â™ªâ™ª [ acoustic guitar playing intro ] â™ª time it was and what a time it was â™ª â™ª it was â™ª â™ª a time of innocence â™ª â™ª a time of confidences â™ª â™ª long ago it must be â™ª [ weeping ] â™ª i have a photograph â™ª â™ª preserve your memories â™ª
â™ª they're all that's left you â™ªâ™ª [ woman narrating ] have you ever confused a dream... with life ? or stolen something when you have the cash ? have you ever been blue ? or thought your train moving while sitting still ? maybe i was just crazy. maybe it was the '60s. or maybe i was just a girl...
[ footsteps ] interrupted. put her in restraints. let's draw blood for tox. hold on, dear. give her five milligrams of valium, i.v. turn her head so she doesn't aspirate. [ retching ] there you go. [ doctor 2 ] aspirin fragments and vodka, i think.
[ doctor 1 ] don't tell me what you think. take her to the lab. you should check my hand.there's-- there's nobones in it. [ doctor 1 ] looks like a wrist banger. is that why you did this ? and other things. [ nurse ] her parents are on the way. sometimes it's hard... for me to stay in one... place.
[ man ] susanna, if you had no bones in your hand, how did you pick upthe aspirin ? what is my mother doing ? would you answer my question, please ? how did you pick up the aspirin... if you had no bones in your hand ? by thenthey had come back. i see. no, you don't.
well, indulge me then. explain it to me. explain what ? explain to a doctorthat the laws of physics... can be suspended ? that what goes up may not come down ? explain... that time...
can move backwardsand forwards, and now to then and back again, and you can't control it ? [ dog barks ] why can't you control it ? [ dog barking ] what ? why can't you control time ? [ barking continues ]
[ barking continues, people chattering, laughing ] [ chatter grows louder ] sam, shh ! where were you ?everyone is here. come on. mary, you remembersusanna. yes, i do. hi. so this is whatyou're wearing ?
i didn't knowit was so early.i would've changed. [ laughs ]hey, everybody,look who's here. hi ! happy birthday, dad. oh. i'm sorry.i want to sayhi to her. sweetie, would youhold this for me ? i just want to say hito susanna. excuse me.susanna ! susanna !
[ whispering ] professor gilcrest's wife. hi. barbara gilcrest.do you remember me ? bonnie's mom.i'm bonnie's mom. yeah. your skinis so beautiful. now, bonnie was in your lit class, wasn't she ? yeah.h-how is she doing ? she just got acceptedto radcliffe. oh !
oh, what a conundrum. i'm a wellesley girl, myself. but i think young womenshould make up their ownmind, don't you think so ? susanna ? are you stoned ? do you smoke pot ? take l.s.d. ? no drugs ? how do you feelright now ?
i... don't know. i don't knowwhat i'm feeling. you need a rest. well, i'll go homeand take a nap. no, no. you need to go somewherewhere you can geta genuine rest. and you're very lucky. the best place in the worldfor someone like you...
is less than a half an hour from here. you don't mean claymoore ? susanna, four days ago, you chaseda bottle of aspirinwith a bottle of vodka. i had a headache. susanna, your fatheris a friend of mine. he's a colleague.
he asked me to see you even though i don't do this anymore. you're hurtingeveryone around you. now, claymoore is a top-notch place. a lot of people go there. even writers-- like you. [ whispering ]great. uh, yes, i'd like a cab at 1240 milford, please. my mother's here.
it'll be less... emotional if we do it this way. your parents and i have talked about it. [ radio d.j. chattering indistinctly ] [ therapist ] now, make sure-- no stops. bye-bye. [ announcer on radio ] mostly clear tonight, with a low near 60. the outlook for tomorrow is partly cloudy and mild, with a high in the mid-70s. it's 69 in boston ! [ on radio ] â™ª when you're alone and life is makin' you lonely â™ª
â™ª you can always go downtown â™ª â™ª when you've got worries all the noise and the hurries â™ª â™ª seems to help i know â™ª â™ª downtown â™ª â™ª just listen to the music of the traffic in the city â™ª â™ª linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty â™ªâ™ª [ people ] â™ª ...a jolly good fellow â™ª [ man whispering ] susanna ? â™ª which nobody can deny â™ª
â™ª nobody can deny nobody can deny â™ª [ knock at door ] â™ª for he's a jolly good fellow â™ª â™ª he's a jolly good fellow â™ª susanna, are you there ? â™ª for he's a jolly good fellow â™ª hey.i want to see you again. â™ª which nobody can deny â™ªâ™ª [ people cheering ]
look, it was a one-time thing, okay ? just cometo my office tonight. [ woman ] sweetie ? where are you ? we're opening the presents. tell them you're goingto a friend's.please. who should i tell first--my parents, the departmentchairman, or your wife ? susanna. susanna. no. [ man ] what did you do ?
what did you do ? excuse me ? well, you look normal. i'm sad. [ chuckles ] well, everyone's sad. i see things. you mean like, uh,trippin' ? kind of.
well, then they shouldput john lennon away, huh ? i'm not john lennon. don't get too comfortable. shouldn't my parents-- you have to sign them,miss kaysen. you're over 18.this is your decision. um-- i-i didn't tryto kill myself. that's the kind of thingyou talk about in therapy,honey. not here.
miss kaysen ? you have the distinctionof being the onlysenior at springbrook... not going on to college. may i askwhat you plan to do ? i plan to write. but what do you planto do ? look. i'm not gonnaburn my bra or drop acid... or go march on washington. i just don't wantto end up like my mother.
women today havemore choices than that. [ scoffs ]no, they don't. and here. you forgot one, dear. here. oh. speaking for dr. wickand myself, welcome to claymoore,susanna. this is the women's ward,also known as south bell. this is whereyou'll be staying,
and this iswhere i work. all right,this is the second floor. i need you to stay closeto me because it's easyto get lost here. this is our ward. [ door closed, locked ] all right. let's start with this room. this is the art room. â™ªâ™ª [ off-key guitar plucked ] polly.
