Wednesday, July 13, 2016

muppets balcony

(choir singing in latin) reverend: do you, angela nardino, take dean cumanno as your lawfully wedded husband, to love, honor, and obey till death do you part? i do. ♪ out of the tree of life i just picked me a plum ♪ you came along and everything started to hum... dean: you happy, baby? i am so happy. it's beautiful, dean.

it's everything i ever wanted. yeah? like the song says, "the best is yet to come." the honeymoon. (laughs) oh... you got a little bit of cake right... (chuckles)

i think we've put inenough of an appearancehere, don't you? come on, let's go. i believe it's tradition for the best man to dance with the beautiful bride. piss off, leo. dean. you can't be rude to your friends. i'd love to dance with you. ♪ the best is yet to come come the day you're mine ♪ ♪ come fly with me let's fly let's fly away ♪ just say the words and we'll beat the birds

♪ down to acapulco bay ♪ it's perfect for a flying honeymoon ♪ they say ♪ come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away ♪ congratulations, man. she's great. i love your friends. that's the busboy, honey. wow. you even got me great busboys.

singer: now let's have one more dance with the bride and groom. (microphone shuts off) oh! (chuckles) are you still nervous? no. and, dean, thank you for respecting my religious beliefs. i'm reallyready now. thank you, god!

i'm ready to dothings to you that no woman has ever done before. how about a... (whispers) (laughs) (dean panting heavily) dean: yeah? yeah? (buzzes)

(rattles doorknob) (dean laughs loudly) aah! (chuckling) (sighs) (soft music plays) here it is. oh, it's so... tasteful.

uh-uh-uh. ♪ quiet nights, oh, quiet stars ahh. ♪ quiet chords from your guitar ♪ are floating on the silence that surrounds us ♪ quiet thoughts and quiet dreams (moans) ♪ quiet walks by quiet streams ♪ and the window that looks out on the mountains and the sea

♪ ooh, how lovely ♪ this is where i want to be ♪ here with you, so close to me... ♪ (buttons clatter on floor) (fly unzipping) oh, my god. that's how much i love you, baby. you must love me a lot.

(moans) (softly) take me, dean. (groans) don't tease me. i'm not. oh. not a big fan of this material. (grunts) oh.

(both laughing) (sighs deeply) (snores) (continues snoring) angela? (snores) oh! no. don't do this to me, angela. ♪ ...believing life was only

♪ a bitter tragic joke ♪ the meaning of existence, oh, my love ♪ (groans) welcome back. what happened? not a whole hell of a lot. oh, my god.are you kidding me? on our wedding night? oh, i am a bad wife.

no. no, no, no, no. i do got some frostbite in some very weird places. oh! you've got your whole life to make it up to me. and i'm gonna start right now. yeah? okay. oh...

oh! oh, my god, i'm gonna be sick! (angela retching) just give mea minute, baby.i'll be right back. no, no, no. there's no rush. no rush. look, i got to stopby the office before we leave for barbados anyway. that'll give you some time to freshen up. (toilet flushes)

angela: let me give youa quick kiss good-bye. no! no, no, no!that's okay, that's okay. (stutters) i'm late. i'll see you in an hour, maybe two. man: here. put it over here, on the rack. hey! what the... nice security. sorry, boss. i... i went to bed late last night. but nothing compared to you, huh?

yeah. is themercedes ready? yeah, yeah,just about. we switched the vin, and wendy's makin'the pink slip for youto sign up there. all right. that's a great wedding present, boss. angela's gonna go nuts for it, huh? maybe not as nuts as she went last night, huh? huh?

hey, boss, was she worth the wait? come on. hey, hey, hey! we're talking about my wife here. a man's wedding night is his own private, sacred business. it's not to entertain lowlife scum like youse guys. angela's gotta be an animal. hey, he's even walkin' funny, huh? leo: hey, back to work,all right. the breakis over, guys. come on.

oh! congratulations, mr. c. i heard the weddingwas awesome. i'm almost through with the docs on the mercedes. oh. thanks, wendy. oh, boy. you need to sign here and i think... here. is it hard? what?

getting married. i mean, i haven't been here that long, but i've already heard tons of stories about you and women. yeah, well... those days are all over, wendy. forever. thank you. mmm-hmm. ah, damn it. here. let me help you.

(grunting) mr. cumanno! i'm sorry. (stuttering) i'm so sorry, wendy. i'm so sorry. i'm just nuts today. i can't, i can't, i can't. i can't. i'm married, wendy. i'm married. i can't. you're right. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. screw it. oh, yeah. oh, yeah.

okay, okay. (fly unzips) thanks. is that frostbite? i'm fine. it's fine. (knock on door) piss off! i'm workin' here! angela: baby, it's me. shit. get out. take the back stairs.

i can't. my hair is stuck. what? dean. honey. (wendy groans) ahh! ha. hi. i was feelingso much better, i couldn't wait to pick up where we left off. oh, that's great. that's great. you know what?

i'm just gonna finish up here. i'll meet you outside in a sex... a sec. i love you. oh... i love you, too. you look pretty. come on. come on. ow!

get out. not so fast. you are not welcome down there. get up. i'm trying. i can't believe that mercedes... honey, honey, this isn't what it looks like. i... i swear her hair got stuck in my zipper. (stutters) i wasn't gettin' nothin'.

seventeen hours we have been married. seventeen hours! the happiest 17 hours of my life. you just lost the best thing you'd ever had. (ring clinks) angela, wait! ow! she seems... nice.

woman: my client has agreed, against my advice, to settle for a one-time cash payment. $300,000. for one day? one horribly traumatic day. in which my client suffered irreparable psychological damage to her self-esteem. oh, and she keeps the mercedes. what? bullshit.

well, we could drag this before a judge, if you think that would be more favorable. that would put your client's business under scrutiny. what was it again, mr. cumanno? random repossessions? give her what she wants. i can't believe you wore the gray dress. i distinctly said the blue. it worked, didn't it?

you were lucky. i was good. angela: excuse me. i wonder if i could ask your help for a moment. i'm trying to find route 40. route 40? well, you're on it. that's it. where is it? there. see that black thing with the lines on it, the cars going?

i'm so embarrassed.i'm so sorry. i didn't know where it was. thank you so much. my pleasure. sorry to trouble you. it's okay. forget it. you're not gonna kill yourself and stink up my new car. our new car.

hey! mom. i only do these things because i love you, page. how was the wedding? beautiful. like all my weddings. have you any idea what that meat is doing to your arteries? haven't you heard? cigarettes dissolve cholesterol. no cards, page.

this isa classy place. it relaxes me. so? how did we do? not too bad. how not too bad? about 80. plus the car. that's it? for that i lived four months in a crap hotel without cable?

