Tuesday, January 24, 2017

puppets horror

[ silence ] >> [ laughs ] nice tits, bitch... in space! >> good shooting, turkey. >> ah, captain pilot. >> pie lett, sir. first name's pie, last name's lett.

>> pumpkin? >> you betcha! >> who's our next target, pie lett? >> that would be rhonda worm, sir, captain of the wishbone 11. >> rhonda worm? hold your horses, captain. here we go!

[ laughter ] >> legend has it "thankskilling 2" was the worst movie ever made. only one copy remained, and turkie would stop at nothing to get it. but for every monster, there stands a hero.

ours has lost her mind. >> so long, yomi. don't be afraid. find me, and you'll find home. >> our story begins here. >> well, fuck, muff. real nice job of getting us here gracefully. we could have died, you

wormless piece of shit. >> [ mumbles ] >> yeah, i know you're sorry. how can a worm stay mad at you when you make our pookie tingle just right? [ laughs ] oh. not good, muffy.

turkie's gonna be pretty damn pissed when he finds out about this. best be going now. come on. giddyap now, muff. [ television playing ] >> [ moaning ] [ sniffs ]

[ mutters ] >> hey, penguins, ostrich... are you a bird that can't fly? don't you worry. use that wing that don't flap and give me a call -- big seagull taxi. >> stupid big seagull. [ channel changes ]

>> [ man speaking indistinctly ] >> lame. [ thunder crashing ] [ door opens ] >> i got my talons done today. nice color salmon, don't you think? oh, and patsy was there, too. she says hi.

you remember her from turkey school? of course you do. oh, my, she is getting fat. and you know what that means next season. aah! yikes! >> come on down to the gerbil

convention. we got rat gerbils, turtle gerbils. tuesday morning only. >> nibla, you fucker! >> oh, here we go. >> [ imitating airplane ] oh, no! [ whimpering ]

>> hey! you want to go back on coop confinement? now, get this out of my fucking face. >> i-i'm sorry, dad. it flew out of my wing. >> you ready for some cake, niblet?

>> oh, mom, i don't want none. >> oh, come on, try it. your grandmother made it, and she's half dead, so she worked real hard on it. >> come on! >> sorry, dear. >> [ scoffs ] >> just try it, son.

it's delicious. >> come on, mom. i said i didn't want any stupid grandma cake. >> nibla. >> all right, since you're so deaf. >> huh? >> fine, i'll take it.

>> [ gobbling ] >> yeah, yeah, i want the piece with the frosting, mom. the frosting! >> [ squawking ] [ retching ] >> it isn't even hitting most of my mouth. you're just hitting me in the

head with it. >> fucking gross! >> there, all done. >> you two are gonna clean up that mess, you realize. hey, nibla, what's that stupid toy you got there, anyway? >> oh. oh, this? well, remember the one time when

mom got that bruise because you said she fell down some stairs and you made me leave? well, i took my allowance, and i bought uncle donny's pluckmaster 3000. every kid in america wants one. they've been talking about it at my school for months.

ooh, look at the tv! it's there! oh, look! look! >> oh, my nilly. are you tired of the hours it takes to prepare a turkey? did you marry your wife not for her cooking but because she can fuck?

>> uncle donny here, and this thanksgiving, i'm here to simplify your life. introducing the pluckmaster 3000, a household appliance meant to take this and turn it into this. designed to kill, pluck, and cook a live turkey in just 30

seconds. all you have to do... >> see, dad? so freaking awesome! >> ta-da! still not convinced? call now and get the pluckmaster 3000 for only three easy payments of $39.99!

but wait, there's more. call within the next 10 minutes, and like the indians, i'll give you a louisiana purchase-sized deal! we'll throw in an uncle donny diamond-coated c-carver, a $60 offer, for free! not only can you carve turkeys,

but with this uncle donny's diamond-coated c-carver, you can saw through trees! this thanksgiving, let pluckmaster 3000 give you peace of mind. call now because colonial is king! for only three easy payments of

$39.99, the pluckmaster can be yours today. >> pluckmaster 3000! buy it today. >> b-b-b-b-breaking newz. >> the big story everyone's talking about tonight -- "thankskilling 2" is no more. >> you're watching

"newz with a 'z.'" >> a mega-budgeted, kid-friendly sequel to cult film "thankskilling" was announced over two years ago, but now the first movie ever filmed entirely in space will never see the light of day. >> "newz with a 'z.'"

>> oh, my. >> the result is quoted as being "one of the worst movies ever made." >> pbbhht! >> [ groans ] >> consequently, the studio has vowed to never release it. maybe one day we'll experience

the disaster that is "thankskilling deux." but for now, this baby just got shelved -- shelved -- shelved. >> that plucking sucks, dad. >> [ groaning ] >> oh, i'm sorry you had to find out like this. i didn't want you to hear about

it on your birthday. >> you knew? >> well, yes. one of your little movie friends called, and he left a message. he said that your movie was worse than that toilet-paper commercial that actually shows people wiping their asses, and,

uh -- uh -- uh...oh, yeah, that your movie would be destroyed forever. >> my life depends on this, you bitch! [ electricity crackling ] [ laughs evilly ] >> oh, well. i suppose if it helps, tonight,

snookums, i could gobble your balls. >> gobble this. >> aah! >> [ grunts ] >> [ whimpering ] >> when i got a call in space from your mom telling me she laid you, i told her, "put that

egg out in the hot sun, bitch. let it sit till it cracks," hoping some lizard would come along and slurp up your rotten yolk. but she didn't believe in that. be evil with your papa. >> [ whimpers ] evil?

i could be evil. watch this, dad. hey, hey, ma. grandma's cake tasted a little bit more like ferret cake than like carrot cake because it's gonna weasel its way out of my butt! ha!

you see what i did there, dad? i-i turned ferret cake into carrot cake because ferret is a weasel. yeah. is that how one-liners work? you'll learn. >> are -- are we gonna go be mean now, dad?

>> screw being mean. i'm nasty. i must get a copy of "thankskilling 2." >> oh! oh, i can't wait, dad. >> that's it for the news tonight. coming up next...

