Friday, August 19, 2016

puppets blow up the solar system

what do you make of it? it appears to be a probe,captain. from an intelligenceunknown to us. continue transmitting universal peace and hello in all known languages. get me starfleet command. ready, captain. starfleet command, this is uss saratoga patrolling sector five,neutral zone.

we're tracking a probe of unknown origin on apparent trajectory to the terran solar system. attempts to communicatewith the probe have been negative on all known frequencies. continue tracking, saratoga. we will analyze transmissions and advise. roger, starfleet. saratoga out. six...

five... four... three... two... one. there.hold the image. hold! behold the quintessential devil in these matters-- james t. kirk,renegade and terrorist.

not only is he responsible for the murder of a klingon crew, the theft of a klingon vessel, see now the real plotand intentions. even as this federation was negotiatinga peace treaty with us, kirk was secretly developing the genesis torpedo, conceived by kirk's son and test detonatedby the admiral himself.

and the result of this awesome energy was euphemistically called the genesis planet, a secret base from which to launch the annihilation of the klingon people! we demandthe extradition of kirk. we demand justice! klingon justice is a uniquepoint of view, mr. president. genesis wasperfectly named-- the creation of life,not death.

the klingonsshed the first blood while attempting to possess its secrets. vulcans are well-known as the intellectual puppets of this federation. your vessel did destroy uss grissom. your men did kill kirk's son. do you deny these events? we deny nothing. we have the rightto preserve our race.

do you have the right to commit murder? silence. silence! there will be no further outbursts from the floor. mr. president, i have come to speak on behalf ofthe accused. personal bias. his son was saved by kirk. mr. ambassador,with all respect,

the council's deliberationsare over. then kirk goes unpunished? admiral kirk has been charged with nine violationsof starfleet regulations. starfleet regulations? that's outrageous! remember this well. there shall be no peace as long as kirk lives. you pompous ass! captain's log, stardate 8390.

we're in the third month of our vulcan exile, and it was dr. mccoy, with afine sense of historical irony, who decided on a name for our captured klingon vessel. and like those mutineers of 500 years ago, we, too, have a hard choice to make. dr. mccoy? aye, sir. mr. scott? aye, sir.

uhura? chekov? sulu? aye, sir. let the record show that the commander and the crewof the late starship enterprise have voted unanimously to return to earth to face the consequencesof their actions in the rescue of their comrade,captain spock.

thank you all. repair stations, please. mr. scott. aye, sir? how soon can we be underway? give me one more day, sir.damage control is easy. reading klingon,that's hard. you'd think they could at least send a ship. it's bad enough to be court-martialed

and spend the rest of our lives mining borite, but to have to go home in this klingon flea trap... we can learn a thing or twofrom this flea trap. it's got a cloaking devicethat cost us a lot. i just wish we could cloak the stench. computer, resume testing. who said, "logic is the cement of our civilization with which we ascend from chaos using reason as our guide"? t'plana-hath, matron of vulcan philosophy.

correct. what is the molecular formula of sulfite crystals? white queen to section five, grid six. queen takes knight. rook takes queen. white pawn to section five, grid seven. pawn takes rook. checkmate. what significant contribution to bioengineering was made in lucarian outpost on klendth? the universal atmospheric element compensator. evaluate and conclude. a starship's sensors indicate

it is being pursued so closely that it occupies the same space as its pursuer. identify object and its cultural significance. klingon mummification glyph. what were the principal historical events on the planet earth in the year 1987? what was kiri-kin-tha's first law of metaphysics? nothing unreal exists.

adjust the sine wave of this magnetic envelope, so that antineutrons can pass through it, but antigravitons cannot. how do you feel? i do not understand the question. what is it, spock? i do not understand the question, mother. but you're half human. the computer knows that.

the question is irrelevant. spock, the retrainingof your mind has been in the vulcan way, so you may not understandfeelings, but, as my son, you have them. they will surface. as you wish, since you deem them of value, but i cannot wait here to find them. why?where must you go?

i must go to earth to offer testimony. you do this for friendship. i do it because i was there. spock... does the goodof the many outweigh the good of the one? i would accept thatas an axiom. well, then you stand here alivebecause of a mistake made by your flawed,feeling, human friends. they have sacrificedtheir futures

because they believedthat the good of the one-- you-- was more important to them. humans makeillogical decisions. they do, indeed. here it comes now. [squealing, thrumming] what's causing that? their call is being carried

on an amplification wave of enormous power. can we isolate the wave? negative. it's impactingon all our systems. yellow alert. shields up. helm, reduce closing speed. thruster controlshave been neutralized. emergency thrusters. no response, captain. emergency lights.

damage report. all systems have failed. we're functioningon reserve power only. starfleet command, this is saratoga. can you hear me?come in, please. come in, please. thank you, sir. status report, admiral. not good, mr. president.

the probe is headeddirectly toward us. its signal is damagingeverything in its path. klingons have losttwo vessels. two starships andthree smaller vessels have been neutralized. neutralized? how? we don't know. get me the yorktown. emergency channel 0130. code red.

it has been three hours since our contact with the alien probe. all attempts at regaining power have failed. it's using formsof energy our best scientistsdo not understand. can you protect us? we're launching everything we have. support reserves. our chief engineer is trying to deploy a makeshift solar sail.

we have high hopes that this will, if successful, generate power to keep us alive. systems report,communications. communications systemsall ready, sir. communications officeras ready as she'll ever be. mr. sulu? guidance is functional. onboard computerwill interface with federationmemory bank.

weapons systems. operational, admiral. cloaking devicenow availableon all flight modes. i'm impressed. that's a lot of work for a short voyage. we are in an enemyvessel, sir. i do not wishto be shot down on the wayto our own funeral. good thinking.

engine, mr. scott. we're ready, sir. i've convertedthe dilithium sequencer into somethinga little less primitive, and, admiral, i have replacedthe klingon food packs. they were giving mea sour stomach. oh, is thatwhat it was? prepare for departure. everybody not going to earthhad better get off.