- what are you doing in here ?- i feel very musical today. can i-- can i just for-- just for a second ? not today, honey. mm-mmm. that's polly. [ sighs ] margie, polly was in the art roomby herself. i'm sorry, val. all right.
ah, the living room. everyone hates it. and these are the phones. you need to make a call,pick up the handle,tell the nurse. she'll connect you. this is the nurses' station,which is self-explanatory,and this... is the tv room,where everyone hangs out. i wantmy fucking clothes ! then you'll haveto eat something,won't you ?
this is the check-in board. â™ª oh, lordy â™ª you check in here if you wantto take a walk on the grounds. â™ª pick a bale of cotton â™ª â™ª oh, lordy pick a bale of hay â™ª â™ª gotta jump down, spin around pick a bale of cotton â™ª â™ª jump down, spin around pick a bale of hay â™ª â™ª jump down, spin around pick a bale of cotton â™ªâ™ª she thinks that bothers me.
right now you're an "r," which means you're restricted to the ward. but i think in about a monthyou'll probably move upto two-to-ones, which is two nursesto every patient. â™ªâ™ª [ continues ] i'm not gonnabe here that long.i'm just here for a rest. it's all right.everybody gets the same tourfree of charge. [ door opens ] georgina,this is susanna,your new roommate. oh, great. hi.
you're very lucky.georgina's anexcellent roommate. why, thank you, valerie. you're welcome. valerie ? [ whispering ]the cops are bringing up lisa.they found her in the park. susanna,will you excuse me ? i have some business i have to attend to. georgina, will youtake susanna downto the dining room... in a half hour ?
sure. yes means yes, georgina. i know. groovy box. that. oh ! yeah, um,they're french. the french resistancesmoked them, i think. did you ever read this ?
um, no. i saw the moviea bunch of times, though. oh, well, um, the movie's actually basedon the first book.i read that one too, but there were no ruby slippers in it originally. they added that. this one takes place afterwards. dorothy doesn't reallyhave such a big partin this one. oh. [ police radio chatter ]
fuckin' pig. get off me ! thanks, gretta. hey, dais, let anyonein your room yet ? huh ? hey, girls ! hey, sexy. [ kissing noises, growls ] it's good to be home ! hey, torch.
hey, lisa. you miss me ? not much. get her to her room.gretta'll do the strip search. who's thatwith georgie-girl ? who is that ? where's jamie ? i can't deal with this. lisa, don't give mea hard time. where's jamie ?
where is she ? where's jamie ? [ lisa shouting ] who are you ? her name is susanna.she smokesfrench cigarettes. why is all your shit on her bed ? - [ valerie ] lisa, open the damn door ! - why ? where's jamie ? - i don't know what you're talking about !- [ all shouting ] what the hellare you doing, lisa ? back off her.
back off !you've been gonefor two weeks. a lot of shit has gone down. back off ! how'd she do it ? how'd she do it ? how did she do it,valerie ? get the fuckoff me ! you weak people.you're allweak fucking people ! you're victims ! you people are fucking sick ! [ valerie ] gretta ? what ? no. no, no.val, please.please !
no ! no ! [ man ] lisa ! get her legs ! [ clamoring ] fuck you ! no ! get her feet ! i got her. get off me !no ! no ! no ! no ! no ! no !no ! no !get off ! we have got to cutthose nails again.
[ sobbing, muttering ] my god.what the hell was that ? that was lisa. and jamiewas your roommate ? jamie was lisa's best friend. she was sad last week'cause lisa ran away, so she hung herselfwith a volleyball net. master ?ooh ! oh, i'm sorry. [ both giggling ]
[ woman ] meds ! cynthia crowley. susanna kaysen. susanna kaysen ! i am mrs. mcwilley, and these are for you. what are they ? they'll help you sleep. - it's 10:30. i'm not gonna--- for christ's sake. you can discuss it in the morning, dear, with your doctor.
in the meantime,we'll just haveto agree to disagree. take them here.have some water. polly clark. you can go now. teresa mccullian. daisy randone. angela coury. jacqueline lights. donna smith.
[ continues, indistinct ] [ voices echoing ] [ man ] ...all the way to princeton university. [ applause ] [ mcwilley continues ] [ man continuing ] ...yearbook editor, and member of the honor society, heading off to tulane university. congratulations, son. andrea jacobs,president of the french cluband honor society,
and on her wayto sarah lawrence. susanna kaysen. what is she doing ? some kind of a stunt. [ crowd murmuring ] [ feedback whines ] susanna kaysen. [ boy ]wake up, you freak. [ whispering ]checks.
[ door closes ] [ whispering ]georgina. why do they do that ? they're just doing checks. they'll space them outmore after you'vebeen here a while. that girl, polly. how did she get all-- when she was ten, her mother told herthat she had to give awayher puppy...
'cause he was giving hera rash. so polly went... and found her father's gas can, and she poured it all over where she was getting the rash. and then... she lit a match. oh, my god. well, what about you ?why are you here ? pseudologia fantastica.
what's that ? i'm a pathological liar. â™ªâ™ª [ rock on radio ] â™ª time has come today â™ª â™ª young hearts can go their way â™ª â™ª can't put it off another day â™ª â™ª i don't care what others say â™ª â™ª they think we don't listen anyway â™ª â™ª hey â™ª
â™ªâ™ª [ grows louder ] â™ª oh â™ª â™ª the rules have changed today â™ª â™ª hey â™ª â™ª i have no plans to stay â™ª â™ª i'm thinking about those other ways â™ª â™ªâ™ª [ continues ] hey, what are your plans this fall ? what are your plansthis fall ?
i don't have any. i'm going to bean ethnobotanist. full scholarship to m.i.t. i'm gonna jointhe krishnas. hare krishna ?that's interesting, actually. i was kidding. â™ª now the time has come â™ª â™ª time â™ª â™ª there's no place to run â™ª
you're susanna, right ? i'm toby. andrea jacobs' brother. i was at graduation. you're, uh-- you're prettywhen you sleep. â™ª time â™ªâ™ª checks. it's 7:00. i mean, everybodythinks about itat some point.
how would you do it ? i don't know. i guess i haven'treally thought about it. â™ª the summer had inhaled and held its breath too long â™ªâ™ª see, once it'sin your head, though, â™ªâ™ª [ continues, indistinct ] you become this...strange new breed-- a life-form thatloves to fantasizeabout its own demise. make a stupid remark,kill yourself.
you like the movie, you live. you miss the train,kill yourself. susanna. what ? let's not talk about thisanymore, okay ? why ? because...it's, uh, stupid. [ groans ]what ? what are you doing ?
oh, what ?'cause i don'twant to kill myself, that's not cool to you ? i don't want to die. i was just talking. look, susanna,the world is fucked up,okay ? all right, it's so fucked up that if some-- some draft zombiepulls my birthdayout of a barrel, i'm gonna die. when's your birthday ? december 30.
- i'll pray for you.- hey. susanna. - checks ?- [ gasps ] [ gretta ] checks. [ valerie ]you asked for this ? - are you gonna watch ?- 'fraid so. that's why there's so manyfuzzy-legged women around here. has anybody ever watched youshave your legs ? i got two kidsand one bathroom.what do you think ? i think you shouldlock the door.
[ man over p.a. ] september 14. [ man 2 ] september 14 ? [ man 1 continues, indistinct ] [ woman ] bingo. bingo. bingo. [ man #1 ]december 30. a guy i knowwas just drafted. what's his name ? toby.
