puppets by gwen

♪ sifl and olly ♪ - ♪ sifl and olly show ♪ - everybody! ♪ sifl and olly show ♪ - ♪ sifl and olly show ♪ - rock! ♪ sifl and olly show ♪♪ okay,here's those guys. sifl: ( sighs ) thank you, chester. hi, everybody,and welcome to the show. my name's sifl,and this is--

- dude.- what? - i just got a message on my machine...- uh-huh. - from that stealth guy.- the guy who hates you. and he said that he found outwhere i live again. - oh, dude.- he's gonna kick my ass, dude. - for real?- yeah, for real! so if i gotta goduring the show, - i gotta go, okay?- okay, that's fine. but just handle it for meor something

'cause i don't knowwhat to do, man. - this guy's serious.- if he shows up, take off. - you're gonna know when he shows up, believe me.- really? okay, well, we gotta goto our interview now. so we'll see you in a minute. hi, everybody, and welcometo the part of the show where-- is that stealth?i'm out of here! bye! hey, you punk-ass freak,where's olly? oh, you must be stealth,huh?

damn right i am!where is he? he's hiding from you, so... well, you better find himright now or you're next, buddy. dude, you can't smoke in here.put it out. i smoke becausei'm a bad-ass mother. can you hold onjust one second? every cigaretteis a tiny smoke signal beckoning the angel of death. you're kind of a jerk.

smoking makes you look cool,it makes you die young, which are both very tough! yeah, whatever. what's your problem man-- i'm a bad customer! okay, tell me whyyou're after olly. i mean, this is ridiculous.what-- that little jerki'm gonna kick his ass. well, why? that little punkdrove a golf cart

through my bar mitzvah! and not only that,he was dressed up like beaver! well, some things you just gottalet pass, dude. how the hell am i supposedto let that pass?! embarrassed me in frontof my whole family! i'm a family man! and he's gonna dieat the end of your show if you don't get him out here now! all right, gimme one secondand i'll go talk to him, okay?

oh, so he's here. - no--- little lying punk-ass. i oughta kill ya. well, good luck, buddy.hold on. hey, olly.olly, come on in here, dude. - olly: is he gone? - sifl: yeah, he's gone. - it's all clear, come back in.- no, he's not. he's right there! dude! - punk.- dude, i want you guys to settle this right now. - this is ridiculous.- no way.

talk this out.get it solved. um... okay, look, dude,you can drive-- you can drive a golf cartthrough my bar mitzvah, okay? that's cool.you're having a bar mitzvah? yeah, i'm...having one next week. okay, i'll be there. you're not even jewish. ixnay on the ewish-jay.

what was that? i think he just saidsomething in pig latin, like "i'm not jewish"or something. you little punk!you're dead! after the show,the cameras go off, you go off, mother! it was just a stupidbeaver costume! i can't even--i'm out of here! the black wrath of hellwill fall from the skies!

bat wings sweeping your gravewith black smoke, death, and hell! okay, can we justsettle this later, then? - sure.- great. ♪ 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, rock facts, rock facts ♪ ♪ rock facts ♪♪ the answer coming up. - dude, would you just leave, okay? - you're dead. wait outside or something,but you can't be here.

- why?- we're gonna do a song. and you're gonna ruin it. it's just--your whole presence is gonna just popthe creative bubble. i'm gonna pop your skulllike a bubble. - oh, cool, that's great. thanks a lot.- listen, dude. listen, man,this is a special song. - you have no right being here.- yeah. i'm-- i'm gonna--i'm gonna kick his ass,

- and then i'm gonna kick your ass.- you're not gonna touch me. and then i'm gonna kick itlike rock death. you hear me, you stupidlittle ( bleep ) jerks? - hey!- dude, you're not gonna do anything. - we're gonna do our song. we're gonna do it how we want.- oh, yeah? - we're gonna make our audience happy.- oh, yeah? - and you're not gonna get in our way!- oh, yeah? our audience wantsto be happy, right? so we're gonna do a nice songfor everyone!

and everyone's gonna smileor i'm gonna comekick your ass myself! - you're dead.- yeah, we're gonna be real happy on your ass. we're gonna getreal happy on your ass, buddy. hey, get a load of this! you want happy, buddy?!you got it, buster! ♪ well, it's okay'cause cindy's a hostess ♪ ♪ and it's okay'case she's a the mostest ♪ ♪ and it's okay'cause cindy's a hostess ♪ ♪ she's a-okay'cause she's the mostest ♪