ugh, i'm so sick of this small-time bullshit. plus, i had to kiss that greasy mook. dean wasn't so bad. anyway, we'll make more in the next one. i'm thinking seattle. maybe san francisco. mom, remember our deal? okay, there is no next one. this is it. i'm going solo.

oh, here we go. it's happening, mom. accept it, embrace it, okay? i am old enough to be on my own. you have no idea what it's like to be all alone. i'll tell you exactly what's gonna happen. you'll go off. you'll get lonely. some moron hunk will come along. you'll thinkit's true love. you've never been so sure of anything in your life.

and then, bam. he will pull a conceive and leave, and then it's my life all over again. mom, i'm not that stupid. you know what i mean. well, you're right.i was stupid. and it left me pregnant and alone. if barbara hadn't taken me in and shown me the con... and you taught me.okay? i'll be fine.

okay. fine. if you've made up your mind, we will go to new york and divide up everything. i'll get the check. (glass breaks) (gasps) oh, my lord! ew. what seems to be the problem, madam? well, i was just about to take a bite, and i saw glass. look.

i am so sorry, ma'am. this has never happened. of course your mealis, uh, complimentary. armando, a bottle of wine, quickly. perhapsa '69 merlot? those shoes are so wrong for this. thanks. i don't understand the problem, philip. we deposit our money,and you give it backwhen we say so. i'm afraid it's notthat simple, miss conners.

hello.i'm gloria vogal. irs. hello. oh, i see you've heard of us. i'm surprised, because we so seldom hear from you. well, i suppose i might be a little late with this year's return. maybe even the last seven. mother, i'm stunned. i had no idea you would evade your responsibilities as a u.s citizen.

shut up, miss conners. we've never seen a dime from you, either. look, i know what must have happened. you see, i always assumed that my returns were filed by my husband. which one? look, just because i've had some trouble with my personal relationships... miss conners, how you earn your money is of no interest to the irs. now, how can i put thisin languageyou'll understand? we just want our cut.

how much? with interest and penalties, the total comes to $247,811. what? (sighs) oh, no, no, no, no, no. (chuckles) i'm afraid that amount is in addition to what used to be in your accounts. your latest divorce settlement arrived this morning. thanks.

but that's everything. it's not all bad. we give you a full 90 days to pay. or we move forward with criminal charges for felony tax evasion and fraud. (softly) good luck. angela: here's the last of our cash. 1,150, 1,170,

1,190. that's $1,300 each. wow. have a nice life with that, princess. i'll economize. sure. you can do your own hair, your own nails. they actually have some great shoes at wal-mart. (grunts) all right. one more con, but only if we do it right.

what does that mean? it means no more small-time crap. it has to be big. one big final score to pay off the irs. and set me up on my own. what are we talking about? palm beach. palm beach? people that richare already's too hard to play. palm beach or nothing.

(roars) (quacks) ♪ when they beat ♪ upon a broken guitar ♪ and on the streets ♪ they reek of tropical charms ♪ the embassies ♪ lie in hideous shards ♪ where tourists snore and decay

♪ when they dance ♪ in a reptile blaze ♪ you wear a mask ♪ an equatorial haze ♪ into the past ♪ a colonial maze... ♪ too expensive.let's findsomething else. i am home. now, what's the best way to get a room?

i was thinking the trogdon triangle. right. but where are we going to find a trumpet and a talking parrot? i was thinking of something simple, traditional. the flopper diver. no way am i... oh, my god. she's cracked her head open. angela: oh, darling! oh, careful! you may be paralyzed.

call a doctor. but i'm... i'm sure she'll be fine. i think i'm... (screams) (birds twittering) (waves crashing) (sighs) just, uh, please let me know if there's anything else we can do.

well, you might consider investing in a mop. once again, i apologize. now, since we seem to have lost your reservation, we can only let you have this suite for one night. (screams) uh, then i'm sure we can work something out. could everyone please just let her rest now? yeah. hey! (door closing)

don't you ever flop me without my consent. oh! it had to look real, sweetheart. you fall lousy when you know it's coming. i fall fine! (thuds) fake. oh, shut up! hey! oh, no!don't do that! (giggling)

cheat! no, stop! hey, boss, just got three camrys in, cherry. parts will bring 100 thou easy. great. and the change of titlecame throughon the mercedes. you have to sign. (crashing) that bitch.

you know, this is, like, the eighth frame we've gone through in a week. maybe it's timeto retire this picture. why the hell can't i stop thinkin' about her? was it the legs? she had amazing legs. give me that! or maybe it was that she dumped you. 'cause that's neverhappened before. yeah.

who the hell does she think she is? she thinks she can do this to me and just walk out? well, she's wrong! i'm gonna find her. and then? then i'm gonna take care of it. page: dr. arnold davis. made huge money when an old uncle died, 45, pretty good shape.

who's the old bag? his mom. she lives with him. forget it. he's taken. mama's boy. we can get around her. pass. mothers are death. can't argue that. ♪ you wouldn't know what to say to yourself ♪ love is a poverty you couldn't sell

♪ misery waits in vague hotels ♪ to be evicted ♪ you're out of luck ♪ you're singin' funeral songs to the studs... angela: david d. cummings, 760 million. e-commerce stuff. just ended marriage number three. downside? very big on ironclad prenups,

and as you can see, massive competition. we could handle him. we'd have to be into a group kind of thing. menage a trois? try menage a cinq. ew. pass. ♪ they're anabolic and bronze ♪ they seem to strut ♪ in their millennial fogs

♪ till they fall down and deflate ♪ love is a poverty... ♪ page: wow. william b. tensy. ceo of tensy tobacco. old money, but also just plain old. (coughing) (hollering) three billion with a few million more every day.

hmm... not "hmm." i am not dating the walking dead. page, the olderthe better. with luck, they die right after the wedding, and then you're talking widow money. (coughing hoarsely) (wheezing) i'd have to kiss that?

well, i'd have to kissthat way more than you. well, maybe you're into necrophilia. (coughing) we'd betterwork fast. why for once can't we pick someone who's just a little bit cute? dean was kind of cute. you're in serious denial. cute is dangerous. cute leads to feeling, which leads to screwing,

which leads to screwed. i know that we canmake that doctorand his mom work for us. page, we're goingwith tensy,and that's that. that is not that. look, if you want to go with tensy, go with tensy. okay? i'm working davis. page, i've told you before,no simultaneous cons. too many angles. they always go bad. yeah, but it's not just that, is it?

you don't think i can be the primary, do you? i didn't say that. although it does take an enormous amount of skill. i can make men do anything. boys. you can make boys do anything. gas station attendants,bartenders, the occasionalmigrant worker. a one-shot seduction is child's play compared to getting someone to marry you in three months. four months.

well, it took you four months this time. you used to be ableto do it in three. what are you saying? that i'm losing it? i'm getting too old? i didn't say that. i'm in terrific shape. feel my butt. ugh. i am not feeling your butt again, mother. okay? we all know it's wonderful. i'll tell you what.

we'll play for it. winner picks the mark. great. we'll cut cards. right. i'm gonna trust your cards? see that guy over thereat the bar? first one to get him to buy her a drink wins. deal. hi.

hot. yeah, sure is. let me get that for you. oh, my! would you? sure. oh, you're so kind. i'm betty. hi. my name's...

excuse me. may i grab your nuts? (peanuts clatter) mmm. salty. you okay? can i get you a drink? we go with tensy. stupid jerk!