saavik... this is good-bye. yes, admiral. thank you. sir... i have nothad the opportunity to tell you aboutyour son. david died most bravely. he saved spock. he saved us all.

i thought you should know. good day, captain spock. may your journeybe free of incident. live long and prosper, lieutenant. permission to come aboard. permission granted. thank you, admiral. jim. spock, jim. don't you remember?

it would not be properto refer to you as jim while you are in command,admiral. also, i must apologizefor my attire. i seem to have misplacedmy uniform. station. are you sure this issuch a bright idea? what do you mean? i mean him back at his postlike nothing happened. i don't know if you'vegot the whole picture or not

but he's not exactlyworking on all thrusters. it'll come back to him. are you sure? that's what i thought. mr. sulu... take us home. thrustersfunctional. one quarter impulse power. space dock, this is starfleet. launch all vessels. launch all vessels.

sir, space dock doorsare inoperative. all emergency systemsare nonfunctional. engage reserve power. starfleet command,this is space dock on emergency channel. we have lost all internal power. estimating planet earth,1.6 hours, present speed. continue on course. mr. chekov, any sign of federation escort?

no, sir. and no federationvessels on assignedpatrol stations. that's odd. uhura, what's on the com channels? very active, sir. multiphasictransmissions,overlapping. it's almosta gibberish. let me see ifi can sort it out.

hi. busy? uhura is busy. i am monitoring. hmm. well, i justwanted to say it sure is niceto have your katra back in your headand not mine. what i mean is,i may have carried your soul,

but i sure couldn'tfill your shoes. my shoes? forget it. perhaps we could covera little philosophical ground. life, death, life. things of that nature. i did not have timeon vulcan to review the philosophicaldisciplines. come on,'s me, mccoy.

you really have gonewhere no man's gone before. can't you tell mewhat it felt like? it would be impossibleto discuss the subject without a commonframe of reference. you're joking. a joke is... a storywith a humorous climax. you mean, i have to die todiscuss your insights on death? forgive me, doctor.i'm receiving a numberof distress calls. i don't doubt it.

juneau, alaska,clouds increased 95%. cloud coverage. all powerfrom reserve banks. leningrad has lostall electrical power. cloud coverage100 percent. temperaturesdecreasing rapidly. what is the estimate cloud cover of the planet at this time? 78.6 percent. notify all stations.

starfleet alert. switch power immediatelyto planetary reserves. switching now,admiral. red alert. we are now on red alert. attention, attention. red alert. mr. president, even withplanetary reserves, we cannot survivewithout the sun. i'm well aware of that,admiral.

ambassador sarek, i'm afraidyou're trapped here with us. there seems to be no waywe can answer this probe. it is difficult to answer when one does notunderstand the question. mr. president... perhaps you shouldtransmit a planetarydistress signal... while we stillhave time. admiral.

what is it? overlapping distress calls and now a message coming infrom the federation. on screen. this is the president of the united federation of planets. do not approach earth. the transmissions of an orbiting probe are causing critical damage to this planet.

it has almost totally ionized our atmosphere. all power sources have failed. all earth-orbiting starships are powerless. the probe is vaporizing our oceans. we cannot survive unless a way can be found to respond to the probe. further communications may not be possible. save your energy. save yourselves.

avoid the planet earth at all costs. farewell. can you let us hearthe probe's transmission? yes, sir. on speakers. spock, what do youmake of that? most unusual. an unknown form of energyof great power and intelligence, evidently unawarethat its transmissionsare destructive.

i find it illogical that itsintentions should be hostile. really. you think this its wayof saying "hi there" to the people of the earth? there are other formsof intelligence on earth, doctor. only human arrogancewould assume the messagemust be meant for man. you're suggestingthe transmission

is meant for a life-formother than man. at least a possibility,admiral. the president did say it wasdirected at earth's oceans. uhura, can you modifythe probe's signals accounting for density and temperatureand salinity factors? i can try, sir. [sing-song squealing] i think i have it, sir.

and this is what itwould sound likeunderwater? fascinating. if my suspicion is correct, there can be no responseto this message. excuse me. where are you going? to test my theory. bones, you stay here. no way.

somebody's gotto keep an eye on him. spock? as suspected. the probe's transmissionsare the songs sung by whales. whales. specifically,humpback whales. that's crazy. who would send a probehundreds of light-years to talk to whales?

it's possible. whales have beenon earth far earlierthan man. ten million years earlier. and humpbacks were heavily hunted by man. they've been extinctsince the 21st century. it is possible that an alien intelligence sent the probe to determinewhy they lost contact. my god. spock...

could the humpback'sanswer to this callbe simulated? the sounds,but not the language. we would be respondingin gibberish. does the species existon any other planet? negative. humpbacks wereindigenous to earth, earth of the past. well... we have no choice.

we must destroy the probebefore it destroys earth. to attempt to do sowould be futile,admiral. the probe could renderus neutral easily. we can't just turn away. there must be an alternative. there is one possibility, but, of course, i cannotguarantee success. we could attempt to findsome humpback whales. you just said there aren't any,except on earth of the past.

yes, doctor, that isexactly what i said. well, in that case... now, waitjust a damn minute. start your computationsfor time warp. bones, you come with me. red alert. red alert. admiral,we need that power to keep the medical and emergency facilitiesfunctioning.

all underground storagesystems have been shut down due to contaminationfrom the probe's wave. red alert. red alert. hey, tom, get thosesteel plates in here! scotty, how longis this bay? about 60 feet, admiral. can you enclose itto hold water? i suppose i could. you planningto take a swim?

off the deep end,mr. scott. we've got to findsome humpbacks. humpbacked... people? whales, mr. scott.whales. about 45 to 50 feet long. about 40 tons each. you're really goingto try time travelin this rust bucket? we've done it before. sure, a slingshotaround the sun. pick up enough speed,you're in time warp.

