squirming and come here. what is into you? not me, yet. here is your room key. so you're all set. room 222.

room key's inside, and the elevators are to the right. congratulations. here you go, sir.have some pog juice. welcome to turtle bay. what can i do for you? i'm checking in. my name's bretter, peter bretter, but actually, i don't have a reservation. i just thought i'd take my chances. bold! we are all booked up, but we do have the kapua suite available.

okay. how much is that? $6,000 a night. wow. beautiful views. i can imagine. that's a little bit out of my price range. sorry. that's a shame.this is a beautiful hotel. oh, yeah, it's sarah marshall from crime scene.

people are excited that she's here. she's my ex-girlfriend.we broke upthree weeks ago. i'm sorry, sir. right. this is fine, right? sir? it's totally fine.okay, there she is. did she see me? is she coming over here? yup. i wish i wasn't wearingthis fucking shirt.

fair enough. why don't you try to unbutton it? button it back up. hey. what are you doing here? came here to murder you. really, what areyou doing here? i have been having a tough time, you know, back in la. but then i came here, and here you are. i just think that's too crazy to be...

hello there, you little sex object. i've lost a shoe. have you seen it anywhere? it's like this one,but, you know, obviously it's the opposite one. excuse me, missus,i've lost a shoe. like this one. it's like this one's fellow. sort of the exact opposite, in fact, of that. not an evil version, but just, you know, a shoe like this, but for the other foot.

otherwise, i'd have two right... aldous, this is peter. hey, all right, peter. nice to meet you, mate. aldous. good to meet you, man. my ex-boyfriend. right. hey,i'm aldous snow. i know who you are.yeah, you're very,very famous. yeah, i am.i am for my sins. so are you staying here, as well?

i'm not, as a matter of fact... i'm sorry. excuse me, mr. bretter, ms. marshall, but we were able to book the kapua suite for you, sir, for four nights. you were? yes, sir. marvelous. perfect.perfect amount of time. listen, if you wanna have dinner with us one of those nights...

aldous. ...feel very... peter: no. that's very gentlemanlyof you, but you twoenjoy your trip. i'll be just fine on my own. aldous: all right, peter. the kapua suite... have a good trip, pete. i like your's colorful.

aldous: bye. bye now. ta-ta. i was wearing two shoes this morning, right? thank you.thank youfor bailing me out. i still can't afford that room. nobody can. it's for, like, oprah or, like, cã©line dion. really, it's nota big deal. so you can stay in the suite, but since you're not technically a guest, you have to clean up after yourself.

otherwise, here is your room key and enjoy your stay. why are you doing this for me? she's here with some guy already? kind of messed up. right? yeah. thank you. really, it's not a big deal. go enjoy yourself.

rachel jansen.a thousand times,thank you, you know what i mean... go enjoy yourself. this is a disaster! brian: calm down, man. are there other hotels on the island? of course there are other hotels, but i'm not leaving here, it'll look like i'm running away. wait. why are you whispering? you're not following them, are you?

i had a girlfriend, right? and liam and noel gallagherboth had it off with herright in front of me, so that's similar. and that was a bit awkward, actually. so if you do wannachange hotels,i quite understand. no, no, i'm notchanging hotels. stop followingand just go backto your room, peter. they're gone! why are you looking for them?

i don't know. you're acting like an idiot. run! get out of there! go to your room! what do you think they're doing? peter, go. oh, god! okay, there they are. there they are, i see them. go back to your room, peter. peter, go back to your room. go back to your room, peter.

i'm going in. go back to you room, peter. are you listening to me? peter, go back to your room. peter, peter, peter... hey! (clears throat) peter: hey, nice room. brian: go! i am in the kapua suite. brian: what are you doing? sucker!

have fun. brian: listen, you piece of shit! you're an idiot! back to your room, peter. peter, back to your room. did you enjoy that? did you like what you saw? that hurt a lot. but i know sarah, and i'm pretty sure i just ruined her day. you know how we thought the killer masturbated

before he committed each homicide? that's the theory. take a look at the microscope. oh, yeah, looks like where he's going, he'll need to know how to masturbate. (crying) (phone ringing) (sniffling) oh, god!

hello. rachel: hey, peter? sarah? no. it's rachel jansen, from the front desk. hey! hey, what's going on up there? i'm getting complaints about a woman crying hysterically. yeah, you know what, i hear her, too,

and it sounds likeshe's havingsuch a hard time. i think it's coming from the floor above me. you're on the top floor. i'll try to keep it down. are you okay? yeah, you have a nice night. okay. (crying) i would love to sell you some weed, jeremy,

but i'm at my fucking job right now. obviously, becauseyou called me at work, you know thati'm at my place of work. so i can't just leave here and sell you some weed. i can sell you some weed when i'm done. hold on, i gotta call you back. mahalo, all right. hey, how's it going? hey. i'd just like to grab some dinner, please.

okay, great. is your wife gonna meet you? no. your girlfriend? no, i don't have a girlfriend. you're just by yourself? sucks. okay, so just one. here's your wine list and your menu. come on. do you want, like, a magazine or something? it's gonna be boring if you're just sitting by yourself.

i'll be all right. thank you. i just would beso depressed. yeah. here you go. thank you. the best thing is, you have the greatest table in the house. oh, yeah? that's aldous snow right there. i know. i know, dude. i know.

i'm gonna ask him. i'll ask him politely. no, please don't, please. mate! why don't you come over and sit with us? you'll be very welcome. no, thank you.i need a drink. would you guys like a drink? well, no, actually, because... seven years clean. that's what this tattoo denotes. seven years free from drugs and alcohol.

if i have just one sip of wine, by the end of the evening, i'll be, like, rimming waiters for their tips just to get me hands on a rock. you know what i mean? nasty. i heard that. hey, what's up, man? how are you enjoying your vegetable medley? it's mundane. it is mundane. it's great, i know.

will you marry me? oh, my god. oh, my god. yes! she said yes! beautiful. congratulations! i'm so excited! oh, my god! oh, my god! peter! what's up? are you doing okay?

yeah, i'm good. look, did you follow me here? did my assistant tell you i was coming? did you talk to her? no, i didn't talk to your assistant. it's not all about you,you know. hawaii is a beautiful place. people come here, usually not to follow you. so you're really staying? you're gonna stay? yeah, i think so. i really like it here. i feel at home here. i just love it.

yeah, you should stay. i appreciateyour consideration. sounds like aldous probablyshared a lot of needles, so thank you for dating him after me. i appreciate that. hope you have a really good time here. have a great dinner. groupie whore. psycho stalker.