>> cat steinberg, attorney at paw. >> buzz! buzz, buzz, buzz! ♪ i'm so "dungover" right, right now ♪ ♪ got into way too much shit last night ♪ ♪ i sure hope a cop doesn't pull

me over ♪ ♪ 'cause i can't afford another fui ♪ let me go buzz around in this dumpster here. >> [ crying ] mind? "peace of mind." [ sighs ]

i don't see no stupid peace. >> [ yawns ] who dares awaken me?! >> hey, who said that? hello? >> it was me, greg. greg garbage, that is. >> ugh! can't expect to have good breath

when you eat trash all day. [ speaks indistinctly ] >> [ sighs ] >> you look a little blue. or...orange? must be looking for your mind, are you? >> ha! how did you know? >> ah, when you're unwanted, you

can be quite perceptive. besides, i got a friend you'll recognize, and he just might be able to help. >> follow me, yomi. >> wow! >> ♪ meow ♪ ♪ meow meow meow meow meow meow meowmir ♪

>> yay! >> ♪ he's a cat that will save the day ♪ >> save the day. >> ♪ always there in the nip of time ♪ >> sing us a song, whisker biscuits. get our hearts pumping and our

meats flapping. take it away, clammy. >> ♪ the name's clammy, yeah ♪ ♪ i'm one of the bunch ♪ ♪ they all love me 'cause i got carpet to munch ♪ >> [ clears throat ] ♪ the name's spielberg, yeah ♪ ♪ the smart one of the lot ♪

♪ i'm super-duper bright 'cause i don't smoke pot ♪ >> ♪ clitoris chris, the tough one of the gang ♪ ♪ if you grease your hair, too, then you and me can hang ♪ >> ♪ sunshine, rainbows, anal kisses, too ♪ >> [ coughing ]

>> huh. >> yomis, sometimes what you're looking for is just a hairball away. >> come on, big fella. you don't usually choke like huh? hey, this isn't my mind. >> well, it ain't trash, either,

dear. look, now, yomi... >> but wait! >> goodbye, yomis. >> aw. [ humming "meowmir" theme ] >> [ humming "meowmir" theme ] hey. you know "meowmir"?

>> yes. my son used to watch that show years ago. how's it go again? >> yeah. >> yeah, yeah. >> that's it. that's it. >> hmm.

why do you have a woman's hair? >> what? this ain't no woman's hair, kid. this is horse, human hair, yak, house-cat hair. it's called a wig. >> oh, like a wig newton. >> no, not like a wig newton at all.

back in the day, if someone wore a wig, it meant they were a very powerful person. same rules apply today, kid. >> [ grunting ] >> you need help or something? >> all right, fine. >> just put me down. >> what the hell are you doing

in there, anyways? >> oh, geez, well, i lost my mind, and i was looking for it. >> hey, uncle donny! hey, man, look! uncle donny over there! >> ha! uncle donny? your name's uncle donny? >> yeah, so?

what, you got a better name or something? >> yomi. >> yo what? >> yeah, okay, yo whatever. yomi. listen, i got to go home. i got a bunch of people waiting for me and an oven full of food.

so, i'm gonna pass on being mocked by a...thing in the street. p.s. take a shower. you reek. happy thanksgiving. uncle donny? peace of mind, uncle donny! [ gasps ]

>> mr. uncle donny! mr. uncle donny! wait! wait! [ panting ] is this true? do you have a piece of my mind? >> no, that's just a slogan. >> wh--where can i find thanksgiving?

>> at home. >> no, really. where? >> listen, kid, ask your parents, okay? >> but...i don't know what they are. you've lost your mind? >> yes, sir.

and right now, i think it went to thanksgiving. >> okay. i'll show you thanksgiving. >> [ gasps ] thanksgiving! >> yeah, sir, i just can't express how ecstatic i am to have you fly me.

i mean, big seagull taxi -- we never thought we 'd have a client as -- as prestigious as you. i mean, flying is the best feeling in the world, sir, and i'm so happy to share that with >> enough, joffrey, enough! >> tell it, sir, don't make me

smell it. >> well, no more talking about flying. keep your beak fucking shut. eh, sir, i get it. you're jealous. it's understandable. you got wings, but you can't really use them.

damn right i'm jealous! this sucks! i've never even been able to take a shit on somebody from the sky, and do you know what would happen if a turkey went to the beach? [ growls ] >> yeah, ciao, bambino.

oh, yeah, yeah, bud. we'll get fro-yo. dad, we hit a roadblock. uh, that was your agent. apparently, we can't get any copies of "thankskilling 2" because all of them are burnt and he threw the last copy in the garbage.

so, i hope this doesn't come between us. oh! whoo! i'm flying! i'm flying! no! no! i'm falling! hmm. >> daddy, are there playgrounds in heaven?

yeah, whatever. i need your soul. let me see through you. nibla, find what i'm looking for, and i'll reward you with gummy bears and gummy frogs and toads. fly now, little soul. >> dad, i'm flying!

where am i going? that's my favorite hat! >> ♪ sittin' on 13th, wheelchair hella clean ♪ ♪ i used to knit and sew, but now i'm off that betv screen ♪ ...jefferson! >> i warned you, mother -- no technology at the dinner table,

or you get the long pike. >> long pike? you mean that fucking butter knife taped to the end of a broomstick? >> this is a long pike, okay? it's a placeholder right now, but when the real long pike shows up, you best be warned.

>> whatever. is there a phone around here? >> you're not using the phone to call your boyfriend, rodney, uh, to come down here and, uh, swap it's swoop me, fool. and first of all, rodney was so last week. i'm fucking deangelo now.

>> rodney, deangelo. you go through these guys like goddamn disposable something. >> yeah, well, to this delicious hag, they are disposable. >> mother, love is a thing to be cherished. you find love, you better hold on for dear life.

>> well, jefferson, last night, i grabbed onto deangelo's cock, brought it in my mouth, and held does that sound like love? >> that's how you want to talk to your son? you think i want to hear my own mother say, "last night, i grabbed onto deangelo's cock and

put it in my mouth"? you think that's what i want to hear from my mom? >> [ sniffs ] >> why can't you just take an interest in some of the things that i happen to like very much? >> why? this shit is dumb -- you and

your doofus friend donald prancing around, pretending to be pilgrims or something. this colonial shit -- no one gives a fuck about churning butter or blacksmiths. we don't care, jefferson. plus, you look like a fucking idiot.