♪ the blackest wrath,the earth shall crumble ♪ ♪ mountains of your skullsshall tumble ♪ ♪ death, decay,destroy forever ♪ ♪ nightmare,scratching dreams i'll sever ♪ ( faltering ) ♪ it's okay,cindy's a hostess ♪ ♪ and it's okay'cause she's the mostest ♪ ♪ she's a-okayand she's the mostest ♪ ♪ smoke and fireburn the darkness ♪ ♪ the sickle swinging,fear and sharpness ♪

♪ the terror sweepslike bats through hades ♪ ♪ the heart is ticking,death is waiting ♪ ♪ and it's okay,cindy's a hostess ♪ ♪ she's doa ♪ ♪ she's the mostest ♪ ♪ rise and writher,snakes shall slither ♪ ♪ through your bodyas you shiver ♪ ♪ cold and helplesson my dagger ♪ ♪ mythologyand jerry springer ♪♪

sifl: not unlike pink floyd's "the dark side of the moon" and "the wizard of oz," the prodigy's "the fat of the land" perfectly replaces the soundtrack of "free willy 2." wow. are you still sufferingfrom sleepwalking? uh, i don't know.am i? well, i don't know.

what are all these tiresdoing in the kitchen? oh. i think you'vebeen sleepwalking and taking all the tiresoff our neighbors' cars. - yeah, i dream that i'm in the army and i--- take tires off cars? - yeah.- is that what you did in the army? well, no, but we used tiresto exercise with. ( snickers ) ( laughing ) how do youexercise with a tire?

have you ever picked upa tire? - no.- they're heavy. oh, okay, i think we gotta goto precious roy now. hello there, friends, and welcome to the precious royhome shopping network. - i'm olly.- hi, i'm sifl. we are the spokesmen,as you know, for the precious roy lineof quality products. today, mom and dad,get the kids.

they're not gonna believethis one, okay? - we all love pets, right? i love 'em.- yeah. yeah. but we also know they can bea bit of a problem. - right, guys?- you know about the problems i have with pets. yeah, you got some serious-asspet problems, man! with the precious roy's lice monkeys, all your problems are over. they're quiet. no messes. never run away. okay, guys, these aren't gonna chew up your newspaper.

they're gonna start writing their own newspaper, okay? you're gonna grow whole civilizations in a glass of water. and you can watch them go to school in the morning with the free magnifying lens,not included. watch them get married, folks.let's take some calls. this is incred--i'm overwhelmed. yeah, we got hear what'son the street about this. man: hello, i'm a scientist,

and i was wondering how big these things'll get. 'cause quite frankly, i just-- i just don't see them. olly: okay, when was the last time you had your eyes examined, okay, buddy? man: i think you guys are trying to push plankton on us good people. if you looked harder,you'd see the truth. look with your heart.get your eyes checked. next call.

man: oh, my god, 911? my son accidentally drank an entire glass full of lice monkeys,. oh, my god, did you call a vet?!did you call a vet?! no! okay, what you'regonna need to do is make an incisionfrom your son's chin all the way downhis stomach, okay? but he'll die. i can't do that?

what's more important,huh?! your son or millions uponmillions of civilizations?! i see your point. i'll do it. i'll do it, thank you. olly: now, folks, these lice monkeys are your friends. they want into your homes. they need youto start their lives. they're waiting for you.

let's take a little talkwith precious roy about it. precious roy. this is precious roy! and i just ate a handfulof honeybees! precious,what about the lice monkeys we're trying to sell here? buy my soda taffy! pre-- oh--precious, we're on the air trying to sellyour lice monkeys.

you're on the air?!suckers! ♪ precious roy, precious roy ♪ ♪ making lots of suckers out of girls and boys ♪♪ ♪ calls, calls, calls,calls from the public ♪ ♪ calls, calls,calls, calls ♪♪ ready, captain? i'm ready to takecalls from the public. okay, cool, just pick upyour phone and yell into them, - and you should get through.- to us.

okay, caller, go ahead. - hey, you guys dig chicks?- sifl: yes, sir. yeah, well, i dig theman awful lot. i dig 'em. ♪ and they justdon't dig on me ♪ they just don't dig on you. no, they don't.they just don't. why did you sing that? sing what, partner?you crazy son of a bitch. - listen to my story--- what's your question?