you know what? it's vacation. i think i'll just take a piã±a colada, please. look at this guy. look at this guy. not us, buddy.right? not us. i'm on sex and the city. what's up, miranda? i'm samantha. i have sex with everyone. maybe it's a good thing that they're here. you know what i mean? maybe this is a challenge from god for me to forget her. you know?

or maybe it's a signfrom god thatyou should be with her. i love her show. when they mix the sexuality and the violence, i like it. what the hell is wrong with you two? you gotta move on. i hear you say that, but it's not that easy. it's that easy. promise you it is. i lived in south central. south central.and i hated it. that's why i moved to oahu.

now i can name you over 200 different kinds of fish. peter: no, you can't. oh, yes, i can. yeah, you cannot. g. ghost pipefish, grill fish, goaler fish, grouper fish, greenback... what's the state fish of hawaii? humuhumunukunukuapua'a. yeah, bitch. hey.

you ready? yeah, justgonna close up. hello, mr. bretter,mr. brayden.where's your wife, sir? she is in bed. how are things going with the lady? not awesome. she's complicated, like the da vinci code, you know, but harder to crack. but life is full of lessons. you learn something new every day. wonder what i'm going to learn tomorrow.

well. good night, sir. good night. good night, sir. brayden: off to find the mythical clitoris. so, peter, were you able to get that crying lady out of your room? 'cause i couldsend someone up,if you want. oh, you could? that's very funny. it is.

well, listen, sarah marshall show sucks. who cares? i do the music for that program. did i mention that the music rocks? that's very sweet of you. that's very sweet of you to say. you don't have to say that, though. it's not music. there's no melody, it's just tones. just dark, ominous tones. "the masturbating dog killer is on the loose again. "he'll kill the owner, but at least the dogs are happy."

(imitating keyboard) i'm no aldous snow, i guess, you know. (singing) time to start the music all gonna light the light yeah, yeah, gonna get things started on the muppet show tonight (crying) whipped cream or berry? whipped cream. here we are, sir. have a wonderful breakfast.

what a lovely table,so close to the buffet. i'm glad you like it. mahalo. good morning, sir. can i start you with anything? orange juice, coffee? what about, like, some pineapple juice with a little bit of rum on the side. of course. i like your style. cocktail guy. you are welcome. we've already reserved the sea kayak for noon. honey, i know that, but you know that i wanted to see...

hey. hello there, friend. how are you guys? how was your evening? great. awesome. i can't feel anything. all right. does that feel good? i still can'tfeel anything. okay, 'cause it hurts me.

would you do that for me? no, no, no. no. god put our mouths on our head for a reason. no! i'm going to the bathroom. okay. is everything okay with... waffles. here you go, sir. breakfast of champions. oh, thank you.

and don't tell anybody, but... a little extra love for you. take it easy. you, too. this is the yoga place, yeah? yes. but there's no alcohol allowed in the studio. oh, no, i mean, obviously. this is just pineapple juice. well, there's no outside drinks allowed in the studio. can i set it down? sure.

cool, thank you. i like your hat. please remove it before class. hey, everyone, why don't you all grab your mats? sorry, i recognize you fromthe cover of namaste magazine.i'm a huge fan. thank you.that's so sweetof you to say. i appreciate that. obviously, i don't do yoga for recognition. right, of course you wouldn't. then stop being so good at it.

that's very flexible. that's nice. and, you,i recognize youfrom your show. you seem much talleron your show. i'm not. no, i know. okay, if you just wanna start by bringing your palms into your chest. today we're gonna start with the surya namaskar, or sun salutation. let's take a deep inhale in. exhale and release the hands.

inhale, arms up to the sky. continue. good, exhale and folding forward. strong, strong backs.good, excellent. remember this is not a competition, although you two seem to be the best in the class. excellent. perfect form, you two, perfect. coming up intodownward-facing dog. good. it's really important in this pose, that you arch your backand keep it flatat the same time.

i feel likethose are opposing ideas. no, they're not, 'cause you're arching your back up while it's flat. okay. good, yeah, sweat it out. sweat out all the toxins from this morning. come on, lady. my name is prana, and i knowthat wasn't just juice. you don't really need any adjusting, so i'm just gonna do this for myself.

just to learn from your body, memorize your body. good. strong legs. come on. perfect skin and form. okay, class, i'd like to now move into a tripod headstand. this is more of an advanced pose, so if you don't feel comfortable or strong enough, please feel free to just lay on your mat in child's pose.

i got it. all right, so let's all come down to our mats. get in a prep position for the tripod headstand. if you don't feel comfortable, there's no shame in just laying on your mat in child's pose. peter: lady, i got it. good, so let's prepto come up. good. sir, if you just want to lay down in child's pose. (grunts)

now, you all heard me say, "if you want to be in child's pose, that's okay." just in case he gets hurt. bring it, bring it. i don't want you tobreak your neck. peter: what's up? just relax. my legs, that's what. we're doing quiet headstands today.

i'm doing a handstand, motherfucker! i'm doing a handstand. okay, you know, why don't we just release. thank god. good, everybody. good. hey. are you chuck? oh, man, you know, they won't change that flyer. that's my mainland name. my hawaiian name is koonu. cool, sorry.

no, it's all good. does koonu have some, like, cool hawaiian meaning? it means chuck. i plugged it into a database. there's a thing you can go on, on the internet, you just type in your name, and it just says it. what's your name? i'm peter. peter.

i'm gonna give you a hawaiian name. oh, great. pepiopi. great. pepiopi, looks likeyou've gota little pain behind those eyes. yeah, maybe a little. there's really onlyone cure for that. what's that?

weed. you got any? no. well, then let's go surfing. okay, when we're out there,i want you toignore your instincts. i'm gonna be your instincts. koonu will be your instincts. don't do anything. don't try to surf, don't do it. the less you do, the more you do. let's see you pop up. pop it up!

that's not it at all. do less. get down. try less. do it again. pop up. no, too slow. do less. pop up. you're doing too much. do less. pop down. pop up now. stop! get down.get down there. remember, don't do anything.

nothing. pop up. well,, you gotta domore than that, 'cause you're justlaying right out. it looks likeyou're boogie-boarding. just do it.feel it.pop up. yeah. that wasn't quite it,but we're gonnafigure it out, out there. let's go surfing, come on. everybody's learning how, come on and... (singing) the weather outside is weather

peter: how longyou lived out here? man, i don't know. i quit wearing a watch when i moved out here. wow, that's so cool. no, like my cell phonehas a clock on it,so i don't really need it. right, so it's basically the same thing. how old are you? i don't really believe in age or numbers, you know, i don't... i mean, if you had to put a number on it, i guessi'd be 44.

