Friday, September 23, 2016

puppets comedian

thank you!!! that wasn't properly place we know how to context clues i do not indulge was that happened weird places you keep the world's i just wanted it to be weird we're going to came out and it's happening thanks enabling how do i really want to

open this thing while it's just the tackle woman for no reason about some things you can't really do a nice way to start your big night i don't know what to do sometimes i guess i can handle the love and respect from you people so make no mistake i'm hating myself inside they brought the backstage chicago pizza

i'm not going to mention any names don't want to start here but it was one of them it's all you're getting and of course i gotta do this show gonna be here and perform to the best of my ability and i thought to myself why not not have two slices of deep dish meat why not not do that

that voice was not honored within me and now i have two slices of that dj in my stomach which i will blame if this goes badly that's how i playing that didn't go well fucking got a point and i've got an inner bloggers that reviews my show as it's in progress marriage started off kinda hard

making notice of the woman who won and you start talking about beat zipper no reason like he's got a whole day of there this is gonna go tonight grew he doesn't have a plan has already brought me and you more later i don't know i can get all i'm not gonna

complain about being all i'm starting to realize that like i'm 51 i'm a 51 year old man twice to force i have no children and i live with ducats and it's fucking amazing that's right winning i'm the winner three years to think like why can manage the relationship why can't i have a

marriage why don't have a normal life of any idea why can't i just be a regular person but now i'm starting to think like nothing i've done is your people it's my thing i i'm starting to realize that knowledge takes is one conversation with a friend of mine that went the other ways of the world in the kids everything of one conversation for me to

know them i'm okay i've ever had that conversation we don't know if the guys talking to you or trying to convince himself that he's made the right decisions with his wife it takes nothing to provoke these conversations like i could not have seen the guy in my three years i'd be like

hey man how you doing it's been awhile how the kids fucking hard right now man it's bad i can't handle this i want them out of the house but there are seven and four and that's going to be think i love milad they're great kids but i just think it's fucking awful it's a full we wanted them smart the other one seems to have the thing with his

hands he's okay wanting me and i want out but i love him i love more one sort of confusing for a message you didn't answer everything everything okay with your wife can't work in the eye and all can't even maintain eye contact with her most of the time i want her dead or i want to be dead it's just fucking

awful but i'm blessed that mean i'm really because she's a great woman we've been through a lot together but god damn it you know i get above i think if i had it blown like it's just gonna change my identity somehow but by this is my wife so that these kinda crazy but god i want out like wow that's sound great kind

still kinda confusing okay okay with money i've no money or am i gonna have money have a wife and two gets word is money come into that i think about faking my own death all the time just so they can have the insurance money and i can have my freedom you know when get a quote and not

kidding about the club finest my family in dinner with him but god i just wanna we are you doing mark i'm great this conversation has been great for me it's very helpful actually and i feel okay it's a little weird sometimes i'm lonely but i've got the cats but but you know i'm okay and then the guy always because i got really

appreciate you being my friend you know and and hear me out as i can't talk this stuff about a lot of people we have to a lot of people and i love you man michael i love you too man good luck with everything and i know that fucker goes home in the second he sees his wife says random errands still sad and alone seeing those damn cats ones that guy

gonna get it together right i told them how great we were doing baby judas yeah you know i got the cats is gonna get hard to sell the whole like you know 51-year old dude with two cats as being an endearing thing you know it's well it's a fine line between on yeah weird moments with my cat's i don't

i guess i guess chiaramonte mary's gonna struggle for a minute or two to figure out whether or not i'll share this information like it's a big secret see them do this three times i wonder what he's gonna do more later i one time i was on the bed with monkey and lafonda and this came out of my mouth out loud i said i guess

your thoughts now you guys says dad real moment though said this to monkey out loud the other day not long ago anyways is that it i said your kid knows buddy no dad you're old you don't think that affects cats you don't think that they register that kind

of thing but two days later monkey shit on my carpet while maintaining eye contact with me not that you do want to cast doing that just go like okay that's happening there i guess it is i'm doing it and that thought is about the comment i made it is right to say what you project and then he tried to bury his shit on

the carpet which i thought was spiteful and i did i did feel was personal but wasn't there just dumb cats they're just stupid animals i it's hard for cat owner to admit this kind of thing where they like he didn't it wasn't personally just had some sort of brain skid thought he was outside and shit on what he thought was grass and was the carpet we project