(coughing) he doesn't look so bad in this light. yeah, his liver spotsare positively glowing. all right, let's run through it one more time. i know what to do. got a light? your trash is on fire. holy shit!

set. good. now stay by the phone. timing on this is crucial. duh! always treating me like a child. child! (soft classical music playing) excuse me, sir. but smoking is not permitted.

oh, i'm terribly sorry. nazi. (people talking indistinctly) oh! pardon me. is no crime. okay, dr. davis, let's see where you're going tonight. (horn honking) good start, page.

crap. (telephone ringing) davis residence. yeah, arnold davis,please. i'm sorry, he's just left. oh, no. this is... (makes static noise) he left me a message. (mimics static)

i'm supposed to meet him tonight... (static noise) i can't read my maid's handwriting... who is this? this is... (mimics static) stupid cell phone. (static noise) mrs. whiler?

right. right.this is mrs. whiler. i believe he said the glades. right. and that's on? i think it's on the far end of ocean. great. cutting out. thank... (tires squealing) (soft music playing) ♪ now that i've found you i won't let you go ♪ i'll build my world around you

♪ i need you so ♪ baby, you know you need me tonight ♪ there you'll be ♪ and now that i've found you i won't let you go ♪ i need you so ♪ hi. can i get you a drink? wow. i've never heard that one before. you really blow me awaywith your creativity.

well, i... "well, i..." your recoveryis even better. do you even care at all who i am? i mean, i could be the antichrist or have the intelligence of a thermos, but unfortunately, those are not the matters the male penis ponders. so, please, tell me, why did you walk all the way over here to ask to get me a drink? well, becausei'm the bartender.

oh. martini, very dry. our next itemis an exquisite piecefrom the kerner estate. a stunning work by feodor tergeniev entitled form in repose. i'm looking for an opening bid of 130,000. 130. very good. i have i hear 140?

140. thank i hear 150? (in russian accent)150,000. 160. i am offer 170. 175. (coughing) was that 175, sir? (coughing) i'll take that.175,000.

180. i have 180. do i hear 190? do i hear 190? i really must hear a numberor see a paddle, sir. i think he... yes, ma'am, i have your bid. it's to you at $180,000. going once, twice,

sold. to the persistent womanon my right. thanks. you did good. bye. uh, that's $3.50. i'll flip you for it. call it. no, we don't really... call it! tails.

heads. aw, too bad. well, jack, looks like she got a free drink and one of your balls. nah, i just think she's nervous being on her own. oh, yeah. she's a delicate flower. ♪ and she swears she remembers the day of her birth ♪ that's the day she became so wonderfully strange ♪ oh, yeah, she's so wonderfully strange ♪ it may take some time ♪ oh, wait!

i think i see crack. that's just his butt, lady. let me see. hmm. hmm. oh. ooh. looks good. from where i'm standing... oh, my god!

what, what?what is the matter? my... my beautiful man. he ruined. ruined! i'm sure we can havethis expertly repaired. no. man thing off, deal off. what good is to me now? he has no pee-peeska. (groaning) ♪ downtown till the lights go down ♪ smokey hidden with the real get-down

♪ we're livin' wild and free ♪ never saw this life for me ♪ just movin' to a whole new game ♪ got the world under my feet ♪ you want me with your naked eyes ♪ but your desire's my paradise ♪ you don't know me... ♪ (page gasping for breath) mother, did you have any trouble finding the place?

this is beyond civilization. it was impossible to find. son of a bitch! (choking) (groaning) oh! my baby. (screaming) i'm so sorry. get away from him! get away!

i told you it was dangerousto come tothese low-class bars. it stings, mama! it stings so bad! oh, mother will help you. the retina is detached! i know it! (groaning) are you okay now? yes. you idi...(breathing heavily)

"idi" what? (coughs) (cell phone ringing) yeah. subject is en route. he'll pass the checkpoint in 10 minutes. everything set? yeah. of course. what's wrong, page? mother can tell something's wrong.

mother knows nothing. i'm following right behind him, so be sure to remove the spikes. and he mustn't see you. he must think no one else is around so we can bond. i know, i know. you're driving me crazy. well, you're driving me crazy. well, that answers the question of whether you're already in a relationship. since you can't seem to read my subtle signals, i'll help you out.

piss off! everyone's a little irritable after they choke. two headlights. that's not him. crap. that was wrongon so many levels. you! what are you doing here? i followed you. more likestalked me. listen, mouth breather,

i am fully capable and really in the mood to kick the shit out of your psychotic, skulking ass. does this look familiar? might be mine. well, if you're not sure... thanks! now go. look, my car doesn't drive so good with a tree in it. what a baby! it's a flat. i'll fix it. wait, first we better go clear that stuff out of the road.

another car could... no! i'll do it. just get the spare. now! look, i'm willing to explore the whole being dominated thing, okay? but let's just take it slow. (car approaching) uh-oh! uh... watch out!

what did you push me for? i saved you, you moron. that can't be good. i'd better check it out. oh, wait, wait!i'm hurt. no, you're not. nothing could hurt you. are you calling me a liar? all right, where are you hurt, then? my ankle. see?