fuck! thanks for taking me out here. this is the first timei've felt goodin three weeks or so. you need to get back on that board is what you need to do. yeah? hey, here's the deal. when life gives you lemons, just say,"fuck the lemons,"and bail. yeah. no. you said it, totally.

you gotta just pull yourself up by your wetsuit, get back on that board... hey, look, man, if you're attacked by a shark, are you gonnagive up surfing? probably, yeah. let's go in, all right. tacos are on me. can you try to listen to what i'm saying to you, brian? i'm confused and i don't know what to do. what's up with that hat?

what are you in the buena vista social club? this is a nice hat. what member of the brat pack are you? you look like one of those guys suspected of killing jfk. that's very funny. that's great. liz: tell him to make friends. you need to get out there and make some friends, man. is liz there right now? no, no, she's not in here, buddy.

i just heard her. she's gone. who are you looking at? what? is she still... hi, liz. no. i swear on my mother's grave, it... okay, it was liz. she wasn't here the entire time. go out and meet people. we meet people all the time... all the time on vacation.

constantly. i've tried, all right, there's a couple of dudes here, but they're kind of weird. just be friendly. iron your shirt. iron your shirt, look sharp. even your t-shirts. there is this girl at the front desk who's pretty cute. oh, yeah. you know what? go have another dirty one night stand.

that worked out so well before. what do you want from me? you just told me i need to meet people. ask her out. maybe that's what he needs, is a rebound. brian: he's had plenty of chances for rebounds. this isn't... liz: can we get on the same team here? okay, i'm sorry. we're on the same team. sorry. liz: you should go on a date with this girl. well, maybe i'll ask her out then. liz: yes.

my wife says so. hey, i'm in hawaii, too! liz: oh, that's neat. aloha, bitches! that's very cool. (chanting) they're not native americans, brian. bri... what are you doing?

the luha. is that right? oh, yeah. it's called the hula. luau? no, hula. you're doing a luau? (singing in foreign language) peter: hey. peter.

wow. you look beautiful.i mean, that'sa beautiful dress. thank you. this'll be fun. may i help you with something else, peter? no, i'll just grab a drink.i'm just gonna head inside. happy 4th of july! (speaking japanese) you done here?

no, actually, i just sat down, i'm just getting started. it's delicious, though, thank you. i'll just go fuck myself. sorry, what? mahalo. sarah: hi, peter. hey. hey, bro. hey, all right. excuse me. excuse me.

everybody, can i haveyour attentionfor one second, please. we have a very special guest with us here, today. he is the lead singer of the band, infant sorrow, one of my favorite musicians of all time. he's so awesome. please, please, let's take... let's see if we can get himup here, mr. aldous snow.please, come on. share your gift. duty calls and all that. i'm trying to be incognito, it's weird.

it's like work to me, this is no fun. hey! thank you! aldous: thank you. what a lovely introduction. what an eccentricand confident young man. i'd like to dedicate this song to a very beautiful woman that's here today. it's miss sarah marshall, there she is. look at her, blimey! (singing) old as ancient skies i've had these wandering eyes

but you took me by surprise when you let me inside you inside you this went from 6:00 to midnight. teach me how to grow while i'm moving inside of you inside of you inside you inside you i long to be, is it wrong to be

inside of you inside of you the restless find their dreams inside of you this king has found his queen you're fromthe breakfastbuffet, right? whipped creamor berries? yeah. yeah, i'm peter. kemo. good to meet you, man. good to meet, you, man.

have a beer. thanks. thank you. sarah marshall. yes. how do you knowi was datingsarah marshall? dwayne told me. chuck told me. even rachel told me. i heard about it from everybody. you gotta stop talking about it.

it's like the sopranos. it's over. find a new show. you need a hug. come here. oh, thank you. you're awfully nice. i gotta go. i'm prepping the pig for tomorrow's luau. you should come and help me. it'll take your mind off of things.

yeah? you don't mind? i mean, i must sayi'm a pretty good cook. all right! (pig grunting) i can't! please don'tmake me do this! do it! i'm sorry! i'm sorry! (peter crying) kemo: you can stop crying now.

he's dead already. i'm not crying. you should stop crying. i don't cry. i'm not a baby. really? 'cause you look like a gigantic baby. i'm sorry. i didn't mean that at all. listen, would you like to hang out tonight, like, not in an official hotel function? yeah. totally. a bunch of us are going to go to this, like, little beach thing afterwards.

you're totally welcome to come. maybe we could go together? yeah, whatever. i mean we don't have to, if you don't want to, i just thought that maybe... no, listen,you don't haveto make this weird. you either want to go or you don't. i would love to. okay.

awesome. why don't you go upstairs, change that shirt, and i'll meet you out front in, like, five? this is so cool. you like it? so what brought you to hawaii? a dude. of course. a surfer dude. you know, wct, top 44. totally.

we were together for two years. dropped out of school, moved out here with him. three weeks later, i caught him cheating on me, so i moved out, and that's that. what an asshole. no, he's just a boy. you ever think aboutgoing back home,finishing school, or... no. no. i workat the hotel,

doesn't really have to be a future in there. okay, my turn. so, how do you like writing music for a tv show? it's great, you know. people are great. it's great to havea steady's... i'm very lucky. oh, my god, you hate it. i fucking hate it so much. so then, do something about it. i'm just saying, if you hate something, change it.

don't dwell. well, i'm trying. i'm actually working on a rock opera. what's your rock opera about? dracula. yeah, and eternal love,you know.that's the theme. but i think the two sort of go and in hand, you know? and i... i have this vision of doing it with puppets.

i mean, humans also, you know. why dracula? because he's a man like anyone else. he just wants to be loved. and every time he gets close to a human woman, he ends up smothering and killing her, which is a feelingi am familiar with. what?that's just a joke. oh, shit. what?

my ex.if i run, you run. do you understand? no, i don't understand at all. fucking motherfucker! dipshit! rachel,what are you doing? i thought i told you to stay back on your island. take it easy,just take it easy. yeah, you know what? the deal was over april 9. well, the deal's back on, motherfucker.

you ain't the chiefin this village.i'm the chief. of the idiots? rachel, let me handle this. i know his friend. let me handle this, okay? go ahead. hey, man, you remember me from breakfast? oh, yeah, the cocktail guy, that's right. this ain't thebreakfast buffet.what, you with my girl? keeping her warm for meat night, huh? hey, what are you doing here?