if you don't, you're fried. would you preferto do nothing? i prefer a doseof common sense. you're proposing thatwe go backwards in time find humpback whales,then bring them forward in time, drop them off,and hope to hell they tell this probewhat to go do with itself. that's the general idea. well, that's crazy!

you got a better idea?now's the time. your computations,mr. spock? in progress, admiral. uhura, get me throughto starfleet command. i'm picking upa faint transmission. i thinkit's admiral kirk calling. on screen. starfleet command, this is admiral james t. kirk, en route to earth aboard a klingon vessel.

we have intercepted and analyzed the call of the probe threatening earth. satellite reservepower. now. ...that only the extinct species "humpback whale" can give a proper response to the probe. do you concur with this opinion? stabilize.emergency reserve. starfleet command, do you read me? go ahead.we hear you.

starfleet command, if you read me, we're going to attempt time travel. we are computing our trajectoryat this time... at this time... get him back.get him back! ready to engagecomputer, admiral. what's our target in time? late 20th century. can you be more specific? not with this equipment.

i've had to programsome of the variablesfrom memory. what are some of the variables? availabilityof fuel components, mass of the vesselthrough a timecontinuum, and probable locationof humpback whales-- in this case,the pacific basin. and you programmedall that from memory? i have. "angels and ministersof grace, defend us."

hamlet,act i, scene iv. no doubt about your memory,spock. engage computers. prepare for warp speed. shields, mr. chekov. shields, aye. may fortune favor the foolish. warp speed, mr. sulu. warp 2.

warp 3. steady as she goes. warp 4. warp 5. warp 6. warp 7. warp 8! sir, heat shieldsat maximum. warp 9!

9.2. 9.3. we need breakaway speed. 9.5. 9.6. 9.7. 9.8. i'm okay! i'm fine! now, mr. sulu!

oh, oh...wait. wait... i should never have left... i have no control, sir. the main's up now, sir.aux power is... my god, jim, where are we? it is the human thing to do. spock, you're talkingabout the end ofevery life on earth. [whale song] [engines roaring]

mr. sulu. what is our condition? sir, the brakingthrusters have fired. picture, please. earth. but when? spock? judging by the pollutioncontent of the atmosphere, i believe we have arrivedat the latter halfof the 20th century. well done, spock.

admiral, if i may. we are probablyalready visible to the tracking devicesof the time. quite right, mr. spock. engage cloaking device, mr. chekov. we are crossing the terminatorinto night. homing in on the west coastof north america. admiral,i am receiving whale song. put them on speakers.

[whale song] admiral, this is strange. the song is directly ahead. it's coming from san francisco. from the city? that doesn't make sense. admiral, we havea serious problem. would you please come down? it's these klingon crystals,admiral.

the time travel drained them. now they're giving out,decrystallizing. give me a round figure,mr. scott. oh, 24 hours, give or take,staying cloaked. after that, admiral, we'revisible and dead in the water. in any case, we won't haveenough to break out ofearth's gravity, to say nothingabout getting home. i can't believe we've come this far only to be stoppedby this.

is there no way of recrystallizing the dilithium? sorry, sir. we can't even do thatin the 23rd century. admiral, there may bea 20th-centurypossibility. explain. if memory serves,there was a dubiousflirtation with nuclear fissionreactors, resulting intoxic side effects. by the beginningof the fusion era,

these reactorshad been replaced, but at this time,we may be ableto find some. but you said they were toxic. we could constructa device to collect their high-energyphotons safely. these photons couldthen be injected into the dilithiumchamber causing crystallinerestructure, theoretically.

where would we find thesereactors, theoretically? nuclear power was widelyused in naval vessels. san francisco. i was born there. it doesn't lookall that different. set us down in golden gate park. descending. we'll divide into teams. commanders uhura and chekov, you're assigned the uranium problem.

dr. mccoy, you, mr. scott and commander sulu will convert usa whale tank... oh, joy. while captain spock and i attempt to trace these whale songs to their source. i'll have bearingand distance for you, sir. i want you all to be very careful. this is terra incognita. many of their customs will doubtless take us by surprise.

it's a foregone conclusion none of these people have ever seen an extraterrestrial before. this is an extremely primitive and paranoid culture. chekov will issue a phaserand a communicator to each team. we'll maintain radio silence except in emergencies. those of you in uniform remove your rank insignia. any questions? all right.

let's do our job and get out of here. our own world is waiting for us to save it... if we can. commence landing procedures. don't tell me you twoare fighting again? i thoughtyou made up last night. why are you twoalways fighting? i like the wayshe fights. oh...

anyway, i said to her,"if you think i'mgonna spend $60 for a damn toaster oven,you're out of yourmind." what'd she say to that? well, she... whoa! whoa, whoa! [clank, heavy thud] what the hell was that? did you see that?

no, and neither did you,so shut up. no, i didn't seenothing. bearing to the whales? 283 degrees,15.2 kilometers. everybody rememberwhere we parked. [brakes screech] hey, why don't you watchwhere you're going,you dumb-ass! well, a doubledumb-ass on you! it's a miracle these people

ever got out of the 20th century. they're stillusing money. we've gotto find some. spock. the restof you stay here. the rest of you,break up. you look likea cadet review. yes, um, 18th-century american. quite valuable. are you sure you want to part with them?

how muchwill you give me for them? weren't those a birthdaypresent from dr. mccoy? and they will be again.that's the beauty of it. how much? well, they'd be worth moreif the lenses were intact. i'll give you $100. is that a lot? mmm. all right, that's all there is,

so don't splurge. all set? good hunting. well, spock, here we are. thanks to your restored memory,and a little bit of good luck, we're walking the streets of san francisco looking for a couple of humpback whales. how do you propose to solve this minor problem? simple logic will suffice.