>> well, you sound like an idiot because this is exactly how the head of security dressed back then. >> oh, really? did they use pubic hair to make their wigs back then? looks like you're wearing deangelo's bush on your head.

deangelo's old. did you even know that? he's old. >> where's it at? yeah! >> yomi, calm down. >> where is it?! is it in here?! oh, it's got to be in here,

donny! >> what the fuck? >> where are you, mind? >> ooh, food. >> security! hey! what are you supposed to be? you stop right there. >> yomi, what on earth? i'm trying to find piece of my

mind. you said it was at thanksgiving, right? >> jefferson, put her down. >> [ panting ] >> i know these types. this little bitch will be in and out of jail all her life. >> [ screams ]

>> she's trying to rile me up. >> rile! rile! rile! rile! >> hey! you! she attacked me! [ nibla shouting indistinctly ] >> oh. hi. i'm nibla. whoo! [ laughing ] oh!

yes! thanksgiving! >> jefferson, back to your post. yeah, back to your post. >> you little bitch! >> ow! ow! ow! hey, what is that, anyway? a butter knife with a stick on it for buttering toast eight feet away?

>> this thing is making me so mad, donny! come on! >> jefferson, now. back to your post. >> i'm gonna go back to my post, but this type of behavior will not fly at thanksgivingland. that one -- you're banned.

you're banned from the park for life. i'm gonna write it down. you got me in trouble, you asshole. dick. >> [ humming ] >> who are you? have you seen my mind?

>> no, but this'll blow it. track three's dope. it'll make you shit. that's why i call it a diaper filler. >> ♪ i got glaucoma, i got a glock, you in a coma, can't see shit ♪ >> lookit.

it's yours for a stack. >> lois, just leave her be. >> flowis, god damn it! it's flowis! and i'll have you know, you're forcing an aspiring rapper to be here against her will with you crackers when i've got this mix tape to drop.

>> [scoffs ] ooh. [ munching ] >> roaching, roachy, roach. oh. heya, yomi. just roaching around here. thought i'd let you know i saw your mind. oh, and that i laid about 300

eggs in those chips right there. >> [ coughs ] where did you see him? >> in there. >> the oven? >> yes, anyways, find that mind, fleece face. word on the street is that there's a major party at the

roacharority downtown. delta gammas, here i come. >> shit, jefferson! >> she was stealing our food. i caught her. >> nuh-unh! >> back then, children got their hands lopped off for that sort of thing.

do you even want me to be head of security at thanksgivingland? >> this isn't thanksgivingland yet, and i don't want an employee of mine long-piking little kids' hands off. then i can't do my job. then i literally cannot be the head of security at

thanksgivingland. >> thanksgivingland. that's so grammy. >> yeah, it's a theme park i'm building. >> wha--? >> we're building. we're building a theme park. >> it's got a gravy train, a yam

tram. it's got a maize maze. it's amazing. like maize? [ scoffs ] oh, donny! do the voice! >> no, no, i'm not doing the voice.

>> no, i'm not. >> what voice? >> i'm not go-- you guys want me to do the voice? >> yeah. what voice? there's a voi-- what, is there a thanksgiving donny, i want to hear the

thanksgiving voice. nibla, let me see through you. that crotch mullet has my movie? giblets. >> welcome to thanksgivingland! jefferson, the sign. oh, i get it. just get the pike through here. i'll get it with my pike in a

sec. hang on, sorry. got it caught on this. and reaching, reaching, reaching. one second. i got it. i got this. hang on.

running out of length on this thing. hopefully, the real deal is a little longer. get that damn light switch! son of a bitch! it's -- see, you get in there, it's the little -- it's such a tiny

space. yomi, can you reach -- >> i get it. >> jefferson. god damn it! it's tricky! got it! >> i'm still working on the >> and there, i will be the head

of security. it's like a chief of police, fbi, cia, mi6, port authority, immigration, that stuff, all rolled into one. if you are caught with modern booty, there will be a severe punishment, and you will be banned from thanksgivingland and

shamed out of there for 10 years, okay? can you imagine not being allowed in thanksgivingland for 10 years? >> i can imagine it, because it sounds like a fucking horrible idea. >> at thanksgivingland, there

will be no handicap accessibility. okay? back then, the handicaps didn't make it. guys, no quickie cuts, no fast passies. we wait in line at >> you will wait in line.

okay, that's the way they did it back then. pilgrims are notorious line waiters. they waited in line for everything. listen, guys, in regards to the gravy river, you can float on the gravy river.

do not dip any food into the gravy river, okay? that's gonna be a temptation. donny and i have discussed the logistics of this. we think we can still make it work, but you can't be dipping your nacho chips in the gravy. hey, mom, don't do that deangelo

thing where -- that's what i'm talking about -- where you smell your pussy like that. >> ohh. >> is this how people dress at thanksgivingland? like your mom, jefferson? >> certainly not. she looks ridiculous.

my mother happens to be very senile. >> one more word out of you, you'll be drinking a catheter milkshake. >> gross! >> i dress like this for one reason -- because god told me to, and when i leave this world

to go see him, i'm gonna drop to my knees and give him a little slob knob. [ slurping ] >> oh, that's inappropriate. >> now, you see, while my nitwit son, jeff, worked his crummy security job all day, i stayed home and watched my soap operas.

well, one day, jeff... >> don't call me jeff. >> ...forgot to pay the bill, and i was left with nothing by betv -- music videos, rap ones. god wanted me to be a rapper. since then, i've been hitting the streets 24/7. "sprinkle of wrinkle," baby.

>> i didn't do it. whoa. cool. >> yomi, get away from there. hands off! come help me put some pies in the oven. please. why don't we put the pies in

this guy? >> yomi. >> it's not for pies. >> well, why not? the oven is hotter. it's more traditional. >> but not nearly as cool. >> yomi, shut up. shut up.

>> what's this lever do? [ grunting ] >> god damn it, yomi! i told you to leave it alone, all right?! this thing's just very dangerous! >> sorry. >> he's freaking out.

>> just quit asking me these fucking questions. just [groans] do you want me to help you find your mind or not? >> mm-hmm. [ doorbell rings ] >> oh, that might be my long pike.

i'll get it. head of security. i'm coming. who is it? what is that thing? my new long pike. it came. wow. my long pike is here, dad.

i'll be the best head of security at thanksgivingland. it's here, guys. my long pike came. >> it came. >> thanksgiving just got fu-- [ grunts ] looks like he just quit life... cold turkey.

