Wednesday, March 8, 2017

puppets jurassic park

hellooo, i'm the nostalgia critic. i remember it so you don't have to! well, i'm back in my commercial garb, that must mean we're talking about commercials. ...but not just any commercials... commercials! ...oh, you thought mass marketing was insane...? try mass marketing around christmastime. many of these commercials are so popular they repeat them every year - how crazy is that? an ad campaign you don't even have to change because people love the nostalgia so much. ...well, i love nostalgia too, and that's why we're gonna count down the top 12 best christmas commercials ever. why top 12? well, i'll tell you.

in song. ["12 days of christmas" starts playing] ♪the first reason tha--♪ [loud rendition of "jingle bells" cuts in][critic]: ...ass balls. [loud "jingle bells" continues] [critic]: number 12. [singing boy in commercial]: ♪we're walking in the air...♪ [critic]: most of us are familiar with the classic animated short "the snowman". it was surreal, whimsical, and beautifully animated.

well, a uk drink called irn-bru did their own take on the classic short, and in this one, it isn't just magic that brings him to life, but the opening of the refreshing drink. it goes just like the original, even down to the singing boy's voice. [singing boy]: ♪i'm sipping on an irn-bru...♪ [critic:] ...that is, until the snowman wants a drink of his bru. [boy]: ♪...i tell him once again, the irn-bru is mine...♪ [critic]: the snowman gets more and more pissed off, until he decides he's just done with the little snot. [boy]: ♪ i'm falling through the air...♪

♪i wonder where i'm going to land...♪ [critic]: not only is the commercial funny, but the way it replicates the original short, from the animation to the music...'s definitely a loving parody. one that brings laughs, as well as the nostalgic feelings of why we love the original. ...unlike some...other christmas parody commercials... [ralphie]: ...oh and a motorola c139 with texting games and graphics! [mall santa]: you'll run the bill up, kid...! [critic]: hehyeahheheheh... that sucks. [irn-bru boy]: ♪...he nicked my irn-bru, and let go of my hand...♪

*"jingle bells" plays again*[critic]: number 11. [critic]: ...nnooot every commercial on this list has to be good, just has to stand out as something we relate to the holidays. ...well, this enjoyably awkward commercial certainly stands out, and people are making a tradition of watching it every year now. it's just a guy returning home, and his loved one making him some coffee, after being away in west-africa. [guy]: it's a long way from west-africa... [guy]: brought you something from far away.

[woman]: hm, really? [critic]: she waited up all night for him, he playfully pretends he got the wrong house, he gets her a gift... and she lovingly puts the bow on him and says: [woman]: you're my present this year... [critic]: they're brother and sister.*loud scream effect* ...yup, this is incest in the "what the figgy pudding" degree. don't get me wrong: they don't surprise you with it at the end... in fact they make it very clear in the opening. i dare even say: uncomfortably clear. [guy]: i must have the wrong house...[sister]: sister...? *laughs*

[critic]: ...who just says that? who announces their connection to someone when they open the door? [sister]: sister...? [critic]: confused...! ...but even knowing that going in... and, yes, you can take that in a different way... ...their body language, the way they talk... ...and just... the all-around mood indicates that they're a couple.'s beyond creepy! don't believe me? just watch it with this music!

[guy]: ...what are you doing?[sister]: you're my present this year... *cliche porno music starts playing* [critic]: this commercial has become so infamously... ..."ew-y"... that parodies are popping up all over the place. people love to mock how incestuously bizarre it is. [parody father]: ...brothers and sisters don't look at each other like that. [brother]: ...okay... we're *bleep**mother cries in despair* [critic]: whether you find it charming... or... eughh...'s sure to get a reaction every christmas.

[ad music]: ♪the best part of waking folgers in your cup♪ *bloodcurdling scream effect* *"jingle bells" plays*[critic]: number 10. [scrooge]: who's there!? [cheerios bee]: ...the taste of nuts and honey mr. scrooge...[scrooge]: bah!! [critic]: ebenezer of course hates christmas and says "humbug" to the choir outside. but it's the great taste of honey and nuts that snaps him instantly back into the christmas mood. [scrooge]: i say... did you say honey, and... nuts? [christmas-y choir]: ♪it's a honey of an 'o'...♪

[bee]: merry christmas, mr. scrooge.[choir]: ♪honey nuts cheerios...♪ [critic]: all those ghosts are really kicking themselves that they wasted an entire night on this guy! we didn't need any visions, or tombstones... ...we just needed the commanding military of general mills! who knew it was that easy...? [scrooge]: the customary gruel will suffice, thank you... [critic]: i love that the bee brings up honey nut cheerios and christmas together, like it's some sort of tradition everybody knows about.