i believe i shall beginby making use of this map. i have the distance and bearing which were providedby commander uhura. if we juxtaposeour coordinates, we should be ableto find our destination which liesat 283.7 degrees-- i think we'll findwhat we're looking for at the cetacean institutein sausalito. a pair of humpback whalesnamed george and gracie.

how do you know this? simple logic. what does it mean,"exact change"? do you mindtelling me how we planto convert this tank? ordinarily, i coulddo it with a piece oftransparent aluminum. i'm afraid you're a numberof years too early for that. i know. we've got to findthe 20th-century equivalent. but where? [arguing in chinese]

did you find it? yes, under"u.s. government." now we need directions. excuse me, sir. can you direct me to the naval base in alameda? it's where they keepthe nuclear "wessels." nu-cle-ar... wessels. excuse us.

excuse me, we are lookingfor nuclear wessels. can you tell me where the naval base is in alamed... we're looking for nuc... hello... we are looking for the nuclear wessels in alameda. could you tell me where...? can you help us? please. we're looking forthe naval base in alameda. could you tell me where thenuclear wessels are? nuc...? ooh, i don't know ifi know the answerto that.

i think it'sacross the bayin alameda. that's what i said, alameda. alameda.but where is alameda? ♪ just where is our future ♪ the things we've done and said ♪ let's just push the button ♪ we'd be better off dead ♪ 'cause i hate you... ♪ and i berate you

would you mindstopping that noise? [turns volume up] ♪ the system of our fathers ♪ is dumped on us, the sons ♪ the only choice we're given ♪ is how many megatons... would you mind stoppingthat damn noise? ♪ ...and i say screw you ♪ and i hope you're blue, too

♪ we're all bloody worthless-- ♪ [passengers applaud and cheer] admiral, may i ask youa question? spock, don't call me admiral. you used to call me jim. don't you remember "jim"? what's your question? your use of language hasaltered since our arrival. it is currently laced with,

shall i say,more colorful metaphors. "double dumb-ass on you"and so forth. you mean the profanity? yes. that's simplythe way they talk here. nobody pays any attentionto you unless you swearevery other word. you'll find it in allthe literature of the period. for example?

well, the collected worksof jacqueline susann, the novels of harold robbins. ah. the giants. this is great! the next showing of the wonderful world of whales will begin in five minutes in the ferrari marine theater. smile! [shutter clicks] oh. here i go.

the california sea otter feeding is now taking place outside. good morning. i'm your guide this morning. my name is dr. gillian taylor,but you can call me gillian. i'm assistant director of themaritime cetacean institute. so, please follow me, and just give a yellif you can't hear me, okay? the cetacean instituteis the only museum in the world

exclusively devoted to whales. as you can see, we havea great deal to offer, but that is small comparedto what we know or, rather, what we don't know about whales. the first commonly held misconception is that whales are fish. they're not. they're mammals, just like you and me. warm-blooded,needing air to breathe, and producing milk to nurse their young.

do whales attack people,like in moby dick? no. no, most whalesdon't even have teeth. they have a soft,gum-like tissue that strains vast amountsof tiny shrimp for food and that is the limitof their hostility. unfortunately,their principal enemy is far, far more aggressive. you mean man. to put it mildly.

since the dawn of time, men have harvested whales for a variety of purposes, most of which can be achieved synthetically, at this point. 100 years ago, using hand-thrown harpoons, man did plenty of damage. but that is nothing compared to what he has achieved in this century. this is mankind's legacy: whales hunted to the brink of extinction.

virtually gone is the blue whale, the largest creature ever to inhabit the earth. despite all attempts at banning whaling, there are still countries and pirates currently engagedin the slaughter of these inoffensive creatures. where the humpback whale once numbered in the hundreds of thousands, today, there are less than 10,000 specimens alive.

and those that are taken inare no longer fully grown. in addition, many of thefemale whales are killed while still bearingunborn calves. to hunt a speciesto extinctionis not logical. who ever said the human racewas logical? now, if you'll follow me,please, i'll introduce you to theinstitute's pride and joy. please meet your guide at the information desk. this is the largest seawater tank in the world,

and it contains the only twohumpback whales in captivity. they are mature humpbacks,weighing 45,000 pounds each. they wandered into san francisco bay as calves and were brought here. we call them george and gracie. it's perfect, spock. a male and female humpbackin a contained space. we beam them up together,consider ourselves lucky. beautiful, aren't they?

and extremely intelligent. now if you'll follow me,please. despite all that they are teaching us, we have to return george and gracie to the open sea. why is that? well, for one thing, we simplydon't have enough money to keep feeding them two tons of shrimp per day. how soon? soon.

it's too bad, too, because they're really quite friendly, as you could see. i've grown quite attached to them. and now, here's a much betterway to see george and gracie-- underwater. what you're hearingis recorded whale song. it is sung by the male. he'll sing anywhere from sixto as long as 30 minutes and then start again.

in the ocean, the other whales will pick up his songand pass it on. the songs change every year, and we still don't knowwhat purpose they serve. are they some kindof navigational signal? could they be part of the mating ritual? or is it pure communicationbeyond our comprehension? frankly, we just don't know yet. maybe he's singingto that man.

look, there's a guyswimming in there. how'd he get in there? what the hell? excuse me.wait right here. excuse me, please. all right, who the hellare you and what were youdoing in there? yeah, speak up, fella. attempting the hellto communicate. communicate?communicate what?

you have no rightto be here! you heard the lady. admiral, if we were to assume that these whales are oursto do with as we please, we would be as guilty as thosewho caused their extinction. okay. i don't know what this is all about but i want you guys out of here right now, or i call the cops. i assure you thatwon't be necessary.

we're only tryingto help. the hell you were, buster. your friend was messing upmy tanks and messing up my whales. they like you very much, but they are notthe hell your whales. i supposethey told you that, huh? the hell they did. right.