>> no! bastard! mexican butter knife, clean up this death. he's toast! [ cat screeches ] always refrigerate your leftovers on thanksgiving so you can wake up on black friday to a

delicious cold snack. >> now, where the fuck is my movie? >> let me at him! let me at him! >> no, no, yomi, no. >> you. >> me? where are you, nibla?

>> dad, you came back for me. >> nibla, come, join me. >> are we gonna be evil like you promised? in here, the pantry. >> no, nibla! >> quick! follow that random voice! >> oh, fuck!

[ indistinct shouting ] no. no! stop! no! n-o-o-o! and then we ran out of all the schnerberry sauce. well, that was back in college when i was just a little larva. well, anyways, we must be close,

right, muff? you do know where we're going? you big fucking idiot. let me guess. you forgot to get the latest download of snoogle maps. >> [ moans ] call nerd worm. [ beeping ]

>> hello? muff industries. nerd worm speaking. >> nerd worm, i've got a flavor to ask you. >> vanilla. >> yeah, you asked about a flavor. >> god damn it, nerd worm, i'd

eat your chocolate right now if i could. [ slurps ] anyways, i need you to track the worst movie ever made here on earth. >> easy for me, rhonda. you know, being the inventor of the muff and all.

how's he working out for you, anyways? >> quite mandy, actually. >> you mean dandy, right? >> no, i mean mandy, like mandy moore, like that's all he listens to. >> oh, well, i hate to admit this, rhonda, but while building

muff's vortex, i accidentally dropped mandy moore's latest album into his mechanism. i built mandy moore into muff. >> "thankskilling 2." >> wait, what? weren't we just talking about mandy moore's career? >> old news, nerd.

"thankskilling 2" is the movie i need you to track. >> oh, no problem, rhonda. let me just fire up my advanced satellite object tracker here, and it'll be just a minute. ♪ beebity boop be boop ♪ oh, here it is. sending you the coordinates

right now, rhonda. >> oh, maybe my mind's out here. >> sure, yomi. >> mind! it's yomi! >> ♪ he's going away, security in heaven ♪ ♪ never met his dad, a dude named kevin ♪

♪ to god he goes, colonial... toes ♪ yeah, all right. >> flowis, are you rapping a eulogy? >> fuck off, all right? i could rap about whatever the hell i want, even if the stage is some stupid-ass hippie

forest. ugh, just keep pushing, you puss. >> donny, do you miss your dead friend jefferson? >> well, of course i do. jefferson and i were working on thanksgivingland for -- for years.

>> horseshit. >> i'm sorry, lois. >> rubbish, donald. you ain't sorry. you, donald, are one egotistical, prune-juice-drinking, scared, punk-ass, old motherfucker. you're too scared of a turkey,

and you're too scared to get over your family. hanging out with this little thing ain't gonna bring them back. you're just capping them even more. bony bullshitter you are, uncle donny.

>> is it true, uncle donny? do you have a family? >> i had a family... once. it was a full moon over highway 96. i just needed one more 50-pound barrel of stuffing for pluckmaster to finish him off.

ah, murphy's stuffing. it went so well with gallagher gravy. i decided to send my wife and kid out. i thought it was the right thing to do. but do you know who else likes murphy's stuffing?

wolves like murphy's stuffing! [ indistinct screaming ] not only did the wolves get our stuffing, they got it with a side of wife and child! after that, i turned off pluckmaster and never turned him on again. that bastard ruined my life.

so i decided to build thanksgivingland... a place i believe will bring others happiness... >> aww. >> ...that i once had. >> you're dead, uncle donny! >> uncle donny! >> get off me!

>> stop it! you are the gates of the feather world, a peaceful afterlife for turkeys. >> what are those stupid little birds doing on that nest, huh? >> quiet, you wretched abomination. i had to babysit tonight, and i

couldn't get out of it. this is little davey and slurp chirp. >> hey, everybody. >> don't mind them. >> slurp chirp? >> i've brought you here to help. i am a wise turkey...

>> ...one of the -- by giblet, look at that. what is your given name? >> come forward, yomi. you're quite, quite special, it's been ages. >> you know who i am? can you help me find my mind? without it, i --

>> i understand, but you're from a land where planes and ships and aliens cannot reach. if you're on earth, someone believes in you a great deal. >> oh, jesus. sounds like the longest, most boringest story ever coming up. >> hundreds of years ago, wise

turkeys like myself guarded the land. members of the feathren, we prospered... >> hey, davey, while wise turkey's telling his stupid fucking story, you want to learn how to fly with me? watch, i learned this today.

w-w-w-whoo! >> ...before the hunting, the plucking, and the stuffing plagued us. >> ooh, ooh, ooh! i want to tell this next part. 'kay, thanks. with thanksgiving came the great beheading of our kind.

those who accepted their fate lived on here in the feather world, but there were those who chose anger and meanness against the human race. it was this hatred that spawned the most evil of them all. >> a devil turkey, spellbound by an ancient native american

curse. once a wise turkey himself, the evil one remains the last of our kind still living today. >> slurp chirp. >> he now goes simply by turkie. [ bones crack ] take this. let it guide you.

a mini boomerang? >> my friend. join me. >> like the clothes, man. okay. >> stay by her side. there's something peculiar about your friend there... >> [ muttering ]

>> ...but turkie seems to be after it at all costs. trust me, he'd kill anyone if he could. protect her like she is one of your own. >> look, man. i'm just a salesman with a wig. i'm no savior.

>> come with us. >> to return to the natural world would mean the end of me. >> but wait. what am i supposed to do with this? >> it's the only thing turkie lacks. follow the wishbone, yomi.

follow the wishbone, and you will find your mind. >> follow the wishbone. >> ♪ follow, wallow, bitch don't swallow ♪ >> hmm? >> i'm sorry i yelled at you earlier. i...

i know what it's like to lose [ rumbling ] >> [ gasping ] >> [ shouts indistinctly ] >> are you all right? >> yeah, i'm okay. >> okay, good. >> are you okay? >> how okay are you?

