Saturday, March 4, 2017

puppets joke

coming up next on odd squad... - look puppet master, i know youturned 6 people into puppets. 2 of them were my agents.- if you don't fix it by sundown, you'll becute puppets forever. (man screaming)- quick! back to the lab! - my name is agent olive. this is my partner, agent otto. this is what came first. but back to otto and me.

we work for an organization run by kids that investigates anything strange, weird, and especially, odd. our job is to put things right again. (theme music) (whinnying) - ah!- hi-yah! - come on, olive! come on!- where are we going?! who do we work for? we work for odd squad. - look, puppet master,i know you turned 6 people

into puppets.- you can't prove anything! - of course, i can!2 of them were my agents! - you've got a lot of nerve. - look at my arms! how am isupposed to work like this? (growling)(sighing) - i need my agents back. now! so how about you tell me howto work this gadget of yours, which, for some strange reason,looks like a giant dog bone? - it does not looklike a dog bone!

- (all): yes, it does!- now i don't want to help you. - fine, we'll doit the hard way.- what's the hard way? - in 3 seconds,i will close my eyes. - and?- and maybe these 2 agents decide to pay you a visiton the other side of the table. of course, i can't tellthat will happen because my eyes will be closed. the only thing that i will say is you're gonna wishyour eyes were closed too!

one... two... - ok, ok, i'll help you. you can turn everyone backwith a gadget. you need all 6 puppets in the same roomat the same time lined up in the orderthey were zapped, starting from earliestin the day to the latest. but you'll have to hurry,if you don't fix it by sundown,you'll be cute puppets forever.

- (olive and otto):we are not cute! (otto growling) - you two head into town.i'll be in my office working the phones.- hey, great idea! you can find out if anyone'sseen any puppets around. - actually, i was gonna makesome calls about getting a pet. but sure, i can find outabout puppets too. (ms. o sighs.)who am i kidding?i'm just not going to have time. - oh, man! this isso embarrassing!

- we need to focus.look at this. it's a timeline,so we can place everyone in the order they were zappedby the puppet master. - hey, that's us! - yep! so far just us. andwe were zapped at 12pm, see? the hour, 12, goes first before the 2 dots. and the minutes -in this case 00 - go after the dots. - what's the pm part?

- pm basically meansafternoon and nighttime. it starts after 12 o'clock, also known as you know what time it is now? - time to find some puppets! - o'neal, send usthrough the tubes. - who said that?- down here. - olive and ottoare puppets! (o'neil laughing) look at your tiny,little badges,

and your tiny little arms. - o'neil!- just ignore him. - preparing to squishinate! (cawing sounds) ooh, the itty-bitty buddies! - o'neil!- just push the button! - whooshinating! (screaming) - whoo! i'm a puppet! woohoo!

- i don't likebeing a puppet! aaah! oh no!(clicking like a dolphin) - so, this villain-looking ladycomes over to me holding something that lookslike a dog bone. anyway, kapow! next thing you know, i'm a puppet.can you believe it? - uh, unfortunately, yes. - don't worry, jimmy,we can help you. but we needto know one thing.

what time did youturn into a puppet?- ah, gee, i don't remember. - what were you doing?- i was eating breakfast andi was just about to start work. - what time do you start work?- about 9 o'clock. - hmm... and you were eatingbreakfast, which means it was morning time, so 9am.and because morning is before noon,am comes before pm, which means jimmy was zappedinto a puppet before us. - (otto): am means before noon?- (olive): right. - is that supposedto make me feel better?

look at me, i'm still a puppet! besides, my pals over here, they're just busting my chops! - hey, jimmy, can i borrowyour felt hammer? (jimmy sighs.)- don't worry, jimmy, we can fix this.but you have to come with us. - oh, sure, jimmy gets to leavework early 'cause he's a puppet. tony never gets to leave,he's a robot. (phone ringing)

- hello? - ms. o, we foundanother puppet. - olive, is that you?i can barely hear you. - my badge phoneis made of felt. - whatever you're saying, ifully approve. good work, agent. - ms. o, i've gotsome pet ideas. snake, too cuddly. bear? too weak. oh! a lion! i can dress it uplike a zebra.

- couldn't you justget a zebra? - i feel like we're having2 different conversations here. - so this lady comes up to mewith, like, a dog bone. and then flash! and now...(moaning in frustration) ...i can't do my job anymore!- we can help, but we need to find out when you werezapped, so we can put you in order from the earliestin the day to the latest. - oh, uh, rightbefore work. 7am. - that's in the morning,but jimmy got zapped

in the morning too, at 9am. - huh... if they're bothin the morning, the smaller the number,the earlier it is. and because 7 is smaller than 9,it should go first. - we've only got2 more puppets to find. but we need to stick togetherif we all want to get turned back.- well, i hope my hammer gets turned back too.hang in there, big thunder. - what is that?!- ms. o, i got it!

how about an invisible hamster?they're easy to take care of, love to cuddle, and... there's nothing in here. - ah, i'll never find a pet. - well, what if you describewhat you're trying to look for? - that's the thing:what i want doesn't exist! i want something with fur, 4 legs, a tail, and it makes a noiselike woof, woof!