(crowd exclaiming) that's right. just hit him! rachel, we gotta get out of here. rachel? you get what you deserve. just a boy? no, that dude was a fucking man. no, no, no. he's an asshole. i can't believe i ever dated him. you went nuts. you guys are dysfunctional. you were like one of those girls from flavor of love.

from what? you were. "i'll kill you.i'll kill you." okay, i'm gonna go get us another round. i'll grab it. it's no big deal. you don't have to dote on me. i'm not that type of girl. you look so hot. give me crime scene. give me dirty crime scene girl. andrã© the giant, out of the shot, please.

mutombo, out of the shot, come on. did you know that there's a picture of you flashing, hanging in the men's room? yeah. i hate it so much. my jackass boyfriend made me do it. keoki took it, right there. and i asked him to take it down, but he said that it would ruin the balance of the collage. do you want me to tryto get it down for you?

no. no, no, no, he'll kill you. like, really kill you. but i have a surprise for you. really, what? man: we're gonna take a quick break. tonight we have a special guest from the mainland, singing a song from his dracula musical, please welcome to the stage, mr. peter bretter. (whoops) yeah! go get them, tiger!

please don't. (exclaiming) peter! rachel... dracula! peter! get them! what's up? you know, i could play something else. i just think out of context this might be...

rachel: dracula musical! (singing) it's getting kind of hard to believe things are going to get better i've been drowning too long to believe that the tide's going to turn and i've been living too hard to believe things are going to get easier now i'm still trying to shake off the pain from the lessons i've learned and if i see van helsing, i swear to the lord i will slay him (laughing menacingly) take it from me, but i swear i won't let it be so blood will run down his face when he is decapitated

his head on my mantle is how i will let this one know how much i love you die die i can't rachel: awesome! peter: thank you. so, i had a really, really great time tonight. yeah?

yeah. i mean, it got a little wild. "a little"? you can say that. but it was really fun, and you're so cool, and it was... thank you for taking me out. no, i had a great time.thank you. you did? i'm sorry. i'm sorry, i just... i don't... i just don't wanna complicate things.

no, of course! yeah? no, no, no. totally. i totally get that. i had a great time. a handshake? well, i don't know. okay. all right, all right. all right. get home safe. you, too.

thanks again. bye. aldous: (singing) i'm on a hammock with me lady watching the sea roll by things have been great now 'cause we're in hawaii hey, guys. hey, man. i'm koonu. yeah. no, i remember. i'm peter.

we took a surf lesson together. yeah, you're that guy that works with kaiser permanente. no, i'm peter. we had a nice talk out on the water. that's cool. okay, can i just say something? i went on a date tonight with rachel, right? that wasn't a date. she's in customer service, dude. she took you out for charity.

it was a date, okay? trust me. i know a date, and that was a date. i bet you think strippers like you, too. that's really not necessary. it's true. don't waste your time, man. believe me, it is a nowhere road. i know. did you see her ex-boyfriend? he is ridiculous. who, greg? i love greg, man. i saw him beat up a guywith a starfish. okay, that's just ridiculous.

that guy was me. dude, my homie over here,on his honeymoon? getting as much sex as he possibly can ever have. are you giving to her hard and rough, dude? come on. the wife wants me to do certain things that i find inappropriate. let me just saythat if godwas a city planner, he would not put a playground next to a sewage system. we're trying to fuck, but we're not having fun fucking.

we're just, like...i'm stabbingher private parts, and it's not fun, and it causes anxiety. fucking is... and then whenyou're not fucking... peter: hey, someone's gotta stop him. you're the butt of a joke. fucking this ring is... it's gonna be all right. hi, do you wanna come back to bed? sure.

have fun. i like her hair. i wonder if the carpet matches her pubes. julian, what's up? god. the show's been canceled. that's good, 'cause that's what you wanted. yeah. yeah, it is. it's just... i guess i thought we had another year left. it seems like we did, and... this'll be good,

'cause it's been a long-awaited transition into film for me. don't get me wrong,but it's's a surprise. come on tour with me. i'll serenade youevery night in front ofthousands of women. i didn't know you were going on tour. yeah, i'm goingin two weeks. it's like an 18-month tour, 43 countries, infant sorrow, and it's gonna be a massive tour. yeah. i can't come 'cause i have a job. i'm a working actress.

not anymore. you're an unemployed actress, perfect. you could be the queen of the groupies, queen of the sorrow suckers. the sorrow suckers. sorrow suckers. i don't know why they call them that. mr. and mrs. snow, sorry. sorry to bother you. the hotel wanted tooffer you somecomplimentary coconut cake. it's from the hotel. it's definitely not from me personally, so... yeah, thanks.

okay, great. when were you planning on telling me this? i justtold you, then. yeah. no, i know. but telling me now isn't really the same as telling me. well, look, you know, i've not told you i've got genital herpes, because it's not inflamed at the moment. do you guyswant some champagnewith your cake, or do you want itwithout your cake?

aldous: i don't drink. all right, so i came here to give you my demo. i just... i worship you, and i just wanted to give you my demo. just take a listen and... 'cause you know what? you don't wanna be the guy sitting there, watching bbc, and saying, "oh, i saw that guy! he was my waiter, "and i totally dismissed him like everyone else does in his life. "and i totally was wrong,

"because he's a major, major, major influence on me now, "and i feel terrible!" (clears throat) that stupid english voice, was that me? unfortunately, yes. you're really gonna like it. i'll listen to it when you've gone. hey, look, just don't tell anyone at the hotel. what's up, dude?

what's up? peter, i got some really interesting news this morning. aldous gave yougonorrhea? no. why would i tell you that? crime scene was cancelled. whoa! you all right? yeah. yeah. i mean, i've been waiting to take the next step,

you know, into features for a long time, so it's a really good thing. this isn't the view. i mean, we can have an honest talk about this if we want. i don't wanna step out of the spotlight and then be forgotten. i don't wanna disappear. i'm freaked out. i wanna be honest. i'm really freaked out right now, okay? because, seemingly, the only actresses that actually can survive are the ones that show their cooter, and, excuse me, but i refuse to do that. i have a little dignity. and i don't have the frame to support plastic surgery. i would tip over.

and i'm not gonna do that. i'm not gonna exploit myself. listen, you're gonna be fine. you have a long career ahead of you. you've got, like, four years until you're 30. it's gonna be fine. how are you? i'm screwed. frankly, i don't stand a chance. no, i'll be fine. i've been quietlystealing money from youfor a long time. you're always good at cheering me up, pete, thank you.