falcons shoot on the cats because where can people and i can just like you don't want to believe they're just dumb animals like not mine eyes genius like a mystical wizard who understands everything my cat is yes i think so what happens to me all the time i got to see monkey laying on the bed just looking at nothing nothing like i wonder

what he's thinking about probably egypt no like lying loser bug no okay have time and i used to think my my counts are fucked up i used to think that my cancer like crazy because there are wild when i found them and that always had that excuse in my head for why my cats for

skittish and weird but now starting it's me i'm starting to think it's me i'm the reason i get purchase cats like you've been with me now for what 10 minutes imagine if you were a cat i'm not the optimal owner of the cat my cats go through a horrible experience almost daily i mean it's not unusual for me to wake

up within five minutes go god damn what's happening today suma casting was just sleeping what what could be the problem already we're all just sleeping what's going on and they'll say like you guys want to eat or what why is it question what's going on oh no he's lying char i'm going under the game i'm going

under the bed it may become really friendly now with strangers which they never were and i really think it's they're trying to pick one out like a jump on stranger's lap i can barely get them on my lap they enter like please take us take this i don't know how we got this guy but it's exhausting

it's exhausting i don't like what number would be will say your cats are like your children no they're not not unless my children are severely mentally challenged cannot like children cats are not children they're never gonna surprise you with the word they're not gonna win a sports trophy ever

they're not there do you like a cat is what it is when you get it give or take a few movements and soil or faster but that's it maybe maybe with you have a certain kinda cat once or twice in a lifetime you'll say like how'd you get up there you know and then and then you get a new york

that was my child that'd be horrible that was the proudest moment like good 22 on downing refrigerators that's unbelievable he's gone up there by yourself at seven years old that's amazing we didn't think you were gonna do anything ever god forbid i become like that panic and

terror just like standing over monkey i say daddy stay come on say that's what he said i'll help anybody who witness that would say we get you outside man this sand too much time at the zoo here time to socialize my cats are willing to eat because i my anxious angry ish person okay someone's wife forget that already

that's all it took just my rationalization set up out here really angry those things that used to be i'm trying to get better trying to here's the thing never have an anger problem and that's not like there's people in here of anger problems i know you know who might be poor and i know you know who you are

when you admit you have named your problem that's not casual conversation that's not something that just comes up like know you have hanging from a little bit if you'd make that out loud it's a default and usually there's at least one crying person in the room yes it's a hail mary pass it's not a rejoicing moment it's like god i fucked

it all up better try to get this back together but the weird thing about having any problem is that the one thing we can admit when we have anger problems like we fucking love it we love yelling we love it right up until you're crying in two minutes into you cry without me and then we get scared that we fucked

things are permanently buddy it's in us we can admit that i'm not saying it's good behavior but what i'm saying is that an angry person can like i can never say like i'm not gonna have an outburst i can't it's not that's a lot it's gonna happen what i've agreed to do with myself and with others is can try and tighten up the space between

outburst an apology im just gonna try and bring those local closer together it's gotten pretty close this recently came out of my mouth shut the fuck up i am sorry it's very tight he was an effective apology i don't think that the apology landed because i think it was totally inappropriate

but my brain is working in the right direction and getting better i don't know what to tell you i just have the river of rage running through me at all times i mean it's just right there and as i get older i realize it's really up to me as to whether or not i'm gonna put the kayak in the water that's that's really what it comes down but

some days you just want to spend going and people you know ways are using the pole get away got the or and i don't you know it's like angers like it's it's satisfying in a way like sometimes we don't even talk to myself that's ridiculous talking yourself in public like this

that's why i believe you shouldn't judge people who talk to themselves in public is crazy too quickly i know it's fun to be like does the like they don't judge you don't be so quick to especially men bc man talking himself in public he probably not crazy probably just in a relationship and what

you're seeing is he's taking the fight to the street he's gonna win on his terms that that's what maybe man talking to himself when he's probably doing the right thing he probably just left a situation we said this shit i'm taking a fuckin walk and you just caught him in the middle of

this process is something along the lines like my current deserve this shit i'm leaving little depth what a fucking mistake that was he's actually on his way to apologize that's what you're saying he's making the loop he's gonna walk in and say sorry baby my fault apologize say it's okay i'm glad