my question is i want to knowwhy i'll be out with a girl ♪ and she's just nothaving any fun ♪ and then i take her home.i take her home. ♪ and she just won'tgive it up to me ♪ me neither. exactly the kind of guythat makes it hard for me to find girls because they're a wreck after they go out with you. i'm your nightmare.

oh, god, all right,next caller. uh, hi, my atm cardonly gives me monopoly money. why? w-well, i don't know. it's just giving me all this-- sifl: well, what does it look like, your card? well, let me see.let me get it. it, um-- it's yellow,and it says "community chest." why do you thinkthat's an atm card?

well, it's shapedlike an atm card. are you sure you're notjust playing monopoly? i don't know.what's the difference? - the difference is not important.- i don't know. but the, uh-- olly: you're exactly the type of guy that makes girls not like to go out with me okay, next caller. that's just you, dude.

this is your landlord! - oh, god.- yeah? what do you want? two words-- frickin' monkeys,you hear me? hey, they're gone! yeah, i want them out of there,you hear me? they're still there. - no.- no, we took 'em back. but they came back. you're liars!both of you!

no, they came back becausewe let them stay up late. either they goor you go, okay? hey, you just--you just try to come over. - and you'll see what--- you'll see what 60 watch-monkeys will do to you. yeah, let's getout of here anyways. this guy bums me out. - see you guys. we'll be back.- all right. chester's here today.and we're gonna talk to him. chester's here.hi, chester.

hey, how's it going? - it's going pretty good. - yeah. um, so, uh... let's talk about your past. um... you were born in las vegas, right? ( chuckles) yeah. so what? oh, nothing, we're just tryingto learn about you, man.

all right. um... and whenever youwere a little boy, you were put in-- you were raised by a dance--a tap-dancing troupe? yeah, they kind of considerthemselves a tribe. so it's a tap-dancing tribethat you were raised by. yeah. they had rhythm.( chuckles ) well, actually,i learned, um--

when i was about 15, i usedto sit on the roulette tables, and i got an amazing senseof rhythm from that thing ripplingacross my ass. i'll bet. sifl: the answer after the break. sifl: certain notes in mariah carey's high range have actually been known to make dolphins abduct and eat small children. - olly: whoa. - sifl: yeah.

have you driventhe new 3-d barbie van? no, i haven't driven one. all toys are-- all the toysare going holographic. in the future, everything'sgonna be holographic. so what-- i mean,what do you buy? just a holograph? all you buy-- all you buyis the base, the stand. that's gotta be really heavy. it is, it's huge,and then that--

- all your toys are produced through holograms.- the stand. holograms-- everythingis gonna be a hologram. so you can't touch anything,though. - you just look at it.- in the future-- no, in the future,you won't touch anything because everythingwill be a hologram. but you can geta lot more things. - you just won't be able to touch them.- right, they're holograms. okay, we got to takean interview now.

here's an interview. yo. hey. - hip-hop.- how's it going? okay, it's the interviewpart of the show, and today's interview throughthe ecstasy of technology is via satellite to the moon, - which we're really excited about.- yeah. we're going to goto the moon

and visit withour contest winners of the sifl and olly free accessto the moon contest. you might've seen that.these are the winners. they've won three years in spaceto do whatever they want. there's no mission.total freedom. and you got to remember,these are three dudes from ohio university that are just kind of crazyto begin with. yeah, they're not eventrained astronauts.

and i mean, up there,there's so much-- you can joyride. you can do whateveryou want up there. yeah, and these guysare having fun up there. - yeah, and there's no cops up there.- not on the moon. there's no cops.so rock, you know what i mean? so any second,we should be getting the transmission coming in. they they should be cuttingin any second now,

but this is going to be--this is going to be good. this is going to be exciting.oh. champs 1.this is champs. - yes, you're on--- these are the champs 1 calling. is this"the sifl and olly show"? yes, you're on the show.you made it. yeah, we just made it tothe moon about 20 minutes ago. we were in the galaxyof n-tobbin. - yeah, okay, everybody--- we went to a theme park there.

we went on the roller coasters,and then after that, we battled the planetwith our robot zentar. we destroyed the whole planetwithin 22 minutes, calamity-- that's great.that's great. you see, everybody,we sent a group who won the sifl and olly contestto the moon, so we were goingto talk to them-- april 1,is this april 1? - yes, you're on the show. you're on the show. - thank you.