[ tv continues, indistinct ] bingo. he's dead now. bingo. [ daisy ] get out, lisa ! i'm not in your room, daisy. i'm right fuckin' here. i was gonna offer you some of my nail polish. get out ! [ door slams ]
[ chuckling ] you're lookingbetter, lisa. why, thanks, margie. how's the engagementgoing ? oh, you know. no, i don't.i've been away. joe wants me to...before the wedding. fuck his brains out.use a rubber. [ giggling ]
gosh, i don't know. yeah ! can i bum one ? go ahead. huh. so. have you had your first melvin yet ? who's that ? bald guywith a little peckerand a fat wife. your "ther-rapist,"sweat pea.
unless, uh-- unless they're giving you shocks. or, god forbid,letting you out. then you get to seethe great, wonderfuldr. dyke. she meansdr. wick. i've been in his office,but i haven't met him yet. he's a she.dr. wick's a girl. that's right, m.g.wick's a chick. wick's a chick. [ woman ] lisa !
hence the nickname. oh ! hey, lil.when the fuckis my checkup ? now. it's now, lisa.you said you'd bein your room. can't let you sit too longwithout popping the hood, huh ? asshole. [ margie ] susanna, you have melvin in half an hour. i'll take you there. i-- i'm sorry. [ man ] why are you using the past tense ?
[ susanna ] what do you mean ? well, he wasonly drafted today, so chances arehe's not dead yet. probably has severalmonths... before he even reports. he was just a nice guy,that's all, and it made me feel bad. you've been feeling badin general. right ?you've beenfeeling depressed ?
well, i haven't exactlybeen a ball of joy,melvin. i understand you triedto kill yourselflast week. anything you wantto tell me about that ? so i assume you tookthe recommendedaspirin dosage... for a headache. i didn't try to kill myself. what were you tryingto do ? i was tryingto make the shit stop. the time jumps, the depression,
the, uh, headaches, the thing with your hand ? all of the above. [ faintly ]paul is dead ! susanna ? what is it ?are you puzzledabout something ? yeah, i guess i am,melvin. i guess i'm puzzledas to why it is... i have to bein a mental institution. you-you put yourself here.
my parents put me here. no. no, they didn't. everyone here'sfucking crazy ! you want to go home. same problem. [ high-pitched voice ]m.g., look at me. play with me. don't be sad. don't be sad. hey.
lisa. [ lisa ] yeah. aah. thank you. mm-hmm. [ footsteps ] [ indistinct conversation ] [ lisa sighs ] [ no audio ]
susanna. oh. what are these ? colace.it's just a laxative. oh, i don't--i don't need them. are we goingto have a problem ? [ lisa to puppet ] are we going to have a problem ? are we goingto havea problem ? may i see ? surrender.
no ? no problem. susanna ?phone call, booth one. hello ? [ woman ]hold on. [ woman shouting ] hi, mom. hi, honey.your father's on too. he just got backfrom reserve hearings.his plane got stuck at dulles. [ father ] how you doing, honey ?
[ shouting ] i'm fine, dad. [ mother ]you know, sweetheart-- [ continues, indistinct ] oh, god ! that's what doctor-- valerie ? valerie, please. if you can't give meany ex-lax, can i pleasehave some colace ? [ valerie ] no. no more laxatives.
margie ? i can get hersome prune juice. [ laughs ]prune juice ! this is outrageous. [ mother continues, indistinct ] ...she was wondering whether you'd made any new friends, and i said, "no, mom. this isn't camp winnetka." â™ªâ™ª [ radio playing ]
daisy ? [ daisy ] fuck off. i have something you want. come in. [ door opens ] â™ª que sera, sera whatever will be â™ª â™ª will be â™ª â™ª the future's not ours to see â™ª â™ª que sera, sera â™ª
â™ª what will be will be â™ªâ™ª you're all packed up. yeah. i'm leavingin a month. my dad got mean apartment. really ? where ?what kind of-- it's near the airport. one bedroom, two baths,eat-in chicken. he fixed it up real nice for me. you mean "eat-in kitchen."
that's what i said, asshole. so what do you havethat i want ? put it on the bedand get out. - put yours on the bed.- oh, jesus. get out ! - get out ! - dais, don't take advantage just 'cause she's new. pony up some valium. get the fuck out, or i'm calling valerie ! - valerie !- why don't you call valerie ? let's call valerieand ask her for some colace,
just like susie q's gotin her fuckin' hand. why does it stink in here ? - i don't take valium.- [ lisa ] i know, daisy. that's the point. you don't take them.they give them to you,and you don't take them. what are you gonna do,are you gonna eat that,or-or-- checks.hey, you've gotvisitors, daisy. i want some fucking colace. talk to melvin tomorrow. you know what i think ?i think you wantto poop, daisy.
i think it's been days. look it's okay.i don't care. i do ! i do care. so, daddy buys you a privateand no one gets in, huh ? you never leave,except for when valeriemakes you go to the cafeteria, where, uh, you never eat. you're a laxative junkie, so... i always thoughtyou were like janet.
but then--but then here you arewith this fucking chicken. [ imitates chicken ]so what's with that, huh ? my dad owns a deli, asshole,with a rotisserie. i like my dad's chicken,and when i eat something else,i puke. but why do you eat it here ? why don't you liketo go to the cafeteria ? which do you like better ? taking a dump alone,or with valerie watching ? alone.
[ daisy ] everyone likes to be alone when it comes out. i like to be alone when it goes in. to me, the cafeteria is like being... with 20 girls all at once,taking a dump. that is fucked up, daisy. come on. come on. all right. assholes. fine. here. here.
no ! lisa, don't ! no, no, no, no !please. dios fucking mio. [ coughs ] ugh. [ lisa ] i guess that's how daddy knows she's eating. when i get five, [ lisa laughing ] valerie makes methrow them away.
scribble, scribble, scribble. [ gasps ] - written anything about me yet ?- don't do that ! okay. lisa, is daisy really getting out ? yeah. she coughed upa big one. b-but how can--i mean, she's... insane. yeah, well, that's what"ther-rape-me" is all about. that's why fuckin' freud'spicture's on everyshrink's wall.
he created a fuckin' industry. you lie down,confess your secrets,and you're saved. "ka-ching !" and, the more you confess, the more they think about setting you free. but what if you don'thave a secret ? then you're a lifer,like me. i was changing her diaper, and i turnedto get the powder, and whilemy back was turned,she rolled off the bed. she rolled off the bedand broke her leg.