you to the lock which is no after on the street we won that fight there's no gray area here we wanted yeah it was like like it's like it's like i feel good right now matching i'm not i'm not as angry and it's weird to perform being pleasant like i'm pretty open and my gonna saw something outside on the street we had a nice conversation

going these nice people are gonna see my job but like me yelling said but but it's ok but like i have to realize like i remember the moment where i knew that that had like being angry unique choice like there's a moment they were like you have to do that and then you just like it explained here's what happened i spent two behind the preferences for

addressing i can't seem to leave my house without forgetting at least three things i don't know if it's mine aids but i can't like i'll leave i'll get to the bottom of my hill on but fuck my pants and copies weird i didn't really not have my pants don't know i'm erin feels like he has to explain that

ok jizz have a ridiculous punchline that's abstract and ridiculous every night explains in a joke stupid more later so all right here we go so i spent about 20 minutes making a cup of coffee and you ready to ask yourself with that since long

seems like a long time his take to prepare cup of coffee what happened was i've gone to hipster coffee shot and i ordered once once i ordered the single source pour over cuz that's where they take a cone and put it over 1 cup of coffee with just enough grounds in the comb for that one cup and then trickle hot water over it because

it's the best way to have a cup of coffee once i did that now when you do that part of your brain is like this bullshit we work for you here for the other parties acknowledge the best way to have confidence a nice way to have it you can really taste the players like are you a fucking sucker

it's coffee what are we standing here watching this idiot trick water for and i'm like for coming not do this in front of the barista we're not doing it out loud yet so something resonated about the process because now i was doing it at home which is why to 20 minutes so i'm going home and i'm trickling water a new account

and that part of my brain is like are you fucking kidding we're doing this inholy we like yelling what do we got to lose life i'm excited yeah i maybe got the copy like this going to fuel my rage on the highway i'm gonna be jacked up and put in my travel cup and hit the road and got to the bottom of my hill and like

fuck yeah coffee god dammit coffees on the counter in the kitchen now in the moment she's just let it go but for no reason at all none i was like i'm backing up the fucking hell the quarter of a mile there's cars on both sides and no reason mikey now when i got to the front of my house and i

have not hit any cars my first song was your fucking any but the louder thought was nailed it i think there's an argument today you do that every morning i'm invigorating i'm gonna need coffee they did you get the neighbors of all you get to the bobtail door and everything comes out you waved and

smiled his jam it up the fucking help and that's my brain works i don't know what began about how it all better know why i'm like getting and i don't like i am do you think about them not why i'm like i am like why you while you're like you are you heard the everything about like when you're a little kid like what happened

to that kid right sir sad mama like there was a time work for some of us could just be like look at a rock and that was enough that was enough what happened to that kid he's in there still and still think he's in there right but you just crush them down but you just walking down the street is a

shut up no time for rocks now rocks not gonna fix it anymore like i sometimes like do you ever look at other people and like to see them as a kid i sometimes i have to do that just so i don't hate them dearly like when you have that moment we just like fucking hate that guy and then you picture me as a kid like use that kid

this is everything is worried about me like contempt and an empathy are very close together look like they are things that used to be angry about now i'm really not angry but anymore but my brain doesn't know that you know it's like phantom limb anger you know it's just my heart's not into it but my brain

you'll still do that like a 51-year old minion that i i never have to have this fuck that beard yeah i don't like this why would a fucking him that hard what's that guy's beard isn't doing anything that bother you but like my brain is like there's no integrity in that beard that's not a real beard is a coffee shop here that kind of

that beard in the wild with off-the-grid shit out of house and things the jews run the government that beard that guy did not earn that appears is a victim of the mumford in of america so my brain has to roll through all that to like let it glow it's just like it's just it's got better at to this is a sign of progress you know like i was

walking down the street you know it's him near my house probably talking to myself and i and i look up and i just see this dude walking towards me i need to know what i mean what what what what it was but i is one that guy like immediately fuck that guy only two seconds away to my brain would die sad

and i think when they're that close together we can go and content today and that's a time of progress i think that's a sign of progress thank you very much the rooms where is up these out the stores never goes because of on impulse engines makes way back the store

was i talking about child it's where we fixing your brain from childhood i think there's a couple of things i remember like one thing happened and like to see that and know where i am i went to trader joes and let's not get excited about your show so let's get over the excitement about trader joes it's not that great