[bee]: ...but mr. scrooge... honey nut cheerios... it's christmas... [critic]: gah- i mean, come on! honey nut cheerios and christmas! they go hand in hand like kfc and christmas in japan! ...besides, we all know the real cereal to bring out christmas in you is "christmas crunch". it's yuletide crack, i tells ya! it'll make the roof of your mouth bleed for a week! ...and we love it...!'s still a really great ad though. with great atmosphere and cold colors, it'll charm the dickens into you. [choir]: ♪it's a honey of an 'o'...♪

[bee]: merry christmas, mr. scrooge.[choir]: ♪honey nut cheerios...♪ *"jingle bells" plays*[critic]: number 9. *piano music* [critic]: ...oh yeah, can't forget these scary sons of bitches...! i don't know how many people remember this ad, but while most kids were dreaming visions of sugar plums, we had these little hell-spawns dancing around in our heads. *dog-puppet-monstrosities singing in canon*♪n-e-s-t-l-e-s, nestlã©'s makes the very best♪♪...and butterfinger♪ [critic] ...not only were these things butt-freaky as sin, but their jingle was so catchy that many people reported ear-bleedings with the blood spelling out the name "nestlã©". even our bodil y fluids knew how to spell it, it was that catchy! [horrifying demon-dog]: ♪n-e-s-t-l-e-s, nestlã© makes the very best...♪ [critic]: why do these things only have teeth on their bottom jaws...?! they look like marshmallows that can somehow bite into your soul...! and don't look directly into those eyes! mike myers' mask has more humanity to it! ...and just when you think it couldn't get any scarier: they fill the whole screen with 'em. [horde of nightmares]: ♪nestlã©'s make the very best♪ [critic]: aaah! leave my dimension alone!

it's disturbing, nightmare-inducing...aand all-around unforgettable. sleep well tonight dreaming of your christmas slippers coming to life and trying to eat you. [bloodthirsty slipper creatures]: ♪n-e-s-t-l-e-s...♪ [the one at the piano]: new holiday wrapping from nestlã©! [pack of horrors] ♪nestlã© makes the very best♪ [piano slipper]: ♪chocolate...♪*wooden clacking noise as jaws close* *shudder* *"jingle bells"*[critic]: number 8. *carolers singing*

i've talked about this one before, but by god it deserves to be talked about again. it's crazy how much they showed this commercial. it was everywhere around christmas time. it's just barney, once again, trying to get fred's 'fruity pebbles', but santa beats him to it. as... it happens. but santa says it's good to share, and thus fred finally gives him a bowl. [santa]: 'tis the season to be sharing, fred... [fred]: happy holidays, pal.[barney]: aww, fred... [critic]: this commercial of course raises so many questions...

how can they celebrate christmas if jesus isn't born yet? what's the origins of caveman santa claus? how the hell is dino a singer...? ...but my biggest question i never noticed before is, why is fred giving santa an apple!? that in... no way makes sense! first off: it's cookies and milk, but - okay, let's say he switched it out and made a fruity pebbles... what the hell is an apple gonna add to anything? you're giving him that with grounded fruit loops! is the idea that there's so little actual fruit in it that giving him an apple will somehow make up for it!?

...i don't know. but what i do know is the commercial's been played so many times it has our childhood by the balls. or...bowls. ...he is saying 'bowls', right? [fred]: ♪...yummy fruity pebbles in my bowls...♪ [critic]: ...because how can fruity pebbles be in our b-- you know what, don't answer that, internet. i said stop! [barney]: my pebbles![fred]: your pebbles!? [critic]: regardless, it's still a lot of fun. [ad narrator]: fruity and cocoa pebbles cereals, part of this nutritious breakfast.[santa]: *ho ho ho ho ho ho...*

*jingle bells*[critic]: number 7. mcdonalds has had a lot of great christmas ads: one with the girl talking about running away to "mcdonald land", another with a star that needs to be put back in the sky... ...even a "santa claus: the movie" tie-in! that must have paid off...! ...but the one people seem to enjoy the most is the skating one. a bunch of kids go to the nicest ice rink set they've ever seen, where they see a creepy-ass clown skating. he takes them for a spin, but one kid is having trouble keeping up.

the kid is left out, ronald seems to take off, the... deer makes fun of him... but then ronald comes back, picks him up and gives him a magical moment because the music indicates it's a magical moment. *typical uplifting orchestral music* i think it has the biggest impact because... it has no talking in it. it's nothing but music, visuals, that... bored-looking deer - seriously, what's his story...? because of that, it makes it a bit more universal. anyone can watch it and immediately know what's going on, and feel the warm, special feeling when a stranger in clown makeup picks you up and doesn't let you go.