- i think i might be ableto help. (bleating) - ah, so muchwasted ice cream! - um, what timedid you turn into a puppet? - ah, i've been lettingmy customers down since around 10am. - that's the morning,which is before noon. - but 10 is a bigger numberthan 9, so that means it happened afterthe crossing guard and

the construction worker,but before us. so, here! one more to go.come on, puppets peeps. - right.- yeah! - puppet show! - actually, we're nota puppet show. - puppet show!- no, for real. we're just--- puppet show! - you're not gonnalet us pass unless we do a show,are you?

- nope!(puppets sighing) - we survived the hurricanes and all those awful tornadoes! i guess that meanswe can survive... anything. - and now the kingdom can finally be at peace. - (puppets):♪ and that's the show ♪ - ah, man, i am loving this!

- if only sheilacould see me now! - come on! we've still gotone more puppet to find,and time is running out. (car honking)- hey! i hear you guys are looking for one last need a lift? - i hate to break it to you,but we just found the puppet. (driver screaming) - quick! everyone backto the lab before the sun sets! - oh no! oh, my face!- (olive): pull the handle! (otto groaning with effort)pull harder!

quick! through the window! - don't scratch the paint! - now that we figured outthat the taxi-cab driver was zapped at 1 o'clock,looks like everybody's all lined up.- let's do this! - i still feel like a puppet.- four fingers! - i got a rod arm.- i don't get it, you guys are all lined upin the correct order. - hold on. the cab driver.

didn't you sayhe got zapped at 1? - yeah, that's why he'sat the beginning of the line. - what were youdoing at 1 o'clock?- um, i was eating my lunch. - that meansit was the afternoon. so he must have meant 1pm,not 1am. - i'm so confused!- there are two 1 o'clocks on the number line: 1am and 1pm.and since he got zapped at 1pm, he wasn't the firstperson who got zapped, he's the last one.

- quick! everyone,reshuffle! cab driver to the left-end side!(overlapping chatter) - sorry. sorry.- good news, everyone! i picked a pet!- oh no! (puppets gasping) - whoops!that's actually his name. come back here, whoops! - after that dog!(suspenseful music) - come on back here, whoops!- whoops! come on, dog!

- (olive): come on!let's go back! - they're still puppets! - come on! - ok, i guessit does look like a dog bone. - whoops!- whoops! - (otto): come on!come on! give, boy! - oh no! he's nevergoing to give up that bone. - not unless he hassomething else to chew on. throw me.

- seriously?- really. - hmm! ah! (heroic music)- aaaaaaaaaaah! ow! - well, that didn't work. - here, boy.want some of this? - ow! hey, how did youknow that would work? - he's my pet,of course, he likes juice.

- say cheese. (cheering)- welcome back, big thunder.- now, that that's over, let's make surethis never happens again. - yeah!- yes! uh! we need to fix this! - get glue,lots of glue! - uh... yes!- ah... glue, glue, glue! ♪♪

- greetings, agents! this is a clock head lady. she can be your best friend... or the mostannoying person on earth. stop it! stop it! the easiest wayto get her to be your friendis to tell her what time it is, which is easybecause it's on her head. the small hand tells youwhat the hours are, and the long hand tells youwhat the minutes are.

there are 60 minutesin each hour, so when you count the minutes,each number represents 5 minutes. so that's 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60 minutes. except when you get backto the 12, you don't say 60,

you say o' right now, it is 11... 5, 10,15, 20, 25 minutes. 11:25!(ding!) before you leave, askthe clock head lady to dance. clock head ladiesknow many dances, like this one.- ♪ take away one ♪ ♪ gonna add one, take away one ♪- this one. - ♪ gonna add one, take awayone, gonna add one, take away ♪ - and this one.- ♪ take away one,gonna add one ♪

- and my favorite is this one.- ♪ gonna add one back to me ♪ ♪ back, back, back to me ♪ ♪ take away one, gonna add one ♪ ♪ take away one, gonna add one ♪- stop it! stop it! i thought we were friends! - ♪ take away one,gonna add one ♪ ♪ take away one ♪ - oh! thanks for coming,odd squad. - there you are.something very odd ha

- what seems to be the problem?- it's my trash. have a look. thanks for coming, odd squad.- what seems to be the problem? - (otto and olive): no!that's us! - i'd like my garbage back.- what do you say, olive? do we use the garbage-inatoror the trash-inator? - maybe we should watchwhat they do. - garbage-inatoror trash-inator? - hmm...

