Friday, March 10, 2017

puppets movie

so i got a phone call from one of my mgtowminded friends asking if i wanted to go see the new star wars movie with him. as i enjoy sci-fi and have seen all the previousinstallments in the series, i decided to accept his offer to see the movie. before seeing this movie i had no awarenessof any aspect about what it would contain. i had not seen any trailers, or heard anyrumors as to the plot. the extent of my knowledge was solely containedto me being aware that this movie exists. upon arriving to the cinema, i had made aprediction to my friend as to what this movie will be like.

i predicted it would be somewhere betweenjar jar binks and sense 8. with this expectation firmly set, i can safelysay that i was not disappointed. with that said, let us cover the positiveaspect of the film first. the movie went back to an artistic style reminiscentof the way the original trilogy was filmed. the use of green screens was put on the backseat in lue of using puppets and hand built sets. this gave the movie a pleasant and naturalfeel which had been lacking in episode 1 through 3. now, let us move onto to the rest of the film.

as the movie begins we are quickly introducedto the first order, which to my understanding, was a pr exercise of rebranding the empire. all the familiar ships and motifs of the empireare recreated in the first order from the humble tie fighter to the enormous triangularships which come across more enormous then their original incarnations. the empires pr team had apparently thoughtit prudent to adopt a hitleresque disposition. this is made obvious later in the movie wheregeneral adolf is all but foaming at the mouth spewing a speech to thousands of storm troopersstanding in battalion formation. the color symbolism and arrangement of flags,as well as the design of the new empire flag

itself is all but stolen from video footageof hitler’s speeches. the new empire has been rebranded to be irrationallyevil in a way that the empire never was in the original series. i suppose the battalions of storm troopersare also meant to add to the hitleresque mystique as a storm trooper uniform is white. perhaps this was meant to show that whitepeople are evil? but this new empire also seems to be progressivelyevil as we come to meet token black iscariot. indeed token back iscariot is the only blackcharacter i noticed in the entire movie. it is one of those strange realizations thatonly comes to you when the movie is over.

now, token has a moral crisis when given anorder to gun down a bunch of peasants; a moral crisis that could have only come as a consequenceof his stint as a janitor on planet final solution as it is revealed that storm troopersin the new empire are indoctrinated since birth to the ideology of the new empire. i am pretty sure there were mandatory affirmativeconsent classes thrown in there somewhere as well. not only is token’s moral crisis highlyunbelievable, his character also suggests there is some sort of career progression withinthe new empire if indeed he graduated from janitor to storm trooper.

soon after we meet token, we also meet darthemo, the son of han solo and new hair general leah. apparently leah had been demoted from royaltyto mere general in this series due to modern animosity towards princesses. now, if we are to accept leah as the leaderof the “resistance” which has also undergone a pr rebranding from the rebel alliance, wecan safely conclude that she is a piss poor general. the simple question that comes up is how didthe new rebel alliance not sabotage the construction of planet final solution.

that project must have taken decades to completeand the amount of money and man power required would be impossible to conceal. in addition to this, how did the new empireever have time to come into being after the rebels defeated the empire in episode 6? it’s like the new empire was just given40 years to work in peace; so yes, she is a piss poor general. but i diverge. darth emo is just too much fun as a character. from observing his behavior, he is best characterizedas a teenager undergoing a heavy dose of teenage

angst that has never had a girlfriend butdesperately wanted one; an eliot rodgers tfler. now, this should not be taken as some sortof shaming of this man; it is merely an observation that becomes too hilarious later on. his temper tantrums at various points in themovie, followed by smashing his surroundings, would only naturally transition into a habitof cutting. what is also hilarious about darth emo isone scene in which he confesses to the audience that he is tempted by the light side and thatvoldemort, his master, may be sensing that. now, i’m no star wars fan boy but i havepieced together a thing or two about the workings of the star wars world.

it is my understanding that the force is likea book with two chapters. chapter 1 is the light side of the force andchapter 2 is the dark side of the force. jedi read chapter 1 and then are warned notto read chapter 2. in this way, they can be tempted by the darkside of the force; namely, to read chapter 2. now, a sith, is someone who has read chapter1, then through being tempted by chapter 2, reads chapter 2. in this way, he has control over both sidesof the force. now, being tempted by the dark side of theforce makes sense, but the opposite, being

tempted by the light side does not. so what exactly is darth emo tempted by? did voldemort only teach darth emo chapter2? was this some sort of moral line he won’tlet darth emo cross? i mean, voldemort authorizes the destructionof like 5 planets through the use of the weapon on planet final solution which he apparentlyfinds no ethical problem with, but teaching darth emo the light side of the force is justa bridge to far? it makes no sense! and if darth emo already knows the light sideof the force then there is nothing to be tempted