(liquid dripping) what the hell? perfect. (tires bursting) no! jeez, they're really piling up, up there. oh, uh, my ankle. your ankle is fine. i'm going. are you mixing medications?

you're ruining the magic, idiot. (in russian accent)i'm much sorry. must be, uh... glass in road. ah, the statue stealer. why is it whenever i see you, things seem to begoing into the crapper? you have head injury.i rush you to hospital. no, no, no. i don't. no. no.

the police will be along shortly and they'll sort this out. ooh! delayed shooting head pains. come. to hospital we go. what about your car? you have flat tires. oh, is nothing. ooh. (metal scraping) what the hell are you doing? get off me!

you were the one who... i gotta go. how do i look? if i were a guy, i'd do you. you're sweet. i'm going backto the hospital to see if i can fix the mess you made last night. with that on, he'll forgive anything. he better.

for your sake. be nice or i won't tell you which eye looks bigger. (sighs) which? are you gonna be nice? i'm always nice. the left. here, use my eyeliner. shit. i want my purse, jerk-off.

that's not very friendly. now, i want you to go back out, and this time, when you kick the door open, say something nice. you stole my purse,dipstick, and you stole it so i'd have to see your ugly-ass face again. no, you forgot your purse for the second time because you were in such a hurry to strand me in the middle of nowhere.

look, just give it to me. or would you rather have my heel up your ass? who told you i'm into that? pretty rough on the boss, weren't you? you know, he's not really into ass play. that's just, like, his sense of humor. he owns this place? yeah.his dad left it to him. of course, all thesedevelopment creepsare tryin' to give him,

like, three mil for the place. whole world's gonna be gaps and starbucks, right? he's loaded. good, page.(grunts in frustration) (knock at door) greetings. oh, it's you. doctors don't want me to smoke. it's ridiculous.

they depend on cigarettes. a perfect scapegoatfor their incompetence. i assume you're here about the insurance. my attorneys will take care of it. that won't be necessary. i have no want to sue you. sue me? my people will tear you a new... i am only come to see how you feel.

my poor, poor, babushka. (chuckles) that's very nice of you, mrs... miss. just call me... (inhales deeply) ulga. ulga? mmm. well, that's lovely, ulga.

(coughing loudly) (doorbell rings) yes? i am ulga yevanova. i am here to... we've been expecting you. (tensy coughing loudly) i am miss madress. i run this household.

oh. good for you. i will announce you. we have a bitch alert. come on, bartender. it's your night off. do something fun. good boy. i love it here. it's the only bloody place left that doesn't make you feel like a serial killer for havin' a damn smoke. yes, is lovely.

(coughing loudly) (speaking russian) i'll be your waiter tonight. vladimir. allow me to tell you tonight's specials. no need for english tonight, vlad. we have one of your countrywomen here. oh, wonderful. (titters) so, tonight we have...

da. (speaking russian) (chuckles) da. da. (speaking russian) oh. um... (speaking russian) excellent choice. the steak tartare. william: oh, i love a woman who eats raw meat.

that's real nice! (screams) ew! (page grunting) you're not just gonna stand there. help me. please? isn't that the shoe you wanted to jam up my ass? no, that was the six-inch heel. now, come on. what are you doing here?

(stutters) working. working? you some kind of wildernessfemale mud wrestler? i am an environmentalist studying the effect of waste runoff from the neighboring wetlands. oh. well... you environmentalists really dress hot. yeah, well...

there's no law that says you can't look good while you're saving stuff. so, why are you following me? i'm not following you! then what are you doing here? come on, i'll show you. you're not out here burying high-school kids, are you? well, they egged my car. page: what do you do? spy on people humping in boats? that's so perverted.

i photograph stars. look, just because they're famous doesn't meanthey don't deservetheir privacy, too. who you got? the stars up there. you sneak all the way out here to stare at space and shit? no, i come here to get away from the lights of the city so i can see the space and shit. why?

take a look. jesus. that's the crab nebula. that is the exact color of a sapphire ring i wanted. okay. and this is the great globular cluster in hercules. i don't thinki want to see that.

good cluster. and i think you can also see the corona borealis tonight. wait, wait. i'm not done with the globular thing. william: mmm. i love to watch a woman eat. it is surely one of the most sensual acts. (chuckles) da. da. da. da?

is such joy to hearmy native tongue again. i deeply appreciate what you say, and... what you don't say. hmm? oh, william, so much loudness. can we not go somewherei can relate to you... orally? (fork clatters) man: all right.

who will favor us with next song? (applauding) we have a fellowcountrywoman here. no, i am so... please, i am so not musical. please, uh... how about korobushka? i know there isn't a russian alive who doesn't know korobushka!

(band plays korobushka) (humming nervously) ♪ korobushka ♪ da da da ♪ la la moscow ♪ da da leningrad ♪ (music stops) ♪ minskan... ♪ oh, you know,

i am just fooling. i am so full of good humor. oh! uh... ♪ flew in from miami beach boac ♪ didn't get to bed last night ♪ on the way the paper bag was on my knee ♪ man, i had a dreadful flight ♪ i'm back in the u.s.s.r. ♪ you don't know how lucky you are, boy

♪ back in the u.s.s.r ♪ been away so long i hardly knew the place ♪ gee, it's good to be back home ♪ leave it till tomorrow to unpack my case ♪ honey, disconnect the phone ♪ i'm back in the u.s.s.r ♪ you don't know how lucky you are, boy ♪ back in the u.s. ♪ back in the u.s.

♪ back in the u.s.s.r ♪ look. there's another one. oh, there's two at once. did you see that? god, i never knewyou could havethis much fun for free. well, it's not completely free. so, are you ready to tell me the truth? tell me why you're here, really. i told you. i'm an environmentalist... uh...

student at the university of miami. what, you don'tbelieve me? well, i'd like to, but... what about my butt? ooh, i gotta go. again? yeah, i have work to do. it's 11:00 at night. i know, but i have to write an environmental impact report.

jack: will it mention me? wait! what's your name? uh... jane. will i see you again? try wishing on a star. is that five people? keys are in it. (elevator bell dings) hey! mom, how'd it go?

(in russian accent) perfect. his infatuation is right on schedule. you know, you're home now. you can stop with the accent. what's that? uh, what's what? mud? i gave myself a facial, some special local stuff. oh. you know, i think i'm gonnatake a nice, long showerand go to bed. night!

smokin' is part ofthe fun of bein' a kid.(chuckles) we just did some testson some nine-year-olds. after a little puking, why, you couldn't drag 'em away from the stuff. (laughs) yeah, you're only young once. why not indulge, i always say. oh, darling, what matter? head painback again? no, no, it's all right.