trash-inator. uh oh! ok... - garbage-inator, it is. - (all): the garbage!- ha! ha! ha! hoo! hey, thanks, odd squad.ha! ha! ha! ha! oh, uh, what about them? - don't look up. - ok.(logo hooting) - there you two are.something very odd has happened.

you remember debbiefrom debbie's pizza delivery? - (olive and otto): of course!- odd squad, i need your help. um, i've been deliveringpizzas all day and every timeone of my customers opens up their pizza box,this happens. yeah, pieces are was a full pizza wheni put it in there. - who would want piecesof your pizza to disappear? - ok, i am not normally oneto point fingers, but, uh...

- isn't that the guy whodelivers egg salad sandwiches? - yeah. it's delivery doug.he's jealous of my business, and he wants to ruin it.- seems like a pretty open and shut case to me.- but, ms. o, shouldn't we pay doug a visit before we blamehim for stealing debbie's pizza? - either way, what are youwaiting for? go!- come on, debbie! - aah! what's that smell?!

- i'm guessingthe vats of egg salad. - well, well, well! if it isn't delivery debbie... and agents "ootoo"and "oolavey". - wow! that's not even closeto saying our names right. - we know you've been stealingpieces of my pizza, doug. - actually, we don'tknow that yet. - right. yeah, right. do thewhole good cop, bad cop thing. - and i didn't steal a thing.

in fact, the same thinghas been happening with my egg salad sandwiches. see? that was wholewhen i put it in there. - but who would wantto do something like this? - well, i don't liketo point fingers, but... - i did not!- did too! - you're so jealous of me!- look at my successful empire! - (woman): dovey,is everything ok?

- everything's fine, mom!- (woman): dovey, i'm thinking of getting a car for samuel!- mom! - this is so odd. who'd steal 2 pieces of pizza and 2 piecesof egg salad sandwich? - maybe, it has somethingto do with the number 2. - (agents): tommy twosie! - i say we pay him a visit. - and i saywe take the eggmobile!

- you have an eggmobile?- i do! you guys are gonnalove it. come on! - you know, when you say"eggmobile", i thought it wouldactually be shaped like an egg. - no, it just smells like one.- ugh! do the windows work?- no, but the heater does. and so does the stereo.check out this new song i just recorded.(hip hop music) - ♪ eggs!- all i really want is eggs ♪ ♪ mix some mayo in my eggs- mayo, eggs ♪

- ♪ now put it on some bread- bread ♪ - ♪ you heardwhat delivery doug said? ♪ ♪ yeah ♪- you guys all buckled in? - (all): yeah... - so what's this tommy twosielook like anyway? - straight ahead. - this guy usually tries to makea run for it, so on 3, we all jump outof the eggmobile. 1, 2--- wait! the only door

that opens from the insideis the passenger-side door. - (together): seriously?- i never joke aroundabout the eggmobile! (doug grunting with effort) - (otto and olive): odd squad!odd squad! stop right there! - oh, snap!(hip-hop music) you're lucky i'm not wearingmy running shoes today. - we know you've been stealingpieces of pizza... and egg salad sandwiches. - whoa! whoa! whoa!you've got the wrong guy.

if i wanted to steal pizza--- or egg salad sandwiches. - sure. i'd take 2 whole pizzas... or 2 whole sandwiches. why would i want a quarterof one? that's just weird! - what does a 25-cent quarterhave anything to do with this? - i'm not talking money. see?if you have a whole circle, and you cut it into4 equal pieces, like... the way this pizza

and this egg sandwich were cut, each piece would be calleda quarter or a fourth. see, 1, 2, 3, 4 quarters. - wait a second.the pizza and sandwich are actually missing2 quarters each. 1, 2. 2 quarters. - sounds like a weirdo to me!- yeah, who would stealquarters of something? - i'm not oneto point fingers, but... - (otto and olive):quarterquinn!

- to the eggmobile!- cool! not cool!- you know, just because it's calledan eggmobile doesn't meanit has to be shaped like an egg. - it does.(overlapping chatter) - all right, no worries! delivery doug's gonna cheeryou guys up with some tunes. (electronic music)i recorded this one with my mom! - ♪ my daddy makesan egg salad on a bun ♪

- whoa! there's nothing oddgoing on here. i'm just trying to leave townas fast as possible withouttelling anyone. - or maybe you're leaving,because you've been stealing pieces of my pizza.- or my egg salad sandwiches? - eww!- i think she's talking to you. - i really don't think so.- guys, my name is quarterquinn. when i steal things -and i'm not saying i do - but when i do,it's only a quarter something. whoever did this isinto 2 quarters or 2 fourths.