...the commercial makes it sound a lot nicer than i do. it's a good ad that continues to bring a smile to a lot of people's faces. [ad singer]: ♪happy holidays...♪ *jingle bells*[critic]: number 6. another ad i've talked about before, but certainly deserves a spot on the list. in many respects, it's not even really a christmas ad. christmas is never mentioned. but the idea of a snowman, coming in from the cold, and getting warmed up by soup... can this not lead to a lot of warm fuzzies that connect you with the holidays?

i think what makes it work is the contrast.'s not just cold, it's sideways snow cold. and the inside isn't just warm, it's someone-throwing-a-norman-rockwell-painting-on-the-fireplace warm. the two extremes brought together equal the perfect mix that leaves an impression on your nostalgia. plus, that damn impressive puppet! i mean it, they did a really good job on that thing. the only question i ever had was: did he actually eat the soup...? it always cuts away before we could see it.

do the... rocks open up, do they... form an open mouth? ...where does the soup go when he needs to take a pi...- again internet, don't answer that! a great ad to make you feel nice and cozy, every time. [ad music]: ♪...let it snow, let it snow...♪ *jingle bells*[critic]: number 5. this one just came out this year and already people can't stop talking about it. it's one of the oddest christmas commercials to ever come out, and that's saying something! we see a man in the mountains recording something on his iphone.

he seems happy, hanging pictures of in-jokes on his wall, when he suddenly gets up and goes down to the village. a bizarre twist, it's the frankenstein monster! ...uhhhhh... got us...? but that's not where it stops: he goes in front of the town tree and puts two christmas lights in his bolts. ...euuuummm... clever...? but it doesn't stop there: he starts singing "there's no place like home for the holidays". [frankenstein's monster]: ♪ oh, there's no...♪

♪ like home...♪ [critic]: ...ummm... but then one of his lights goes out and everyone looks pissed. *sigh*. stupid frankenstein monster. i am so not impressed by anything! but then a girl goes up, fixes his light, she starts singing... and then, everyone starts singing. [crowd]: ♪for the holidays you can't beat home sweet home♪ [guy in bear suit]: what the hell was that...!? [critic]: this was... so strange! so random!

so... bizarrely mixing whatever emotions we can't describe in a pot of... i don't know! it's so out there that in a strange way... you have to admire it! it is so strange, but it clearly has a good heart too. ...i think that kinda emotion does shine through. ...and everyone else seems to think so too! it already has millions of hits on youtube just one day after it premiered! and it's still going strong! can't be explained, it just has to be seen. so, the next time raymond's brother tries to steal the spotlight and people find it uncomfortable, just send a little kid in to sing with him and suddenly, everyone will find it cool.

christmas. we're trying so hard to kinda make it halloween. *jingle bells*[critic]: number 4. [ad music]: ♪holidays are coming, holidays are coming...♪ [critic]: coca- cola's been a trademark of christmas even down to santa's red and white outfit - so it's no wonder that two continuing commercials would tie the spot here. one is the 'santa packs'. it's just a dark, cold night when suddenly, the santa pack's jingle is heard. [ad music]: ♪holidays are coming, holidays are coming, holidays are coming...♪ people who put all their love of the holidays in sugar liquid syrup rejoice as the santa trucks light up the night.

[ad music]: ♪'tis the season, it's always a real-...♪ [critic]: but, one boy is sad, because... ...i...i don't know. ...but a coke is beamed into his hands by creepy animated santa and all is right with the world. [ad music]: ♪'tis the out, look around, something's coming...♪ [critic]: the other one is the coca-cola polar bears.'s funny because the first ad doesn't even make a whole lot of sense. it's just a bunch of bears who watch the northern lights, ...drink a coke...