i know we're all excited at first like you have a traitor just yeah we just got one and not like you're over right you just you go there you get the three things you get there all traders just it was add another stop that's all really did mega the regular supermarket will get the three things the trader jobs

mulleted produce is never good to the point where you're like what the fuck is wrong with this yeah i got i don't want to talk about changes with the point she gets to a point for you and someone's gotta be evil here there's gotta be evil a traitor just i don't know what it is but i think we're all

gonna find out all at once eventual the point b upon the bunch of bags and trail mix the rock to the wrong eggs doesn't matter what time does matter to detail marriages go with the joke more away childhood soon so i dumped a bag the trail mix into my face and there's like

a bad nothing there i get students are bitter it was bad it was bad but it was too late just so i swallowed this bigger bad know at the moment of panic and then that song from childhood popped into my head found happy that i found opinion that bound to be and then officer mike oh i think that guy dies in that song

like i'm freaking out i can breathe or he dies in that song so i use a computer i'm like i got tagged lyrics found tina it's not google what to do if you bad lyrics found the penis damn right he does die i have to ride this

thank you i'm not become remember correctly there's no the last verse he goes to heaven and gets a better than others and it's right away from me on kevin thing just like i don't know what's gonna happen for me in this made through and made true was touching go thank god for that song to that have come for me in a way transcended that

element of childhood we rambling about keep the metal voice is just one please more so the other memory from charge that was very important is that when i was a kid i grew up in albuquerque new mexico and that we had a local children's show host and albuquerque and captain billy and we like to captain billy when we often we

watched marine our cereal like me and my brother was my cocoa pebbles and using fruity pebbles which is bullshit never got it just never got the free surface why i still resent a little bit now even for putting me through watching me through the colors isn't this is making or vocals you're working to shop around

you're gonna get chocolate know what do you get with fritos like this game milk is just merrifield we're not using the word getting in that context but he rationalizes it by thinking they're pretty bubbles that many colors giving it a rainbow team which politically gives it a pride element this is stretch

but that's what that's how man makes that junk ok more later but captain crunch kids what the fuck was wrong with their mouths people that kitty captain crunch and then this year i had it once doing what they just ripped my mouth like all those captain crunch is just became like a psychopath or football

circus performers i don't know i could hear about these kids i like syria's know you and really start pushing back down it's gonna be a long sad life for tell me get a fun cereal that can afford and gator on syria and i like seriously don't push back now you can vary materially pussy your entire life and oracle's just

middle management to you and your cheering so anyways captain billy this getting through the balcony are you anything structures just happened in my head and want to check in with you so i'm doing it good down here but somehow in my mind my balcony's out with just made the

decision based on nothing i think i look at one person up there and just see that like a big head and this is what it look like but like a jacket all the time like i don't know what people are thinking about why he submits about me i'm all kind of like the labor what kind of day granted that guy could be like hit that

body well mary thinks he knows experience but i just buried somewhere it's me the only one he did here and there anyways the captain billy so here's what happens we used to watch captain billy were captain had a big mustache captain's blazer yet puppets

and your show cartoons and he keeps things we love to move up captain building at that point my life i guess it was about seven my father was a doctor unclear what he does now word touch but i'm impressed and information is it doesn't go any place good but he was a doctor in one day he

came home from the hospital for dinner which was rare and he said the dinner table and just added no worries sense someone shot captain billy today is it down please in critical condition around my brain around i'm like i'm going to what why why captain billy dan why my father never be appropriate in his life to this day look

status seven-year-old son in the eyes and goes some guy got him screwing his wife and in retrospect that is the most important lesson i learned from captain bill still the commandant for a reason the attica manele to the other one murder you think

about how fucked up the world must have been when they wrote the commandments like out of control shit was for a group of guys to come up with those fucking rules it was a group of people it was not god didn't say that anyone i don't want to hurt anyone's ok grown-ups just picture like five guys like locked

into a barn just panic they're like we're gonna make your fucking rules crazy their shot my brother give his hairs no reason skills on the street because we all have guns killed a guy fucking a dog on the street impossible to run a business environment education rules i would get them to

listen to the rules 12 god they're morons nerdy little uncomfortable that is going in the religious type material that's not what he does right now but i think they can handle it more later and i can only read until you know i mean hang your hope so what are you gonna pay your host jon it's