(singing) die die i can't it's really good, peter. i just don't understand it. i don't. i mean, just chalk it up to that. please don't play it again, 'cause i don't... just listen to it one more time and see... where's aldous? brayden: mr. snow, may i ask you a question?

aldous: okay. i want to please my wife here, on our honeymoon, but i don't know what i'm doing. you having difficulty sex-wise? do you not know how to use this? i know how. have you hadsex before? we can't. why?

our religion. right, 'cause of god and everything? hey, that's notgonna be a problem, because god should be present in the bedroom. just tell me specifically what i need to do. you need to penetrate deeply and stimulate the clitoris simultaneously. that's what you gotta do. that's what it's about. if you can involve the anusin that, then that'sabsolute perfection. got it.

explore her ears. find it in you to be a little more circly. you are a man. god's within you. i actually feel okay about it. you know, i'm a little scared, but i'll be all right. i'll get another job. that's interesting, man. you know what else is interesting? me on the moon. i just wanna talk to you about something. can you stop?

all right, i'm just gonnatalk, and then... air! there was thisinteresting momentwith sarah. whoa, what? i don't wanna hear about your interesting moment with sarah, pete. then who am i supposed to talk to about this? well, not me, because have i ever had an interesting moment with an ex-girlfriend? do you have an ex-girlfriend? no! no. liz: no.

i would really love to getthe woman's perspectiveon the matter. really? but come on in and just sit down. stay. you have to... honey, no, no, the camera's right there. no, i know, but i just wanna tell him, though. no, the camera... think about how much she's hurt you. hey, liz?

yeah? i think you need to move just a tiny bit further away from the microphone. just... no, closer. now a little further. closer. and then... and then a little further, and then closer. i don't know.

keep your head down, though. i'm bad at this thing. can you hear me? yeah, closer. further away. i know what you're doing. that's not funny at all. you stop that. what's he doing? come on. yeah, yeah, real funny.

hey, that's a great necklace, liz. did you have that a second ago? thank you! that's gross! liz: i don't get it. stop it. he's saying if i were to sperm on you... what? would be a pearl necklace.

why? real funny. hey, dracula! "and when i see van helsing, i swear to the lord, i'll slay him." that shit is funny, dude! hey, pete. so i was gonna go over to lazy joe's later tonight, and i wanted to see if you wanted to come and join. i think i'm confused, because i thought last night...

oh, my god. dude, get out of your head. it's really nice out here. yeah, i bet it is. all right, yeah. you know what? i could totally use a friendly hangout, so... all right. i don't know if you want, instead of lazy joe's, i was thinking of going to laie point right now. really? i heard that place was a pain in the ass.

rachel: okay. rachel: hey! dwayne: yo, what's up, guys? we're just goingfor a hike. no, you're not, you're going snorkeling. peter: i think we're gonna go on a hike. dwayne: it is sea turtle fucking season, dude. let's go. they fuck forthree hours, dude.i mean, that's magical. no, we're going on a hike.

i think we'll go on a hike, yeah. what? your loss. why won't anybody go snorkeling with me? how you doing back there? awesome. i don't thinki've ever been this coveredin sweat before. it's like i havesome sort of fever. i told you this was a pain in the ass. could've been at lazy joe's.

oh, yeah. oh, shit. you good? peter: wow, we're really going up to the edge of this, huh? look! wow, this is really beautiful. all right, so now that your show's done, are you gonna finish the dracula musical? it's not that easy,you know.

sarah always thought it was crazy, and... well, you're definitely crazy. but so is everyone, right? so who cares? i just don't feel like doing anything. why? 'cause my heartis broken, and i can't imaginedoing anythingright now. it's probably the same reason you don't go back to school, you know? maybe it's good we got hurt like that, you know? i don't know about you, but it makes me feel impervious to pain.

yeah. kind of like there's nothing left to be afraid of. yeah. no, exactly. we could leap off this rock, and it won't hurt us as bad as they did. so jump, then. no, i meant that, like, as a metaphor, you know? no. just do it. you'll be fine. jump. what the hell? oh, god! oh, god. i made her kill herself!

(exclaiming) you must be crazy! so are you gonna jump or what? no! come on, peter! i can see your vagina from here! i can see your hoo-ha. i mean, i'll jump! chicken! come on! (groaning)

(shouting) please, god, don't let me die today. i'm okay! okay! i'll just let go, right? no, no, no! if you fall straight down, you'd probably hit a rock and kill yourself! totally. so what do i do?

why don't you press your feet up against the rock, and, like,shoot yourself off! what, like a frog? i don't know, peter! just get off the fucking rock! here i go! okay! peter: one! two!

two! two and a half! jump! three! oh, my god! oh, my god! oh, my god! you saw that, right? yeah, yeah, yeah, i saw it! i was there. i witnessed it. thanks.

you've got christ between your thighs, but with a shorter beard. mahalo! aloha! sex! i'm cramping, i'm cramping. okay, okay. petey? petey? sorry. i knocked a bunch.

you were really out. ken sent me. dakota fanning and her people, they need this room. she loves it here. so does that mean i have to leave the hotel? ken found you a room. i'll take it, yeah. i wanna hang out with rachel a little more. are those sad tissues or happy tissues? maybe you should just give me a minute.

it was the onlyroom available! i'm sure it was! hey, how's it going? it's all right. really? i think you got some painbehind those eyes.a kind of pain that only... okay, you know what? let's cut the bullshit. i wanna stand up on a wave before i leave. i don't think you're ready yet, man.

i'm ready to ride giants, koonu. i think you're ready. petey! miss marshall, what can i do for you? is there a place to get good sushi around here? yeah. yeah, there's a really great place about five minutes from here called asuki. perfect. do you want me to get you a map?

please. so, this is where we are. head down kamehameha, and then pass funaho loko marsh. and it should be right to the left. it might take, like, five minutes. great. thank you. any time. i saw you with peter bretter... ...who's my ex-boyfriend.

oh, my god. i'm really sorry. it's not like that at all. it's not what you're... no, it's fine. i'm just really glad you're keeping him company, 'cause... gosh, no. seem likea really nice person... ...and you're very pretty. gosh, you're, like, way prettier.

no, you're, like, so pretty. wow, thank you. thank you. and one more thing about peter. he's a really good guy.really, great, actually. please don't cry, miss marshall. god. do you need me to get you a tissue? oh, no, i'm good, i'm good.i'm okay, i'm okay. thank you, rachel. any time, miss marshall.