- (otto and olive): whaaaaaat!? - (adults): yeah,what they said. - if you got 4 equal piecesof something, 2 quarters is the same thingas saying 2 fourths. - quarterquinn is right. look. one fourth here,another fourth here. that's 2 fourths. one quarter here,another quarter here. that's 2 quarters.

same.- two quarters ain't my scene. besides, i've been havingthe same problem. see? 2 quarters of this clockare missing. but if it wasn'ther, then who? - who's that?- nobody. so i have no idea.- well, whoever did this, we're not gonna find themstanding around here. - no way, i'm done! i'm notgetting back into that thing! - i "egg" your pardon.

- don't start, doug. honestly?- start?! you-- - you know what, doug?- i'll be honest with you! - i can't deal with it. you yap!- deal with what?! - hey, hey, hey!shh! olive, look. the 2 pieces slid togetherto make a half circle. - i think you'reonto something, partner. the pizza and sandwichboth had 2 quarters or 2 fourths missing, but when you put the 2 remainingfourths or quarters together,

it equals one halfof a whole. - weird. the guy that sold me my pizza boxes was havinga half-price sale. - very weird, because the guy that sold memy egg-salad-sandwich boxes was also havinga half-price sale. - same goes for my moving boxes. - i don't have any boxes, but if i did, i bet the samething would have happened to me.

- look. all the boxesare from the same place. i think we need to pay a visitto the box master. - his name's keith. - yeah, ok.- to the eggmobile! - oooh! that sounds like fun! when you said "eggmobile"--- unless you're kicking in gas money,i don't even want to hear it. but what you will want to hearis my new slow jam.

- ♪ baby, you broke my heart ♪ ♪ don't be egging me on ♪ ♪ i wanna get backto the start ♪ - i kind of like this one.- yes! - i'm sorry, i had no ideamy boxes were making half of everything disappearbecause they were half price. - yep.- serves me right for buying a price-sticker machinefrom a wizard. from now on, my boxes...

are full price! (debbie and doug laughing)- (otto and olive): yes! - high five!(doug laughing) - ah, doug, i know i give you a hard timeabout the eggmobile, but, uh... thanks for driving usaround today. - thanks for saying thanks.- yeah. - it's niceto see you getting along. - yeah. maybe you two should try

to work together. - maybe we should.- maybe we should. (tooting) - you ever take a biteof pizza and think, "well, this ismissing something." - i guarantee you that somethingis an egg salad sandwich. - which is why we're bringingyou all the gooey goodness of my pizza...- and all the texture tastiness of my egg salad sandwich.- and putting them together!

- (kids): mmmm! - ♪ call delivery debbie ♪ - ♪ and delivery doug ♪ - ♪ we've got pizza,with egg salad ♪ ♪ you can eat it hot or cold,it tastes like ♪ ♪ chunky gold ♪ - when we said "work together," that's not what we had in mind. - you two better start workingtogether to get rid of all

these free egg-salad pizzasthey gave us. - got to get some egg. are you getting the egg? you're getting the egg?- i'm getting the egg. love it! - breathe through your mouth. ♪ mix some mayo in my eggs- mayo eggs ♪ - ♪ you heard whatdelivery doug said? ♪- i'm going to be sick. - welcome to the name is oksana, and this is where agents cometo enjoy the food i make. in case you were wondering,the actual kitchen

is 98 floors down from here. and there's no elevator,or stairs... but i have a climbing rope. odd squad agentshave quite the appetite, so i make all sortsof food for them. like this hamand pudding sandwich... (ding!) ...this broccoli-pudding soup... ...or this pizza.

it's actually made of pudding. the other great thing about it; if two agentsare in the breakroom who want to share this pizza,it can be split in half. 1, 2. 2 equal parts. halves. but what if there are 4 hungry agentsin the breakroom, and i don't have another pizzaready? not to worry. the pizza can be dividedinto fourths.

1, 2, 3, 4. fourths. but let's say there are8 hungry agents in the breakroom and i don't have another pizza, because i've fallen asleepon account of preparing 975 meals for breakfast! not to worry. pizza can evenbe divided into eighths. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. eighths. it's not the best jobin the world,

but at least they let meplay my own music. (loud electronic music playing) - uh, my name is delivery debbie and i contacted odd squad,because i was doubling myself. aaah! yeah, odd squad,they solved my problem, and they actually showed methat doubling is a good thing. and i can use my doublesto help, you know, run mypizza business, so... ♪ we're four of a kind ♪

i mean, they have their weirdquirks, like they travel around on these weird tube thingies. they use badges as phones. - yello!- go for olive. - o-t-t-o.- go for oprah. - odd squad helped meand they can help you! call today! or e-mail. or you could text... send a letter.can they send--? send a letter.

um... i don't know howi got in touch with them.i don't remember at all. (buzzing) (it croaks like a frog.)

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