and the doctor put herin a body cast, but he also strapped her down. - [ father ] annette, this has nothing to do-- - you never told me this. [ annette ] carl had been planning this trip to santa monica. he had a commitment at rand. so we-- we took her with us, on the back seat,strapped to this board,4,000 miles. if you like, mrs. kaysen, we can... discuss this, uh, furtheron the way out, but, uh--
just how longis my daughtergoing to be here ? with all due respect, mr. kaysen, psychiatry and economicsare, uh-- are different. the length of susanna's stayisn't fixed. uh, it dependson her response to treatment. [ carl ] for what ? depression ? look, it's almost christmas. what are we supposed to sayto the people back homewho care about her ? you see, melvin,what's going on here...
is my parents are havinga little holiday cocktailchristmas party crisis. [ carl ] susanna ! so what is this "borderline"business you mentionedon the phone ? uh, um-- i don't thinkthat's useful...to susanna. i mean, not, uh-- what "borderline business" ? see, the mind... borderline what ?
is the-- borderline between what and what ? melvin. it's a condition, susanna, and it's called borderlinepersonality disorder. oh, god. it's not uncommon, especially amongyoung women. well, what causes it ?
we're-- we're really not sure. is it genetic ? oh, christ ! it is five times more common... among thosewith a borderline... parent. i-i can't do this. i'm sorry. i can't.i can't do this. â™ªâ™ª [ marching band ]
"razors pain you, rivers are damp. "acid stains you, drugs cause cramp. "guns aren't lawful, nooses give. gas smells awful,you might as well live." gin. [ man on tv ] ...one of our old favorites, murphy the snowman. rendered four stories high, murphy requires... hey ! fatso.
hey, susanna. john-- - call me a cab.- okay, you're a cab. [ telephone rings ] lisa said you got into daisy's room. yes. and it was fullof chickens ! [ nurse ] susanna, you have a phone call. [ lisa ]so what's your"diag-nonsense" ?
who is this ? what'd he sayto mom and pop ? i have a borderline personality. [ scoffs ]well, that's nothing.what else ? he didn't want to say.he thought it wouldaffect my recovery. all right, listen.tongue your meds tonight. after 1:00 checks,gretta always goes outfor a smoke. check the mirrors,and if they're clear,you go down to hector's closet. it's near the art room, and it will be open.
torch ! come on. [ laughter ] susanna ! susanna !this is how lisa gets outwhen she escapes. we're underadministration, so...no good here. good thingthis place workson a sliding scale. we get to minglewith the lock-picking trash. [ giggling ]whoo ! wow.
here's miss dyke ! whoo ! susanna, you're up. no, no, no, no, no, no.i've only done thisonce in my life. come on ! we came all the way here. come on ! â™ª you know the nighttime â™ª â™ª is the right time â™ª
â™ª oh, to be be with the one you love â™ª - whoo !- all right ! â™ª come on, baby â™ª - â™ª i want to be with the one i love â™ª - yes ! â™ª and you know â™ª - â™ª just who i'm thinkin' of â™ª - whoo ! â™ª tell you the nighttime â™ª â™ª yeah, is the right time â™ª â™ª oh, to be with the one you love â™ª
- whoo ! yeah !- [ laughing ] when they built this place,they put the tunnels in... so the looniesdidn't have to goanywhere in the cold. i must have missed thatin the brochure. â™ª oh, come on, baby i need you â™ª [ janet ] hey, open the door. â™ª and i want you to squeeze me â™ª â™ª yeah, just as tight as you can â™ª [ fades ] â™ª i tell you that the nighttime â™ªâ™ª
what the fuckare you doing ? [ whispering ]wow. dr. wick's office. all right.georgina tuskin. cynthia crowley. congratulations. janet webber. lisa rowe. [ scoffs ] fuck you, melvin.
want to see mine ? let me see yours. [ janet ] "lisa rowe. "highs and lows increasingly severe. "controlling relationships with patients. "no appreciable response to meds. no remission observed." that was before you ran away. we are very rare,and we are mostly men.
[ janet ] lisa thinks she's hot shit 'cause she's a sociopath. i'm a sociopath. no, you're a dyke. "borderline personality disorder. "an instability of self-image, "relationships and mood. "uncertainty about goals, impulsive in activities... "that are self-damaging, such as casual sex. i like that.
social contrariness and a generally pessimistic attitude are often observed." well, that's me. that's everybody. i mean, what kind of sexisn't casual ? they mean promiscuous. i'm not promiscuous. i'm not. jesus. look at janet.
[ valerie ]no, no, no.it's all right. okay, okay, okay.it's okay. you know, taking usfor ice creamsin a blizzard, makes you wonderwho the realwhack jobs are. you know, i thinkit's kind of nice. i mean, i think it's niceto do something niceon daisy's last day. â™ªâ™ª [ easy-listening christmas carols ] [ valerie ]come on, come on. [ all chattering ]
- fuck !- i'm gonna have peppermint stick. - yeah, me too. can i just have peppermint stick ?- sure. no. it's just called peppermint. peppermint dick ! [ laughter ] honestly. peppermint clit ! [ valerie ] okay, okay, okay. - okay. we're just going to have four cones.- four cones.
susanna, do you wantanything ? i'm fine. lisa ? hey, ronny. yes ? you got any hot fudge ? yeah ? can i have a vanilla sundaewith hot fudge... and, uh, sprinkles--rainbow, not chocolate.
and, uh, um, whipped cream, cherries... and, uh-- - nuts ?- [ all laughing ] okay, now. okay.let's have a seat,ladies. melvin... thought that i shouldlive in a halfway house.[ scoffs ] but my father knewthat i deservedmy own apartment,
so he got methe prettiest apartment. it has an eat-in chicken. and all this beautifulwicker furniture,which is fantastic. wicker butterflies-- my very favorite part is that like in the phone booth... there's a sign right outside... that says, "if you lived here, you'd be home now." hello, susanna. do you remember me ? you must remember me.
yes. mrs. gilcrest, hi. - susanna, are you okay ?- oh, i'm-- i'm fine. hey, bonnie. how's radcliffe ? wellesley. i'm enjoying it. it's strong in art. going to the sorbonnethis summer. that's great. you know,i know all about you. and i hopethey put you away forever.