( groans ) are you enjoying it up there? we just made contactwith a new creature. are you okay up there? we're just going to bein a little trouble. ( static ) help. okay, ladies and gentlemen,i don't know what's-- - can you tell--- ( warbling whine )

i don't know what'sgoing on up there. i am being transformedinto a giant asparagus. dip me. hey, come in here.come on. olly: what? come in here.this is "calls from the public." yeah, okay.i was getting a drink of water. - oh, really?- listen to how much water i drank. ( sloshing )

- wow, that's really cool.- yeah. - yeah, okay.- oh, yeah, calls from the public. here we go. first caller.caller, go ahead. uh, yeah, i'm having bitof a problem in the bathroom. - oh, yeah?- what number? what number? yeah, like,one or two or... uh... three? - three?- what's three?

don't make me say it.it's so embarrassing. - say what? what's three?- i don't know what three is. shaving. no, that's totally normal. - yeah, don't worry, buddy.- really? yeah, that's just partof a man's cycle. it happens once a month.don't worry about it, really. totally--totally normal. so i'm not weird? no, it'snatures way.

oh, thank you. - sure, no problem.- see you later, pal. okay, let's take another call.caller, go ahead. yeah,what is 900 minus 400? 500. okay,and what is 20 plus 20? 40. - okay, and just one more--- wait, what is this about? what are you doing?why are you asking us?

i'm in math class right now. we're giving you answersto your test? i just thought i'd calland get some answers. - you can't do that. that's cheating.- that's cheating. oh, the teacher's coming.i gotta go. oh, jeez, okay. ♪ it's almost the end of the show ♪♪ hey, everybody,welcome to the end of the show. dude, you're justgoing to have to--

- i know.- you're just going to have to piece yourself together, man. i can't believe it. i mean, shejust ripped me apart. dude,that's rock 'n roll, man. - yeah, i mean--- you know how it is on the road, dude. yeah, i mean,you think these girls want something more from you,and all they want from you - is that your--- they just want the limo. - they want the rock.- they want the rock.

- yeah,- then they wanna rock all night. they want the wine. it's tough. but you know what, dude?comes with the package. 'cause that'srock 'n roll, dude. you're right, dude. ♪ and then she ripped outmy heart and soul ♪ ♪ and acted likeit was nothing at all ♪ ♪ she wants to go wherethe bad girls go ♪

♪ like at a rock 'n roll,rock and roll show ♪ ♪ and acted likeit was nothing at a-a-all ♪♪ ( chuckles)okay, ladies and gentlemen, here's sifl and olly. olly: wow, you actually did it right. - hi, everybody, welcome to the show.- ( cell phone rings ) and-- what the hell's that? oh, that's my cell phone.let me get it. dude you turned your cell phoneon and brought it in here?

no, i just never turned off. i always keep it on. you shouldn't bring it on theshow, dude, 'cause what are you going to do, take a call? yeah, well, we take calls fromthe public. we have an interview, folks,here it is. hello, and welcome to theinterview part of the show. today we've got delixis urbanyawho invented favorite flavored fuzz-- olly?

- hmm?- he cancelled. - he cancelled?- yeah, he left-- - did you get someone new?- no. no. he cancelled. - he left me a message--- why didn't you tell me he cancelled? he left me a messageat like 1:00 today. - i don't know, i mean--- why didn't you tell me? i--i'm telling you right now. i never heard the phone ring. yeah, well, he called early.

oh, yeah,like 2:00 in the aft-- you turned the ringer off again,didn't you? i was not up at 2:00 in-- i was up before 2:00in the afternoon. what time did you get up?1:45. - n-- no.- okay, what time did you get up then? i don't-- don't ask mewhat time i get up! we're on tv! i don't care if we're on tv.

the point is you turn offthe ringer every morning-- no, we're on tv,you're talking about our ringer. you're talkingabout what time i get up. people are cancelling and you'reyou're not even telling me, - and we go on television with nobody.- now we have the interview time to do something,so you got anything in mind? yeah, i want to fight youright now, and i want to change the channelto something different - and beat your ass!- yeah, get your ass out of my face.