(bird caws) ulga? i have a gift for you. (in normal voice) a gift? (in russian accent) a gift! oh! (william chuckling) a personal fire device. i'm not insisting you take up smoking, but i thought it would give you some incentive.

there is nothing sexier than smoke billowing proudly out of a woman's hot,red, engorged nostrils. (moaning frailly) that image will haunt me. still a little sleepy, my dear? oh, no. no, it was another wonderful night. mmm-hmm.

i think that i deserve a big kiss for that big gift. oh! yes.(chuckles) is no getting around that. uh! (squishing sound) oh, oh, no. we mustn't. god is everywhere. yes, he is, isn't he?

nosy bastard. (both chuckle) i'll have miss madress get your purse. (spitting) is he that repulsive to you? no. is... is, uh... russian expression of happiness. ptui, ptui, oh, i am so happy. save it.

i'm on to you. you're attracted to me? oh, flattering, but i no do females. i've been with himfor seven years. i've seen himwith many women. i've never worried. passing amusements. but you... oh, you're good, baby. i no understand.

what is you want? i is want your ex-commie ass out of his life. i didn't put upwith his crap for years just to be squeezed out right before he kicks. i've put in the time, and i expect a big payoff! oh, you must believe. i have true feelings for him. oh, spare me your bolshevik bullshit. either you disappear, or i tell him exactly what i saw.

your dark honesty is refreshing, but please, i beg you, leave me one more nightto bow out gracefully. i have something for you. oh. (chuckles) i know it's not the sapphire you wanted, but... it sure isn't. it's a meteor fragment. like the ones we were watching?

yeah. that's been to the far reaches of our solar system and back. no lousy sapphire has ever pulled that off. you don't do anything like normal people, do you? some things. kitchen's through there. master bedroom's upstairs. her room is down the hall. (whispering)you have seven minutes. here you go. the thing that's screwing us is all this secondhand smoke nonsense.

they've convicted the tobacco companies without a shred of evidence. (cawing) (caws) angela: hmm. is oddness. costly lighter gift you gave is missing. oh, you must have left it somewhere. (sighs) never. i cherish too much. perhaps... (clears throat)

is inconceivablish. what is inconceivablish? (sighs) well, your housekeep did much admire, and when she give me purse to leave yesterday, was open. sir, i swear to you i would never take so much as a hair pin from this household. oh, is this not clothing you wear yesterday when you see me out?

no. she set me up. she could have slipped that into my pocket anytime. (gasps) you doubt me? oh, william. (sobbing) (metal jangling) ow! oosh!

oh, how you can sleep on so lumpy a... (angela gasps) my wife's old jewelry. why you are stealing from loyal, kind employer man? no! it's her. can't you see? you bitch! my cigarettes? i feel like vomiting! oh, tensy.

i have been a dedicatedand trustworthy servantfor over seven years. look into my eyes. you must believein my completeand total innocence. (handcuffs clicking) if it's at all possible, could you slap her around a little bit? angela: that's very good, darling. you're doing better. (whispering) come on, let's hear a little pain.

(groaning loudly) i've set you up with an interview for tensy's housekeeperposition tomorrow. tomorrow? that's saturday. well, there are no weekends in conning, dear. i'll go the first thing monday. no, you'll go tomorrow. we can't take the chance of someone else getting that job. you need to start getting close to him now.

my god, he's days away from popping the question. no way. you couldn't have gotten him that far this fast. have you really learned so little? one month flat. that's a new record. mom's still got it. jack, i'm stillcoming to the game. i just may be a little late, that's all.

well, hey, i'm sure the van can wait for, like, five minutes. look, i... i'll probably make it on time anyway. i gotta go. sorry i'm running late, miss breckenhall, but... i've been losingconsciousnessmore frequently lately. allergy season,i think. (english accent) oh, well. it's no problem at all. but please, call me allison. oh, well, allison, i... i just have a few questions to ask you.

(clock chimes) (muttering) well, um... um... you smoke, allison? well, uh... woman: we gotta go! yeah. she saidshe'd be a little late. twenty minutes is not a little.

we've enteredstood-up territory. then, i worked for the english ambassador to turkey for four-and-half years, until they shot him. oh, they shot him? but i kept cleaning right up until they burned the embassy down. well, thatwas very loyal. so, when should i start? if you could just fill out thisapplication form

then i can verify your employment. oh, certainly. oh! oh! oh, i'm terribly sorry. oh... i'll get towel. here. (moaning softly) (moaning)uh-huh... (stuttering) you seem very dedicated to your work, allison.

something inside me, this need to please my employer in any way possible. mmm... here is towel. and i find other employment form. i... i don't think that'll be necessary. allison seems more than qualified. hmm, it's still wet.

not bad, huh? oh, what? it's just a little hacky to go right for the member massage. what are you doing the rest of today? oh! i don't know. beach, nap, nothing. see ya. (engine starts) shit!

shit! shit! shit! you really are a delicate flower. jack! you missed the game. why didn't you go? i don't know. my friends have this theory that i'm in love with you. hello, daughter. (stutters)

what are you doing here? i thought you'd be out with tensy. sometimes people aren'twhere they saythey're gonna be. oh. well, i got bored hanging around here, so i took myself out for a walk. i saw youwith your boyfriend. you spied on me? so, this is why you've been being so nice to me. i have not been nice to you. you betray me for some bartender.

that bartender happens to own the bar and has a firm offer to sell for three million. you're not ready, page. yeah, so not ready that i already got him to say he loves me. i mean, you're not ready to con a guy without falling in love yourself. give me a break. i am in complete control. i saw the kiss. your eyes were closed. that was the sun. last time the sungot in my eyes,i wound up with a daughter.

yeah, and that's just about the worst thing that ever happenedto you, isn't it? i'm a pro, mother, and i'll prove it. (door closes) ♪ we are all like astronauts discovering ♪ take my empty body and discover me... there. nothing. but the best from you. well, give me a chance to make it even better.

♪ i am, i am, i am ♪ infinity ♪ crap! what's wrong? i gotta go. why? because i'm no goodfor you. well, i'll be the judge of that. no, i have to trust me.i am not a good person.

no, you are good. you may not know it, but i do. you come on tough, but it's all just an act. i mean, you don't even believe in sleeping together before marriage. you're like a brady or an osmond, or something. look, youdon't get it. okay? i haven't been completely honest with you. look, i know you're not really an environmentalist. okay? who cares? the important thing is i love you and i want to be with you.

(door opens and closes) you win.i drop the con. it's for the best, dear. shut up, mother. (door slams) barbara! oh! (chuckles) angela: you are a lifesaver. to pull that job offon such short notice...

i was taught by the best. i had a blast. i've been out of the game for so long, i've forgotten how much fun it could be. even though we were conning your own daughter. who i haven't seen since she was what, four? three. but we weren't conning her. we wereprotecting her.

she wanted to run off on her own, and this was the only way to stop her. you know, you won't be able to stop her forever. i know that. you know, page is an amazing, brilliant, talented girl. but she's still green. when she's ready, i'll be the first one to tell her. and you're sure she's not ready now? i just caught her kissing some loser with her eyes closed.

really? i'll get this. classy. i'm still learning from you. sweetie, i'm home. mmm. sounds like a good day. yeah, it was fantastic. ugh! what is tensy, like, the largest producer of phlegm on the east coast?

i just officially quit smoking. well, the good newskeeps on coming. hey, i got a killer dress for tonight. that, plus the official letter cannot fail. you want to see? no. i'm going out for a walk. okay, well... i'm already late. (cell phone rings) jack: jane, jane! don't hang up!