- is this the professor's wife ?- what professor ? - oh, so you told everybody ?- lady, back off. was i talking to you ? mother, we have to go. no, you were spitting on me,so mellow fuckin' out. [ mrs. gilcrest ] don't you tell me what to do. look, she gave your husband a rim job. big fuckin' deal. i'm sure he was begging for it,and i heard it was likea pencil anyway. - why, you-- how dare you !- some advice, okay ?
just don't pointyour fuckin' fingerat crazy people ! - [ growling, barking ]- [ howling ] let go of me ! - mother ?- get that out of my face, asshole ! - let go. now.- [ barking, howling continue ] - stop it !- [ janet ] rank you ! come again, mrs. professor ! [ lisa ] you shared a man with that woman ? did you enjoythe fresh air, lisa ?
yeah, i did, val.thanks. good. 'cause it's the last timeyou're leaving the ward. is that a dare,or a double dare ? [ woman ] okay, raise your arms. â™ªâ™ª [ slow-tempo waltz ] very good. we're going to be trees. feel the strength in your armsas the branches, and reach those branchesup to the sky--
come on, susanna.reach. very good.oh. lisa, get on. all right. reach your arms, girls. reach. really lift. [ meows ] feel the stretch through the hip. [ barks ] very good. let your arms be branches. [ laughing ]
feel the strength of those branches. reach. reach all the way up into the sky. very good. let the winds blow the leaves... [ lisa laughing ] and let your fingers be the leaves. very good. feel the wind. good. good, lisa. just lift up. lift up. very good, girls. now, feel your feet. feel your feet be rooted.
go down into a plie. very good. good, girls. polly, very good. okay. now stretch it. the wind's blowing really hard. this way. this way. it's blowing you over. that's not fair. [ screaming ]that's not fair ! [ continues screaming ] that is not fair ! seventy four isthe perfect weight. [ sobs ]
good luck,crazy bitch. [ instructor ] what kind of tree can you be, janet, down there on the floor ? [ janet ] i'm a fucking shrub, all right ? â™ªâ™ª [ minor-key ballad ] â™ª how do you fight loneliness â™ª â™ª you smile all the time â™ª â™ª showin' your teeth till meaningless â™ª â™ª and sharpen them with lies â™ª â™ª and whatever is going down â™ª
...and i cannot fight back. you're using me.i mean, it's so clearthat you're using me. â™ª will follow you around â™ª [ susanna continues, indistinct ] â™ª that's how you fight loneliness â™ª â™ª you laugh at every joke â™ª [ laughing, cheering ] â™ª you drag your blanket blindly â™ª [ chattering ]
â™ª you fill your heart with smoke â™ª [ announcer ]martin luther king, jr.,was killed tonight... â™ª and the first thing that you want â™ª ...as he stood aloneon the balconyof his hotel room. last night, he said this-- â™ª will be the last thing you ever need â™ª [ king ] we've got some difficult days ahead. â™ª that's how you fight it â™ªâ™ª but it really doesn't matter with me now.
â™ªâ™ª [ fades ] because i've been to the mountaintop. [ applause ] i don't mind. i don't mind. [ man on tv ] so what do your other children call you ? well they've called memom, and mama, and mommy... [ door shuts ] [ valerie ] susanna. you have a visitor. wh-what are you doing here ?
i, uh, got to ship outnext week. [ both chuckle ] [ laughing ] [ gretta ] checks. sorry. no. it's okay. we have ten minutestill they come back. meow. meow. [ hisses ]
what you doing ? nothing. well, why don't you goto your room and do nothing,huh ? [ sobbing ] [ margie ] checks. checks. hey, margie. how's joe ? he's fine.
lisa, i have to do my checks. yeah, and what ?taking five minutes for mewould be a dereliction of duty ? what if i hada punctured artery ?what would you do ? would you just keepgoing about your roundsand ignore my wounds ? - lisa, stop it.- stop what ? you fucking-- look at this. - go ahead. go ahead.- that's enough. take one fucking stepand i'll jam this in my aorta.go ahead. stop it. lisa, your aorta isin your chest.
good to know. i'll makea note of that. meow. [ laughs, whistles ] susanna, you havegrounds privileges.why don't you take a walk ? go get a cup of coffee. [ cheering, laughing ] [ panting, moaning ] [ sighs ]we shouldget out of here.
the caf-- the cafeteria is this way. just keep walking.my wheels are right here. wait. wh-what are we doing ? [ whispering ]we're going to canada. you're not crazy.okay ? you don't needto be here. i tried to kill myself,toby. but-- y-you took some aspirin--
i took a bottle of aspirin. wha--and that buys youa year in this place ? that-- susanna,th-that's bullshit, okay ? they're breaking you. now, come on. all right ? e-everything is changing, man. wh-what the fuckdo they knowabout being normal ? i-- i have friends in here. who ?them ? those girls ? susanna.
they're eating grapes off of the wallpaper. okay ? th-they're insane. if they are, i am. no. no, baby. listen, come with me. no. look, my, uh-- my dad gave mefive grand. okay ? we can go up there.we could build a cabinin the woods.
look, i knowit sounds crazy... but i think i love you. so come with me, okay ? come with me. uh. you want to leave. don't you ?i mean, it-it-- i want to leave. but not with you.
not with you. i'm sorry. susanna, wait a second. why did you do that ? fix the lightbulbat night ? i'm not here in the morning, and that's when you liketo draw your pictures and stuff. so-- uh-huh.
john. why do you like me ? i just like you. that's all. i wish you were getting better, though. i would, uh-- [ chuckles ]i would take you outto go see a movie or something. that would be nice. [ woman shouting, objects clattering ]
my face. i'm okay. just-just step-- let her be.she's fine. she's fine. [ wailing ] [ nurse ] seclusion. take her to seclusion. come on. i got you. my face. my face. why ? my face ! my face ! quieten down. quieten down.
you're all right. [ fading ] my face ! i'm ugly ! [ polly weeping ] [ man on tv ] the sketches and plans you will see today... will show clearly the enormous size and scope of our project. and the important thingis that disney worldis located... just a few milesfrom the crossing point-- [ susanna ] hey. [ tv continues ]
what happened to polly ? what needs to happen ?no one is ever goingto kiss her, man. they're building a new disneyland in florida. if i could have any jobin the world, i'd bea professional cinderella. you could be snow white. and polly could beminnie mouse. and then everyone wouldhug her and kiss herand love her... and no one would knowwhat was insidethat big giant head, you know ?
give me your keys. [ weeping continues ] hey, polly. it's susanna. just play something. if talking did shit,we'd be out of here by now. â™ª the â™ª uh-- â™ª when you're alone â™ª
â™ª and life is making you lonely â™ª â™ª you can always go â™ª [ silence ] â™ª when you've got worries â™ª â™ª all the noise and the hurry â™ª â™ª seems to help i know â™ª [ tambourine jangling ] â™ª downtown â™ª â™ª just listen to the music in the traffic in the city â™ª
â™ª linger on the sidewalks where the neon lights are pretty â™ª â™ª how can you lose â™ª â™ª the lights are much brighter there â™ª â™ª you can forget all your troubles â™ª â™ª forget all your cares and go â™ª back to your room,please. please, back in your room. â™ª things will be great when you're â™ª mcwilley is going to wake up.