spock. yes? about those colorful metaphorsthat we've discussed... i don't think you should tryusing them anymore. why not? well, for one thing, you haven't quite gotthe knack of it. i see. and another thing,

it's not always necessaryto tell the truth. i cannot tell a lie. i don't mean lie,but you could exaggerate. exaggerate?'ve done it before. can't you remember? the hell i can't. what else did you learnfrom your mind meld? they're unhappy aboutthe way their species

has been treated by man. they have a right to be.are they going to help us? i believe i was successfulin communicating our intentions. it's all right. yes, i know. it's okay. they didn't mean any harm. heard there wassome excitement. oh... just a coupleof kooks. how you doing? i'm fine.

don't tell mefish stories, kiddo. i've known you too long. bob, it's tearing meapart, okay? i know. i feel the same thing, but we're stuck betweena rock and a hard place. we can't keep them herewithout risking their lives. we can't let them go withouttaking the same chance. i know, i know.

and besides, we're not talkingabout human beings here. it's never been proven theirintelligence is in any way-- oh, come on, bob! i don't know about you,but my compassionfor someone is not limitedto my estimateof their intelligence. team leader,this is team two. i have the coordinatesof the reactor. team two, kirk here. admiral, we have foundthe nuclear wessel.

well done, team two. and, admiral,it is the enterprise. understood. what's your plan? we will beam in tonight, collect the photons,and beam out. no one will ever knowwe were there. understood and approved. keep me informed.

kirk out. there she is. from the institute.if we play our cards right, we may be able to find outwhen those whales are leaving. how willplaying cards help? well, if it isn't robin hoodand friar tuck. where you fellas heading? back to san francisco. came all the way down here

just to jump in and swimwith the kiddies, huh? very little pointin my trying to explain. well, yeah, i'll buy that.what about him? him? he's harmless.back in the '60s, he was part of the free speechmovement at berkeley. i think he dida little too much lds. lds? mm-hmm. come on, why don't youlet me give you a lift?

i have a notorious weaknessfor hard luck cases. that's why i workwith whales. we don't wantto be any trouble. you've already been that.come on. well, thank you very much. don't mention it. and don't tryanything, either. i got a tire ironright where i canget at it. so... you were at,uh, berkeley?

i was not. memory problems, too. oh. what about you?where are you from? iowa. oh, a landlubber. come on. what the hellwere you guys reallytrying to do back there? it wasn't some kindof macho thing, was it? because, if that's all,i'll be real disappointed. i really hatethat macho stuff.

can i ask you a question? go ahead. what's going to happenwhen you release the whales? uh... they're going to haveto take their chances. what does that mean, exactly?"take their chances." it means that they will beat risk from whale hunters the same as the restof the humpbacks. what did you mean whenyou said all that stuff back at the instituteabout extinction?

i meant-- he meant what yousaid on the tour: that if things keep goingthe way they are the humpbackswill disappear forever. no, that's not whathe said, farm boy. "admiral,if we were to assume "those whales are oursto do with as we pleased, "we would be as guiltyas those who caused"-- past tense--"their extinction."

i have a photographicmemory. i see words. are you sure it isn't timefor a colorful metaphor? you're not one of those guysfrom the military, are you, trying to teach whalesto retrieve torpedoes or some dipshit stuff like that? no, ma'am,no dipshit. well, good. that's one thing iwould've let you offright here. gracie is pregnant.

all right, who are you? and don't jerk me aroundanymore. i want to you to knowhow you know that. we can't tell you that. but...! but if you let me finish... i can tell you thatwe're not in the military, and we intend no harmtowards the whales. then what are you do--

in fact, we may be ableto help you in ways that... frankly, you couldn'tpossibly imagine. or believe, i'll bet. very likely. you're not exactlycatching us at our best. that much is certain. i have a hunchthat we'd all be a lot happier discussing this over dinner.

what do you say? you guys like italian? no. i love italian. and so do you. sam, you got a phone call on line one. sam, call on line one. professor scott. i'm dr. nichols,the plant manager.

ah! and i'm terribly sorry. there's been an awful mix-up. would you believe i was nevertold about your visit. i've tried to clear things up,professor scott. i explained that you'd come all the way here from edinburgh on appointment, to studymethods of manufacturing by plexicorp, but they don't seem to know anything about it. don't know anythingabout it?

i find it hardto believe that i've comemillions of miles... thousands.thousands. ...thousands of miles on an invited tourof inspection-- professor scott,if you'll just-- i demand to see the owners!i demand-- professor scott,just take it easy. dr. nichols has offeredto take us around the plantpersonally.

he has? with pleasure. well, that's different. gregory! whoa!professor. may my assistant join us? of course. don't bury yourself in the part. good-looking ship.

huey 204, isn't it? right on. you fly? oh, here and there. i flew something similarback in my academy days. all right. then thismust be old stuff to you. old, yes, but interesting. do you mind if i ask youa few questions? do it.

well, this is a fine placeyou have here, dr. nichols. thank you.but i must say,professor, your knowledgeof engineeringis most impressive. back home, we call him"the miracle worker." indeed. may i offer yousomething, gentlemen? dr. nichols, i mightbe able to offersomething to you. i noticed you're stillworking with polymers. still? what else would ibe working with?

aye, what else, indeed. i'll put it another way. how thick would a pieceof your plexiglass need to be at 60' x 10' to withstand the pressureof 18,000 cubic feetof water? that's easy-- six inches. we carry stuff that bigin stock. aye, i've noticed. now, suppose...

just suppose... i were to show you a wayto manufacture a wall that would do the same job,but be only one inch thick? would that be worthsomething to you, eh? perhaps the professorcould use your computer. please. computer. ah. hello, computer.

just use the keyboard. the quaint. "transparent aluminum"? that's the ticket, laddie. it would take years just to figure out the dynamics of this matrix. yes, but you would berich beyond the dreamsof avarice. so, is that worthsomething to you, or should i justpunch up "clear"?