...and that's it! *satisfied bear noise* [critic]: ...inspired! but the imagery was just so relaxing, and so... for lack of a better word: cool, they had to keep bringing them back every year. each has a story, that usually went nowhere, but just looked so damn awesome going nowhere. they were visual spectacles then, and they're still visual spectacles now. so that's why today, both santa and the polar bears are seen on the coca-cola bottles. both have nice winter colors, that make you feel the cold, but also appreciate it at the same time.

seeing how these ads are still going today, coke definitely means it when they say: "always". [ad music]: ♪holidays are coming - always coca-cola...♪ *jingle bells*[critic]: number 3. *white hershey's kiss clears throat**all of them ring out in turn, playing "we wish you a merry christmas" [critic]: if not out of nostalgic obligation, it's perhaps out of pure stubborn dedication that this one makes the list. the herschey kisses ringing "wish you a merry christmas" is herschey's longest-running ad, debuting in 1989 and still going strong today. to make the story behind it even more interesting,

the brand manager, john dunne, was tasked with making several whimsical herschey commercials, but was told not to do a christmas one. but he liked this idea so much and knew it would be a hit, that he did it anyway. and we're still thankful. hindsight, it's not much. it's disgustingly simple! but, maybe that's why it lasts. it is simple. anyone can see it, giggle ...aand feel good afterwards. it's not trying to be too big, or too sentimental... it's... just a little happy moment. not unlike... a little herschey kiss chocolate.

it makes perfect sense. to say any more would ruin its simplicity, which... honestly, speaks for itself. so, we'll just leave it as it is. *kisses play the end of "wish you a merry christmas"* *jingle bells*[critic]: number 2. [red m&m]: ow![critic]: another one that makes the rounds every christmas, ...aand another one that seems so disgustingly simple. the m&ms are setting up red and green m&ms for santa... ...which seems cannibalistic the more i think about it...

...when santa appears and they both pass out. [santa]: ah![red m&m]: aah! [red m&m]: he does exist![santa]: they do exist... oooohh... [critic]: the m&ms were always popular commercials, but they hit it big when they were given individual personalities. suddenly, the m&ms were as popular as disney or warner brothers cartoons. we knew who they were and loved them. thus, we looked forward every year to seeing them interact with santa the same way. it's just a reminder how far marketing can come, turning hard-shelled chocolates into classic cartoon characters. we never tire of watching them, and we look forward to seeing this one several christmases more.

what can you say but: you don't mess with a classic. [yellow m&m]: uhh... santa...? [critic]: now before we get to number one, here are a few runners-up: the budweiser horses. some connect this to christmas, so... why not. edeka: a grandpa tries dying just to get the family together. that's... pretty ballsy. but not as ballsy as k-mart's jingle bells! just for the shock that they got away with this at all...! santa on a norelco razor... an oldie, but a goodie. amazon prime's commercial, where a real priest and imam meet for tea, showing unity in religions... ...and staples creating an insane snowman robot.

...preetty hard not to get a laugh here. ...but all right. let's get to number one. *jingle bells*and the number one christmas commercial is:... *loud explosion nearby* [critic]: oooh yeah. you better believe i'm doin' this to ya. sainsbury has done a lot of emotional commercials in the past, the majority of them get millions of hits on youtube. ...but the one that has to be the most powerful has to be their 2014 ad, because it's based on an unbelievable true story. in 1914, on christmas during world war i,

battling sides decided to put aside their differences, stop killing each other... ...and go out in a sign of peace for one day. they suddenly went from trying to kill one another to treating each other like brothers. they shared stories, treats, presents... ...anything they had. to make the ad even more powerful, it was released exactly 100 years after the event took place. they actually tried so hard to get this right that they teamed up with the royal british legion to get the details down. there's even a "making of" the commercial on youtube to show how hard they tried to get it. the chocolate bar, as well, was sold in stores.

and the profits all went to the royal british legion, to benefit their armed forces and their families. this ad so easily could have come across as manipulative or even corny, but they did everything in their power to make sure the proud message of that night wasn't lost. it's a powerful commercial that represents a powerful point in history. ...well, their effort doesn't go unrecognized. and when you watch it, all you can think is: yeah. that's what christmas is all about. [english soldiers]: ♪sleep in heavenly...♪

*german and english soldiers sing together in their respective languages* *singing fades into the distance* [critic]: i'm the nostalgia critic, and let's remember together. *nostalgia critic theme* (if you read this: happy holidays from the guy who did the subtitles, too.) heyy, doug walker here, doing the charity shout-out, this week we are doing direct relief. direct relief is a medical aid organization, active in all 50 states and in 70 countries. with a mission to improve the health and lives of people affected by poverty or emergency situations. this is among the largest medical suppliers to west-africa in response to the ebola epidemic,

the philippines following typhoon haima, and haiti after the 2010 earthquake. direct relief earns a 100% fund-raising efficiency rating from forbes, tops charity navigator's list of "top 10 charities everyone's heard of", and is named by fast company among the world's most innovative companies in non-profit. this is a wonderful organization that does so much good, and hard work. if you go to their youtube channel or their site, you can see all the great stuff they can do, and how you can help them in that great work. so please, definitely take a look, open your heart...

...and see what you can do to help these great people out.

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