like life after a certain point like whatever meaning you're looking for you'll realize one day like shit i think i'm doing is buffering disappointment mark just crashed it just fucking everything was good fine for out some amateur stencil government the brains of his adoring fans so they down everything is the best part of

marion related i time you got my coverage you whatever that means we will never lose me that makes you culturally image us brought it but you did the thing manuel money yeah and you might want to get some language you don't understand you even understand that when you want to read

it's not real message he grew up like little class conservative to you don't get real lessons and you have some point when your kid your gc your mom mom to choose have a god there any your mom goes just eat remember we're better than other people that's it thanks as that's american judaism

now there's gonna be in this special ok my neighborhood is let's just do let's get through it i don't know about religion i'm very sophisticated with that stuff i just don't was not given out on the goddamn place tonight doesn't seem to concern me like i'll

just deal with with my weird discomfort existentially with you know with food and masturbating and you know movies keep feeding the whole i don't know why being american is all the house i gotta give in north carolina in raleigh north carolina book a gig on easter weekend and i think i need to know is easter weekend

alright so i booked the gate they're sending an erotic godless a greet you to the american south unarguably the most jesus weekend and i didn't know anything about like i don't know anything about i don't know jesus isn't he was a man like i know he had a beard i know he took the hit for everybody i

get the concept get the concept of the jesus religion how do you think you gotta get in that your dog is sick but you know what a man pathetic person i gotta figure that out word empathy like i always had it but i had a really engaging i didn't know what the word empathy meant for a long time

and i didn't really experience and very effectively during that time but now what kind of know what it means i think like for me the working definition of empathy is being able to put yourself in the place is a person you're yelling it like that that's the primer from gonna tell right learn it so i'm going to the south and

i'm starting to feel like empathy for the people that are going to be in my audience that that it's an important weekend for that that have jesus in their heart and and then might still believe i don't want to be rude to them and i would christians are like the i grew up with it but he's not got any mark so it's like he's just out just out

of your heart just goes please close by right i get in a pinch he's back right like jesus just he's down the drugstore having a coke right picture jesus the counter drug store i cause she thinks he has on his dick i got it yeah i don't know what that is either once you go to a doctor over works out

of candy shit he's on airplane what what do you want it's gonna crash you can carry it is scary ok ok so my first gig is this coming friday and i don't know anything about it genuinely do not know what it is

so my hotel room in north carolina and i google jesus my real open again and then taking a good friday wiki and i read a little bit and what i wasn't very quickly is that that was not a good day from jesus and all really arguably the worst day of his life and i don't know those you were hanging

on the ropes that will come back maybe one of the reasons he's not as the cold hard literal irony of calling that day by that name maybe should rally little grassroots momentum towards supposed to change the fucking name is something more on is like the worst fucking day jesus his life

the baby's be like alright that was a nice gesture i'll go down and see if i can salvage some of those morons by morons i mean anyone in here are you getting mad already getting of sense ok ok ok i just projected a personality under so

anyways some reading the story good friday and i have to relate to it in a personal way because that's how i read things i'm not saying that i'm jesus like they have any aspirations to be a jesus i mean i think i have the charisma charm to be a co-leader my vision quite as well activision

my partly i can bring people together i can get people into the room but you guys had those kind of expectations i believe you disappointed if you even going like i wasn't up listen at all i think that guy's got his message together is it would get sad eventually of you don't be like sorry i guess i'm

just gonna get sonny exile towel with your new years from now hello jean something like what mirrored meant by a hotel are we guess we are are we it fell on deaf ears when mary was preaching his gospel but now he's more understood sadly i was the last night anyone saw him in chicago

rumor has it he entered the water tried to catch fish underneath the water marion's roofing about jesus for no reason got completely offering now more later so okay let's stay in it so i'm going to turn around design and make sure i got this in the can good friday we see if i can get it right

jesus is in trouble standing before pilate pilots right all this guy yeah i deal with this going to choose my hair i deal with you jesus goes the hair on in my mind arrogance i going to do with this gun troublemaker this one some christian came up to me after she said you know sarah wasn't meet you mike

don't buzz kill with truth so the arrogance go back to pilate on deal with this and then jesus goes back to pilot the pilots my fly you back i want anything to do with this let the crowd what to do what you're doing jesus the crowd goes kill as a story right so jesus done because machine ground