hey, ahoy, there! you surf, too? good lord, no. i'm just drifting around, you know? getting in touch with the ocean and stuff. it's really pleasant. it was, yeah. i'm gonna head in. before you go, actually, peter, i just wanted to tell you, i was listening to sarah's ipod the other day, and amidst the interminable dross that's on that thing,

i found one track that i quite liked. so i checked what it was, and it was actually one of yours. and it kind of reminded meof a dark, gothicneil diamond. it's great. that's, like, exactlywhat i'm going for. right, yeah. fuck. fuck, you're cool. it's so hard to say,because, like,i hate you in so many ways, but whatever. i can see why sarah likes you.

no accounting for taste, i suppose. in her case, anyway. she was with mefor five years,so there you go. yeah, you gotfour on me there, mate. you slept with sarah a year ago? i thought you knew! peter, please, don't take it seriously. what the fuck, man! you've... don't get offended by that. you can't be so casual about this! this isn't europe, okay? there are rules here.

i'm really sorry. i apologize for offending you, peter. i just hope this doesn't ruin our friendship. well, what's that about? what do you thinkit's about?this is a big deal! what about a code of the ocean? that's not on. what about codes among men? you don't sleep with another man's girlfriend! think of... get out of here!

all right, okay! all right! get out of here! oh, god! peter: koonu! this guy needs help! koonu! (screaming) should i callthe front desk? it hurts. it hurts. wow, you got coral right there in your leg! can you get it out of my leg, please, hotel man?

can you do something about that? i'd love to, you know, but hotel policy... they don't let me do that kind of thing. they get all weirded out. insurance... koonu, can you call the front desk for me, please? aldous: it really hurts. koonu, callthe front desk now! okay, monster man. pete, he's not gonna do nothing.

i kind of have this thing about blood, okay? look at it. it's raping my leg. peter, get it out of my fucking leg, please! one, two. you can't get it out. it's really in there. get it out of me! three! fuck my arse!

okay, i got's all's all over. everything looks fine. it's all good! they're coming wiki wiki. can you get some towels for me, please? i'm really losing a lot of blood. you sound like you're from london. yeah, i'm from london. what's going on? you fainted. i didn't want you to wake up by yourself.

how's your friend? is he all right? they gave him stitches, and he's sleeping it off. hey, you wanna hear something funny? what? are you ready to laugh? 'cause this is a gas. edward scissorhands over there told me that you two were fucking each other for a whole god damn year while we were together. shit. how about that, sarah?

i'm sorry, peter. pete, you shouldn't be up and walking around. can you please... please don't touch me. just don't touch me, okay? i'm not touching you. will you just please sit? please? all right, i'll sit down, but i'm sitting down 'cause i want to, not because you've asked me to sit, okay? a year? listen, i get it, okay? i just...

i need to understand what i did to make you cheat. i just... pete, it's notanything you did. you didn't do anything. i mean, you were great. will you please cut the bullshit and have a talk with me? fine. cutting the bullshit. it got really hardto keeptaking care of you when you stopped taking care of yourself. i tried to get you out of the house. i tried to get you off your little island you loved so much, the couch.

you didn't wanna see the light of day! god, there was one week when you wore sweatpants! every day. you shall not pass! you know what? if they were sean john sweatpants, it would have been fine. but because they'recostco brand, it's likethe worst thing i could do. that has nothing to do with it. that's what you don't get. i'm sorry that i didn't end up being who we thought i was gonna be, you know?

i tried really hard. i promise you that. i just didn't have it in me. i think if you had just, maybe tried harder. i tried! you have no ideahow hard i tried, peter. i talked to a therapist. i talked to my mother. i read every book possible. i took love seminars.i took sex seminars. none of it worked. none of it made a difference to you. and i couldn't drown with you anymore.

don't you dare sit there and tell me that i didn't try. i did. you were just too stupid to notice. whoa. i thought you were gonna wear the shirt i got you. i mean, i do love that shirt you got me. i admire sir tommy bahama an awful lot. he's a talented man, but tonight, i feel that this is appropriate. wow, thank you. yeah, sarah got it for me. this is, like,way more convenientthan my backpack.

awesome hat! thank you.yeah, my girlfriendgot it for me! i'm fucking with you! cool! sarah, can i usethis lipstick, please? sure. i don't care. i think it looks great.but if you're not,let's go change. no, i like it. i didn't like it at first. now i really think it's...

oh, bloody hell. this is a small resort. hey. wow. aldous, sarah, this is rachel. sarah bought me this shirt. i could'veguessed that. yeah. looks great. you look great. looks awesome. see.

thanks. mr. snow, i'm so sorry.i did not knowyou guys were coming. you're gonna have to wait five minutes. i did not know you guys were coming. it's okay. it's not a problem. i didn't see you guys, so... aldous: there's really no need to weep. it's no problem, honestly. it's not a problem. so, your table is ready, guys.

oh, great. hey, have a lovely evening, you two. thank you. have a great dinner, you guys. you're welcome to join us, obviously, if you want. wouldn't dream of it. what? oh, okay. rachel: that's great. awesome. great. i'll just set two more places. not a big deal.

awesome. so this is actually happening. we're gonna let this happen. i am so sorry. i never thought in a million years she would say yes. i did. what? i just acceptedan invitation.i didn't wanna be rude. it's got us in a terrible situation. now i'm gonna have to sit with him wearing this shirt all night. you're wearing the shirt regardless.

australia is amazing. i'm telling is a great placeto shoot. rachel, you would love it. you would love it. i wanna go. i really, really wanna go there. wait, so when's the movie coming out? it came out. it was already released. oh. well, you know, it's an island.

it's isolated. movies don't really come out here. obviously. did you like it? the movie? it was... awful bloody film. i say, it's just a ridiculous premise. what would happen if your mobile phone killed you?

why would a mobile phone kill anyone? doesn't make sense. how can a mobile phone have an agenda and kill people... i told her that when she read the script. yeah. you were the voice of reason, mate. i tried to be, but she didn't listen. going around killing people. a mobile phone, like, doing murders. why couldn'tyou just take the batteryout of the phone? aldous: right. that's it. the battle's over. yeah, we've won.

i hated it. well, it's not for everyone, but it... no, it's ridiculous. here's my favorite scene. ring-ring. hello? aldous: right. it would never happen. no, it could never happen. it's a metaphor for addiction to technology. for society, for how we're reliant on technology. i get it. i'm with you.