â™ª everything's waiting for youâ™ª susanna, give me the guitar. â™ª just listen to the rhythm â™ª so you're goingto get me fired. lisa-- â™ª you'll be dancing with him to before the night is over â™ª susanna,give me the guitar. â™ª happy again â™ª - â™ª again â™ª- no. no. it's okay. it's okay. come here.
you're going to get me fired.do you know that ? you-- [ polly ] â™ª downtown â™ª â™ª everything's great â™ª â™ª when you're downtown â™ªâ™ª i'm writing you up. i am sick of this bullshit. [ woman ] is she here ? you can go in now. [ woman whispering ] what did she do ?
[ woman 2 ] they drugged nurse mcwilley. good morning, susanna. good morning. how are you ? i'm fine, i guess. sit down. you look tired. polly freaked out last night... and we stayed upsinging to her, lisa and i.
have you become friendswith lisa ? why ?is that bad ? does it feel bad ? before you came heredid you havemany girlfriends ? not really. would you say thatbefore you came hereyour friends consisted mainly... of boys, of men ? does it say in therethat i'm promiscuous ? why do you choose that word ?
how many guys would i have to sleep with... to be considered promiscuous--textbook promiscuous ? what do you think ? ten, eight, five. and how many girls would a guymy age have to sleep withto be considered promiscuous ? ten, 20, 109 ? well, someonewho's compulsivelypromiscuous... might engage in a sex actwith a guest in their room, and then engagein another sex act--
during the same day-- with an orderly. am i in troublefor kissing an orderly, or giving my boyfrienda blow job ? melvin says... you have some very interestingtheories about your illness. you believe there isa mystical undertow in life-- quicksands of shadows. yeah, and anotherone of my theories is that...
you people don't knowwhat you're doing. still, you acknowledgethere is a problem in copingwith this quicksand. you know, i have a problemcoping with this hospital.i want to leave. i can't do that. i signed myself in. i should be able to sign myself out. you signed yourselfinto our care. we decidewhen you leave. you're not readyfor it, susanna. your progress has plateaued.
does that disappoint you ? i'm ambivalent. in fact, that's my new favorite word. do you know whatthat means, "ambivalence" ? - i don't care.- if it's your favorite word, i would have thought-- it means, "i don't care." that's what it means. on the contrary, susanna. ambivalence suggests strong feelings...
in opposition. the prefix--as in ambidextrous-- means "both." the rest of it--in latin-- means "vigor." the word suggests that you are torn... between two opposingcourses of action. "will i stay or will i go ?" "am i sane or am i crazy ?"
those aren'tcourses of action. they can be, dear,for some. well, then it'sthe wrong word. i think it's perfect. quis hic locus ? quae regio ? quae mundi plaga ? "what world is this ? "what kingdom ?
what shores of what worlds ?" it's a very big question you're faced with, susanna. the choice of your life. how much will youindulge in your flaws ? what are your flaws ? are they flaws ? if you embrace them, will you commit yourselfto hospital for life ? big questions, big decisions. it's not surprising you professcarelessness about them.
is that it ? for now. this way,susanna. [ susanna ] john was moved to the men's ward. and lisa never came back from dr. wick's office. [ man ]we live in a time of doubt. the institutions we once trustedno longer seem reliable. [ tv continues, indistinct ] [ polly ] susanna.
daisy sent us a postcardall about her new apartment. she got a pussycat. where's lisa ? you know where she is. they just put her in another ward. i think you need to get up. i'm just goingto rest for a while.just a little while. hey.[ mumbles ] hey. i--
i'm not--what are you doing ? [ shouts ] fuck.you sh-- sorry. too cold ? what the fuck are you doing ? - get me the fuck out of this tub.- get yourself out. where the fuck is lisa ? what's the matter,can't hack it without her ? you banish herfor singing to polly ?we were trying to help her.
we were trying to help her. this place is a fucking fascist torture chamber. see, i've workedin state hospitals. this place isa five-star hotel. [ laughing ]â™ª oh, lordy, pick a bale of cotton â™ªâ™ª you know, i can takea lot of crazy shit... â™ªâ™ª [ continues ] from a lot of crazy people, but you-- you are not crazy. then what's wrong with me, huh ?
what the fuck is going oninside my head ? tell me, doctor val.what's your "diag-nonsense" ? you are a lazy,self-indulgent, little girl... who is driving herself crazy. oh. is that your, uh,medical opinion ? huh ? is that what you've learnedin your advanced studiesat night school... for negro, welfare mothers ? i mean, melvin doesn't have a clue, wick is a psycho, and you-- you pretend you're a doctor.
you sign the chartsand you dole out meds, [ exaggerated accent ]but "you's" ain't no doctor,miss valerie. "you's" ain't nothingbut a black nursemaid. and you're justthrowing it away. do you still wantto go to florida ? lisa, we need money, don't we ? you've been tonguingyour meds at night, right ? yeah, but i only have-- they gave me shocks again.
all right, jamie?i have to get out of here. i'm susanna. [ car passing ] what are we doing ? what is this ? "dear sir. "please give daisy randone assistance... installing a telephoneat 23 vicar street." i thought we were goingto florida.
we are. we justneed a place to crashtill we get plane tickets. â™ªâ™ª [ radio playing ] nice coat. â™ª come on let's go downtown â™ª â™ª she said i got to go â™ª â™ª but my friend can stick around â™ª â™ª take a load off annie â™ª â™ª take a load for free â™ª â™ª and, and, and â™ª
â™ª you put the load right on me â™ªâ™ª [ blues-rock ] â™ª well, keep your eyes on the road â™ª â™ª your hands upon the wheel â™ª â™ª oh, keep your eyes on the road â™ª â™ª going to the roadhouse â™ª â™ª gonna have a real â™ª â™ª good time â™ªâ™ª lisa ? lisa. why ?
you don't want me,tony. yes, i do, baby. no, you don't.i'm a crazy girl. you're crazy,so we can't haveone night of bliss ? i am a crazy girl.seriously. you been in a hospital ? do you see purple people ? my friend, he saw purple people. and so the state came and took him away.
he didn't like that. some time went by and-- and he told them he didn'tsee purple people no more. he got better. no.he still sees them. [ door slams ] come on.we've got to split. [ man ] hey, somebody stop her ! she took my fucking wallet ! [ daisy ] identify yourself.
it's susanna and-- you got valium ? [ chains unlatching ] [ susanna ] wow. cool pad. hey, daisy. peace, man. peace. come on.i'm sorry for being a bitch.i was a drag. that's for you. [ lisa meowing ]
that's ruby. my dad bought herfor me. [ daisy ] this is a castro convertible. ooh. it folds out. [ lisa ] where's your bathroom ? right there. - you don't have a tub.- no. i don't. what about upstairs ?
nope. yeah. okay. so, what ? did you two escape, or what ? [ susanna ] actually, we're going to florida. [ daisy ] oh ! all you have is mustard and your chickens. so, what are you girlsgoing to do in florida ? i'm going to bethe new cinderella... at walt disney'snew theme park.