>> on a scale of one to 10, nine. >> nine okay? >> that's pretty okay. >> everybody else okay? >> bro, i'm down syndrome with the sickness. i'm always okay. >> [ laughs evilly ]

welcome back. you're now entering turkie vision, where everyone without a mind is welcome. [ slow techno music plays ] you have what i want, yomi. bring it to me, yomi. i have your mind. bring me the movie.

ah, yes. yes. thanksgiving is not about family, yomi. it is about death, death of my people, and i will not stand for it anymore, yomi. the curse is waiting, and the world will be mine.

[ slow techno music continues ] >> he can't control your mind if you don't have one, yomi. thanks for the dvd, yomi. it was almost as easy to acquire as all the bootlegs i bought in china. it's gonna be rice to kill you >> let's go, donald.

want horsepower, baby? >> let's get them, dad! >> hurry, flowis, he's coming! >> this fucking thing... >> flowis? >> i just took it to the mechanic. oh, shit. >> [ laughing ]

[ explosion ] >> looks like early worm just got the bird. >> rhonda worm. i guess hos always do come back for seconds, huh? and i see you brought your little junktard bodyguard, as well.

>> get him, muff. >> mucho bueno, muff. >> rhonda, help me now and the planet's ours, together again. >> dad, it's the pluckmaster, just like my toy. >> you lied to me! you left me and billy worm all alone.

>> but you're my worm and only, baby. >> don't call me what i birthed. this worm was pregnant. >> preg-what? >> with your child. >> ha! fuck you. >> here we go!

>> huh? wha--? >> pluckmaster online. [ mechanical whirring ] >> [ screaming ] >> sector one -- pluck zone. [ screaming continues ] plucking complete. sector two -- stuffing zone. >> not the stuffing!

ow! >> stuffing complete. sector three -- roasting zone. [ electricity surges ] ejecting turkey. [ machine shuts off ] well, well, well. hello, old friend. >> you got a lot of nerve, you

know, donny -- shutting me down for 10 years. >> shut up, pluckmaster. we have guests. >> who are these canadians? after 10 years, you invite these canadians over for thanksgiving? wait a minute. >> just relax.

>> i swear to fucking god, donny, it better not be october right now. >> nibla, i got you. >> who are those guys? >> hi. i'm yomi. >> looks like that fuck canadian robot's coming to kick your ass.

>> no, he's not. >> eh? >> looks like it to me. you gonna let him walk over here and just take a shit on you? >> no. >> i've never seen you stand up for yourself even once in your what are you gonna do?

huh, donny? >> hi, i'm rhonda worm -- earthworm from space. obliged to meet you all. >> hi. i'm donny. welcome back to earth. next time, use the fucking front door! >> well, that was a nice try.

he's probably still gonna kick your ass, though. >> flowis. represent. y'all got any good music vids in space? >> well, i've wormed my way around a few. done some good shit, actually. also ate some shit.

literally. have you ever heard of two worms, one cup? well, that's beside the point. >> [ mumbling ] >> yes, fucking muff. uh, yeah, yeah. we met on the set of "earthworm 6."

"earthworm 6" is where me met. i know, but, please, let's not bring it up again. >> you killed my dad, you stupid worm! >> fuck, no. i killed him. last i checked, he came through me, and i chewed him up and threw him out the window.

>> yeah. whatever. muff, let's start our useless march so we can seem really important. and 1 and 2. as you know, turkie is evil. now, he may be dead, but his curse is not. you see, turkie and i met on the

set of "thankskilling 2." i was his costar. well, long story short, i fucked his little turkey brains out one night, and he spilled everything to me. "pillow talk," i think you'd call it here on earth. anyway, he admitted every day

while acting he was sliding subtle bits of curse into his performance -- a curse that would cast everyone who watched "thankskilling 2" under his spell, dying a horrible, painful, lonely death. ain't that right, muff? come to think of it, kind of

reminds me of that time my poor uncle died of worminal cancer. get it, guys? get it? get it, muff? we have to destroy it -- him... >> nibla? >> ...in space, where it was cursed.

>> shit, yeah, players. let's get to space. [ rapping ] ♪ mace ♪ ♪ rub that cream on my face ♪ ♪ no perms, no worms ♪ ♪ got a fat-ass dickey ♪ ♪ spray it on my hickey ♪ any rappers spit fire like that on jupiter?

>> no, we ain't going to space. my big, mechanical uber-friendly friend here -- muffy pooh -- >> he hates it when i call him that. well, he can vortex that sucker up there in no time, and we'll be out of you ones' hair just in time to catch the last episode

of "criminal minds." >> [ chirping ] sorry. always wanted to do that. choo, choo, choo, choo, choo. >> all right, muff, let's get this started. >> damn it, muff, get into fucking position. >> muff.

thank you. well, you see, muff's got a golox that space narfs love to sniff. and by that, i mean we're gonna particle-beam little nibla over there. >> wait. did you just say "particle

beam"? >> and by that, i mean we're gonna particle-beam little nibla over there and beam those particles up to space in a vortex. >> good. >> v-v-v-v-vortex? >> has anybody gone muff diving

before? ooh-wee-aaaaaay! uhh! >> oh, sorry, muff. got to make sure that sphincter is nice and loose. donny, you know i like this. you're a stupid-ass pilgrim. a little butter churning.

butter churning, if you know what i mean. >> fuck. >> little butt-er churning. anyways, let's get this vortex started right now. [ pop! ] almost there. just got to enter the password.

99999999999999999999999999#. colorful vortex, muff. what'd you eat for dinner, huh? >> well, judging my the hint of yellow there, it looks like he may have eaten curry -- robot curry. >> being the cheapskate that i am, i bought an older muff

model. the newer ones have a much more accessible vortex generator, not that his ass ain't accessible, if you know what i mean. rise yellow turkeys, it is time. come to me. >> uhh! >> rebuild [coughs] me.

ahh. >> come on. >> yeah, looking good. >> light as a motherfucking feather. >> yeah, that's what i say. >> well, let's go get some drinks and then kill a bunch of fuckers.

>> uh, sir? sir? >> what is it? >> uh, sir, y-your winky wink. >> this is not good. >> winky wink? >> uh, yes, sir. your pee-pee. >> pee-pee?