(disconnects call) you gotta give up on that girl, man. yeah, there's somethin'weird about her. yeah, but that's what i liked. me, too. (knock at door) (knocking continues) (gasps) oh, uh... (in russian accent) what are you doing here? i was coming to you.

let me in.i have a surprise. moment.i'm, uh... naked. i don't seea problem there. here i come! (laughing) oh! my! completely restored. only 7,000 for a new willy. is so nice.

but, william, you know how the lord feels about having men in hotel room. even a man who has ordered champagne and oysters from room service? (sobbing) it's okay. i didn't charge it to your room. i cannot anymore see you. why on earth not? oh, let us leave at that. make pain less. goodbye

forever. (sobbing) no, no. what is this all about? "we regret to inform you "that your applicationfor permanent residencehas been denied. "you must leave the countryno later than tomorrow." oh! i try everything. but is very political red tape to get green card, and i am loopholeless.

(continues sobbing) well... this is horrible. and to thinki was gonna ask youto marry me. marry you? yes, yes. i, uh... purchased a ring, and...everything. but with your leaving, i am but ignorant, unintelligible foreigner,

but if you marry me, i believe that puts kibosh on deportation. really? (chuckles)oh, ulga. ulga, will you...(coughing) what? what? marry me? oh! marry you? oh, is legal question.

yes, i will, is binding answer. (cell phone ringing) leave me alone. i'm engaged! we're talking a settlement of 20 million minimum! oh, we're finally set for life, darling! i just have timefor one quick whoo!(chuckles) whoo. i said whoo.

jack: why won't you talk to me? there's nothing to say. i scared you when i told you i loved you, didn't i? jack, there is no love. it's just a trick of the brain, a combination of hormones and chemicals. then why are you here? tell me to my face you don't love me. i don't love you.

wow. that was more believable than i thought it would be. look, i know i freaked you out by moving too fast with all that"i love you" stuff. so, let's just... get married. i gotta go. that is jarring. my love, tonight we will celebrate this ecstatic joining of our spirits with the union

of our aching bodies. oh, you have stomach cramp again. no, no, no.i ache for you,my pumpkin. let's hump. oh, william, my religion... humping is not yet allowed. oh, of course it is. i proposed, you accepted. to god, everything elseis just paperwork.

oh, william, i insist we wait till after wedding. ulga, i am much more powerful than you. now just relax and enjoy it. uh-oh. william. william! oh, always something in your mouth. william? are you dead?

ugh! (panting) (in normal accent) no. no! why me? oh, wake up, you disgusting shit! (pants) twenty million. angela: i need you here. ugh.

wow. that's real attractive. we gotta get him out of here and make it look like he died at his house, alone. (knock at door) man: room service. let's get himto the bedroom. (grunting) okay. too far. balcony?

oh, just...just hold him.i'll be right back. (grunts) champagne and oysters. all this just for you? oh, yes. i mean, someone is joining me. i'll open the champagne. that's all right. i'll take care of it. thank you. it's... tip's included when it's paid for. good night.

(shrieks) (bones snapping) i ask you to do one simple thing. oh, i don't consider holding a 500-pound corpse simple. okay, if you hadn't flung open the door... i didn't fling it! look, we just have to get the body back to the house, and everything will be fine. have you seen her?

angela: dean. shit! angela! i'll meet you by tensy in five minutes. he looks really pissed. i'll handle him. go! dean: angela! (chuckles nervously) angela!

(hoots) angela! oh, god. angela, stop! i have missed you so much! so much! i can't stopthinkin' about you. i've never been so in love with anybody in my whole, entire life. i'm beggin' you. please. please, just give me one more chance.

one more chance.marry me...again. what? get up. how'd you find me? the title for the mercedes came through. it listed this place as your temporary address. i drove straight through just so i could see you. your hair's different. it looks really pretty. i like it. come here. give me a kiss. no.

oh, no. no, no, no. angela, i've changed. i've totally changed. look, look, look. this place is crawlin' with prime trim. i'm barely even noticin'. i...can't deal with this right now. no, no, no. angela, listen to me. i'm not leavin' without you. i love you. and i don't care who hears it. i love her. i love her. i love her. i love her! what do you want me to do? i... i'll sing. you want me to sing?

♪ come fly with me (shushing) ♪ come fly come fly... ♪ shut up! what do you want, baby?i'll do anything. anything? i had no idea you were into this stuff. i've been trying a lot of new things lately. oh, no, no. wait, wait. i don't know about that.

are you questioning me? no. no, no, no. it's j... just... kiss my footand apologize. uh-huh. i'm sorry. ahh... good boy. (gasping) ooh, yes.

now, i'm just gonnaget some whipped cream. (moans) i got no problem with that. i'll be right back. hurry up. (both grunting) careful. we don't want any more damage to the body. woman: housekeeping!

you want your bed turned down? no! no, no! no! housekeeping. no! no, no! no! mmm-mmm. look. i don't need anything. please, just get lost. lady! (sighs) you know, i've beencleanin' this roomfor three weeks, and so far, no tip.

fine. there's 20 bucks in my pants over there. twenty? how about i sit onyour kinky face for a whilewhile you think about that? okay, okay, okay. fifty! that's more like it. unbelievable. both of thesewallets yours? two wallets? untie me!

now, that'll be another 20. all right. he's sleeping. he wakes up having one of his famous coughing fits, flails around, and falls right onto the statue, becoming penilely impaled. that's believable, right? (pants) i just really need a shower. where's the penis?

it's still there. it's just the rigor mortis is gone, so there's no wood. not his. the statue's. oh. it's still in the car. i'll get it. there you go. oh, this is... oh! this is unbelievable. oh! oh, god! oh! oh!

oh, god! you are so enormous! okay. angela: oh! (grunting) oh, god, please! huh? (panting) you gold-diggin' whore! you're already workin' someone else, huh? get off of her, asshole. get off, asshole!

don't shoot him, dean. why not? because he's already dead. oh, you are one sick slut. i am not a sick slut. one peniscoming up, mom. wendy? uh... hello. mom?

you're her mother? (stuttering) it's just a nickname. (gasps) you two played me. oh, no. no. that whole marriage was bullshit. and this one you even offed! we didn't off him. he coughed himself to death.

yeah, right. you let your own daughter seduce me? do you have any idea how much therapy you people need? look, dean. i don't blame you for being upset. we did an awful thing. for the first time,i feel really bad about it. but maybe, despiteall this craziness, there's still hope for us after all? there's more hope for you and him than there is for us!

oh, dean, pleasetell me it's okay.i love you. oh, forget it. fine! look. you brought this on yourself. you cheated on me. you set me up to cheat! we can't make a scumbagdo anything a scumbagwouldn't do anyway. shut up, junior slut! get over there! you know, you two got some brass balls in those panties, i'll give you that.

in the few moments you have left, i want to see some beggin' and some pleadin'. uh, mom? dean, you got so many tells. you are not the killing type. don't screw with me. i'm on a fine edge here. don't! see? no bullets. fine. so i'm not that big on homicide... ooh!