i've had that experience i can just come back and try again jesus really died right adults he died and came back from the dead right grown-up people came back from the dead that's it right and again and you can help you with them right now that's impossible no it's jesus i just want to postulate

this idea is it possible that like a few of the apostles like he's carrying around work we get it where's your body was the party can i think we can hoist it up which is kept behind the shell right here looking with age of crying and bright green we did it throw back down here said

reasonable question the culturally living today do you think jesus was a fast zombies your ass was on live why i had to do that people that jesus in their mind i just i just so late your pristine image of jesus like you have going now you have to indulge it whenever he came back like that

we will be so freaked out there that's great no it's not it's not when you talk about we've been way he's eating children which is eating shoji eating everybody this is eating people it's our ball wow this is not what we expected i know right one of what are you going to do

i'm getting follow jesus i've been waiting i don't see why they should scare away all the fuck he's coming let's just run for now alright merryn it's not about jesus anymore now i don't love kale i got a moderate do you love it and you white winded happening

when did you kill thing happen cultural in the cultural conversation about guilty i went to my whole life never had one conversation about kale now one out of three involved somehow whose recent maybe three years ago the first video came up to me and said eat kale like no i'm not then you're dying you're dying

we need to eat kale juice shooters something get it in i don't make though doing longer me now you're weird now it's just a weird thing you're doing i maybe had one conversation about killing was a little kid when my family went to an all-you-can-eat restaurant i was getting food my dad i've had think i said 'dad water on these green leaves on

the ice to run the food we're getting and my dad i'm paraphrasing so that scale they grow it for garbage when you kill me the jump from they garnish to life essential when did that happen around the same time that people started putting bacon and everything i can track those same time have to kill

conversation the first one was around the same time the first guy came up to me sit your red baking cupcakes like no big it's not for cup case it is now man sweet say we get onboard grown about three years ago kalin baking replace good and evil on our culture just have to find someplace detroit them

to be the moral life let's be honest there's only two ways to prepare kale that i have found you can either prepare it sadly or self-righteously those are the only ways this is sadly this is bullshit man my and mrs. self-righteous sorry mmm yes i eating healthy monkeys gary

let's talk about love i guess you are you doing down there what's up you have to take a picture without me i like is your drunkie you two shelby why don't know that like i want to stop the entire momentum at the show soldier drunken desire to take a picture of me

you got the cocktails and somehow or another you've decided this is just about me that's not the whole night ok ok here i have an idea don't ruin the rest of the day okay yeah i've been through some relationships lightly something you're up to speed on some of that stuff some

bad ones there's been some bad once like i was with a woman for a few years or three and a half years almost married and i realized i don't think she likes me and all ever that's the word mommy ever had that already wake up and you're with them for three and a half years like you never liked me at all have you and then you

have to ask yourself why the hell did i let that happen and for me it was like that was the best three years of my life every other way career picked up i was making a living again i wasn't hating on myself and all but some part of my brain was like we can outsource their job bring are going to do it be fine and that was an 8-3 relationship man that's

why can't do that anymore i can't do the angry like i'm so much better i'm so much better you know when you're angry person and find another angry person ages yell and fuck and cry and you think that's intimacy the crying part this is crazy it's crazy and it's embarrassing

like it's hard to get out of that because there's no sex better than the sex had on a pile of clothing taken out of chores to leave you with i mean sex so much depends on that you give you a show up for work that day no sloppy apologizing in the middle of that one you don't want to end with sorry and

then you need right baby what do you say we put these clothes away but it's embarrassing to be in a yelling relationship because like like you have neighbors like in this like he gets shamed yourself you're screaming at each other and then one day realize like they've got to be hearing everything

like you like to see my neighbor put his garbage on that fight the years should not say i'm not it they're not just the most views were both doing killing nearly 60 says dr you hear that why you looking at me where jim even live here you my fucking aber nicotine yeah most mary's out

then there was the age appropriate one who i thought was in love with and that was rough that was crazy she started the relationship by saying this to me i will not tolerate yelling and i will not tolerate leaving so what do i do but most of those would be the right thing to do

crying was the answers crying was ok scored how futures online that's right underneath the angry just as sad with a boy with a rock the non cares about it'sit's resource under there and your anger like you ever yelling at a woman in your man 95 hours and the time all you should be saying is why can't you be