by! the thing is, even if darth emo did renouncehis ways he would still need to be trialed and put to death for crimes against humanity. the whole redemption motif cannot end in anyway for such a character other than death as the post redemption consequences wouldend no different than the neuremburg trials. what can darth emo say; he was just followingorders? it didn’t work out so well for the naziswho the new empire is modeled on. but for the time let us move on from darthemo to strong independent woman. now, strong independent woman, the other maincharacter alongside token black iscariot,

is some scavenger on a desert planet. her setting is identical to the origins ofluke skywalker, to the extent that her clothing even looks the same as luke’s clothing. we are introduced to strong independent womanafter she has hauled back a load of garbage to some salvage merchant who swiftly informerher that said load is only worth a quarter portion. now, the language they used can only be somevague, perhaps unintentional reference to the pay gap. though the salvage merchant is an alien who’sspecies may very well not be a sexually reproducing

species, his voice is clearly masculine whichsuggests that sexism against straight white women is still alive and well in a galaxyfar far away. now, strong independent woman, is the leastbelievable character in this entire movie. however, that is just my male mind tryingto make sense of this woman because i can clearly see a path in female logic in justifyingher. firstly, strong independent woman, seeminglyabandoned as a child, for no accountable reason, seems to be a pilot reminiscent of icemanfrom top gun, across all spacecraft as if there is some sort of standard interface betweendifferent spacecraft. not only this, but she is apparently immenselytalented in hand-to-hand combat.

this quality has a bit more credibility asthe planet she is on would lend itself to such a skillset. however, how she is a better fighter thanany of the other locals who clearly would have also adopted this proficiency is neverexplained as i presume no such explanation is possible. next, she seems to have extensive and universalmastery of engineering as is made clear by her immediate awareness of the nature of agas leak in the millenium falcon, as well as her opening up some strange panel on planetfinal solution then crawling into the opening, and also her skills in operating the doorsystem of the freighter on which han solo

and chewbaca come in on. now, her bag of tricks does not end there. in addition to this, she apparently is a fairlycompetent sword fighter, even though nothing suggests she had ever held a light sabre atany point in her life before the events of this movie. now, outside of magically being a master atdisciplines that no human being could possibly be a master of given her age and environment,the quality that she possesses that i find least believable is her stoicism. strong independent woman is completely unshakable.

now, this itself is not impossible, but itis the juxtaposition to the other characters that makes this completely unrealistic. token black is a coward and emotionally driveneven though he was supposedly bred from birth to be a killing machine. darth emo is an angst ridden teenager eventhough he has supposedly undergone years of training. the male characters are painted as eitherbumbling idiots or emotionally unstable while strong independent woman is painted as a composedstoic even though the back story of the male characters is appropriate to such a dispositionwhereas strong independent woman’s is not.

now, what makes strong independent woman evenfunnier is her general stupidity and retardation in applying logic. there is built in cognitive dissonance inthis character. strong independent woman is apparently sotalented in all these ways, and yet she never figured out she can use those said skillsto make money as oppose to scavenging and living impoverished. it simply makes no sense. what also does not make any sense is her pipedream that her parents will ever return to find her.

now, though the back story of strong independentwoman is only loosely conveyed through flashbacks, it is clear that this woman, who possessesskills that demand a strong command of reason, cannot seem to apply this reason to her ownplight. why does she need to physically wait for herparents to return? she can’t leave a message with the localsas to her whereabouts in case her parents return? she can’t, i donno, maybe go looking forthem herself? apparently not. apparently all she can do is sit in the desertwaiting for her problems to solve themselves.

strong independent woman however, i believe,is justified in the feminist mind through the principle of worth through existence. i think that they justify the skillset ofstrong independent woman because of what she is as opposed to things like training. it is clear that strong independent womanis the replacement of luke skywalker as the central figure of this new trilogy. in fact, this movie is a verbatim rehash ofepisode 4; including a poor man’s yoda. feel the force strong independent woman; itis all around you, like a miteclorian bukkake. now, despite the shortcoming in logic as tothe construction of strong independent woman,

and star wars now being a disney ip, thisnonetheless does not stop the writers from sneaking in a rape scene. when strong independent woman is capturedby darth emo, she is strapped in a chair reminiscent of 50 shade’s bdsm on which darth emo triesto use the force to penetrate her mind with no apparent affirmative consent given. the good news is that darth emo is tryingto mind read so in theory he may have gotten affirmative consent that the audience simplydoes not audibly hear. but if he did sense consent in her mind, thequestion still beckons; was it enthusiastic? now, this scene would not be any differentthan the almost identical scene that transpired

between darth emo and this other rebellionfighter pilot except for the strangely sexually suggestive language that darth emo used duringthe interrogation. the scene had this teenage awkwardness nodifferent than the sith equivalent of failing to unclip a chicks bra. darth emo attempts to penetrate strong independentwoman’s mind with an intense stare that could have only been interpreted as the malegaze mixed in with stare rape which was immediately brought to mind through sexually suggestivelanguage. now, in all fairness, i was laughing quiteintensely throughout this scene because of the ludicrous dialogue so i may have missedsomething; though i doubt it.