it's a metaphorfor a crap movie. well, it was the right choice for me at the time. rachel: sure. you know? well, this is awkward. it's a bit more awkward now. rachel: a little. hey, excuse me. can we get another bottle of wine, please? mr. snow?

can i get cranberry juice with a bit of lime in it, please. do you want cranberry juice or cranberry cocktail? because i can probablyrustle up either one.throw some oj... i don't care. okay, great. hey, can we getanother bottle of wine? if i've learned anything from addiction, it's that, you know, life is as brief as the twinkling of a star over all too soon. so if you're in a situationwhere you're with a woman,

why not do the most interesting thing that you can do in that situation? and by which, i don't mean have a conversation, have a chin-wag, a bit of a chat. lose yourself in something that's both ancient and perennial. find something eternal,perpetual.lose yourself in fuck. i'm going to disagree. respectfully,of course, sir. maybe for you, that works. for me, it's much more enjoyable to get to know somebody.

if you end upsleeping with them,that's great. but i like gettingto know somebody. but he... what he's saying is that he's gonna stick it wherever he wants, but he's joking. i ain', i'm not joking. it's just what i believe, really. so... just so we're clear and so i can hone in on your central thesis of the night,

wade through all the bullshit, you're telling me that you think you have the right to just fuck anyone, anywhere, anytime? yes. there it is. that's right. that's what you're saying? not so eloquently as you just put it, sweetheart. but ultimately, yes, that is... oh, no! not the shirt! take my eyes, but not the shirt.

yeah, that's pretty much what i believe, sarah. when you're done making jokes, are you gonna get a napkin? do you know what? i think i've improved it, actually, against all odds. i think i deserve a design award. please get some seltzer water. garã§on, could we get some... i saw it fromfarther away. just lean back for a second.

no, it's all's not there.let me... you're very diligent. i appreciate it. let go of the glass now. you're gonna have to walk away. bless you. there you are. oh, me, oh, my. call the doctor. oh, good. i love hawaii. rachel: is it good?

yeah, it's nice, but i think for like a week tops. any more than that, i know i'd go crazy, because i think that hawaii is a place to escape for people who can't deal with the real world. yeah, you know, there's so few personal shoppers and pet therapists. gosh, it's such a hard life. i like living here. anyone need any more vino? i think we're good.

i've a question for you real quick, mr. s. i was actually meaning to ask you, what did you exactly think of my demo? did you get it? did you get it? oh, no. i was gonnalisten to that, but then i just carried on living my life. not at all? no, i didn't,because, you know,i go on my instincts, and they weren't good. you know what, dude? fuck you, okay? you can go fuck yourself.

i can't yell right nowbecause i'll get fired. my boss will hear me, and then i won't be able to pay off my student loans. but you know what? you're an asshole. i fucking hate you. i bought all your records. this whole fucking time,i've been trying to get youto come hang out with me. i'm gonna have people fuck with your food the rest of your trip, you fucking dick! i like him. that was quite moving.

wait, wait, wait. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. are you sure that you're not, like, too drunk? jesus, would you stop being so sensitive. (giggling) (rachel moaning) aldous. (snorts) wake up.

aldous. wake up. make love to me. all right. you go on top, though, 'cause i'm knackered. (moaning) listen. yes! yes! sarah: yes! oh, yes! yeah!

yeah! oh, god! yeah! (yelling) right there! yes! yes! yes! she's having an orgasm! this is the best sex ever! yeah, all right, that'll do.

what? i made a mistake coming here with you. (moaning continues) and i'm not done either! please shut up! okay. okay! you're still involved with him next door, ain't you? excuse me? you should've seen yourselfat dinner, sarah.

then we come back here, and you put on that ghastly performance. i mean, i've heard thatwomen do fake orgasms, but i've never seen one. it really deeply upset me. you should have seen yourself at dinner. "oh, i'm aldous snow. bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. "no, no drinks for me, thanks. "bullshit, bullshit,bullshit." that's a really reductive impression.

if i wanted to see you act badly, i'd just watch your tv show, which, obviously,i can't now, becauseit's been cancelled. oh, my god,you're such a prick. and you know what? let me tell you something about these tattoos, okay? that is buddhist. that is nordic. that is hindu. that's just gibberish. they are completely conflicting ideologies. and that does not make you a citizen of the world. it makes you full of shit.

was that genuine or did you fake that? right. i'm gonna probably clear off now. i'll have a little sleep for a few hours, then i'm gonna probably go in the morning, okay? i hate your music. yeah, well, i fucked the housekeeper the other day. are you sleeping? not anymore. i know that i'm leaving in a couple of days, so i don't even know

what the hell this means, but i really like spending time with you a lot. i know. me too. good morning. where are you going? the korean textile manufacturer's luau. just kill me. fun. joy.

i want you to knowthat i meantwhat i said last night. i know you did. i did, too. can i see youagain tonight? i get off at 7:00. yay. bye. sir, morning mai tai. i actually will not be having an alcoholic beverage this morning.

woman: jump! jump! jump! don't make me do it. (whistling) hey. morning, mate. how are you today? yeah, i'm good.i'm okay? am i okay? i'm better than okay, my friend. you seem sprightly. i had a great time last night.

congratulations. well done. well done. what about you? what's with the bag? right, yeah. i'm off back to england, mate. oh, you and sarah are going to england. no, no, no. i'm just going alone. did you guys have a fight or something? yeah, it was really... how you served five years under her, i don't know. you deserve a medal or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody. you were only here for a week.

well, i don't know.for me,that one week of it was like going on holiday with, i don't know, i wouldn't say hitler, but certainly goebbels. it was like a little holiday with hitler. jesus. hey, listen, at least it's clear now for you two to reconnect. no, no. no. you know what? i have a good thing going on with rachel, and i want tosee that through. well, maybe you could have both of them. rachel and sarah.

they got on all right,didn't they, at dinner?so maybe... you know what? first of all, i'm not that kind of guy. and even if i was, i don't think that i have the sexual competency to really pull that off. yeah. it's a gift. i will say,if you do get backwith miss marshall, handle with care, because, you know... (exclaims) okay. well, i thinkmy ride's here.

so i'm gonna skedaddle then before anything else happens to me. before life gets any more daft. is someone gonna take that? listen, don't let them grind you down. take it easy. hey, look at my driver.i'm gonnahave sex with her. he said it was clear i wasn't over you. and then he left. fucking prick.

and then i startedthinking,what if he's right? what if i'm not over you? sarah... please just let me finish, pete. what if i made a really, really horrible mistake? sarah. stop pulling my face towards your face. why? you don't like it?