my mommy you know my mommy i know men and they're like thanks for giving giving him a tool-mark help us which team are you on brother missing is true crime by little bit of mine cummings good for you but i will say this the two most embarrassing things you can become doing as a man or maybe you just say as this man

are either crying uncontrollably his weeping uncontrollably or experiencing profound joy let's try a little straight it was for you physically by either this goes or this and if you think that you have profound joy in your life you're not doing that your temporary and probably for good

reason who would tolerate them for more than once write down her down not attracted to so that really down market and want this relationship which was very very beneficial to mike's here for a while the longest thing is weird you can

actually make it work because the technology you can have around this situation with some sense of intimacy because again skype you can be you can talk in real time to a person and watching got to you in real time on your screen and you can say things like romantic things like move closer your heads actual size

weird right you have skype sex which is a cute way of saying you're masturbating to each other masturbating in real time while you watch each other masturbating that's cool i know everyone's done it for you will do it it's only the first time that's weird

the first time making your i guess we're doing this we doing it you're doing it by the second time you're like a setup i get set up i got with it was now this guy back and find it yet there's only one rule for skype sex really it's just the only advice i can give use stay focused on what's just stay focused don't let your eyes

drift to the little box in the left-hand corner which is staying this try to avoid that bomber like lucy said macerating the eye that's me the only way to keep that box open positioning my in the universal sign for jerking off that

doesn't mean anything anywhere else there's no culture where this means ripping your day god there was one but they didn't survive we're so proud that stupid joke it's weird though like i don't know where the gender conversation or debate is at any given day you know i know there's constant two issues and

struggles to understand that but i do know that one slow woman came up to me after the show after i done that and she said angrily you know women masturbate and i'm like oh i didn't know i had to cover but what do you want me to do like so now i gotta be like word you remember the first time you saw a woman masturbating in front of you and

the first time he has a wow that thing can take a beating i thought that was a fragile flower but like you're digging for something oh my you want me to touch you like now i realize oh my god we gotta ease into that i can't even look at you the same way right now no i'd see i don't talk about sex so

much because they like you for some reason like we decided to start i have to talk about it a little bit i've been talking about more weight on stage she's like it's like it's this is weird job like but there's we're doing is really like dance time and no pants and i'm like you know nothing it's time like we all do that we all were all were

filthy animals yeah it's amazing language was here to work not gonna work right casting anyone that kinda i think it was weird like mom is here this guy because i don't i'm not really know why i do but i had created a life like that woman who like almost had a baby with the one who i was gonna marry like she

really wanted a baby all right i'm gonna try to walk over here and she really wanted to be and i hadn't really want one right and they impacted gagging use protection or anything because i'm like this is really guys so i'm a child when it comes to protection what did you do anything i'm that guy so that 51 not proud not proud

alright people right what about diseases well you know you speculate anyways i'm sharing this for reasons that i don't know but i'm going to like sheet need to find out if anyone's ever felt like she wanted a baby so bad and i don't want one but she did badly so like if i if i came anywhere within a foot of her vagina i started had keep an eye on

come these are y'all getting dinner kleenex but that stays out days on the tummy doesn't go in right you want to finger baby going to be part of it that's where you're going to draw the line that that to most tv was like cutting off we need to know that is that

where that seeing that like them like for all people here right everyone in here everyone has had come on them every one of you come on you every woman in here as said can you get something please yes it is a lot but you just get it just get me get a towel not that towel

get shitty town every man here surprised themselves servation session he think was gonna shit fuck ok everyone has had come on where we come from it's one with bonds is it is and we also get some fighting like you know when you'd like to do something

sexually like one night you would be your partner i can always get did that we are dirty and then he just got to come to work next thing is that like like a person and now i get filthy monster the only thing that keeps society like together is dancing shade that's the only alright but what's close

with something big ice cream you go fuck itself i know something you're like understand i crazy fun it's got great what we probably the problem because it's fucking horrible because i can i gotten by the issue with ice cream for me i screams for children to enjoy and for me feel ashamed right this is just the way

i breathe i i'm a drug addict i haven't done anything like 16 years like doesn't make me a good my point is if i eat a little ice cream it's not i don't know how long it's going to go on before you go on fucking weeks daily struggle with ice cream it's pathetic but it's real because ice cream

it's the perfect drug you can work both ways like it like this show scott while i could like i can end this show carly device account will keep this party going google ice cream's like keep rocking or let's say that went badly and i was like why do i even do comedy i don't want to live anymore is my

scream were called waste beautiful drug we struggle for me because i compulsive without me to walk you through it you have more sympathy for this this drug ok let's do it you don't know what i'm doing that's it's like is where i could you imagine if if you have ocd

like as a comic and you have like three things to work with i guess sounds a short performance piece called ocd gun so you didn't happen ice cream mr. this is destructive let's say just did actually let's say i just had a good stead at the comic store in hollywood and i drive home i get home