( yawns ) god...i feel like crap. gosh, my head is killing me. ( groans ) where am i? where-- where am i? am i wearing ski boots? oh,they're anti-gravity boots. okay, i--i gotta go home. i just-- look, i don't knowwhat happened last night,

but let's just pretend the wholething didn't happen, okay? i mean, you're really furryand everything. i kind of like that, but--( burps ) excuse me. did i-- did i eatraw bacon last night? i-- i gotta go. i mean, i really gotta go. um, what did you sayyour name was? ( horse neighs )

oh.oh, not again. and today, we're gonna recap--i don't know-- ( rings ) - what the hell was that?- it's the phone. - you turned it back on now.- you told me you got mad when i turned it off. so you turned it back onduring the show. yeah, i didn'twant to miss any calls. - how did you--- ( rings ) so you're giving the number--the number of the phone here

- out to people?- sure, how are people-- you can't be doing that, dude. - how are my friends gonna call me?- ( rings ) - what? during the show?- any time. you give them your home number,not here number. - this is my home number.- ( rings ) i have my cell phone,and that's too expensive for people to call me on that. i'd rather have themcall me here.

- ( rings )- i can't believe you. well, hmm. ( synth music plays ) ♪ won't you come to ♪ ♪ answer my phone,answer my phone ♪ - ♪ answer my phone, answer my phone ♪- ♪ won't you ♪ ♪ answer my phone ♪ ♪ won't you ♪ ♪ leave me alone,leave me alone ♪

( clears throat, chuckles ) - ♪ leave me alone ♪- ♪ leave me alone, leave me alone ♪ - ♪ leave me alone, answer the phone ♪- ♪ leave me alone ♪ - ♪ answer my phone, leave me alone ♪- ♪ leave me alone ♪ ♪ leave him alone,leave him alone ♪ - ♪ leave me alone, leave me alone ♪- ♪ answer the phone ♪ ♪ the phone ♪ - ♪ answer the phone, answer the phone ♪- ♪ answer the phone ♪ ♪ answer the phone,answer the phone ♪

- ♪ answer the phone ♪- ♪ answer the pho-o-o-ne ♪ ♪ answer the phone ♪ ( vocalizing,telephone rings ) no, you can't make me! ♪ i'm coming to answerthe telephone ♪ ♪ now ♪ you can't make me...answer the phone. ♪ i'm gonna answer the phone ♪♪ find out in a minute.

( fanfare plays ) good evening and welcometo the news. my name is sifl. tonight we're going to behaving a weather repor-- no, way, no,the weather girl's out. she can't do anything.no way. she did me. hi, this is anita zest. i don't know whatthe weather's like now,

but last night was so hot,wasn't it, olly? - i guess.- i wrote some poems for you, baby. hey, look, it is unethicalto date the weather girl. - what about you and serena?- i miss you. but that's different, we were ona totally different level. - oh, baby, i can't wait.- yeah, right. there are gonna be somechanges made around here. - good night, folks, thank you.- ( both moaning ) if you remove the gem on gwen stefani's head,

she will deflate like a punctured love doll. just take a wordlike "onion," okay? - okay.- okay, you got the word "onion." which you know,i hate onions. i know, but just--this is gonna prove the point. you hate onions, too,though, don't you? - yeah.- okay. but if you--this'll totally prove my point. - if you take the word "onion."- mm.

- take the first letter.- yeah. - take the last letter.- okay. see? it spells "on." oh, yeah.so that's why-- so the first letterof every noun and the last letterof every noun, - when you put them together--- spell "on." no, it's a preposition.that's what a preposition is. wow, what about, uh...

"about." "about" is a preposition. - okay.- and that would be "at," which is another preposition. - ah.- okay. - and now precious roy.- time for precious roy. hello there, folks,and welcome to the precious royhome shopping network. we're gonna offer youthe type of quality - you can only get from a precious roy product.- a precious roy product.

now are you one of thosealternative types? - yes.- sure, you are. you had piercings yearsbefore anybody else did. but you know what,folks, seriously? some of us are runninginto some piercing problems. oh, you know about my problemswith piercing. that's right, dude,you've had some serious-ass piercingproblems, haven't you? yeah, i have.

you've pierced everysquare inch of your body. where you going to go? one more hole,you're going to be leaking. blood or-- or urine. where do you go from here,folks? your pets. the precious roy pet piercer. now we know aren't only our friends. they are our accessories.