susanna's goingto be snow white. you can come if you want. you can, uh-- you can bethe cocker spanielthat ate spaghetti. i want to makepancakes. i'm tired.i want to go to bed. in the morning.i want to make pancakesin the morning. there's a marketon the corner. pans areunder the sink. silver isin that drawer.
do you have any money ? do you have some sortof a safety net down there ? people you know down there in florida ? relatives ? friends, anything ? this is for your pancakes. don't make a lot of noisein the morning. i like to sleep late. i'll come downwhen i'm ready.
psst, psst, psst. â™ªâ™ª [ humming ] â™ªâ™ª [ continues humming ] give me the valium. we don't needyour daddy's money. then leave it there. just give me the fucking valium. what's this ? huh ? what's this ?trying out your new silver ?
let go. get the fuck off me. - less appealing for daddy, huh ?- lisa. look at your own arm,asshole. i'm sick, daisy.we know that. but here you arein so-called recovery,playing betty crocker, cut up likea goddamn virginia ham. lisa, just stop it, okay ? help me understand,daisy, 'cause...
i thoughtyou didn't do valium. tell me how thissafety net is working. tell me that you don't take that blade... and drag it across your skin... and pray for the courageto press down. tell me how your daddy... christ. helps you cope with that. illuminate me.
my father loves me. i bet. with every inch of his manhood. i'm going to sleep now. [ moans ] please be gone in the morning. you're just jealous, lisa. because i got better. because i was released.
because i have a chance... and a life. they didn't release youbecause you're better, daisy. they just gave up. you call this a life ? huh ? taking daddy's money, buying your dolliesand your knickknacks, and eatinghis fucking chicken, fattening up likea prize fucking heifer ?
you changed the scenery,but not the fucking situation... and the warden makeshouse calls. and everybody knows-- everybody knows-- that he fucks you. what they don't know... is that you like it. huh ? you like it. shut the fuck up !
but hey, man, it's cool. it's okay. it's fine. it's fucking fine. a man is a dickis a man is a dickis a chicken... is a dad... a valium, a speculum,whatever, huh ? whatever. you like being mrs. randone. probably all you've ever known, huh ? have fun in florida.
[ chuckles ] â™ª [ ballad ] â™ª why do these eyes of mine cry â™ª â™ª don't they know â™ª â™ª it's the end â™ª has she come down yet ? â™ª of the world â™ª â™ª it ended when you said â™ª but she's been playingthat shit all morning.
â™ª good-bye â™ª â™ª why does my heart â™ª â™ª go on beating â™ª â™ª it's the end of the world â™ª [ knocks ]daisy ? â™ª good-bye â™ªâ™ª â™ª [ ends ] â™ª [ resumes ] â™ª why does the sun â™ª
â™ª go on shining â™ª â™ª why does the sea â™ª â™ª rush to shore â™ª â™ª 'cause you don't love me â™ª â™ª anymore â™ª â™ª why do the birds â™ª â™ª go on singing â™ª â™ª why do the stars â™ª â™ª glow above â™ª
[ gasping ] [ gagging ] â™ª it ended when i lost â™ª oh, my god ! â™ª your love â™ªâ™ª â™ªâ™ª [ continues indistinct ] oh,what an idiot. [ sobbing ] yes, i need an ambulance. make it a hearse.
daisy randone. she killed herself. twenty-three vicar street. yes. please hurry. â™ª [ continues ] you pressed her buttons. now you're taking her money. please. i didn't press shit.she was waiting for an excuse. come on, pack up.we have to go. all right ?
we have to go. we have money. susanna,don't be stupid. all right, fine.be stupid. [ thunderclap ] we should send someone for a litter box. can i-- can i pet the kitty ? yeah.careful.
hello. hello,puddycat. kitty. you're so cute. where's georgina ? she's stayingwith polly tonight. they're playingwith your cat. did they find lisa ? i couldn't stand up to her.
a decent personwould have done something. shut her up. gone upstairs. talked to daisy. melvin said you went upstairs. too late. what would you have said to her ? i don't know. that i was sorry.
that i'll never knowwhat it was like to be her, but i know what it's liketo want to die. how it hurts to smile. how you try to fit in,but you can't. how you hurt yourselfon the outside... to try to kill the thingon the inside. susanna, it's all well and good to tell me all this, but you've got to tellsome of this to your doctors.
how the hell am i supposed to recover... when i don't evenunderstand my disease ? but you do understand it. you spoke very clearlyabout it a second ago. but i think what you've got to do is put it down. put it away. put it in your notebook. but get it out of yourself-- away, so you can't curl up with it anymore. lisa thinks it's a gift.
that it lets you seethe truth. lisa has been herefor eight years. [ sobbing ]i'm so sorry. i was a pig. i was a pig. it's all right.listen. do not drop anchor here. understand ? [ susanna narrating ] when you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream.
but seeing death-- really seeing it-- makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. maybe there's a moment growing up... when something peels back. maybe. maybe i-- we look for secrets because we can't believe our minds-- and though i missed lisa, life was easier without her.
a thought is a hard thing to control-- out in the real world-- all i know is that i began to feel things again-- ...crazy, sane, stupid, smart, angry-- ...whatever i was-- i knew there was only one way back to the world, and that was to use the place-- to talk. [ indistinct ]
so i saw the great and wonderfl dr. wick three times a week, and i let her hear every thought in my head. do you think maybei have e.s.p. or something ?that i'm gifted ? perhaps. you think i can be homeby thanksgiving ? nothing has happenedin weeks, you know. the point is control. yeah, and here i am-- in control, off meds,
no headaches, sleeping sound. [ woman on tv ] oh, will you help me ? can you help me ? [ woman 2 ] you don't need to be helped any longer. you've always had the powerto go back to kansas. i have ? [ man ] then why didn't you tell her before ? because she wouldn't have believed me. she had to learn it for herself. [ man ]what have youlearned, dorothy ? [ dorothy ] well,
i think that it--that it wasn't enough just to want to seeuncle henry and auntie em. [ woman ] valerie. and that if i ever go looking [ whispering ] for my heart's desire again, i won't look any further than my own back yard. because if it isn't there, i never really lost it to begin with.
is that right ? [ gretta ]thanks, joe. [ tapping ] go away. go away ! it's me. it's been a while... and i just wanted to say hey. you okay ?
fabulous. [ valerie ] susanna. you're going to be late. gretta's waiting for you. i got to go. doctor wick. are they stillfucking with you ? they're, uh-- actually,they're letting me out. oh, that's great.
you better go. uh, well, my dad got me a job--a part-time job-- at a bookstorein harvard square. and i got an apartmentwith a phone so i can-- stay in touch.uh-huh. yep.and, uh,i'll be seeing sonia... twice a week. is that your long-term plan, to work in retail ? my plan ?no.
then what do you plan to do ? ah. [ mcwilley ] polly clark. you know what ?i don't think i need them. sleeping pills, darling. i-- you want to be restedfor tomorrow, don't you ? the last night isa long one. good girl. katie cooper.