>> your gravy...sir. i'm afraid we lost it. >> you lost my dick?! >> well, i mean, we didn't lose it. just m-misplaced it. >> no dick, huh? [ chain saw buzzing ] >> yep.

this pretty much reminds me of that time that marlow dewmeister ran for president of planet skacksgalgraf. he was a great leader, but, unfortunately, he never got re-elected for a second worm. get it? like "term." >> all right! enough!

rhonda, you're killing me! just give it up with these goddamn worm puns. >> seriously, just give it up al-wormy. fuck! >> keep that sphincter loose, muff. damn it!

string cheese. >> kids is loving it. greenie's string cheese. are you ready for a delicious snickety snack? this ain't none of that farm-raised cow crap. greenie's here is 100% lab made, so fuck you.

>> yomi! >> donny. >> i'm gonna fuck you...up. ever been camelback riding in the grandma canyon? >> suck on my chain saw dick, you might be old, but you still make me get it up! oh! nibla!

>> no, muff. stay where you are. no, no. no, no, no, no. you idiot! you'll melt your springs! the vortex! >> hey, mom. i got my long pike. cool, right?

>> hey. and god told me he's ready for his slob nob. come on up. >> [ smacks lips ] mmm. now, that's some good gran-berry sauce. [ laughing ]

>> flowis! [ up-tempo music plays ] who wants some fucking uncle donny, huh?! you want a piece? [ music continues ] >> get me now, you big, goofy goof. >> watch my tattoo.

there, muffin. higher. >> no! no! >> good going, muff. who's next? >> colonial is king! >> [ gagging ] >> [ whining ] >> kill me!

>> you know what i'm thankful for this thanksgiving? >> performance break. you fucked with the wrong bird, you little bitch! your mind is mine. >> no. no! no! [ buzzing continues ] >> you just got unstuffed.

>> a "world's greatest dad" coffee mug is coming your way, dad. >> muff, where's yomi? >> i don't know. >> way to go, muff. >> see you in hell. come to me. what do we do?

>> she just needs a hand. you do realize what she is, don't you? >> you people from earth don't know nothing. look around. every goddamn stuffed toy on this planet is inspired by her. >> she's -- she's a puppet.

>> uh, no. this is what puppets are based on, man. these things have been around for centuries. you just don't see them. go on. >> really? >> for real.

don't be a wuss, donny. make her talk. >> this is so wrong. >> uh. uh. oh. hey, guys. [ chuckles ] >> welcome back, kiddo. >> uncle donny. >> are you hurt?

>> well, uh, just a little felt wound. but guess what. i saw my mind -- in there. >> turkie has it. >> with the last copy of the movie we came to destroy. thank you very much, muff! >> well, come on.

we got to go get it. >> yeah, let's go get it! >> awkward. >> uh, but, uncle donny, you can't fit. >> 'cause pumpkin pies and bad genetics don't mix, donny. >> it's true. >> but, yomi...

>> the wise turkey said i had to protect you. >> well...well... >> fine, muff. i'll fix your cannon. don't go. >> well, rhonda? >> yep, darling, i've never asked you this before, but may i

please ride another's pee hole? i m-m-mean, shoulder. >> get on my shoulder, rhonda. what do you say, you big, fat, you're mine forever. [ smooches] love you, muff. all right. let's make sure we have a nice,

clean landing here. nicely done, muff. the oven -- hell for turkeys. god knows what we'll see in there, so if we're gonna infiltrate, we're gonna need some disguises. [ echoing ] guises. >> did you just self-echo,

rhonda? >> i don't know what you're talking about. [ echoing ] yeah. yeah. yeah. >> how do we look? >> pretty awesome, huh, guys? what do you think? >> just be c-careful, okay? >> oh, donny, that is freaking

hilarious. >> don't worry, uncle donny. i've got the best worm in the whole word on my side. >> ♪ we're going to turkey hell ♪ ♪ see you guys later ♪ >> thou are not welcome here. >> turn back, i say.

stuffing is coming if you keep going. >> where are we? >> hell, yomi. this is what turkeys see in every oven. >> we are the ghouls of thanksgiving hell. turn back!

look. >> jesus christ! what the fuck was that? >> rhonda, where'd it go? watch your step around here, well, y-y-you know, yomi, you would think a worm would love it underground, but i'd be lying if i told you i didn't just piss on

your shoulder a little bit. >> rhonda, control yourself. >> yomi, you're walking really funny. did you step in some turkey droppings back there? >> no, rhonda. that's just how i walk. besides, look at that.

>> yeah, that's -- that's cool and all, yomi, but come on. let's go. this creeps really gives me the place. give me a break. you know the stupid saying. "this place gives me the creeps."

i just never had the chance to say it before, and, well, i just wanted to say i messed it up. >> hey, watch the back! >> hey, yomi. >> hey. who are you guys? >> are we hamsters? >> are we gerbils? >> we are rats!

>> both: fuck you! >> yeah, that call me rat tattoo, 'cause i'm gonna get all tatted up when i turn 18. >> oh, yeah. >> yeah. hey. >> what's going on? >> we're playing a game. >> you want to join in?

>> yeah, you want in? it's called "butt cheesing." in the morning, we eat a piece of cheese. >> yeah, and then we smell each other's pooers to see if we can tell what kind of cheese it is. >> like this. all right? whoa. hmm.

mmm-hmm. gorgonzola? cheez whiz, man. >> oh, man! not cheez whiz again! >> come on, yomi. let's get going? >> i am butt cheesing right now, rhonda.

>> anyhow, yomi, i guess we should give you a little pat on the heinie. "tush motivation," our mother used to say. you're almost there. turkie is thataway. you go get him and that talking dvd, and you'll get your mind

>> yeah, you'll get it. >> thanks, guys. >> all right. your turn, buddy. >> okay. okay. [ sniffing ] wait. wait. wait. i know it. uh...

>> string cheese! >> both: oh! >> cheater! cheater! [ metallic winding ] >> try it. anything? muff... thanks. >> hey, donny, come help me. i'm fucking dying, man.

seriously, man. no bull. i got gravy liquored over my nuts and bolts. hold on. i'll be right back. >> hurry up, man. >> what's fucking wrong? you're the one that built me. >> hold on. let me check. >> it hurts, man.