listen, pulling my shirt towards you is the same concept as pulling my face. let's spend one more night here together, and then let'sgo home and then... and we'll just pretend like it never happened. ...face reality. no. that's the big plan? no. i love you. that's not fair. that's not fair of you to say that to me.

please, peter. tell me you're sorry. i'm so sorry. i missed you. god, i missed you, peter. all right. get hard for me, pete. get hard for me. i know whati'm supposed to do. just do it. come on. get hard.

i'm trying. here. just let me do it for a second. i really want you, peter. i missed you. you don't want help? can you be quiet just for a minute? do you want my hands? maybe just don't talk for a second is what i mean. do you want my mouth? yeah, maybe your mouth.

yeah. okay. what's the problem, peter? i don't know... more? you can keep trying if you want. (sighs) what's wrong with you? nothing is wrong with me, okay? no, i didn't...

just, something doesn't feel right anymore. okay. well, did you... you know what? did you drink today? because sometimes when you drink... excuse me. no, i haven't had anything to drink today. maybe the problem is that you broke my heart into a million pieces, and so my cock doesn'twant to be around youanymore, okay? ever! because you know what i just realized? huh?

you're the god damndevil. okay? wedding in hawaii! real original! hey, rachel. sarah and aldous broke up this morning. what a surprise. so i went to check on sarah, and... listen, i'm herebecause i don't want tolie to you, okay? some stuff happened. i'm really, really sorry that it did,

but i'm also really glad that it did, because i'm able to see so clearly now that sarah and i are not right for each other. what stuff? i went up to make sure that she was okay, and it got weird. but noweverything is fine. and i need you to understand that i meant everythingthat i said to youthis morning. what exactly happened, peter? we fooled around a little bit.

shut the fuck up, and tell me exactly what you did. all right. i went to her room, and she was crying and crying and crying. and i felt like i should comfort her. and then she started kissing me because i was comforting her. and then the next thingi knew,i was kissing her because she had been kissing me because of the comforting. then she started taking my clothes off, and then her clothes were off. then she performed 10 to 15 seconds of oral sex on me. okay. peter, you can leave now.

at the most. maximum. thank you for staying at turtle bay. rachel, pleasedon't do this. the only reason i'm telling you this is because i really care about... listen to me, peter. i was a mess, too. i understand. okay? but it does not excuse you acting like a complete asshole. listen, i know thati fucked things upfor a minute,

but i'm not like every other asshole. you should not be with anybody right now. anybody. i know... i know that there is something here. i know that i was not wrong about that. and, yes, it's only been four days, but i know you feel it, too. i need you to leave. do not write not call not e-mail me.

peter, i need you to go. i won'tbother you anymore. i'm sorry. i don't know what to do. hey, brother, what you doing, huh? you stealing my art? i want you to put it back right now. put it back, bro! listen, give methe picture. doo-doo're throwingdoo-doo paper? give me the picture.

don't be stupid, brother. just give me the picture. you can hit me as many times as you want. i'm not giving you the photo back. no, no, no. peter, i told you i did not want to see you. aloha, i'm sarah marshall from crime scene: scene of the crime. and when i'm not scrubbing for evidence, i'm flying hawaiian airlines to my favorite destinations. now sit back and enjoy your in-flight entertainment. i know i will. mahalo. peter: (singing) everybody hates you

everybody wishes that you were dead because, peter, you suck peter, you suck peter, your music is fucking terrible peter, you suck peter, you don't do anything of value write some music but instead you sit and write these bullshit songs it's so self-loathing go see a psychiatrist i hate the psychiatrist

well, go see one anyway i don't like the psychiatrist you need to go and see one see a psychiatrist i'm not going i don't understand what there is to think about. because, d, he... she licked the tip. that doesn't count. of course it counts. he...

he what? he refused a blowjob from his ex-girlfriend mid-blowjob. do you know what that's like for a man? it's called blue balls, rachel. this guy is like gandhi, but better. he likes puppets. i love puppets. i love fraggle rock. i love lamb chop. i love elmo. sesame street, bert and ernie,snuffelupagus.fucks my shit up.

(singing) this is a song that i never thought i would write on the night i'm dying sorry for all the wrong i've done i'm finished trying it was a wonderful dream now let him come and slay me there he is the demon who haunted the streets of london i've come to slay you here i am!

i'll leave you bleeding in my dungeon i'll never obey you i'll rip out your esophagus please, mr. van helsing listen to me he is just a man who wishes to be free lay him in a hearse you must end this curse he is the worst! (exclaims) (all laughing) don't go my love

i can't say goodbye my reign is done it's time to die i'm pregnant dracula what have i done? has flown above who killed dracula? but he found a taste

a taste for love my life is a lie sweet dracula i miss my young dead prince i'll never see him again until my death what a wonderful dream to find a taste for love a taste for love wow. you came. i can't believe that you came.

peter, this is great. it was really funny. yeah. you know what? i didn't realize that it was a comedy, and then someone told me that, and it just, like, opened the whole thing up. how long are you in town for? open-ended. bold. yeah, you know, i'm kind of checking out some schools. congratulations.

yeah, maybe. you never called. you told me not to.and i listened. right. wasn't easy. i might have called once and hung up. no. no. from a private number. maybe.

man 1: peter! man 2: nice job, bretter. well, you should probably go back. would you like to hang out while you're here? maybe we could go to dinner or... still have my number? yeah. yeah, i'll call you. go. yeah, i should do that.

yeah, yeah. go mingle. man 1: hey, peter! man 2: hey, bretter! come over here and meet my mom! go, go. off i go. man 1: hey, peter. the play was sick, man. good work. nice job.

good job, man. that was awesome. so cool! peter, congratulations. i just wanted to say thank you. i had sucha great timetonight. oh, good. you know what? i'm gonna change out of this unitard, 'cause i'm gettinga chafe. okay. enough said. congratulations.

hey, peter? i was just calling you. wow. oh, peter. stop laughing. can you please stop laughing? i missed you. i just... you know, i actually wantedto tell you that i've beenthinking so much about...

narrator: this fall, sarah marshall is back in a brand-new role. your wife had no enemies that you're aware of. narrator: get ready for the most daring show on television. just came home, and she was lying there. narrator: in a world where you don't know who to trust. (yelps) charlie, who'sfranco marconi? no. no. gun, gun, gun, gun. drop it, drop it.

narrator: go with your animal instincts. (dog howling) how did you know? she's an animal psychic. narrator: sarah marshall returns on animal instincts. life's a bitch. and where you're going,that's exactlywhat you'll be.