1145 at night i walked into my house and i think thats good day a good set i just gonna get some sleep like a grown-up gonna go to bed now in part of my brain will get caught dad fucking ice cream time was good let's get to my 30 my notes later there's no reason that you ice cream at this hour

yeah we're adults i don't think we need to do that fuck you and all whole let's get some ice cream now i tried to do this one know the store closes its close we're never gonna make you can make it man you can make it right now alright it's open for 10 more minutes and i'm like i don't really think we

should shut up go get it like alright alright today i'm driving going to get ice cream do any of that thanks singleness of purpose recall is gonna be good like nothing i screams always going to deliver there's nothing in life that is that steady where you're like many kidding it's gonna go in my mouth

good-looking so i'm driving i get to the store and i can see they're trying to close i have to fight the urge do not say this out loud i'm getting ice cream so then you guys grammel to the ice cream freezer and liking you just stand before you haven't been there in a few weeks

and the next wow ben & jerry's system shit 19 flavors why don't they just make the flavors it's called his way to my shit this ice cream yeah like that where you figured out this right-hander goldfish well i guess they know what they're doing bacon of course

anysex we're trying in my mind i'm gonna get one pint i screaming incidents gonna last me a couple of days we think that every time i do it i always see this is what happens i get a complicated flavor maybe a new one maybe it'll stand by my peanut butter cup perhaps i'll get complicated flavor

right this year which is spread this out a couple of days i'll walk three steps i'm doing shit eating vanilla to cut it with you but this this string god you know i guess step back now looking into bite-sized you might want any ice cream and i got two points and going home thinking i'm going to be responsible with the ice cream now is

what happens when we get home i get inside my house and got this first balls can be a grown-up for ice cream sierra fucked up because i like seeing the first boss my only goal it's gonna be a growing the lice so then i'll thought the stuff out take a few minutes thought out now take the time saw get bowl spoon to put about a third

of the complicated flavor and a couple hits the cut and put the words on put it back in the freezer and then go sit down on my couch and growing up the old ice cream with spoon in a bowl so i just sit there watching tv so good you can put the bows down the whole ball like that and now going

in the kitchen i'll put the ball in the same time with the spoon the sink just sit on the couch marshall more tv 23 seconds my dog take the bikes and the freezer and among the counter pop the lid up nobu necessary complicated player and then like i eat

some of the vanilla throw the goods on thrown back in the freezer is down and then walk my kids are going on now just sit on my couch for flight second semi know now just eating over the freezer like someone's getting a capturing all the complicated layer is only like four tablespoons when you've got a pint of

the vanilla cut in my mind me ice cream ever been to some one-time thing you have to go into their freezer for some reason you see ice cream in there that looks like it's been in there for like months and there's party that's right fucking people free in there what kind of control 31

i thought i news i gonna get outta here before they try to control me free alright so now consumed well over a pint of ice cream and i feel gross i just said the shame engine that's what my body is a shame engine that runs on specific foods and i got it i got a phantom fat issue which i know is not a

sympathetic position i'm an idiot that always thinks he's been so like i feel it in my my heart even though i know it's not thereby just morpheus my mom's fault try to have a little compassion so now i'm just like what did i do more flies cream it's gross and like in my mind about going on to didn't like it

ok so just go to bed and now i'm giving a bit no i don't know where to put my hands and tab which is why in there i want to fuck hi screams bullshit warning now i can't fucking sleep am i gonna do now some boys goes you know what you're gonna do now

there is a sad we masturbate that's what you do that's like the worst kind of masturbation when you don't want to do it you just doing it because you don't feel getting your way he likely to commit to it and when you come you actually go shit ok ok don't leave me monkey daddy

the effective do it down as night and like this like way they're really 40 seconds like let's do some ice cream you're gonna go hit the

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