...but i could do worse. i found all your ids, all your aliases, and i'm gonna get them to the cops when they start investigating decomposing boy here. you two are gonna dry up in some filthy lesbo lockdown, with bad lighting! i don't have to kill you to kill you. dean, wait! look. what if we gave you back your money?

well? i stopped walkin', didn't i? but first you gotta help us make it look like this creepdied here aloneand peaceful, so there's no questions. you knowhow to do that? i'm from jersey, aren't i? angela: boy, dean was really incredible with that body. well? you gonna let me in on the play?

what play? you promised that mook 300,000. when we take him to the bank tomorrow, we're only gonna be, oh, about 300,000 short. the money will be there. look, i don't want a big scene about this, page, but mrs. vogal from the irs was more of a "protecting you "from making the worst mistake "of your life" thing than it was a "the government came and took all our money" thing, okay?

(sighs) i pulled a tiny little con to keep you from leaving. oh, you bitch! you bitch! angela: hey, look, wait! stop it. you're gonna kill us! stop it! (tires screeching) there seems to be a problem with your account, miss conners. it was closed yesterday. that's impossible.

what the hell is goin' on? nothing. i swear. here's the signature. barbara. wait! i gave my old partner all my account numbers for the irs scam, and that hag ripped off every penny we ever stole! tell your fairy tales to your cellmates. look. for once, she's telling the truth.

oh, and i'm gonna believe the seed of satan? skank, give methe keys to my car. give me the keysto the mercedes.that's it. goodbye. i can't believe it. i can't believe this. i've blownboth our lives. i'm sorry, page. i'm a terrible person. i'm a terrible mother. i'm a terrible everything.

you're finally seeing things clearly. (brakes screeching) dean: what the hellyou doin'? you want money? the guy who wants to marry me is worth 1.5 in a divorce. ♪ and you don't know me ♪ you don't own me ♪ it's only when i dance ♪ that you can see the real me ♪

she's just gonna screw with him again. hugely. i'm sorry. i was just wondering how long you're gonna stay this time. look. i know that i've been horrible, okay, but all this talk about love and marriage, it can make anyone act freaky. i know that i must seem like a mean, selfish bitch, but... no, you seem like the sweetest, most wonderful person i've ever met.

what a moron. friends, employees, beer wholesaler, i have an announcement. jane and i are getting married. that is awesome! yeah! jane, come here.

so, jack, now thatyou have someextra responsibilities, that doesn't mean you're gonna change your mind and sell this place, does it? no. we'll do just fine. (mouthing) thanks, man. sell what, honey? oh, nothin'. just some guys offered me three million for the bar and the land. three million? that sounds like something.

well, yeah, but this place was my dad's. you know, it's home. it's too late, anyway. they got another lot down the road. there's no money. i'm bailing. no. wait! you can still geta decent settlementout of this guy. he'll lose the bar. this is wrong. it's over. what the hellis your daughter doin', growing a conscience on my score? don't make her do this.

i'll figure a way to get you your money. no. i'm tired of waiting. we're doin' it. may i havethis dance? i... jack. uh-oh. you gotta go. is that who i think it is? jane! it is. how are you, darling?

pissed off. we were just on our way to see you at the hotel, but we thought we'd stop by here for a drink. hi. this isn't jack, is it? oh, jane is always going on and on about you. dean: i think she's in love! i'm betty, jane's second cousin, and this is my brother. (stuttering) vinny. vinny staggliano.

i'm afraid you caught us at a weird time. i just asked jane to marry me, and... oh! that's great! congratulations! actually, i think she's having second thoughts. oh, that's just the wayour jane is. yeah, but she gets over it, though. especially now that family's here to give her a little shove. come on, you two, why don't you kiss and make up?

i'm not really in the mood. go on. kiss. that's nice. there you go. i think your relatives are gonna like bill's boat. who careswhat they like? nice boat. ooh! oh, oh! i'm so clumsy. (chuckles) that's okay.

how you doin', skippy? hey. hey, you. i got the lotion. who's got the hands? don't look at me.i don't likegetting all gunky. jack, would you mind? you are the most kind, wonderful man. look at all the fish!

(firing) (laughs) got it. this is gonna be a fun trip. i honestly don't know why you'd want to wear an off-the-shoulder. page: this is what i want, and it looks fine. fine. what would i know? i've only been married 13 times. page: all right.i'm coming better be nice. i'm always nice. ♪ wrap me in eiderdown

♪ lace from your wedding gown ♪ fold me and lay me down ♪ (sighs) what's wrong? nothing. (sighs) fine. if you're gonna be sarcastic. i'm not being sarcastic. it's perfect. there's nothingyou would change? not a thing.

well, i might justsee what it looks likewithout this in here. i take it back. no. no. i... like that idea. so? mother likes it? oh, i'm not her mother. she's not my mother. you really are good at this. i'm almost buyin' it. ladies and gentlemen, friends and family,

we have come here todayto celebratetwo wonderful people who have managed to find each other in this sometimes seemingly cold world and pledge their hearts. do you, jack withrowe, take this womanto be yourlawful wedded wife, to love her, honor her, and cherish her until death do you part? and do you, jane helstrom, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband,

to love, honor, and to cherish him until death do you part? (softly) i do. (clears throat)i do. i now pronounce youhusband and wife. and you maykiss the bride. minister: ladies and gentlemen, i give to you mr. and mrs. withrowe. shut up. (reggae band playing)

♪ wise men say ♪ only fools rush in ♪ but i can't help ♪ falling in love with you ♪ make surehe sees youdrinkin' a lot. that won't be hard. there's my wonderful new daughter-in-law. are you avoiding me? uh, no.

i gotta go. don't let it bother you. she's shyer than shit. what is it you do, mr. staggliano? college professor. what do you teach? college stuff. what are you, a fuckin' cop? congratulations. i'll only need 30 minutes.

it won't work. he loves me too much. men don'tturn women down. (switches music on) ♪ oh, my love... jack: just like our first date, only less mud. it's beautiful. ♪ my eyes are wide open happy? always know justthe right thing to say.

i love you...jack. i love you very much. you're different. aren't you? i mean, you would never let anything ruin this, would you? well, sometimes these hotel soaps irritate my skin. i'm serious. say nothing will ruin us. nothing will evertake me awayor keep me from loving you. ♪ everything is clearer in our world

♪ oh, my love ♪ can i have some water? i think i drank too much champagne. jane? jack? what are you doing out here alone? oh, my wife celebrated herself into an early coma. well, her loss is my gain. walk me to my room. i have a wedding gift for you.

oh, no, that's okay. i was just gonna... oh, come on. you can't turn downa wedding gift,you know? it's bad luck. i never heard that. everything to do with weddings is bad luck. (laughs) uh, i can only stay a minute. will you just relax?