>> oh, it's just your gravy mater. >> g-g-gravy mater? fix it. >> shut your fucking mouth. i will. hold on. >> oh. >> there. >> oh, that feels pretty damn

good, actually. >> i know. right? >> yeah. thanks, man. hey, uh, hey, donny... >> sorry about your family, man. >> i'm, uh -- i'm sorry i turned you off. >> yeah. yeah. well, what's that they say, um,

"compliment first, criticism next, and then one more compliment to sandwich it all together." >> i guess. >> well, nice wig... >> thanks. >> ...you little bitch. >> and that was a nice jump

punch in the air you did >> yeah, it was. i fucking hate you still. >> don't fucking touch me like i'm a pet wildebeest. do you want to fight me or friday night, i'm looking for a fight. fright night. ready to fight.

friday night. looking for a fight. oh, yeah. ready to fight. what -- what's that smell, >> well, maybe it's that boiling puddle of mashed potatoes you're walking through. up ahead, yomi, by those

cranberry crystals. >> so i said to her, "you know, if you're not gonna stay the night, the least you can do is give me, you know, an old -- an old beak job," right? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. [ indistinct conversation ] >> well, i'm hard as freaking

sun-baked worm, and, yeah, yeah, and then she -- she comes at me with this line, like, "oh, i can't do it. my beak is sore." or some bullshit like that. i'm like, "hey, bitch." and then i sent that fowl packing with a gravy shot to the

eye. hey, bro, beggars can't be choosers, though. >> well, yeah, you know, i'd rather -- i'd rather be a chooser, not a looser, and, as i said, i sent that bitch packing with a gravy shot to the eye. >> gravy shot.

>> well, of course, that was when i was alive. [ twig snaps ] >> what was that? >> damn it, yomi, we got made. >> g-gobble. gobble. >> gobble. look at that snoot.

hey, how's it going? >> yeah, pretty good. thanks. something strange about that turkey. >> good job, yomi. that was some fine acting. >> [ shrieks ] >> whoa. >> okay, just take the beak off.

>> those are some fine, young fingers you've got there, yomi. >> stop it. don't poke around there. untie it. oh, rhonda, stop. >> it's gonna be so awesome. i mean, my first kill. >> right there.

>> i want to be just like you, dad. >> just listen to me. >> sure. i'll listen to you. but it's gonna be hard to hear over the screams of the millions of people we're about to curse, right, dad? there we have it.

now, hold tight while i plug you in. >> this thing looks so cool. so, where do i begin, dad? >> well, you see this little, uh, fancy turkey head-me-bob? well, it'll stream you to every electronic device in the world. when watched, my curse will take

effect. >> so cool, dad! super-duper-cool. >> yomi, i've been thinking about something. >> you know, i think you should change up your shampoo. i think something like, mm, coconut.

we don't have coconut in space, but i think i would like it. >> fine. >> oh, yomi, coconut, yomi, yomi, yomi, yomi, yomi. oh, yeah, baby. >> just a dream. >> this isn't gonna hurt, is it? >> only a smidgeon.

power on. hold tight, nibla. here we go. yes! it's works. it works! >> no! no, dad! stop! stop it! this isn't what you said it would be like!

>> stop right there, turkie! get over me, rhonda. you were nothing more than just a good piece of moon poon. >> oh, yeah? well, i'm a dude. >> my abusive stepfather, delworm, did take me fishing. he went fishing with me, and i

lost my penis to a trout. mister, you did my booty hole. >> yes, yomi. yes. i'm gay. >> so there. chew on that, turkie. >> f-fine with me. meet my friend -- franken turkey.

[ thunder crashes ] >> uh, sir, you know, i don't want to go by "franken turkey" anymore. i want to be called barth. "franken turkey" -- it sucks. you know, barth -- like barth brooks, barth mall. those guys are rad, and you know

so, please, call me barth. meet my friend barth! >> oh, awesome! barth! yes! >> barth! >> here comes barth! >> shit, yomi, i think we might be cereal juice. i may have a chick on my head.

>> put me down. watch this, yomi. choo, choo, choo, choo, chooo, chooo, chooo, choo. hey, barth. i mean, begging turkie. >> barth is here! >> check out this move. whee!

get up soon. >> fuck you. >> oh, yeah! >> hey, franken turkey. come get me. >> fucking work! don't worry. i got your back... >> too rough, franken turkey.

>> the name is goddamn barth! my name is barth! >> get ready to suck blood! >> hold tight, nibla. >> [ shouting indistinctly ] >> what did the, uh, worm say to the fish that played piano? >> "i'm really hooked on your music."

>> turkie! [ singsong voice ] over there! >> nibla, come catch me. >> ow! ow! ohh! ohh! >> fucking thief. >> rhonda! >> you traitor! >> run!

>> come back here! stop them! >> step on it! [ whip cracks ] >> first of all, ow! second of all, where did you get that whip? >> [ speaks indistinctly ] ...having a fucking ball.

>> i'm coming through! ...the damn wall! oh, yeah! barth! here comes barth! [ shouts indistinctly ] >> oh, by the way, franken turkey, want to join my band? >> well, that's perfect, because

we've been looking for a big, bumbling bitch. >> can't stop now, yomi. just a little farther. the vortex, yomi. the vortex. >> coming to get you, worm! [ all shouting ] >> get off me, you fucking

idiot! >> whoa! ohh! ow! ow! ow! >> goodbye. [ zap! ] >> nice shot, muff. >> rhonda? u-uncle donny, we did it! we got nibla!

>> oh, nice job. >> oh, muff! m-my lady in man parts. farewell. god. i fucking love you, muff. oh, muff. your fingers are gonna be too big to close my eyelids for no

reason. >> hold me tight, baby... one last time... >> ...and hear your heart beat, darling. not that tight. [ squish! ] [ moaning ] rhonda! rhonda! rhonda!