it's time to start utilizing the piercing possibilities. i'd-- sifl, i would love to see a donkey with earrings. sifl: oh, me too, well, you know, bulls had nose rings years before anybody else did. that's right,it's time that you're pets pay for your personality. let's take some calls. man: yeah, hi, i have everything on my body pierced. i mean, everything is pierced.

terrific, so this is yourkind of product then, right? well, yeah, it's crescent fresh, but i have a pet snake, and i pierced his tongue. - okay.- okay. - and he's having some troubles. - really, what's wrong? well, he can't retract his tongue into his mouth, and sliding around running into things. that's too bad,but what's the reaction you get when your friendswhen you're with the pet?

well, they say he looks great. - sifl: well, terrific. - thank you! olly: let's take another call. caller? old woman: yes, i was calling about your pet piercers. - yes, do you like them? - i think they're terrible. makes good-looking pets look like slackers. hate those types. - let me ask you this, you old hag--- what?! do you put little sweaters and things on your dogs?

of course i dress up poochie and mulacho all the time. what's the difference, huh?accessorize. get with it. you're old. enough said. now, folks, the pet piercers are for you. they're for your home.they're for the pets. style. let's talk with precious roy, precious? this is precious roy. and the kids in the parkthink i'm a weirdo. what about the pet piercers,precious?

buy my antifreeze. what? you guys are suckers! you ready?stop meditating. - okay, hi, everybody.- why. you know, pop musicyou might think is the most popularin the world, but actually, - it's world music.- world music. - that's the most popular in the world.- definitely.

so we want to shareand sort of broaden the whole music spectrumon this channel and really open upthe ancient language of the tubacclian monksand show you the severe karmic energythat can be opened up in the ancient language. yeah, we took a trip about fourmonths ago to the east indies and met up with this crazytribe, and they-- - and it was a tribe--- the elders--

yeah, the elderstaught us the-- taught us song through carvingsand severe stillness. it was intense.let's do it for them. it takes a little bitof appreciation, - but listen up.- okay, you ready? remember your puritywill transcend through your whole life and maybe in your urinefor like three or four days. ( rapid folk music plays )

( singing gibberish ) ( music stops ) ( clears throat )hello, everybody. - hi.- does my breath smell? - yes.- i need to brush my teeth. yeah, you need to takesome calls from the public. yeah, this is"calls from the public." - okay, caller?- caller? - go a...- head.

yeah, sifl and olly? - that's us.- yeah. yeah, i just want to letyour viewers know that there is a $75 millioninside a tree in kent, ohio. - okay.- thanks. why are you telling us that? well, i'm in jail,and i was bad, and now they're notgoing to let me out. and so whoever wants it,it's yours. okay,what are you in jail for?

uh, counterfeit... - counterfeiting.- olly: oh, man. and-- and, uh.molesting trees. mnh-mnh. mnh-mnh. great, great. okay, well,how about a new color? caller, go ahead. uh, yeah, i have twins, and i have reason to believethat my daughters

are experimentingwith black magic. - wow.- that's kind of cute. well, it's not really. they seem to be all-knowingalmost. it's really strange. you know that twinsare pretty psychic. no, i mean they got, like,my soul in this crystal, and a keep me in this jar. it's bad.it's very bad.

it's getting out of hand,what's your question, really? well, for-- for their birthday,they asked for a pony. deep voice: get us a pony! sifl and olly: get them the pony. hi, my name's abe lincoln. - hey, abe, what's up, man?- hey. not much,how you guys doing? i got a brain-rattling questionfor you little buster brocks. i go out,i get teased all the time.

i'm always getting teased.i think it's the name. - yeah.- your name's abe lincoln? yeah, apparently he'ssome big dude in our history. why don't you getyour name changed? well, i thought about that, but i think the problemreally is the beard. - what beard?- you don't have a beard, man. yeah, but when i go out,i wear the beard. - i would steer clear of all beards and hats.- and parties.

that's not really the advicei was looking for. maybe i'll try someone else. - okay, thanks, man, see you.- cool. - wow.- oh, well, we tried. yeah, we tried a lot. - see you, guys.- see you all later, bye. hi, everybody,this is the part of the show where we talk to chester. - hey, man.- hey. heads up.