(softly)okay? sit down. (exhales) this hotelis so nice. i'm so glad my brother and i decided to stay here, too. uh... yeah. it's... you... (clears throat) mentioned something about a gift? you're so greedy. but i happen to have it right here.

cognac! huh! wow! eighty years old. jane is gonna love this. thank you so much. oh, oh, oh.can't we just try some? please? jack. i thought you might not want to wait alone. aah! ow! ow!

could be wrong. oh! it feels good going down, doesn't it? it's... it's really good. mmm. (inhales deeply) no, thanks. i... i should be getting back to jane. jack, she's asleep. okay? come on. you deserve to have a little bit of fun on your wedding night.

it's just fruit. it's just a waste of time. he's just gonna throw her out on her ass. i'm not worried. is that whyyou're melting downthe remote? cute. oh, you've got a tiny bit of cream... right... (clears throat)

oh, oh, oh. why? i just can't do this. what's the matter? is it becauseyou don'tfind me attractive? no, no. a part of me is very, very interested, but the other partsare yelling, "you just married her cousin." jane would never know, i promise. yeah, but i would.

i could never do that to someone i love. you really do love her, don't you? yeah. and i really should be getting back. look, i'm sorry. i'm really sorry. i feel terrible. please don't leave like this. can't we just, you know, have a make-up drink or something? i'll be good, i promise. please?

that's it. i'm goin' over there. no. it isn't time yet. i don't care, you sick shit. i can't do this to him. you see? it hurts when you screw around with people's feelings, doesn't it? not as much as this. ow! oh! ah!

jane! jack: what? i'm sorry. while we are willing to admit some wrongdoingon the partof my client, given the extremelyshort durationof the marriage... no negotiation. give her whatever she wants. we talked about you not saying that.

jane! jane! i don't know what happened. it was weird. there is only one man in the world. what the hell's takin' so long? oh, relax. you'll get your money. you destroyed my daughter, but you'll get it. hey, i was standing around mindin' my own business when you bitchescame along andripped out my heart for a game of hacky sack.

don't give me that. come off it! we're both the same. scum. we are not the same. i wasn't lyingwhen i said "i do." no, you were lying when you tried to nail page. look. where i come from, guys make mistakes sometimes. didn't change the fact that i loved you. i just knowi wouldn't do it again.

'cause you got caught. no, becauseof what i lost. you know, i'm not the only guy in the world that's ever screwed up. even a goody-goodylike jack can't keephis wang in the hangar. yes, he can. what did you say? no, wait a minute. wait a minute. what did you say? i micked him. stryctotoxy,

somewhere between out and awake. it just makes people easy to handle. whoa. wait a minute. you're kiddin'. he said no,and you stilllet her believe that he went for a soil sample? you know what? that's a new low, even for you. look. you wanted your money. what was i supposed to do? tell her the man you forced us to con was the only decent guy she ever met?

but you know what? this is just too sick. i thought this whole revenge thing was gonna be fun, but you've done everything you can to ruin it. i don't even want this guy's money now. well, i don't want it, either. well, i'm not takin' it! well, neither am i! well, neither am i! all right, i'll take it.

you said you didn't want it. you should tell your daughter the truth. what for?he's only gonna end uphurting her, anyway. she's better off with me, okay? i'll protect her. from what? from love? from pain. love is pain. life is pain. you can't protect anybody from it.

it's always gonna get ya. but sometimes, life can also be good. but you gotta be open. you got to take chances. you gotta let go! what self-help guru moron taught you that? nobody had to teach me nothin'. it's common sense. and deepak chopra is not a moron. i've seen a lotof crap in my life, but the way you're cheating her

out of any chance for a decent future, it really sucks. of all the lousy thingsyou've done, you should be most ashamed of that. and what you did to me, too. i don't want to completely leave that out. here's your money. i don't want the money. good luck with psycho mom here. what was that?

i took care of it. how? i don't want to talk about it. let's just get out of this goddamn place. so? where are we going, seattle or san francisco? you know, you don't have to stay with me. you know, there'splenty of money for youto set up on your own, and you can have all of it.

thanks, mom. you're the only person in this world i even half-trust. what are you doin'? turning around. promise you won't attack me? what is it? we're travelingat high speeds. it would endanger both our lives. what is it?

jack turned me down, so i kind of... i micked him. (both screaming) oh, you are the most evil, manipulative... you're right. i am. i've just been so afraid of losing you, or of you getting hurt like me. but i can't protect you.

i just get you hurt in different, sick ways. so you might as well get hurt in your own healthy, normal ways. ways you come up withon your own,and can't blame me for. aah! (sighs)oh, it's a hug. i can pull overfor a hug. (sobbing) now, don't cry too much. you'll look like hell when you go back to him. okay?

you should wearthe blue dress. mom. right. wear whatever you want. except whatyou're wearing. (exhales) what are you doin' here? you know what i'm doin' here. what, you thoughti'd still want youafter what you did to me?

you don't? okay, fine. all right, wait, wait. okay. okay, fine. so i still want you. no kidding. but don't you evercheat on me again. ever. ever! okay. fine! i mean it. because if one dayyou happen to notice

some gorgeous girl giving you that "let's screw around" look, just remember she may be working for me. all right. fine. but you. no more conning. no more. if you're gonna be my wife, you gotta live a respectable life chopping cars. first you gotta help mewith one thing. no, first you gotta help me with one thing. wa...

you're not gonna fall asleep on me again, are you? i feel pretty good about tonight. look, i don't wanna go in there. the bank owns it now. there's still some stuff they said you left. i cleared out everything. all: surprise! ♪ oh, my love, for the first time in my life... jane? ♪ oh, my lover, for the first time in my life

♪ my eyes can see ♪ my name is page. i never realized i could feel this way again. that i could be so totally in love with someone. oh, i feel the same way, stanley. you're beautiful. thank you.

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