no! no. [knock on door] not now, madelaine! what exactly did you have in mind? well, a momentalone, please. you realize, of course,if we give him the formula, we're altering the future. why? how do we knowhe didn't invent the thing? yeah.

sure you won'tchange your mind? is there something wrongwith the one i have? a little joke. bye, old friend. wait a minute! how did you knowgracie's pregnant? nobody knows that. gracie does. i'll be right here.

what, he's just going tohang around the busheswhile we eat? it's his way. do you trust me? implicitly. a large mushroom, pepperoni,with extra onions, and a michelob, please. mm-hmm, great choice.and you, sir? make that two. well... how dida nice girl like you

get to bea cetacean biologist? just lucky, i guess. you're upset about losingthe whales, aren't you? you're very perceptive. how will that be doneexactly? they'll be flownin a special 747 to alaska and released there. flown and that's the lastyou'll see of them? see, yes,but we'll tag them

with radio transmitterson a special frequency so that we cankeep tabs on them. you know, i could take thosewhales somewhere... where they'd neverbe hunted. you can't even get yourself from sausalito to san franciscowithout a lift. if you have such a lowopinion of my abilities, how come we're herehaving dinner?

sucker for hard luck cases. cheers. besides... i want to know why you travelaround with that ditzy guy who knowsthat gracie's pregnant and calls you admiral. where could you take them? hmm? my whales.

where could you take themwhere they'd be safe? well, it's not so mucha matter of a placeas of a time. well, the time would haveto be right now. why right now? let's just saythat no humpback born in captivityhas ever survived. the problem is that they won'tbe that much safer at sea because of all the huntingthis time of year. so you see,that, as they say, is that.

damn. [communicator beeps] [beep beep beep] what is that? what's what? you have a pocket pager. are you a doctor? what is it?i thought i told younever to call me. scotty: sorry, admiral.

we just thought you'd like to know. we're beaming them in now. all right, tell themphasers on stun. good luck. kirk out. you want to try itfrom the top? why don't you tell me whenthose whales are leaving? who are you? who do you think i am? don't tell're from outer space.

no, i'm from iowa.i only work in outer space. oh. well, i was close. i mean, i knew outer spacewas going to come intothis sooner or later. the truth? i'm all ears. okay. the truth. i am from what,on your calendar, would be the late23rd century.

i've come back in time... to bring two humpback whaleswith me, in an attempt to... repopulate the species. well, why didn't youjust say so? i mean, why allthe coy disguises? you want the details? oh, i wouldn't miss thisfor all the tea in china. when are those whalesbeing released? your friend was right.

gracie's not only pregnant,she is very pregnant, and at noon tomorrow, in what is sure to bea media circus, the whales get shipped out. noon tomorrow? are we leaving? come on.we don't have much time. could we have thatto go, please? sure. who getsthe bad news?

don't tell me--they don't use moneyin the 23rd century. well, we don't. now hear this. smoking lamp is out while transferring fuel. [dog whimpers] [dog whimpers and growls] how long? depends on how muchshielding there is between usand the reactor.

well... admiral, that was the briefest dinneri've ever had in my life and certainly the biggestcockamamie fish story i've ever heard. you asked. uh, you tell me something. george and gracie'stransmitter-- what's the radio frequency? sorry, that's classified.

look, i don't have a cluewho you are, really! you wouldn't want to showme around your spaceship,would you? that wouldn't bemy first choice, no. well, there we are. let me tell you something. i'm here to bring two humpbacksinto the 23rd century. if i have to, i'll goto the open sea to get them. i'd much rather have yours. it's better for me,better for you,

it's better for them. think about it. who are you? think about it, but don't take too long. i'm out of time. if you change your mind,this is where i'll be. here? in the park.

right. status. the tank will befinished by morning. that's cutting it close,you know. what about team two? no word since beaming. we can only waitfor them to call. damn. damn it! we've been so lucky.

we've gottwo perfect whalesright in our hands. if we don't move quickly,we'll lose them. in that event,the probabilities are that our mission would fail. our mission? spock, you'retalking about the endof every life on earth. you're half human. haven't you got any goddamn feelings about that? [approaching footsteps]

[electronic beeping] there it is again. that's too weird.commander? i thought you gents wererunning a test program. yes, sir, but we apparentlyare getting a power drain. i mean, it must be comingfrom inside the ship. [phone rings] cic command duty officer,commander rogerson. yes, chief,we're tracking that, too.

scotty, we're readyfor beam-out. scotty, can you hear me? [transmitter static] confirmed. roger that. mardet commanding officer. this is the command dutyofficer, commander rogerson. we have an intruder in number four mmr. i say again-- we have anintruder in number four mmr.

scotty, do you read? scotty, come in, please. yes.i can hardly hear you. my transporter poweris down to minimal. i've got to bring you inone at a time. take the go first. stand by. officer: alpha team, get the forward stairwell. scotty.

[orders continue, indistinct] hello. scotty. how soon? chekov!you're breaking up! please signal again! chekov, can you hear me? scotty, now would be a good time. freeze! chekov!

i've lost him. "commander pavel chekov. "starfleet. united federationof planets." all right, commander. is there anythingyou want to tell us? like what? like who you really are,and what you're doing here, and what these thingshere are.

i am pavel chekov, a commanderin starfleet, united federationof planets. service number656-5827d. all right.let's take it from the top. the top of what? name. my name? no, my name!

i do not knowyour name. you play games with me,mister, and you're through. i am? may i go now? what do you think? he's a russkie. that is the stupidest thingi've ever heard in my life. of course, he's a russkie,but he's a retardor something.

we better call washington. don't move. okay. make nice. give us the ray gun. i warn you, if youdon't lie on the floor i will have to stun you. go ahead.stun me. i'm very sorry, but... [phaser beeps, fails]

must be the radiation. emergency. we have a security breach. general alarm. search all decks! security breach! security breach.hit the deck. hit the deck! [alarm blares]

aaaah! man down. get a corpsmanover here. hey, what's going on here? any luck? nothing. admiral, i shouldnever have left him. you didwhat was necessary. keep'll find him.