did you have a good time at the donut store this morning? yeah, yeah,it was really cool. - you were a real regular down there now.- yeah. sifl told methat they're going to be naming a doughnut after you. you got a doughnut named after you? yeah,it was kind of designed-- it was kind of designedafter me, you know? - so it's going to be the chester.- yeah, yeah.

so what's it like? it's packed full of creamsand jellies. ( laughs )oh, just like you. ( laughs ) - what--- i'm kind of flexible, you know? yeah, what do have to do to geta doughnut named after you? well, i, uh--drank a cup of coffee. i was underwaterwhen i did it. wow, that's difficult.

yeah, it takes-- takes good--good lips and suction. ( laughs ) all right, chester,thanks a lot. sure. sifl: stick around for the answer. olly: no, but if the members of sugar ray were bird-shaped and had hollow bones, they could fly. - sifl: i guess they could. - olly: mm-hmm. so by this time,it's 3:00 in the morning,

and there's onlytwo of us left, and we foundtwo of the hidden passageways, two of the rotating doors. one was a bookcase. the third one ends upthat it's in the oven. yeah, in the oven.i've heard of that before. yeah, it's the back coil.it looks like a coil. you turn it,and the door swings open, - and then that takes you down into the lower tunnels.- wow.

so this whole place was justfilled with secret passageways. and you werethe only two there. yeah, we were there tillabout 5:00 in the morning. - just walking--- i got blisters. - those tunnels go all over the city, don't they?- yeah. oh, we've got to takean interview now, folks. my name's sifl,and this is the part of the show where we have interviews,but today, we don't have an interview.

we don't have any moneyto get an interview. we seem to have blown allthe money in the budget somehow, and we really can't affordto book anyone else. olly was gonna tryto figure something out, - and he's not back, so maybe i can just--- woo-hoo! i got it! - you got it? you rock, man.- uh-huh. i got all the money.we're set. we're gonna havethe coolest show. thank god.how did you do it, man?

how'd you pull it off? i sold all of your teeth. and it's thisexcellent contract. - it's all signed with this agency.- wait, wait, wait. why are you selling my teeth?what's wrong with your teeth? you're the dudethat's spending all the money hiring full-timeice sculptors and all this stupid stuffwe don't need. so they're your teeth.so i sold all your teeth.

we're set on money now. but, dude,my teeth are in my mouth. no, all you got to dois go to bed tonight. that's all you gotto worry about. and they'll leave the moneyin a suitcase under your pillowin the morning, that's it. it's a package deal.they pull and everything. i don't like this. and this is not gonnafly with my lawyer.

hi, sifl. h-- how'd you-- why-- how did you knowto come here? i'm the tooth fairy. i came for your teeth. i heard that...i get to keep them... from my lawyer. well, my lawyer told meto come down here because i'm the tooth fairy.

and i came for your teeth,okay? okay,well how about, um... look, just give meyour damn teeth, okay? and then i'll go, okay? i can't--no, i'm not gonna do it. give me your damn teeth,that's it. i'm gonna take your teeth,and then i'm gonna go. and you'll hear frommy lawyer tomorrow otherwise, and i don't think you wantto meet my lawyer.

i think you don't wantto meet my lawyer. i think you don'twant to meet my lawyer. i think... you're a cheap ho. hi, everybody, welcometo the almost end of the show. - and--- yeah, i cannot look at this guy any longer. - you guys can't see this, but our cameraman jimmy...- jimmy. his head is about the sizeof a basketball. - nice going, jimmy.- ( man grunts )

he had to goto the dentist today. had some seriousdentist work done. his head is huge. well, it's his own fault becausehe eats candy all the time. he always has a suckerin his mouth. hey, jimmy, you like donuts,don't you? - ( man grunts ) - ( laughs ) - oh, man.- oh... you know,he's going to learn his lesson.

i know. ♪ jimmy wentto the dentist today ♪ ♪ he couldn't believeall the tooth decay ♪ ♪ holes like molesand cavity creeps ♪ ♪ that's what you getwhen you eat sweets ♪ ♪ he was sitting inthe dentist's chair, i say ♪ ♪ what a naughty boy,he had tooth decay ♪ ♪ tooth decay ♪ ♪ sham-a-lamma, gingivitis,tooth decay ♪

♪ sham-a-lamma gingivitis,tooth decay ♪ ♪ brush-a, brush-a, brush-a,tooth decay ♪ ♪ brush-a, brush-a, brush-a,tooth decay ♪♪