this scene again reinforces the ludicrousnature of both these characters. apparently a very well trained master of theforce can be held at bay by an untrained woman who just earlier that day came to believethe force is real. once again, the skill of strong independentwoman cannot be accounted for, and the incompetence of the man in spite of training is underlined. i do not quite recall exactly, but i am prettysure darth emo went into a hissy fit after this incident; again, i was laughing veryhard - undoubtedly confusing those around me. now, this one directional sexual tension betweendarth emo and strong independent woman comes

up one more time near the end of the movie. when darth emo had been injured, and his soundmedical training compelled him to continually strike his wound as some sith version of achest thump, a clash of light sabers occurred. the absence of immediate overpowerment ofstrong independent woman by darth emo can only be accounted for by his supposed injurythat does not appear to impede his freedom of motion in any meaningful way. anyways, while their light sabers are locked,darth emo offers to train strong independent woman in the ways of the force. this question is so out of place as it isimplied that he is actually losing the fight.

this plea to act as her mentor comes acrossas some sort of sith version of bragging about having a cool car. darth emo’s pathetic demonstration of manginaismalmost does not come as a surprise considering the absurdity of the whole fight. now, i have trained with a long sword master. let me tell you, a sword master can kill abeginner in literally two to three seconds. sword fighting is not a theatrical performancebut a methodical and calculated set of conditioned motions, and stances. you can’t wing it.

since to my knowledge darth emo is supposedto be a trained sword master and strong independent woman held the light saber in her hands forthe first time that very day, darth emo would have cut her down without blinking. this was properly reflected in the originaltrilogy. when luke was emotionally wailing on vader,vader was clearly not even trying; and when he did, he disarmed luke with no effort. this made sense as luke was not trained. however, the scene we witnessed in this moviedoes not even have plausible deniability built into it.

even if strong independent woman had someforce induced edge over every other amateur sword fighter, this disregard for the timeit takes to learn such a weapon is also apparent in scenes where we have token black wieldinga light sabre. even token is spared the need to train withthe weapon to demonstrate some level of proficiency. but let us look at the movie as a whole. the movie is around two and a half hours. the first hour is a plot impoverished actionscene. almost nothing happens during that first hourand you can count several sequences that could have been completely removed without detractingfrom the plot that this movie did have.

the plot that does appear, however, is allbut a verbatim translation of the original trilogy. nothing original was introduced that i couldsee. however, this would not have been all thatbad if it was not a watered down version of the elements from the original series. every corresponding element in this movieis worse than the ones that preceded it; with poor man’s yoda being a shining exemplarof this phenomenon. as a whole, this movie is a poor man’s starwars movie. i’m not even going to mention the deus exmachina moment with r2d2.

you sit there watching it with an ever growingdesire for the movie to just end. you don’t like any of the characters whichoverflows to your sentiment to the factions they belong to. the empire are caricatures of the nazis withtheir main representative an angst ridden tfler. the rebels come across as grossly incompetentand generally useless as they could not even protect the governing body that was supposedlybank rolling their operation. in fact, what you want to happen is for everyoneto die. you hope that this movie was a false startfor this new trilogy.

you hope that the next movie in the seriesis really going to be the first, with a whole new cast of characters. but i cannot say the movie disappointed mebecause i came in with the correct expectation. it was indeed somewhere between jar jar binksand sense8. it has the idiocy of jar jar spread out acrossthe characters but mostly contained in the slapstick nonsense of token black iscariot. sense8 grade feminism was also liberally sprinkledthroughout the movie; from tokens white knighting, to the nonsensical overpowered nature of strongindependent woman, to the painting of the male characters as bumbling idiots who areclearly waiting for a woman to save the galaxy.

the themes in this movie, as mad max furyroad subtly anticipated, is only going to continue. star wars like mad max are very well establishedcultural phenomenon; they clearly cannot go unscathed simply because of their abilityto reach large audiences. this same phenomenon can be expected of anyip that has this much cultural reach. my recommendation is to wait for this to cometo dvd, then get your buddies together with a few cases of beer and rip into this shitwhile watching it. these movies can still be entertaining, butonly as objects of ridicule. thanks for listening.

go team.

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