scotty, you promised mean estimate on the dilithiumcrystals. it's going slowly,sir. it'll be wellinto tomorrow. that's not good enough, mr. scott. you've got to do better. i'll try, sir.scott out. he's in a wee bitof a snit, isn't he? he's a man of deep feelings.

aye.what else is new? they left last night. we didn't want a mobscene with the press. it wouldn't have beengood for them. besides, we thought it would beeasier on you this way. you sent them away without even letting mesay good-bye to them? gillian! you son of a bitch!

admiral! admiral kirk! admiral kirk! admiral kirk! wait! admiral kirk! oh! can you hear me? they're gone! i need your help! are you in there?

admiral, we have a problem! gillian: admiral! admiral kirk!can you hear me? can you hear me?i need your help! oh, my god. ah! hello, alice. welcome to wonderland. oh, it's true. it's true.

what you said. yes, it is. i'm glad you're here,but i must admit you picked a hell of a timeto drop in. oh, take it easy. have i flipped out? we need your, you haven't. is any of this real? yes, it's real.take a look.

storage tanks for your whales. we'll bring them upthe same way... admiral, they're gone. gone? they were taken last night.i wasn't told. they're in alaska by now. but they're tagged,like i told you. i mean, you can gofind them, right? we can't go anywhere.

what kind of a spaceshipis this? it's a spaceshipwith a missing man. admiral, full powerhas been restored. thank you, mr. spock. hello, doctor.welcome aboard. admiral, are you there? yes, uhura. what's wrong? i've located chekov, sir. they're taking himto emergency surgery right now.

where? mercy hospital. mercy hospital? that's in the mission district. they report his condition as critical. he's not expected to survive. jim... you've got to let mego in there. don't leave him in the handsof 20th century medicine.

admiral, may i suggestthat dr. mccoy is correct? we must help chekov. is that the logical thingto do, spock? no, but it isthe human thing to do. will you help us? how? we're goingto have to looklike physicians. we'll try down check there. dr. silver, dr. sandy silver, 8286.

[woman groans] what's the matter with you? kidney dialysis. dialysis? my god, what is this,the dark ages? here. now, you swallow that. and if you have any problems, just call me. here. i got it.

let's go. bones. he's being heldin the securitycorridor. one flight up. his conditionis critical. come on. uh, excuse me.we'll take that. hold the door! hold that door.

emergency. so, you were therewhen it happened? yeah, i was there.i heard the whole thing. weintraub saysradical chemotherapy, or she's going to croak,just like that. well, whatabout gottlieb? what do you expect? all he talked aboutwas image therapy. i thought they were goingto punch each other out.

unbelievable. you havea different view, doctor? it sounds like the goddamnspanish inquisition to me. bad day. out of the way. sorry, doctor,we have strict orders-- ohh! damn it, do you want an acute caseon your hands?

this woman hasimmediate postprandial upper abdominaldistention! oh! ah! now, out of the way.get out of the way. what did you sayshe's got? cramps. w hy aren't you masked?who are these people? i don't know. what the hell is that?what are you doing?

tearing of the middlemeningeal artery. what's your degree in,dentistry? how do you explainslowing pulse, low respiratory rate and coma? funduscopic examination! funduscopic examination isunrevealing in these cases. a simple evacuation of theexpanding epidural hematoma will relieve the pressure! my god, man!

drilling holes in his head'snot the answer. the artery must be repaired. now, put awayyour butcher knives and let me save this patientbefore it's too late. i'm goingto have you removed. doctor, doctor, suchunprofessional behavior. into that little room,please. what is that, a gun? nurses?

they must be crazy. who is that guy? i have no idea. he melted the lock! we're dealingwith medievalism here. chemotherapy. funduscopic examinations. come on, chekov, wake up. pavel.

he's coming around, jim. pavel, talk to me. name. rank. chekov, rank... how's the patient,doctor? he's going to make it. he? you came inwith a she. one little mistake.

get us out of here. they've taken the patient. get some help. hold it! hold it! police! not now, pavel. look out! look out! the doctor gave me a pill and i grew a new kidney! the doctor gave me a pill,and i grew a new kidney.

fully functional? fully functional. what the hell'sgoing on? where would the whales be by now? see, if you have a charton board, i'll show you. no, no, no. all i need is the radiofrequency to track them. what are... what are you talking about?i'm coming with you.

you can't. our next stopis the 23rd century. well, i don't care.i've got nobody here! i have got to helpthose whales! i haven't got timeto argue with you! or to tell you how muchyou've meant to us. the radio frequency,please. the frequency's 401 megahertz. thank you... for everything.

scotty, beam me up. surprise. spock, where the hell'sthe power you promised me? one damn minute,admiral. scotty: i'm ready, spock. let's go find george and gracie. mr. sulu? i'm trying to rememberhow this thing worked. got used to a huey.

you tricked me. you need me. sulu: ready, sir. take a seat. now, mr. sulu. [engines roar] chekov: cloaking device is stable. all systems normal. kirk: stabilize energy reserve. report, helm.

maintainingimpulse climb. wing, five by zero. helm steady. advise reaching 10,000. steer 310. 310, aye. uhura, scan for the whales. 401 megahertz. scanning, sir.