[ rapid beeping ] >> muff, no! >> come on up to heaven. what's his name? hi, muff. i know we've never met, but we both look great in black. you're gonna love it here. we've got all the old batteries

and dvds you could eat. >> muff! [ gasping ] muff! >> donny, what do we do, huh? >> oh, no. muff! muff! >> hi, donny. what's up, twat?

wise turkey. >> you shall not peck! yomi, the vortex! >> y-you got to flip him over! put his arm in the air! >> how's this thing work? >> whoa! >> what was the code?! what did rhonda use?!

it was a bunch of 9s. 999 -- uh, uh, uh. i don't know. >> quick -- find me something heavy. nibla, wait right here. sorry. i got to take this. >> hey, that's my cran-o2 pipe. >> look, i've got a cran-o2

pipe. >> maybe i can make the particle go! >> i don't know, yomi, but i'm just gonna beat the shit out of him and see what happens. whoa! >> so, you you fix it? >> well, i don't have a phd in

ass vortexes! >> ass vortexes? you mean like the kind that are at the parade in san francisco, with all the men, that my dad wouldn't let me go to? >> well, maybe you just need a little worm grease. >> [ chuckles ]

never gets old. someday i'll have to tell you about every time that's happened. let's just say i recently had it growing on at my cousin's wed-mitzvah. >> oh, god. >> [ making swooshing sounds ]

oh, muff! what have you done? i'll fix you up one day, but for now, vortex. >> can you, rhonda? can you fix muff? >> duh! >> you can't do that. no way. >> donny, the only thing i can't

fix is your piss-poor attitude. watch. suck it, donny. >> stupid fucking worm. w-whoa! whoa! >> nibla! i-i got you. >> throw it in, yomi. >> it's time to go, nibla.

>> can i tell you something? >> i-i wish i had feathers right now. my -- my mom -- i-i really miss her, and she used to make me take bird baths, but i wouldn't listen. but i'd give anything to take one now.

i don't want to be in this case >> i know, nibla. i know. i'm ready now. >> fuck you, kid. >> whoa, whoa! [ wind whistling ] >> yomi, hang on to something! >> four centuries i've waited to

kill one of your kind. >> oh. hey, yomi. oh, you want to come to heaven? [ laughter continues ] >> follow the wishbone, yomi, and you will find your mind. >> [ laughter continues ] aaaah! aaaaaah!

>> i wish you would go fuck yourself. >> aaah! >> i got you! >> yomi! kill him! >> i don't want to! i can't! no! >> come here. >> yomi, the vortex won't stay

open forever. now's our chance, goddamn it! >> hey, yomi, nice fall. >> turkie! [ gasping ] get off! >> grab my hand! help me! >> [ gnawing ] >> nibla, hold on!

>> i'm trying! >> oh! oh, no! >> every being but me is expendable, yomi. nothing more than a talking severed head. i'll still haunt you. i'll own your mind for eternity! [ saxophone playing ]

[ music stops ] >> oh, sorry. i found my old saxophone up in muff's head. well, back in the '80s, me and the boys used to go out for a saturday night vortex and play a tune. >> turkie can never die.

>> hey -- hey, dad. i finally understand what a pun is. >> but i refuse to be like you! noooooooo! nibla! [ gasps ] >> donny... thank you for showing me thanksgiving.

i was wrong, though. my mind wasn't here. >> yomi, please stay here with me. we'll build thanksgiving land together. >> open your head. i'm here. come to me, yomi.

>> yomi, my butt's just ripe for sniffing. come on up and do it! >> i think i got a sexually roach disease from those gammas. ew. >> yomi, get your shit together and come get trashed. >> i'm a gay cat.

my search is over. but promise me you'll finish yours. >> i'll never send you out for stuffing. >> i'll miss you, uncle donny. rhonda, you are the coolest earthworm from space that i've ever known.

i get to go home now. goodbye. >> [ voice breaking ] yomi, no. i need you. >> goodbye! i want to go see my mom now! >> and so she found her mind, and with it, her home. but the lives of those affected

by her must go on. >> ♪ everybody is sad right ♪ 'cause yomi just died ♪ ♪ and went into a vortex ♪ ♪ pieces ♪ ♪ pieces of fleeces ♪ ♪ that's all that remains from our orange best friend ♪ ♪ look at that sad face right

there ♪ ♪ oh, there's a wig ♪ ♪ i didn't see that coming ♪ ♪ it's gonna get kind of dusty down there ♪ ♪ better look down and check out that dusty mess ♪ [ clears throat ] well, pretty good song, huh?

>> too...soon. >> [ stammering ] wow, that's a really big piece, donny. i was hoping we could collect as many fleece scraps as possible for my new hat. that would be a great start for what? what? still too soon?

fine. let me just wait a minute. [ whistles ] well, hopefully it's not "too soon" to ask if maybe you had a spare bedroom that i could crash no? maybe an aquarium? eh, whatever. donny, i've been meaning to tell

you this, but i think you may have fattened into your one-size-too-small pilgrim pants. you see, you've been sporting a fat moose apple for a long time now, and at first... >> a m-m-moose apple? i don't know what the fuck a

moose apple is. [ electricity crackles ] so, get this, right? we get the cranberry bumper cars, right? huge, huge cornbread mountain. and then over there, mashed-potato slip-and-slide, and we got the gravy train right

here, and then, right, the pumpkin-pie wheel. so, what do you guys think? >> i think that when i asked you to fix me, this is not what i had in mind. >> where's rhonda? >> well, i've been thinking maybe your little colonial

amusement park could be a real hit in space. think about it. we'll find some distant alien civilization, take over their land, murder their people, and have a big feast every year afterward. we'll call it thanksgiving ii.

>> rhonda, come on. [ sighs ] >> hi, thanksgiving land. it's me, jefferson, head of security in heaven. keep your arms and legs inside the gravy tra-a-a-a-in. i don't know why i trailed off like that. just seemed appropriate.

>> gobble, gobble, motherfucker. [ laughs maniacally ] >> [ rapping ] ♪ the name's flowis, bitch, and i'm an old fucking rapper ♪ ♪ me and bernie b., we tear it up a napper ♪ ♪ we got a three-prong glass of gangster merloo ♪

♪ 'cause we be gangster hags, and that's what gangster hags do ♪ ♪ boom shaka laka ♪ ♪ ain't that what they say? ♪ ♪ i got a glock with your name on it every day ♪ ♪ discount at mcdonald's ♪ ♪ i'd like me a mcchicken ♪

♪ there's a whole in my box that you could stick a dick in ♪ ♪ i'm a bingo queen ♪ ♪ don't you ever forget it ♪ ♪ i'm like b-i-n when i go spin ♪ ♪ hairy and black ♪ ♪ i like them big like king kong ♪

♪ pull my diaper to the side and just stick it ♪ ♪ stick it ♪ ♪ sprinkle ♪ ♪ sprinkle of wrinkle ♪ ♪ love wrinkle, baby ♪

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