[ mcwilley ] rosemary jones. teresa mccullian. [ shouting, clamoring ] [ shouting, shrieking ] [ shrieking ] [ clamoring continues ] ruby ? [ cat meows ] ruby--
[ woman speaking, indistinct ] [ lisa ] "if i spread my fingers out, my hand looked more human. "so i did that. "but it wasn't tiring holding my fingers apart, so i let them relax. "and then i turned my hand over. "the back of it wasn't much better. my veins bulged." [ continues, indistinct ] shut up. i'm reading. shut up.
lisa ! "i can honestly say that my memory has been transformed... "so that by freud's definition, i have achieved mental health. [ chuckling ] and my discharge sheet reads 'recovered.'" "recovered." [ laughing ] don't do this ! "whatever it was--" "had my personality--" "had i stopped arguing ?" [ laughs ]
lisa ! [ lisa ] "recovered." we were just reading your book. we figured on your last night we'd have a little salon--a little read-aloud. celebrate all the wisdomyou're carrying into the world. try to learn something--grow as people. we read how when you were a baby, they strapped you to a board. and how you think georginadoesn't really want to leave, and polly never will, and that i'm criminally insane.
what-- what are you guys doing here ? "lisa's eyes, once so magnetic, now just look empty." [ whispering ] lisa. that is mine. that is mine. georgina."georgina lies only to people who keep her here. sometimes i thinkshe wants to livein oz forever." [ lisa ] how perceptive. you better erase that thing.
georgina, i-- you better erase it ! 'cause my fatheris the head of the c.i.a., and he couldhave you dead in minutes ! - "in this world, looks are everything. - [susanna ] oh, god. "sometimes i think polly's sweetness and purity aren't genuine at all, but a desperate attemptto make it easierfor us to look at her." so nice of youto pass judgment on usnow that you're cured. what the fuckare you doing, lisa ?
i'm playing the villain, baby.just like you want. i try to give you everything you want. no, you don't. you wanted your file--i found you your file.you wanted out-- i got you out. you needed money-- i found you some. i'm consistent.i told you the truth.i didn't write it in a book. i told you to your face. and i told daisy to her face-- what everybody knewand wouldn't say--and she killed herself.
and i playedthe fucking villain. just like you wanted. why would i want that ? because it makes youthe good guy, sweet pea. it makes you the good guy,and you come back here, all sweetness and light,sad and contrite, and everybody sits,wringing their hands, congratulating youand all your bravery. and meanwhile, i'm blowing guys in the bus station...
for the moneythat was in her fucking robe. - stop it, lisa. she's too--- shut up, polly ! [ lisa ] where are you going ? i'm talking to you. where are you going ? where are you going ? i'm talking to you. what ?you don't like me anymore ? no, i don't ! because you're free ? [ screaming ] shut up !
you think you're free ? [ shouting, indistinct ] i'm free.you don't know what freedom is ! i'm free. [ lisa ] i can breathe. you, you're gonna go choke on your average fucking mediocre life. [ screams ] you know, there aretoo many buttons in the world. there's too many buttons and they're just--
no. no. no. no. there's way too many just begging to be pressed. they're just beggingto be pressed, you know. they're just-- they're just begging to be pressed. and it makes me wonder, you know. it really makes mefucking wonder-- why doesn't anybodyever press mine ? why am i so neglected ? why doesn't anybody...
reach in and rip out the truth ? and tell methat i'm a fucking whore ? or that my parents wish i were dead ? because you'redead already, lisa. no one cares if you die, lisa. because you're dead already. your heart is cold. that's why you keepcoming back here. you're not free.
you need this place. you need it to feel alive. it's pathetic. [ glass breaking ] [ sobbing ]god. [ sobbing ]i hate-- [ wailing ] i've wasted a year of my life. maybe everyoneout there is a liar, and maybe the whole world...
is stupid and ignorant, but i'd rather be in it-- i'd rather be fucking in it-- than down here with you. [ georgina ] lisa. don't. don't. did you get it ? had to tradewith a transvestitein the men's ward.
thanks. [ whispering ]you know, i'm not really dead. i'm going to miss you,susie q. no, you're not. you're goingto get out of here... and you're goingto come and see me. okay ? [ chattering ]
hey, georgina. you know all that stuff i write in my journal ? i don't know what i'm saying. they're just thoughts. maybe i'm the liar. maybe not. see you. polly, do you thinkif i left ruby here,
you'd take careof her for me ? and let me play with herwhen i come for my therapy ? bye, ruby. bye. remember me whenyou shave your legs. [ susanna narrating ] declared healthy... and sent back into the world. my final diagnosis-- a recovered borderline.
what that means, i still don't know. was i ever crazy ? maybe. or maybe life is. [ driver ] hey. i remember you. where are you going ? seventeen burlingame. all right.
[ susanna, continuing ] crazy isn't being broken... or swallowing a dark secret. it's you or me... amplified. if you ever told a lie... and enjoyed it-- if you ever wished you could be a child... forever-- they were not perfect,
but they were my friends. and by the '70s... most of them were out, living lives. some i've seen, some, never again. but there isn't a day my heart doesn't find them. â™ª when you're alone and life is making you lonely â™ª â™ª you can always go â™ª
â™ª when you've got worries all the noise and the hurry â™ª â™ª seems to help i know â™ª â™ª linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty â™ª â™ª how can you lose â™ª â™ª the lights are much brighter there â™ª â™ª you can forget all your troubles â™ª â™ª forget all your cares so go â™ª â™ª no finer place for sure â™ª â™ª everything's waiting for you â™ª
â™ª don't hang around and let your problems surround you â™ª â™ª there are movie shows â™ª â™ª maybe you know some little places to go to â™ª â™ª where they never close â™ª â™ª just listen to the rhythm of a gentle bossa nova â™ª â™ª you'll be dancing with them too before the night is over â™ª â™ª happy again â™ª â™ª forget all your cares so go â™ª â™ª where all the lights are bright â™ª
â™ª waiting for you tonight â™ª â™ª you're going to be all right now â™ª â™ª and you may find somebody kind â™ª â™ª to help and understand you â™ª â™ª someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand â™ª â™ª to guide them along â™ª â™ª so maybe i'll see you there â™ª â™ª we can forget all our troubles â™ª â™ª forget all our cares so go â™ª
â™ª don't wait a minute more â™ª â™ª everything's waiting for you â™ªâ™ª