10,000 msl,admiral. wing, cruise configuration. full impulse power. 310 tothe bering sea. eta, 12 minutes. scotty, are the whale tanks secure? aye, sir, but i've neverbeamed up 400 tons before. 400 tons? well, it's notjust the whales. it's the water.

yes, of course. the whales-- any contact? negative, sir. you, uh... you present the appearanceof a man with a problem. your perceptionis correct, doctor. in order to return us to the exact momentwe left the 23rd century, i have used our journey backthrough time as a referent,

calculating the coefficientof elapsed time in relationto the acceleration curve. naturally. so, what's your problem? acceleration isno longer a constant. well, then, you're just goingto have to take your best shot. best shot? guess, spock. your best guess.

guessing is notin my nature,doctor. nobody's perfect. [electronic beeps] [electronic pulses] that's it.that's it! with the whales. bearing. bearing, 327.range, 600 nautical. put it on screen.

how can you do that? admiral, i have a signalclosing in on the whales, bearing, 328 degrees. let's see it. what kind of ship is that? gillian: it'sa whaling ship, doctor. are we too late? full power descent, mr. sulu. full power descent.

10 seconds, sir. [speaking foreign language] all right, scotty,it's up to you. ten seconds, admiral. five... four... three... two... one.

admiral, there be whales here! well done, mr. scott. how soon can we be readyfor warp speed? full power now, sir. if you will, mr. sulu. aye, sir.warp speed. mr. sulu, you have the conn. i'm going to takeour guest down and have a lookat her whales.

oh, mr. spock, have youaccounted for the variable mass of whales and water in your time reentry program? mr. scott cannotgive me exact figures,admiral, so... i will make a guess. a guess? you, spock? that's extraordinary. i don't thinkhe understands. no, spock.

he means that he feelssafer about your guesses than most otherpeople's facts. then, you're sayingit is a compliment. it is. then, i will try to makethe best guess i can. "they say the sea is cold, but the sea containsthe hottest blood of all." whales weep not! d.h. lawrence.

you know, it's ironic. when man was killingthese creatures, he was destroyinghis own future. the beasties seem happyto see you, doctor. i hope you likeour little aquarium. a miracle, mr. scott. a miracle?that's yet to come. what does that mean? it means that our chances ofgetting home are not too good.

you might have liveda longer life if you'dstayed where you belong. i belong here.i am a whale biologist. suppose, by some miracle,you do get them through. who in the 23rd centuryknows anything abouthumpback whales? you got a point. [rumbling] what was that? admiral, i thinkyou better get up there. we're having a power fall-off.

stay with them. all right. on my way. hold on tight, gets bumpy from here. warp 7.5! 7.9! shields at maximum. mr. sulu, that'sall i can give you. can we make breakaway speed?

hardly, admiral.i cannot even guarantee we'll escapethe sun's gravity. i shall attemptto compensate by alteringour trajectory. warp 8. 8.1. maximum speed, sir. admiral, i needthruster control. acceleration thrusters at spock's command.

steady. now! did braking thrusters fire? they did, admiral. then where the hell are we? [thrumming] kirk: the probe. [probe whale song, thrumming] condition report, spock.

no data, admiral. computers arenonfunctional. the mainsare down, sir. aux power isnot responding. switch to manual control, mr. sulu. my god, jim,where are we? out of control and blind as a bat. look! they're headingfor the bridge!

keep the nose up if you can. we're in the water!blow the hatch! this is the right place, spock. now, all we have to do is get the whales out of herebefore we sink. abandon ship! scotty, can you hear me?scotty! move! move! see tothe safety of all hands. i will. lassie, get my arm.

i got it, i got it. you got it? kirk: scotty? scotty! i'm here, scotty! help! help! i'm here! you're goingto be all right. the whales are trapped.they'll drown. there's no powerto the bay doors.

explosive override. it's underwater.there's no way to reach it. you go on aheadand close the hatch. admiral, you'll be trapped. go on! [probe whale song] do you see them? there! why don't they answer?

why don't they sing? [probe whale song] [whales singing] [whales singing] [probe replies] [song-communications continue between whales and probe] [probe powering down] [probe whale song farewell] [whales sing in reply]

mr. president, we have power. council is now in session. will you alltake your seats. bring in the accused. captain spock, you do not stand accused. mr. president, i standwith my shipmates. as you wish. the charges and specifications are

conspiracy, assault on federation officers, theft of federation property, namely the starship enterprise, sabotage of the uss excelsior, willful destructionof federation property, specifically the aforementioneduss enterprise, and finally, disobeying direct orders of the starfleet commander.

admiral kirk, how do you plead? on behalf of all of us,mr. president, i'm authorizedto plead guilty. so entered. because of certain mitigating circumstances, all charges but oneare summarily dismissed. the remaining charge, disobeying orders of a superior officer, is directed solelyat admiral kirk.

i'm sure the admiral will recognize the necessity of keeping discipline in any chain of command. i do, sir. james t. kirk, it is thejudgment of this council that you be reduced in rank to captain, and that, as a consequence of your new rank, you be given the duties for which you have repeatedly demonstratedunswerving ability--

the command of a starship. [council murmurs approvingly] captain kirk, you and your crew have saved this planet from its own shortsightedness, and we are forever in your debt. oh, i'm so happy foryou, i can't tell you. thank you so much. wait a minute.where are you going?

you're goingto your ship. i'm going to vessel. i got 300 yearsof catch-up learningto do. you mean this is good-bye? why does it haveto be good-bye? like they say in your century, i don't even haveyour telephone number. how will i find you? don't worry.

i'll find you. see youaround the galaxy. father. i'm returning to vulcanwithin the hour. i would like to takemy leave of you. it was most kind of youto make this effort. it was no effort. you are my son. i'm most impressedwith your performancein this crisis.

most kind. as i recall, i opposedyour enlistmentin starfleet. it is possiblethat judgmentwas incorrect. your associates are peopleof good character. they are my friends. do you have a messagefor your mother? tell her...

i feel fine. live long and prosper,father. live long and prosper,my son. mccoy: the bureaucraticmentality is the only constantin the universe. we'll get a freighter. with all respect,doctor, i'm counting on excelsior. excelsior?

why in god's name would you wantthat bucket ofbolts? a shipis a ship. whatever you say,sir. thy will be done. my friends... we've come home. helm ready,captain. all right, mr. sulu.

let's see what she's got.

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